HI FERN. I WORRIED ABOUT YOU A LOT. I WAS SO HAPPY WHEN I READ IN THE PAPER THAT THE KIDNAPPERS LET YOU GO.
Fern grinned with anticipation. It was her first chat session with her faraway friend Greta von Horstein, with whom she hadn't corresponded since before her abduction.
IT'S NICE TO BE FREE AGAIN, she typed into the computer. DID YOU SEE THE ALIEN ON TV?
She sat and fluffed her hair for a few seconds. YES, came Greta's response. I THINK IT'S A PROMOTION FOR A SCIENCE FICTION MOVIE. I DON'T BELIEVE THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO END.
The poodle girl wanted to tell Greta that she was familiar with the histories of Augusta and the alien Dr. Portinari, but she didn't want to appear foolish to her cyber friend. I DON'T BELIEVE IT EITHER, she typed.
I HAVE AN IMPORTANT QUESTION FOR YOU, was Greta's next statement.
OK.
DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?
The query took Fern by surprise, and she wasn't sure how to respond. She recalled her first crush, on Alan, which she had admitted to the boy after unexpectedly kissing him in front of a live audience. That relationship had gone nowhere, as Alan was generally more interested in science than girls. Since then she had entertained off-and-on feelings for Arthur and Buster. She had pretended to be married to Arthur as a prank on D.W., and had roved about with Buster on various detective assignments, but neither was the same as having an actual boyfriend.
NO, she typed. WHY IS THAT IMPORTANT?
NO REASON, came Greta's reply.
Fern was lounging in front of the big-screen TV, pondering on the significance of Greta's question, when visitors came to the door—a foursome consisting of Arthur, Francine, Sue Ellen, and April. "Come in," she invited them.
As her friends entered, her ears perked up at the sound of a frantic scream from the street. "Omigosh, what's that?" she exclaimed.
"That's just Mrs. McGrady," Arthur informed her.
Looking outside, Fern saw the white-haired lunch lady running quickly down the sidewalk, waving her arms in a panic. "Head for the hills!" she ranted at the top of her lungs. "The aliens are coming! It's the end of the world!"
"I swear, she's totally off her rocker," remarked Francine as she closed the door. "Beats me why famous blues singers visit her all the time."
"We'd like to chat with your friend Greta," Sue Ellen requested.
"Sure," said Fern, gesturing toward the computer desk. "I was online with her only a few minutes ago."
As Arthur, Francine, and April stood nearby, Sue Ellen opened a chat window and paged Greta. HI FERN, came the prompt response.
I'M NOT FERN, the cat girl typed in. I'M HER FRIEND, SUE ELLEN.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
After glancing behind her shoulder to make sure that Fern was watching the TV instead of her, Sue Ellen entered the words, I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU AND THE UNICORNS.
The four friends held their breaths as they awaited Greta's reaction.
DID FRANCINE TELL YOU? appeared in the window.
NO, Sue Ellen typed back with a playful grin. IT WAS D.W.
NEXT TIME I'LL KNOW BETTER THAN TO TRUST A 5-YEAR-OLD WITH A SECRET. Arthur chuckled.
On the TV screen, Alex Lebek was grilling one of his contestants, a rabbit girl with thick glasses. "This, ladies and gentlemen, is Jen Kennings, our returning champion," the host announced. "Jen is only one question away from winning one million dollars. What will you do with all that money, Jen?"
"Buy new glasses and lots of ice cream," the girl replied.
Sue Ellen began to type faster. I LEARNED WHAT ARTHUR AND FRANCINE DID TO YOU, AND I THINK IT WAS WRONG.
IT WAS, Greta typed. I ALMOST LOST MY FREEDOM FOREVER BECAUSE OF THEM. I HOPE THEY'VE HAD TIME TO THINK ABOUT WHAT THEY DID.
Arthur and Francine traded blank stares.
ARE THEY WITH YOU NOW? Greta inquired.
Sue Ellen swiveled on the office chair, and saw Francine and Arthur nodding.
YES, she typed in.
LET ME TALK TO THEM IN PRIVATE.
"You're gonna get it now," chirped Sue Ellen as she rose from the chair to make room for her friends.
While the cat girls joined Fern in watching the game show, Arthur pulled out the chair for Francine to sit. THIS IS FRANCINE, she entered on the keyboard.
I HAVE AN IMPORTANT QUESTION FOR YOU, said Greta.
"I'm green, I'm full of holes, and I smell bad," Alex Lebek read from his cue card. "What am I?"
DO YOU AND ARTHUR LIKE EACH OTHER?
Arthur and Francine choked. Never had they expected such a question from the girl they had once betrayed in order to save D.W. from being separated from her family.
"Binky's underwear," Fern joked.
ARTHUR WAS MY BOYFRIEND FOR A WHILE, Francine typed. WE DECIDED WE WERE TOO YOUNG, SO WE STOPPED SEEING EACH OTHER. ARTHUR'S REALLY NICE. HE'S A GREAT KISSER. I THINK I'D LIKE TO MARRY HIM SOMEDAY.
Arthur blushed slightly as Francine struggled not to laugh.
I WANT YOU AND ARTHUR TO MEET ME AT THE SUGAR BOWL TOMORROW AFTER SCHOOL, Greta typed.
OK, Francine entered after casting Arthur an intrigued glance. WE'LL BE THERE.
The chat window closed unceremoniously.
"Do you know what this means?" said Francine to Arthur as she stood up. "Greta's not banished from Elwood City anymore."
"But what about Mr. Baker?" said Arthur with concern. "We can't let him get his hands on her again."
"Mr. Baker moved away after being canned from his teaching job," Fern called to them from the couch. "Greta never did explain why she was so afraid of him."
Arthur and Francine lowered their voices to a faint whisper, hoping Fern's sensitive dog ears wouldn't pick up their conversation. "I forgot to tell her about Augusta," Francine realized.
"We can fill her in when we meet her tomorrow," Arthur suggested.
"Okay," said Francine. "But I hope one day won't make the difference between Earth being saved and Earth being destroyed."
----
The next day was Friday, but not all of the kids at Lakewood Elementary were excited by the arrival of another weekend. Most of the students were exchanging theories about the meaning of the alien's warning of doom, but those few who understood it could hear in their minds a clock ticking down the seconds to oblivion.
"Is it true that Mrs. Krantz is planning to adopt you?" Binky inquired of Sue Ellen.
"It's true," answered the cat girl with an expression of pride that masked her uneasiness. "And April, too. I'll be my own sister."
"That's awesome," said Binky with a congratulatory grin. As he walked away, he shook his head and muttered to himself, "It really is the end of the world."
The broadcast had become the main topic of debate at other schools as well. In a hallway at Bainbridge Middle School, April was trying to convince her classmate, Odette Cooper, that the danger to Earth was real.
"It's easy for me to believe that someone was beamed up by aliens in New Mexico," said Odette incredulously. "It happens all the time. But now you're telling me that Augusta sucked out all the evil from the planet she was on, and turned into an all-powerful cosmic death machine? She's weird, I know, but she's not that weird."
"The only proof we have is Rick's story," said April. "But I don't know why he would lie. He's coming to Elwood today—you'll get a chance to talk to him yourself."
"I'd like that," said Odette with a hint of sadness. "Meeting a real alien would take my mind off my parents' fighting."
At Albertson Elementary, Dudley Green didn't feel like talking about aliens, or doomsday, or any other subject, for that matter. He was content to wander among the trees on the border of the school property, searching his female soul for hope that he would somehow succeed in becoming Beat Simon again before Earth blew up.
It was afternoon recess, and his pastoral meanderings were interrupted by the arrival of the four toughs who had mocked him the previous day. The rat boy glanced about in every direction—nobody was watching them. He knew he was about to die. In pants.
"Yo, Dudley," the dog boy repeated his standard greeting. "You didn't think you could leave the gang and get away with it, did you?"
"Not really," said Dudley defiantly, although his heart was turning to jelly. "But the punishment for leaving can't possibly be more unpleasant than the punishment for staying."
"What do you mean?" asked the bear girl threateningly.
"I take it none of you has experienced the unspeakable horror they call juvenile detention," said Dudley in an ominous voice.
The four bullies shook their heads.
"It's part of a vast conspiracy," Dudley went on. "They're creating a race of obedient robot servants, I don't know for what purpose. On my first day, they surgically implanted a microchip in my brain. Without anesthetic."
"What's anesthetic?" asked the hamster boy.
"It kills the pain," Dudley explained. "I screamed in agony throughout the procedure."
The four kids felt anxiety creep up on them as Dudley weaved his fearful, fabricated tale.
"When it was over, I was no longer myself. I spoke with a British accent. I used big words like 'conspiracy' and 'anesthetic'. Worst of all, whenever the warden gave me an order, my body stopped whatever it was doing and obeyed. I couldn't control it."
By this time terror had seized the hearts of his tormentors, and they dared not lay a hand on him.
"What's that?" he said suddenly, lifting a hand to the side of his head. "You want me to return to the classroom? As you wish, master."
While Dudley trudged away mechanically, the four bullies exchanged shocked and confused glances. "Computer chips in your brain," marveled the rabbit boy. "I didn't know they could do that."
"I don't want to go to juvie and get turned into a robot," said the dog boy fearfully.
"Me, neither," added the hamster boy.
Delighted at having escaped a violent death, Dudley walked toward the classroom with a big grin on his face. His (Beat's) cell phone rang en route, startling him.
"Hello?"
"Beat, this is Alan."
Dudley nearly dropped the phone. Alan had called him Beat. He believed.
"Meet me at Prunella's after school," Alan's voice instructed him. "I have something to tell Mr. Putnam."
----
Carefully following the instructions she had written down from the hypnotized Dudley's dictation, Prunella clamped one of the Opticron device's black visors over Beat's eyes while Alan placed the other visor over Dudley's. The rat girl then adjusted the dials and switches on the device's control unit, and laid her finger over the activation button.
"Cross your fingers, everyone," she ordered.
Fearing their brains might be scrambled at any moment, Beat and Dudley held their breaths. Alan only stood motionlessly and watched, as he considered crossing of fingers for luck to be superstition.
Prunella pushed the button.
Several seconds passed. Beat and Dudley at first appeared to be experiencing no change, but when they finally reached up and pulled off the visors, they were astonished at what they saw.
"I'm a boy again," Dudley mourned, looking over at the beautiful female body he had temporarily inhabited. "But it was fun while it lasted."
"This body suits me much better," said Beat in Andrew Putnam's American accent.
Prunella waved the sheet of paper at her. "With these instructions, can we use the device to switch any two people?" she asked curiously.
"Yes," Beat replied. "You no longer need my help. However, I expect Alan to stay true to his promise."
"I will," Alan pledged. "As soon as Tegan's found, I'll let you meet her."
"Excellent," said Beat in a sinister tone. "I look forward to learning more about her remarkable gift."
While she and Dudley looked each other over, Prunella gave Alan a serious look. "If you don't mind my asking, what made you decide to tell Mr. Putnam your big family secret?"
Alan shrugged. "It's the end of the world," he said in a resigned tone. "I wanted Beat to be happy."
"And I am," Beat told Alan, "thank you very much."
"Don't tell me you've given up hope already," Prunella chided the bear boy.
"I have," Alan acknowledged. "We both saw what Dolly could do after she absorbed the evil out of Elwood City. Augusta's probably drained dozens of planets by now. Face it, we're doomed."
Unable to think of a comforting comeback, Prunella only lowered her head.
"And another thing," said Alan. "Since it's the end of the world, and we have a functioning body-switcher and instructions on how to use it..."
Dudley, Beat, and Prunella all stared at the boy, attracted by the sudden hint of wickedness in his voice.
"That gives us a chance to enjoy some, uh, new experiences."
Prunella didn't like the way Alan was looking at her. She didn't like it at all.
----
Arthur and Francine were sipping Sugar Bowl sodas at that moment, as they waited hopefully for their old friend Greta von Horstein to appear as she had promised. Their last farewell to her had been a bitter one, and they couldn't be sure whether the reunion would be friendly or heated.
"Did you mean it when you told her you wanted to marry me someday?" Arthur asked Francine as he gazed across the table into her eyes.
"Only if you learn to be faithful to one woman," was Francine's reply.
When Greta finally arrived, the white-haired horse girl greeted them with seeming indifference. "You're here," she said coldly, as if regarding them as inventory items. "Follow me."
Their curiosity piqued, Arthur and Francine jumped to their feet and walked after the two-hundred-year-old girl. She gave them not even a shred of a smile as they journeyed down the street toward an unknown destination.
"You haven't grown," Francine observed. Indeed, the stone-faced girl was still at the same height as when they had seen her last, almost a year earlier. She wore a tacky gray dress that suggested her parents had waited too long to wash her clothes.
Suddenly, as they were rounding a corner, Greta whirled and thrust her fingers toward Arthur's and Francine's eyes.
It was the last thing they saw. At first they thought perhaps the sun had plunged from the sky and the street lights had remained unlit. They blinked, supposing their eyes would adjust to the darkness.
"What's going on?" Arthur asked anxiously. "I can't see a thing."
He and Francine then felt soft but firm hands taking theirs. "You'll be all right," came Greta's voice. "Just follow me."
At first they stumbled and lurched as the horse girl led them along, but it soon became clear that they had to trust Greta or become lost in the night. "You used your magic," said Francine accusingly. "You made us blind. Why?"
"Your vision will return," said Greta emotionlessly.
"I get it," said Arthur. "You're taking us to the secret unicorn hideout, and you don't want us to see how to get there."
"Are we there yet?" asked Francine.
It seemed like hours. They traversed several city blocks, then passed through a weeded area, and over a grassy hill. They lost all sense of which way they had come. Eventually Greta guided the two blinded children down what felt like a ramp of earth. They descended further and further, for what must have been half a mile. The darkness remained constant. The smells in the air—cut grass, lilacs, smoke from a burning pile of leaves—gave way to a sterile absence of odor.
Upon arriving at another level area, they stopped. With a sudden shock, eyesight returned to Arthur and Francine. They blinked, rubbed their eyes, and watched the blurry forms of three anthropomorphic unicorns take definite shape. One of them was Greta, the golden, spiraling horn on her forehead now visible. The other two were a robed male and female with features similar to Greta's. They stood like noble statues, their faces expressionless. The area was dimly illuminated, but the light seemed to emanate from no central fixture.
"What is this place?" Francine inquired.
"You are in the underground world of the unicorns," Greta answered. Gesturing toward the robed figures, she added, "These are my parents. My mother, Guida, and my father, Arlos."
The two adult unicorns slowly nodded their heads, their phosphorescent horns weaving streaks of golden light. The surrounding shadows revealed passages leading from the earthy chamber, and several other unicorn people in blue robes emerged out of them, quietly murmuring to each other.
"Why have you brought us here?" asked Arthur.
"You have been chosen," came the reply from Arlos.
"Chosen for what?"
"Ragnarok is upon us," said Guida in a solemn voice.
"Ragna-what?" Francine attempted to repeat.
"The time foretold by the prophets," the unicorn woman clarified. "The time of destruction. For thousands of years we have planned for it."
"The demon has been born," her husband intoned. "Now it is only a matter of days."
"You'll have to forgive my parents," said Greta, her tone of voice more informal. "They've been waiting a long time for this, and now they can't contain their excitement." As she spoke, about a dozen robed unicorns surrounded Arthur and Francine, examining them curiously.
"It sounds like they already know about Augusta," said Francine to Arthur.
"I'd still like to know what we've been chosen for," said Arthur, growing increasingly claustrophobic from the robed figures massing around him.
"Let me explain," said Greta helpfully. "According to the prophecy, a demon will descend from the sky and smite the surface people with plagues and calamities until they are all destroyed. Only those who live underground will survive."
"The unicorns," said Francine.
Greta nodded. "Twelve thousand years ago, when humans and unicorns lived in peace, we built these caverns to protect ourselves when the day of Ragnarok came. As humans became more numerous, they started to hunt us down for the wishing power of our horns. Rather than engage in a war against humans, we chose to spend our lives in the caverns, and made the passageways invisible to human eyes."
"I don't know if hiding in caves will save you from Augusta," said Arthur. "She's pretty powerful."
"The caverns are surrounded by a magical barrier," said Guida. "It may withstand the demon, or it may not. Time will tell."
"Our greatest weapon is secrecy," Arlos added. "If the demon is unaware of our presence, it will not harm us."
"How big are the caverns?" Francine asked. "How many people can they hold?"
"Hundreds of thousands," Guida replied. "They are mostly full."
"We can offer shelter to only a handful of humans," said Arlos. "This is what you have been chosen for."
Arthur and Francine stifled gasps of astonishment.
"Those of us who have the most experience dealing with humans have selected certain individuals to live in the caverns with us during the time of Ragnarok," said Greta. "If they survive the day, they will have the responsibility of restoring the human race."
As Francine and Arthur stared at each other, fantasies of a world inhabited by half-aardvark, half-monkey children with huge glasses raced through their bewildered minds.
"We've been concentrating on children," Greta continued, "since they require less food and space than adults. I was hoping to select Fern, until she told me she didn't have a boyfriend." She turned to Francine. "When you told me how much you liked Arthur, and that you wanted to marry him someday, I knew the two of you were perfect."
Arthur gaped at the monkey girl, who smiled sheepishly.
"We've had our differences," Greta reminded them. "Your desire to rescue D.W. from life as a unicorn nearly led to disaster. But you displayed loyalty, wisdom, and cunning—qualities that will prove useful in the new world."
"Uh, wait a minute," Arthur chimed in. "What if we don't want to be chosen?"
"Then I'll select another couple," said Greta calmly. "But time is short. You must decide quickly."
Relief flooded the hearts of the two children as they smiled at each other. The relief was shattered by Greta's next statement.
"You have ten seconds."
----
to be continued