Summary: Sometime after the end of the Battle City Tournament, Kaiba begins to deal with his loss, isolation, and his feelings for his little brother.
Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! belongs to Kazuki Takahashi. Just borrowing!
Warnings: NC17 for m/m sex, and various kinds of wrongness.
Chapter three: The kiss
Kaiba was sitting on the couch in his office, notebook computer in his lap, taking a short break from both Kaiba Corp business and work on the game, and catching up on his email. His eyes were aching from days of exhaustion, and he found himself drifting off, staring at screens full of characters that made no sense.
Then Mokuba was at his side, holding out a cup of tea. Kaiba put his laptop aside, smiling, and took the cup gratefully. "Thank you, Mokuba."
Mokuba smiled and sat on the couch, pressed close to Kaiba's side. "Are you all right, Big Brother?"
"Mm. Of course. Just a little tired."
"You're working hard on your new game."
"Yes." He hadn't thought about what he was going to do when the game was finished and Mokuba, who was always the first to see Kaiba's new toys, would expect to play with it. Well, he didn't lie to his brother. "This one's private, Mokuba. Just something for myself."
"Oh? Okay." Mokuba didn't seem bothered, just confused. He'd never known Kaiba to work so hard on anything that wasn't Kaiba Corp business. "Are you sure you're all right, Big Brother? You've been acting sad."
He started to repeat that he was fine. But hadn't he just said to himself that he didn't lie to his brother? Kaiba sighed, set his tea cup down on the side table beside his laptop, and took Mokuba into his arms. "You're right, I have been a little sad. Ever since...."
Mokuba wrapped his arms tightly around his brother's chest. "You're still upset about the tournament."
Kaiba felt his face heat. "No," he said, but wasn't that another lie? The dreams -- the Blue Eyes, clawing at him, taking him -- that was the image that constantly filled his mind, but that wasn't all of it. The long, painful walk across the arena in defeat to hand over his God card to Yugi was just as much a part of the dreams. And yes, it still hurt. It tore him up inside to know that he couldn't beat Yugi. Not without threatening to kill himself if he lost.
He pulled Mokuba close, burying his face for a moment in his little brother's fine black hair. It was so good to hold him like this, to feel the small body pressed against his chest, arms clinging to him tightly. So good....
"I never lost at anything, before Yugi," he said.
"Maybe you should talk to him."
"Talk to Yugi? Why would I want to do that?" He didn't even want to think about Yugi.
Mokuba shrugged against him, without loosening his grip. "It might help. Yugi's nice. If you talked to him, if you got to be his friend, maybe it wouldn't feel so bad to lose to him."
Kaiba stroked his brother's back. He sighed deeply, inhaling his scent. Times like this, he loved Mokuba so much he thought he'd burst. "I don't need any friends but you."
Mokuba relaxed his hold, and looked up at Kaiba smiling, shiny-eyed with pleasure. "I think you should talk to Yugi."
Kaiba groaned. Mokuba's suggestion was mild and without apparent pressure, but Kaiba wasn't fooled. Mokuba had made up his mind, and there was no use fighting it. Mokuba wouldn't push, he wouldn't insist, but neither would he give up, and in the end he would have his way. Kaiba might as well agree now and save himself the trouble. "All right, I'll call him."
"Okay." Mokuba moved away, and began to slide off the couch. Kaiba pulled him back.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"To get your phone. So you can call Yugi...."
"Later." This time, he was the one holding his brother tightly. "I want you right here."
Unhesitatingly, Mokuba settled back into Kaiba's arms. "You've been working a lot lately."
"I know. It will be finished soon, I think."
"I miss you when you work so much."
Sometimes it seemed he couldn't hold his brother tightly enough. He wanted to fold Mokuba right into himself, make him part of his own body. "I miss you too, Little Brother." A pang of guilt stabbed through him. He hadn't been spending enough time with Mokuba, and he didn't even have the excuse of being busy running his business this time. No, he was spending his time designing a sex game he'd die of shame if anyone else ever saw, which he hadn't even had the nerve to play yet, in the probably vain hope that screwing himself senseless would distract him from an improper desire for his own brother. Meanwhile, he was avoiding Mokuba because he was afraid of hurting him, and he was hurting him by avoiding him. "I'm sorry, Mokuba."
And this was surely a red flag to Mokuba: Kaiba never apologized for anything. Mokuba looked up at him, wide blue eyes troubled. "You don't have to be sorry. I know you work hard. You've always taken care of me."
"And I always will. I promise." The promise was a little too fervent, as well. Kaiba began to feel a little ill, but he didn't know what to say.
"It will be okay, Big Brother." Sweet reassurance from a boy who couldn't possibly understand what was wrong.
Dear Mokuba. Kaiba pulled him up until they were cheek to cheek, ran one hand through Mokuba's hair to cup the back of his head, let his lips slide across Mokuba's jaw. Mokuba pushed up onto his knees, throwing one across Kaiba's thighs to straddle his lap. He took Kaiba's face in his hands, his fingers cool on Kaiba's flaming cheeks.
Tears burned behind Kaiba's tightly-shut eyelids. A line was being crossed, and he knew it, but he couldn't stop himself to save his life. He kissed Mokuba's cheek, one hand tightening in his hair, the other sliding down Mokuba's back to brush across the waistband of his pants. The precious body, so small, so familiar, hot and smelling faintly of boy-musk, shirt awry as he rubbed his torso against Kaiba's, was at once so wonderful and so terrible Kaiba thought his heart would burst.
Then small lips melted into his, and Kaiba was lost, lost; he opened his mouth and thrust his tongue into his brother's, kissed him as though he were about to die.
For one crushing moment, there was nothing but the kiss: Kaiba wrapped around his brother, tongues meeting, for once as close as he needed to be. His groin throbbed painfully, his heart pounded against his ribcage. He forgot everything but being with the one person he loved more than anything.
Then Mokuba twisted in his grasp, a small noise of protest escaping him. Reality shocked Kaiba like a bucketful of ice water. He released his brother, slumped back on the couch, feeling sick, his muscles all turned to jelly. His breath came in short, desperate gasps.
Mokuba sat back on Kaiba's knees, balancing himself on his hands. His eyes were wide and wet with tears, his cheeks flame red, his shirt rucked up over his belly. "Big Brother... ?"
"Mokuba... forgive me. Please... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...." Even now, even like this, Kaiba's body shook with desire. He covered his face with his hands.
He felt Mokuba's hands take his gently and pull them away. "It's all right, Big Brother. It's all right."
"It's not all right!" Kaiba protested, thick hard words coming in gasps. "It's horrible! Disgusting -- unforgivable."
"No! No, Big Brother. Please don't... please." Mokuba threw his arms around Kaiba's neck, and buried his face in Kaiba's shoulder. "Please, it's all right," he wept. "I don't understand."
There was nothing Kaiba could do but put his arms around Mokuba's trembling shoulders and tell him what he needed to hear. "Shh. All right, it's all right. I'll make it all right, I promise." The horrible need drained out of him, and Mokuba was his little brother again, the cherished child he'd been both mother and father to since he was eight, when their parents died. The child he'd promised to protect from all the evils of the world, which now included an older brother whose desires were out of control.
He would get them under control. That was a promise, to himself as well as Mokuba. If he had to cut off his own balls, he'd never do this to his brother again.
It was time for the game.