Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter characters, situations, details, etc., etc. No money is being made off this.

Warnings: SB/RL slash, SB/other characters, RL/other characters, language.

Thanks: To Nutters Inc. and the Sirius Black and Remus Lupin Mail Group for the idea!

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Endless Possibilities

Chapter 5

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Sirius! Sirius, you've got to wake up now!

Someone was shaking him. Sirius groggily opened one eye.

MI-5's gonna have a fit if you oversleep and we miss our mission. It was a woman with shoulder-length, light-brown hair and hazel eyes, dressed in a skimpy negligee. Sirius eyed her, a bit disappointed. She was as flat as a board and had about as many curves as one. He grumbled as he sat up, sweeping his hair out of his eyes. Okay, it was another alternate dimension, but if he had to be stuck with a woman, why couldn't it be a really gorgeous supermodel?

Come on, up up up, the woman said, pulling him out of bed.

Hang on, I'm not wearing anything! Sirius protested, trying to pull the sheet around his waist.

Why do you care? Did you suddenly get shy since last night? the woman asked, shoving clothes into his arms and steering him into the bathroom.

I - Sirius looked at her rather hard, his eyes widening.

Of course it's me, where is your brain today? the woman almost wailed. Sirius studied her carefully - same hair, same eyes, same crescent-moon necklace. And hadn't he always told Remus that if he had ever been a woman, he'd still look exactly the same? This woman did look a lot like Remus, only with longer hair and eyelashes. Bloody hell!

Sirius allowed himself to be pushed into the shower. Remus slipped off the negligee and joined him, lecturing him as they scrubbed. I can't believe you, you're always sleeping late. I told you the geisha bar last night was a bad idea, and I also told you drinking all that sake was a bad idea, I told you we had to go to bed, and not the way you wanted to.

You weren't complaining, Sirius grumbled, rubbing shampoo into his hair.

Well - a blush flitted across Remus' cheeks. Can I help it if you're a fantastic lover?

Sirius grinned, but yelped when Remus slapped his rump and jumped out of the shower. Get a move on, this is no time for remembering!

Twenty minutes later, Sirius found himself dried and dressed in a three-piece suit, his hair in a neat ponytail. Remus was wearing a long black skirt, a white blouse, and high heels that Sirius suspected the male Remus would have killed himself on in ten seconds flat. To make everything more confusing, Remus had stuffed a cell phone in his pocket, strapped a scuba-diving watch to his wrist, and warned him not to press the red button'. Sirius had no idea what the red button might be, but he kept quiet and tried to look intelligent.

Come on, let's go, Remus said, grabbing his hand and pulling him from the room.

They were in a hotel, it transpired, but when Sirius set foot outside, he realised he just wasn't in London anymore.

Skyscrapers loomed all around him. Billboards printed in a language he couldn't read were all over, and all the people were dark-haired and Asian-looking. Cartoon characters and cute pop stars were on every poster there was to be seen. Sirius gulped. Okay, this was bad. At least in all the other universes, he had been safe at home in Britain. But now - a whole other country?

Remus led him into an underground subway tunnel and dragged him up to a clerk. They had a rapid conversation which Sirius didn't understand at all, then Remus tugged him away and handed him a ticket. Sirius studied it. It was mostly unreadable, but there were three words in English : Tokyo To Kyoto.

Japan?!

Okay, this was totally unfair.

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After reaching Kyoto and getting off the bullet train, Sirius was dragged into one of the skyscrapers and led to an office where a large, mustachioed man sat behind a gigantic desk. He smiled at them as they bowed to him, and gestured to some chairs in front of his desk. A smiling secretary brought them drinks. After she had left the room, the mustachioed man folded his hands on his desk and looked very grave.

Mr. Black, Miss Lupin. Well, at least he spoke English. The situation with Lestrange is becoming very grave indeed.

Lestrange?! Sirius nearly choked on his drink as Remus replied, Of course, Mr. Yamamoto. We received your message yesterday - are you absolutely sure Lestrange is planning to blow Kyoto up?

Mr. Yamamoto nodded. At least, I'm willing to bet she'll try.

She?! The only female Lestrange Sirius knew of was his cousin, Bellatrix.

But Lestrange's biggest flaw is her loose tongue, Mr. Yamamoto was saying. If only we could con her into saying something and incriminating herself....

Remus nodded. Naturally. That's why we've got Sirius Black - Europe's sexiest secret agent.

Sirius blinked rapidly. Remmie, are you saying what I think you're saying?!

Yes, love. We want you to sleep with Lestrange and get all her secrets!

Sleep with BELLATRIX?!

Sometimes, I really hate you, Remmie.

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I can't believe I'm doing this, Sirius grumbled. I can't believe I'm doing this. Sodding mission... why it has to be me...

Do stop grousing, Remus snapped, spraying him with about two gallons of a funky-smelling cologne. Sirius really couldn't see why anyone in their right minds would wear it, but he didn't ask. He was clothed in a red silk bathrobe, which he had belted shut over a pair of the smallest black underpants he had ever seen in his life (which was saying something). He was shivering from the cold, annoying Remus, who was trying to apply eyeshadow to his lids.

You know, I'm going to mess this up if you don't hold still! Remus scowled, shaking her hair out of her eyes. Sirius wondered if the female Remus' expertise at applying makeup came from the training he had given the male Remus back in their glam-rock-fan days.

Remus finished the makeup job and sighed. Very good. Now, you know the plan. Undercover agents had tapped into Bellatrix's phone and rerouted a call to one of MI-5's offices, where another agent had pretended to be the madame of the brothel Bellatrix had been trying to reach. They had taken her request for an - ahem - escort, and Sirius was in a hotel room across the way from Bellatrix's, being spiffed up just for the occasion.

You know, I don't mind sex - but is it fair to whore me out for top secret plans? he asked grumpily.

Is it fair to blow up a large city full of people? Remus retorted coolly, sticking the cap back on the mascara and surveying Sirius critically.

Ugh. Inescapable logic. Sirius was shoved out the door. Remus and several other agents had the room bugged, and it was going to be Sirius' job to get Bellatrix to say enough incriminating stuff to hang herself in court. Sirius didn't like the idea of using a tape in court that would provide good audio of himself having sex with Bellatrix; but there was no alternative.

He knocked on the door and struck a sexy pose. The door opened and a familiar face looked out - Bellatrix, with the same shiny black hair as Sirius' and the same midnight-blue eyes. A slow smile spread across her face when she saw her guest.

Come in, she purred, holding open the door. She was wearing a slinky red nightgown and had a glass of brandy in one hand. You must be the young man the escort service sent over.

Sirius chuckled as she shut the door behind him, and slipped an arm around her waist. How do you know I'm not just room service?

She tittered wildly at this, and, to his amazement and relief, Sirius realised Bellatrix was well on her way to being completely wasted. Maybe getting top-secret info from her wouldn't be that hard at all.

Bellatrix set down her glass of brandy abruptly and fumbled at the sash of his robe. C'mon, love. Let's see what you can do.

Eep.

Sirius plastered his best fake smile on his face and kissed her ear. Wait a second, let's make ourselves a little more comfy, okay?

She giggled wildly as they crossed over to the bed, her fingers still tugging at his bathrobe, which she couldn't seem to untie. Oh... stupid things! she giggled again. Do you mind....?

Not at all, Sirius lied, untying his robe. She squealed as he shrugged it off, and began struggling out of her nightgown. Sirius sighed inwardly. It was going to be a looooong night.

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That was amazing, Bellatrix gasped. Where have you been all my life?

Er - around, Sirius said evasively. He wondered how much Remus and the other agents had heard. Mostly I do stuff.

Stuff is good, Bellatrix sniggered. I do a lot of stuff, too.

Sirius gulped nervously and prepared to get her to spill some secrets. I like to... uh... read about wars, he lied. Uh... you know, the weapons... guns... bombs....

Bellatrix fumbled for the bottle of brandy on the nightstand and took a swig, dribbling amber liquid on herself. Bombs are... fun. She leaned close to his ear. I'll tell you a secret, because I like you. I make bombs... well... I have scientists make them for me... and.. she giggled mistily. I had one planted under the statue of Buddha at the temple down the street. It'll blow up in about... oh, three hours... I plan to be long gone by then... it'll take all of Kyoto down, no problem.

Just then, the door burst open and at least twenty agents streamed in, all armed. Remus was at the fore, a gun and her ID badge pointed at Bellatrix. Bellatrix Lestrange, you are under arrest! You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law... you have the right to an attorney...

As Remus read Bellatrix her Miranda rights, Sirius slunk off to the bathroom to shower and change. At least Remus had been thoughtful enough to bring him some decent clothes.

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Less than thirty minutes later, Bellatrix was on her way to jail and Sirius was being hastened to a temple not far from the hotel. The Kyoto police had evacuated it and its surrounding area, so Sirius was puzzled as to why he was being brought there.

Er - Remmie - shouldn't we be fleeing? he asked, as Remus hauled him into the temple.

Don't be silly, Remus snapped. We have to diffuse this bomb! It's big enough to take out the entire city! We just can't leave these poor people to fend for themselves! She handed Sirius a selection of tools, including several small screwdrivers and a few sets of pliers, then stuck a miner's helmet on his head.

Hey! What are you doing?!

You're the best bomb expert in the entire agency! Remus cried. Get busy!

She pushed Sirius over to the giant statue of Buddha, which sat on an enormous raised platform. Behind Buddha was a long, tattered black curtain, which looked very out-of-place in the neat temple. Sirius finally remembered what he had been looking for, until he got caught up in being a secret agent. The veil! He should just push Remus aside and jump through (he didn't know how to diffuse a bomb to save his life, and unfortunately he now found himself in that situation), but even in a fantasy world he couldn't just leave his lover to die. He resigned himself to the worst as he crawled under Buddha's platform.

The headlight on his helmet showed him a large blob of pink plastic explosive, wired together and stuffed full of sticks of dynamite. A small box on the side was counting down the time until the bomb exploded. Two and a half hours. More than enough time for a skilled bomb expert to diffuse it and send it packing. But for a dunderhead like me... Sirius whispered.

Trembling, he utilized one of the screwdrivers to take the front off the box, exposing three wires. A little piece of paper fell out, as well. Sirius picked it up.

Dear Bomb-tamperer, I have set up this bomb in an ingenious way. All the wires are the same colour, but they all do different things. One will blow the place sky-high the moment it is cut; another will give you three minutes to escape; and the last will diffuse the bomb. Have fun! -Bellatrix Lestrange.'

Sirius whispered, his panic increasing. He looked at the three wires. He had no idea what to do now. It looked like he was doomed. He wondered if he could die in this dimension and merely reappear in a new one. Somehow he doubted it.

Hot breath on his neck made him squeak, until he realised who it was. Paddy! D'you have any clue on what we should do?

Who's this Padfoot asked in alarm. You're the idiot who can't diffuse a bomb.

I knew I should have taken Muggle Studies in school! Sirius wept. What if they learned to diffuse bombs in there?

They did not! Padfoot snapped. He sniffed cautiously at the wires. Eenie, meenie, miney - moe. His nose was pointing at the center wire. This one.

You sure? Sirius asked, reaching for his pliers.

I hope so.

Not altogether reassured, Sirius took a deep breath and cut the wire.

Bink. The clock jumped to three minutes. Sirius' eyes widened in fear. Padfoot squeaked and disappeared. Sirius scrambled out from under the platform. RUN, REMMIE! he shrieked. I CUT THE WRONG WIRE!

You moron! Remus shrieked, turning and fleeing, somehow managing it despite her six-inch heels. Sirius charged toward the veil, flinging tools and his miner's helmet from him as he ran. Not even pausing to look back, he dove through the veil.

Click. The timer switched to zero. Buddha's head fell off, and an eruption of pink confetti, silver glitter, blue streamers, and a wide selection of anime plushie dolls exploded from his neck like a volcano. Outside, Remus twitched. That was it?

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To Be Continued....