Summary: Sometime after the end of the Battle City Tournament, Kaiba begins to deal with his loss, isolation, and his feelings for his little brother.
Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! belongs to Kazuki Takahashi. Just borrowing!
Warnings: NC17 for m/m sex, and various kinds of wrongness.
Chapter five: Yugi's visitKaiba slept, and if his dreams were troubled, they were deep enough in his mind that he didn't remember them. He woke up in time to take a long, hot shower and dress in fresh clothes, and sit for a while sipping hot tea in a quiet room overlooking a garden before Yugi arrived at four. They spent some time in stiff formalities, exchanging comments about the weather and inquiries into the health of each other's families, before lapsing into heavy silence on either end of a low couch.
"Kaiba?" Yugi finally ventured. "I'm glad you asked me to come. You know I've always wanted us to be friends."
Kaiba resisted the urge to snap, We're not friends. His hand tightened around his teacup. Yugi was here at his request. He must try to be civil. "That's not why...," he began. But what was he supposed to say? He wasn't going to tell Yugi why he'd really asked him to come.
Yugi looked at him wide-eyed. Hard to believe they were the same age -- Yugi looked like such a child. His feet barely reached the floor, even on this low couch. But when he dueled.... "Oh? Then why did you ask me? You know, whatever it is, I'll try to help, but...."
Kaiba sighed inwardly. Well, he'd better say something. "Mokuba...."
"Is Mokuba all right?"
"Yes, he's all right. Well, he's worried. He thinks... he thinks I'm still upset about the tournament."
"Are you?"
The question hung in the air. "No. I'm not." He had no compunction about lying to Yugi.
Of course, Yugi was no fool. "I see. But Mokuba's worried about you, so you must be upset about something. Something you think I can help you with?"
It's not your concern, he wanted to say. Just go home and leave me alone. But he'd asked Yugi to come. He couldn't very well hide behind his pride now. And he owed it to Mokuba to at least make some attempt to have a real conversation. "I have these dreams," he began. He turned the teacup around and around in his hands. "About the tournament. About... the duel. I'm walking across the arena, and, it's huge." The words seemed to gather of their own volition, and force themselves out of his mouth. "It takes forever to get across, and I can hear them, everyone -- your friends, cheering, and Mokuba...." He drew a ragged breath. "I give you the God card. You're...," taller than me, he wanted to say, but the heat in his throat choked back the words. "You take it. I...," want the earth to swallow me up. "I can't stand up. The Blue Eyes is angry." He was clutching his teacup so tightly his hands hurt. "He attacks me." He pulled his duster across his lap to hide his growing erection. "It hurts, but I...." I deserve it. I want it. I come with his cock in my ass. "I wake up, and I, I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'll hurt Mokuba by mistake."
Yugi put his teacup down and moved to sit closer to Kaiba. "I'm sorry, Kaiba. I'm sorry it hurts you so much to lose. It was a good duel. You fought hard and played honorably. I can't believe your Blue Eyes would be angry with you for that."
"I lost."
"You're the best duelist I've ever played. Nobody wins all the time."
"You do."
Yugi looked up at him with his huge violet eyes. "So there's one player in the world who's better than you. You shouldn't take it so hard. You have so much, Kaiba, and you just can't see it. All the times your Blue Eyes won for you, and all you can think about is the one time you lost. Maybe that's why your Blue Eyes is angry with you."
"Nonsense." Kaiba didn't believe a word of it. But he had to admit, he felt the tiniest bit better for it anyway.
Yugi seemed to think he'd scored a victory, too, because he smiled happily and let Kaiba's last word stand, and the moment stretched out for a nice long time before Yugi turned thoughtful again, and said, a little timidly,
"Kaiba... you and Mokuba... that is, do you sleep in the same bed?"
Kaiba felt his face heat, and his fists tighten in anger, and again he had to suppress his first impulse, which was to hiss, That's none of your business. "Why do you say that?"
"Well, you said you were afraid of hurting Mokuba in your sleep...."
Oh god. Yes, he had said it, and he hadn't even noticed. "We... since what happened with Noah... it's complicated."
"Okay. It's okay. But when you say you're afraid of hurting him -- I know how much you love Mokuba. Do you really think you might do something bad to him?"
I already have. But there was no way, no way in hell, he was going to tell Yugi that he was hot for his little brother. That the memory of that one stolen kiss -- not even a long night of debauchery in the game could dull the slightest aspect of that wonderful and terrible moment. "It's complicated," he repeated stubbornly. But the game... he thought about Yugi's Dark Magician teasing him, playing with him, taking him down. He still wondered how the programs had interacted to give the Dark Magician such an inventively sadistic attack. "Have you ever thought about what your monsters would be like if you could meet them outside the dueling arena? If you could talk with them, spend time with them... have sex with them?"
"Kaiba!" Yugi's violet eyes (not the same violet as the Dark Magician's, darker and deeper, like amethysts) widened impossibly. Then his face turned bright red and he giggled like a little boy. "No, but I will now! Why do you say such a thing?"
Kaiba was relieved by Yugi's reaction -- no horror or disgust, just embarrassed giggles. Well, he supposed that, with a best friend like that gutter dog Joey Wheeler, Yugi must be used to hearing such things. Kaiba allowed himself to relax a little. At least he'd changed the subject. "I made a game combining the Legendary Heroes with a sex game I found online. I added sexual functionality to some of the monsters' behaviors. It had some interesting results."
"Kaiba, did you, you know, with the Blue Eyes White Dragon?"
"I -- well, I -- not exactly. I created a Special Attack Dragon -- not quite the Blue Eyes -- but I haven't...."
"'Special Attack'?"
"Yes, that's what I call the monsters with the added behaviors."
"It's just -- 'Attack.' Sounds a little violent. Why not, I don't know, 'Special Love Monsters'?"
Kaiba froze. His chest tightened until he could barely breathe. Once again, he'd said too much. "Well, the game, you see -- it's how you play -- "
"Wait a minute. Kaiba, when you said the Blue Eyes attacked you in your dream, did you mean... ?"
Kaiba shrunk in on himself, unable to answer. Dear god, how did Yugi connect these things? It was like being stripped naked, bit by bit, just as Yugi's Dark Magician had done to him last night.
But Yugi wasn't finished putting all the pieces together. "And when you said you were afraid of hurting Mokuba... ?"
Kaiba pushed himself to his feet, facing away from Yugi, fists clenched. "Thank you for coming by, Yugi. I think...."
He felt Yugi's small hand take his arm. Small and gentle, so like Mokuba.... "Kaiba. Have you talked to Mokuba about this?"
"No! Of course not. How could I?"
"He's your brother and he loves you. He'd help you if he knew what was bothering you."
Kaiba wanted desperately to run from the room. But somehow he couldn't bring himself to break free of Yugi's hand. Small and gentle. Not the iron grip of the Dark Magician that made him want to fight. Just a light touch. It would be so easy to shake him off. But he couldn't. "He'd hate me."
"No, he wouldn't. Kaiba -- "
"I hate me! How could I want to do this to my little brother? It's filthy! Unforgivable!"
"Kaiba." Yugi got up and stood beside him. His voice was different now; stronger and more measured. And the touch of his hand, while still light, was steadier. It was the other Yugi talking to him now. The one that dueled. "What did you expect? You've cut yourself off from everyone else. Mokuba is everything to you -- family, friend, partner. Now that you're old enough to want a lover, who else will you turn to? You can try to satisfy yourself with simulations and dreams, but it will never be enough. You need other people in your life."
"You're wrong." It sounded hollow, even to him. It was a lie, it was all a lie. That he could take care of his brother. That he didn't need anyone else. All a lie, and he couldn't bear it. By loving only his brother, he'd betrayed him.
Kaiba sat down heavily. He felt the pain welling up inside him, and sat perfectly still, steeling himself against it. If he spoke, if he moved, if he even breathed, he knew it would be all over, he would break down right here, in front of Yugi, and he couldn't let that happen. Seto Kaiba didn't cry. Not ever. Not for anything.
Yugi had sat down with him, still holding his arm, and gently stroking the back of his hand. Kaiba was done for, and he knew it, no matter how hard he tried to hold on. He could feel the hot tears filling his eyes, and start to spill over onto his cheeks. He could feel the burn in the back of his throat. He could feel the painful ache in his chest. And, finally, his lungs demanded air, and he took a small, sobbing breath, that turned to repeated gasps, and finally to horrible, unstoppable sobs. He covered his face in his hands and fought it, every gasp, every tear, but he couldn't hold it back.
Yugi rubbed Kaiba's shaking shoulders and told him it was okay. And even though it wasn't, gradually his sobs eased, until he was able to choke them back, and he slumped back on the couch, sniffling and wiping his eyes on his sleeve, and thinking that if he was going to keep on like this, he would have to start carrying a handkerchief.
Leave it to Yugi to have a handkerchief and offer it to him. This time, Kaiba didn't have to try very hard to bite back the bleeding heart fool retort that came to his mind as he took it and blew his nose. He wondered how long he would have to let Yugi stay before he could decently ask him to go home. Although, there was something strangely comfortable about having Yugi there, sitting quietly at his side. And there was no place he had to be. He was still too exhausted, too confused and unhappy, to work. Nor was he ready to face Mokuba, or to think about what to do now. He might as well stay here with Yugi.
After a while, Yugi stirred. "So, Kaiba, I was wondering... about that game you made? The Special Attack Monsters?" Yugi was blushing again. "Is the Dark Magician one of them?"
Kaiba managed a faint smile. "Do you want to try it out?"
Yugi giggled. "No, no, I don't think so. But... have you?"
Kaiba sighed. The memory of that experience was still raw, too. "It wasn't what I expected. Your Dark Magician -- he's not... predictable. There were some behaviors...."
"He didn't hurt you, did he?"
And how to answer that? "He did what he was programmed to do. I just didn't understand the program as well as I should have before I activated it."
"I'm sorry." It wasn't just a general expression of sympany -- Yugi really seemed to feel responsible for his monster's actions.
Kaiba felt his face heat. "There's nothing for you to feel sorry about. I programmed him myself."
Yugi nodded. "But he's my monster. I don't like to think of him hurting anyone that way."
"So how would you have programmed him?"
"Oh...." Yugi giggled again, and turned quite red. Kaiba found that he rather enjoyed making Yugi blush. He was still bemused to think that Yugi was sixteen. He seemed so young and innocent. Barely older than Mokuba, in fact. "Well, he'd be nice. He'd be... soft to touch...."
"Not electric?"
"Electric?"
"That's how mine felt. Whenever you touched him, you'd feel a slight electric buzz. It didn't hurt, it was -- interesting. It was one of the things, I wasn't sure how it got into his programming. I thought it was his magic."
Yugi thought about it for a moment. "No, I wouldn't make mine electric. Not on purpose. But maybe he'd turn out that way on his own, like yours did. Mine would feel like silk and velvet. He'd smell like spring. Like cherry blossoms. And his voice would be clear and pure, like temple bells."
"He sounds sweet." Kaiba let an edge of derision creep into his voice.
"He'd be powerful, too. He could sweep you away."
"That sounds more like it." Kaiba touched the dog collar that Yugi always wore around his neck. A dash of spice in an otherwise vanilla boy. "A tough guy."
"Mm," Yugi agreed. There was something a bit sultry in his smile now, an inviting gleam in his eye. The other Yugi, the dueling Yugi, was coming out to play. "He's strong. But he doesn't flaunt it. He's commanding, but not cruel. He has a sense of humor." Yugi waggled a forefinger at him in warning: exactly the way the Dark Magician had. A strange thrill went through him, and Kaiba found his breath quickening. Yugi continued, "But he won't let you get away with anything."
"Maybe you should help me reprogram him." There was a slight catch in Kaiba's voice.
"Maybe you should try a real boy next time."
A real boy. Like the one sitting in front of him? Maybe it wasn't an invitation, but....
Kaiba pulled Yugi into his arms and kissed him. Hard. One hand tight around Yugi's back, one tangled in that ridiculous hair, tongue and teeth clashing, noses mashed into each other. Yugi made a little "oof" sound, then his small, blunt fingers gripped Kaiba's shoulders, a knee dug into his thigh, shirt buttons caught on each other, a heart pounded against his chest.
Kaiba was surprised by the fire that shot through him -- after all, this was Yugi, not the Blue Eyes White Dragon, not even Dark Magician. But Yugi was warm and squirmy and he tasted good and his hair was soft (like silk and velvet) and he was just the right size (Mokuba-size) and, best of all, he was giggling and blushing and having fun, so for once there didn't seem to be any reason to feel guilty about what he was doing.
He pushed and turned and groped until he had Yugi flat on the couch and was lying on top of him, his hand up Yugi's shirt, mouth open on Yugi's mouth, tongue working, hips working, sweat dripping down his neck. Then Yugi got a hand on Kaiba's crotch, and rubbed Kaiba's erection with his palm, and it was too much. Kaiba shot into his pants, into Yugi's hand, with a sudden, satisfying burst.
He collapsed onto Yugi, gasping, caught his breath for a moment, then, thinking he ought to return the favor, reached down to Yugi's waistband. But the front of Yugi's trousers was already wet, and Yugi grinned up at him sheepishly, so Kaiba chuckled and pulled them both up until they were sitting in a warm tangle, Yugi's head on his shoulder and arms around his chest.
"Okay," Kaiba said. "That was... not bad."
Yugi just laughed. Then, after a while, he sighed. "I've got to get home. Hope I can get past Grandpa to change my clothes."
Kaiba was going to have to change his clothes again, too. Twice in one day. "You can borrow something to wear home. Mokuba's clothes ought to fit you."
"No, that's okay. I think my jacket will cover it. Thanks, though."
"Mm." He didn't really want to let Yugi go just yet, but Yugi squirmed out of his grasp and off the couch.
"I'm glad you called me," Yugi said, buttoning his shirt. "I hope this means we're friends now."
Kaiba pulled his duster across his lap. "I suppose it does."
Yugi tucked in his shirt, and fastened his jacket. The tails covered the wet spot on his trousers pretty well, and the dark blue fabric barely showed it anyway. Yugi nodded. "Well. I'd better go." He put a hand on Kaiba's shoulder and leaned down to kiss him. "Call me any time if you want to talk. Or, you know...." He blushed prettily. "Well, see you later."
Kaiba smiled a little as he watched Yugi go.
Mokuba had been waiting to pounce as soon as Yugi left. "So, Big Brother...." His eyes were bright with curiosity and concern.
"We talked. It... helped. You're very smart, little brother. It was good that you made me call him."
Mokuba's face shone with pleasure. "I'm glad. Are you... ?"
The question hung in the air. Are you all right? Kaiba did his best to answer it. "Mokuba. You know things have been bad for me. And they're still not right." He slid down from the couch to his knees, and took his brother's hands. "I'm a little better now. And I'll get better still. But it's going to be hard. And... I'll need your help. You know how hard that is for me."
Mokuba threw his arms around his brother's neck. "I'll help you. I'll do anything."
Kaiba sat back, pulling Mokuba into his arms, and it was wonderful to hold his little brother close. Then he sighed. "Mokuba...." It had to be done. He was too old to be sleeping with his little brother. "Mokuba, how would you feel about going back to sleep in your own room?"
Mokuba pulled back to look in Kaiba's face, frowning with concern. "Why?"
"I, I'm getting older. I have these feelings now. Dreams. Sometimes, when a guy gets to be my age, he needs some privacy. Especially at night." Kaiba felt his face burn. He wondered if a word of this was making any sense.
Mokuba regarded him gravely. "You mean sex."
"Yeah." Smart kid.
"Do you have a girlfriend, Big Brother?"
"No. No, nothing like that. But I...."
"It's okay." Mokuba nodded. Perhaps he was remembering that kiss. Perhaps he was, indeed, a lot smarter than Kaiba gave him credit for. "I'll miss you, though."
"Yeah." Kaiba gave his brother a crushing hug. "Me too."
He did miss him. Kaiba's bed seemed huge and cold and empty without his little brother, and he tossed and turned, wide awake, until finally he got up, slipped into his robe, and went down to his private laboratory.
Where he sat in front of his computer screen, and called up his game, the Special Attack monsters ready to modify, adjust, or activate.
He thought about the Princess character, small and sweet and willing.
He thought about the Dark Magician, powerful and electric and unpredictable.
He thought about the Dark Eyes Silver Dragon, fiery and vengeful.
He thought about Mokuba, sleeping, or perhaps lying awake, upstairs in his own bed, trusting him to make things right.
He thought about Yugi, smiling and blushing and saying, I hope this means we're friends now, and, You can call me any time.
And What did you expect? You've cut yourself off from everyone else.... You can try to satisfy yourself with simulations and dreams, but it will never be enough. You need other people in your life.
He hesitated, hands over the keyboard, for a long, long moment.
He deleted the game.
Then he buried his face in his hands and cried.
The End!!!There will be a sequel!!!