Author's Note: Stay with me people...for those of you who think this story is so sad it makes you want to slit your wrists. It will have better, happier moments but remember that it IS a tragedy and it's how Emma views her greatest loves and greatest losses. Hope you still enjoy. Beth-you are the greatest! Thanks for the feedback! I write these chapters for you if nothing else. : )

Emma sat on the floor, the soft white carpet adding some level of comfort. The window was slightly ajar and a late night breeze fluttered in through the crack causing her long brown ponytail to gently sway. The weather was still slightly chilly, especially late at night but Emma didn't bother pulling the pink flannel nightgown closer to her body. Truth be told, she didn't feel the cold in the air. She felt nothing but an overwhelming sadness as she sat on the floor and played with the blue stuffed bunny rabbit in her hands, the perfect stitches of his wide eyed face freakishly smiling back at her. Julius had bought that and a barrage of other toys months ago for the baby. He had said that it was his "god fatherly duties". But now there would be no god fathers or god mothers. There was no baby. There was only silence and an empty room. There were the blue painted walls and the crib and the stuffed animals and tiny clothes neatly strewn about the place. There was the stuffed rabbit with the evil almost taunting face.

Gerry sighed as he watched his wife in the nursery, his chair parked quietly around the corner. It probably wouldn't have mattered much if he had made noise. She seemed not to notice or even care lately. She was quiet and sullen and so distant. It was plain to see that she was hurting inside but yet she hadn't shed a tear since those few moments in the hospital when they'd first held Christopher. She hadn't cried since, not at the funeral service or even when his little coffin had been lowered into the ground. Almost a month had passed and nothing had changed. It killed Gerry to see her like that, to look into those once beautiful and expressive eyes of hers and now see only a dull darkness. Of course he was hurting too but at least he had dealt with it. He had cried and even screamed when necessary. He'd had long talks with his mother and with Julius. And a few times he'd even gone back to the cemetery to place flowers on his boy's grave and also to hang wind chimes on the leaning branch of the large oak tree that provided shade and protection for little Christopher's final resting place.

But not Emma. She went about her daily errands and chores, cleaning the house and cooking meals as if nothing were wrong. When friends called or visited, she was polite and everything was "fine". When Gerry spoke to her she would answer his questions...with "yes" or "no" or the easiest one liner available. And she adamantly refused to go and see the grave. She would not visit the graveyard and she would not cry but every night, late, usually around two or three Gerry would find her there on the floor in the baby's room with that blanked out stare clutching at one of the toys.

"Emma, sugar...you alright?" Gerry asked quietly.

"I'm fine", she replied simply and with zero emotion.

"Well it's late and it's kind of chilly in here. Why don't you come back to bed?"

She didn't agree, she didn't protest. In fact, there was no verbal response at all. She simply placed the bunny back into the crib and walked towards their bedroom, climbing back into bed almost mechanically.

"Emma? Sweetheart, please...talk to me. I can't stand this", Gerry whispered as he caressed her shoulder when they were nestled back in bed. "I don't know what to do. I know you're hurting and I want to help you but I don't know how to. How can I help you when you won't let me in?"

His pleas were met with her silence.

"Emma...sugar. Come on. I lost Christopher now I feel like I'm losing you too."

Still no movement or response.

"Emma, just say something. Please. Talk to me baby."

Slowly, finally she turned to face him. Her words were barely audible and her eyes were as dead as soap.

"I wish I were dead, too", she whispered.

Julius knocked on the door and within minutes Gerry was wheeling towards him.

"Hey man. What's going on? What brings you by today?"

"What's up, Superman?" Julius nodded. "Here. Shirley baked this pound cake for you and Emma. I was dropping off and I wanted to see how y'all were doing."

"Thanks man. Come on in."

Gerry smiled as the delicious scent filled his nostrils. Julius and Shirley were such great people. Gerry was proud that Julius had found such a nice young lady to be his wife. They were good friends, the best anyone could ever ask for.

"Actually, I can't. I've got a million and one things to do but I just wanted to stop by and see if you needed anything."

"We're good, man. Thanks for asking."

"How is she?" Julius asked, nodding towards the back screen door where the two men could barely see Emma working in the yard.

"Not much better", Gerry nodded truthfully. "I'm hoping she'll come around soon though. She just hasn't been herself, you know? It's all about the baby I guess. I just wish she would open up to me."

"Yeah I guess it's rough losing a child and all. She just needs more time, maybe needs to know people care about her. In fact, why don't you two come with me and the family to church on Sunday? Afterwards, we could have dinner at my house."

The idea didn't sound half bad. A little church never hurt anyone and it would be nice to share a meal and be around real friends.

"Thanks for the invite, Julius. That sounds real nice. I mean, I don't know...I'll have to talk it over with Emma and everything but we'll see."

"Alright. We hope to see you on Sunday then. Take care, brother. Just holler if you need anything."

Julius bent his large frame down to hug his best friend.

"Thanks Julius", Gerry smiled.

Gerry watched his friend leave, then turned his attention back to his wife. It hurt his hard to see the zombie of a woman in their backyard. Finally she came back in the house.

"Hey, sugar, how's they yard work coming? Need any help?" he volunteered.

"Everything's fine."

Fine. Everything was...fine. That was precisely the problem. Gerry knew it was anything but fine.

"There's a pound cake on the counter. Julius dropped it off earlier. Shirley baked it for us."

"That's nice", Emma mumbled.

"Um, they invited us out Sunday for church and then supper. I told him I'd think about it and talk it over with you. Sounds like a good plan. What do you say?"

"I don't feel like it, Gerry."

Somehow he knew that response was coming.

"So what do I tell them? Honey, I don't want to be rude."

"Just tell them we're busy."

Gerry closed his eyes and bit his lip.

"Busy, huh? Emma, can I ask you something? How much longer do we plan on being 'busy'? Because when Mom wants to come over, we're 'busy'. And when the neighbors invited us to lunch last weekend, we were 'busy'. Every time someone calls or comes over or wants to do something with us, we're 'busy'. I'm just curious how much longer this is going to last."

"I'm tired, Gerry. I'm going to bed", Emma muttered.

Gerry looked at the clock. It was only 4:30 in the afternoon. He'd had enough.

"Emma, you're not going to bed", he yelled louder than he meant to.

His voice thundered throughout the house. Immediately he was sorry, maybe he had scared her. But the look on her face once again was blank.

"You're not going to bed now", he said in a calmer voice. "You are going to sit down and we're going to talk this through."

Obediently, she did as she was told.

"Emma, a terrible thing happened. We lost our son. I was really looking forward to being a dad and spending time with my son and just getting to know him. Sadly, we'll never have that chance. It's hard, it hurts like hell, it sucks and it's unfair but it happened for a reason and now we have to deal with it and move on. We don't have a choice. I grieve for our boy, I cry for him and I miss him all the time. As bad as it is, it helps getting the pain out. It helps to pray or talk to my mother or to Julius or Coach Yoast. I feel better when I talk about it but I shouldn't be discussing it with them. I need to deal with this with my wife but I don't know even know who my wife is anymore. Sugar, something's got to give. You can't go on like this anymore, we can't go on like this anymore. The hurt is eating you alive inside. You can't keep all this bottled up."

Emma just stared back at him.

"Damn you, Emma don't do this to me! I can't lose you, too!" Gerry yelled as she shook her. "Say something! Yell, scream, hit me, curse, do whatever just do something! Say something please."

"I'm not like you", she finally said. "I'm not like you or Jean. I don't know that things happen for a reason Gerry, I just know that they happen."

It was the most she had said to him in weeks.

"We just have to be strong, sugar."

"I don't know if I have the strength anymore, Gerry."

"I do. And I know you do too. Emma, you're the strongest person I know. Just look at everything we've been through. When I was recovering from the accident, you were there with me the whole time. I'll never forget that. You were my rock. And no matter how bad things got, I knew I could get through anything as long as I had you. It's always been us against the world, Emma. You and I can get through anything together...even this."

"Gerry, I want to cry but I can't. I open up my mouth to speak but no words come out. I'm just lost in my thoughts and it's a nightmare. I don't know what to do. I just think about how happy and excited we were. I think about beautiful and special it was every time I felt him move inside my belly. I think about how he's not here right now but he should be and it's killing me, Gerry. I try to go over every detail...was it something I did to cause this?"

"Emma, don't beat yourself up. You heard what the doctor said. It wasn't your fault or my fault. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and we don't know why. No one saw this coming. No one could have stopped it."

"The grief is unbearable sometimes. I don't know how to go on..."

"This is a start", he said, rubbing her hand. "Talking about it. Talking about it to me. This is the first step to healing, Emma."

"I am so sorry this happened, Gerry. I love you."

"I love you, too."

He hugged her and her body gradually lost its tension in his warm, comfortable embrace.

"Sugar, it might help if you go see Christopher."

"Gerry, I can't..."

"Yes you can. I'll be right there, sugar. Right by your side."

It took more gentle prodding but finally she agreed. They drove to the nearby cemetery. The wind chimes by the grave rustled in the breeze.

"Gerry, this wasn't a good idea. What do I say to him?"

"Anything you want. Whatever is in your heart"

She stood for a while before getting the courage to kneel at her son's grave. The words were hard at first but once they formed they began to flow like a river.

"Hello, little one. It's me, Christopher. It's Mommy. I...I'm sorry that I haven't been by to visit you here but you know I think about you all the time. It's just that I miss you so much that I don't know what to do with myself. It's so hard but I just ask that you and the good Lord above give me and your dad strength. Just know much you were wanted, Christopher and I know one day...one day we'll see you again. I love you, sweet boy."

She placed a kiss on the headstone and looked up at Gerry who had tears in his eyes. She sat on his lap and they both dissolved into sobs. The pain was overbearing but with it they knew the peace and calm would soon follow. They would miss their son forever but Heaven's littlest guardian angel would always be there to protect them.