"I feel so Pretty" by (someone, not us) Chapter written by Kath, Amy, and Bird

Kath pushes a rather reluctant Legolas onto the darkened stage. "Why am I wearing this?"

"Bird said you can't go on completely nude, because of health
code violations."

"Is this really necessary?"

"Yes. Just remember not to move too suddenly…and think
happy thoughts."

Legolas stands on the darkened stage as the curtain opens. A single, soft spotlight hits him, as the audience collectively gasps.

He stands in the soft amber light, with only a washcloth draped
over his, er…mike.

It is a very long, very hard, very thick mike.

He begins to sing…

"I feel pretty…

oh, so pretty…

I feel pretty, and witty, and gay…
And I pity,
Any Elf who isn't me today…

I feel charming,

And disarming…

It's alarming how charming I feel,

And so pretty,

That I hardly can believe I'm real."

With the last beat of the song, Legolas thrusts his hips toward
the audience, flinging the washcloth into the crowd.

Suddenly, we know who can tie it in a knot.

Bird frantically calls Aragorn and faramir on her walkie talkie. "GET TO THE STAGE NOW!!!! KEEP THE FAN GIRLS AND BOYS OFF THE STAGE!!!" Aragorn and Faramir jump into action...slow mo flying through the air, wrestling weeping and shrieking bodies from the stage...

Amy's eyes bug out and cross as she sees what Legolas usually hides beneath his leggings...or is that beneath Haldir? "I had no idea.....wow, oh my, wow, holy....wow!"

Glorfindel and Erestor act quickly, pulling Legolas back into the dressing room. They comfort the shell-shocked Elf by doing a sound check on his mike.

Kath watches from an armchair in the dressing room, drooling profusely, until Bird forces her back to the bar.

After pushing KAth back out to the Bar...Bird settles into the chair and takes a relaxing break, with her camcorder recording... "Wait...I have to go back out too..." she remembers, and so sets camcorder on tripod, and slips out.

Before she returns to the stage, she grabs a can of hot pink paint and writes U-N before 'dressing'

Bird steps back on to the stage, and random voice in the crowd shouts "GET OFF THE STAGE AND BRING BACK LEGGY!!"

Bird takes it all in stride and winks at the crowd, "You mean that "Pretty Knotty Elf" right? Next up...the sexiest duo in Arda!"