Problems At Camp

A/N: Now here's where everything gets interesting! Well, here's the story of this fic. First it was written all in script, four chapters but then it got deleted so I rewrote those, well while I was in the process of rewriting those I wrote some of the other chapters so those will up asap! I think this is one of the better chapters, plus the one after this one too so I really hope you all enjoy. Thanks for all the great reviews, this time and last time the fic was up, and if you guys really like this then read my new fic "Upside Down" (the first chapter's the only one up so far but there will be more soon as this fic is all done wit!) And enjoy! Much love, from Cartman's Baby 3

"Isn't he wonderful?" Wendy sighed dreamily, looking over at the boy's counseler, Max. It was yet another glorious day at camp. No one answered her. Carman was still in a bad mood about her feelings for Cartman, Denise was in her own world trying to have a real conversation with Craig, and Stan was just looking at Wendy with an angry look on his face.

"You see Stan?" said Cartman, "This is why you should listen to me."

"I should?" Stan was obviously confused.

Cartman nodded, "Yes. You need to say to Wendy 'Hey bitch! Don't mess with me! I'll rip your titties out!'"

"No Cartman," Stan replied darkly. He glanced over at Token, a few seats down from him in the mess hall.

"This is all Token's fault," said Stan, "If he hadn't been trying to get Wendy back, she'd probably still like me."

Jeff laughed and Kyle snapped at his friends, "And what? Is it also Token's fault Denise doesn't like me anymore?"

"No," laughed Jeff, "That's Craig's fault. Dude, he's an ass hole."

"Son of a bitch. I hate Craig," said Kyle.

"Hey I thought you didn't like Denise," Jeff pointed out, "The other day you said you didn't want anything to do with her. You said that before we even came here."

"Yeah that's right," Stan agreed.

"Nevermind," said Kyle, "I don't like her."

"I think you do," teased Jeff.

"No I don't," snapped Kyle, folding his arms and turning away from his friends.

"What are we all talking about over here?" Lenny appeared at the table, a huge grin on his face.

Kyle screamed, Lenny just laughed.

"I love camp," exclaimed Lenny, "Isn't it just...super?!"

"No," said Stan coldly, "It's not."

"Go away Lenny," said Cartman, "You gay homo."

Lenny smiled and walked away.

"Lenny's wrong," grumbled Kyle, "Camp sucks huge ass."

"I heard that!" agreed Jeff.

"And this food SUCKS!!!" screamed Cartman.

Later that afternoon, Carman was alone, swinging on a set of swings, staring down at the ground glumly.

"Hey Carman."

Carman looked up and saw Cartman.

"Mind if I uh swing with you?" he asked. He seemed a little depressed about something too.

Carman smiled at him and replied, "Yeah, you can swing with me."

Cartman smiled back and sat on the swing, it broke with a loud snap and Cartman tumbled to the ground, landing on his back in the dirt.

"OW! God damn it!!" Cartman yelled.

Carman giggled softly and bent down. She helped Cartman back up.

"Thanks..." Cartman mumbled, "God damn mother fucking peice of horse shit swing set..."

Carman blushed and looked away when Cartman turned to look at her.

"So...how do you like camp?" Carman asked him.

"I HATE it! It SUCKS bigger than Kyle's mom's bitchy ass!" Cartman complained loudly.

"It sucks for me too," said Carman.

"Carman?"

"Mmmm...yeah?"

Cartman looked down at the ground. Carman glanced over at him curiously. She had never seen him like this before. Usually he was so loud, so full of everything going on around him, but now...now he was different.

"I...I...can I tell you something?"

"Anything Eric," replied Carman.

"I-" before Cartman could finish, Anistelle, Lolita, and Tilly approached them.

"Hey Eric," Tilly greeted him.

"Uh-" Cartman began, but the next thing he knew, he was being kissed by Tilly and Carman was running away in tears.

"Wait!" Cartman called after her.

The other girls just laughed.

Carman threw herself down on her bed and sobbed loudly in her pillow. After a few minutes, Lenny came in and was gently patting Carman on the back.

"What's wrong girl friend?" Lenny asked her, "I heard you crying."

"It's all over! Eric hates me!" cried Carman.

"Awwwwww, don't cry, it's gonna be okay you silly goose," said Lenny.

"No, Lenny! It's not okay!"

"What's her problem?" Denise had just come back into the cabin. She walked over to Carman's bedside.

"Something to do with the fat kid," Lenny told her.

Denise rolled her eyes, "Forget about that pudgy jack ass!"

"No...I...I like him too much," protested Carman.

Denise shook her head.

"It's going to be all right Carman," comforted Lenny.

"Yeah," said Denise, "Guys suck!"

Carman and Lenny looked up at Denise.

"Well...at least straight guys do," she said.

"Wait...what about you and Craig?" Carman asked Denise, wiping the last of her tears with the back of her hand.

"Craig? He's old news," said Denise, "He's just an immature bastard."

"Do you still like Kyle?" asked Carman.

Denise shrugged, "Who knows?"

"Timmy? What do you do if you know you like this one girl, but this other girl you really hate kisses you in front of the girl you like?" Cartman looked over at Timmy.

"Timmy?" Timmy replied.

"Shut up Timmy. I hate you," Cartman replied angryily.

That night at dinner, things still hadn't gotten any better. Carman and Cartman were not sitting near each other. They were on opposite ends of the table, but they were tossing glances whenever they thought the other was looking away. Wendy was still obsessing over Max, Denise kept telling her to shut up, Stan was still mad at both Wendy and Token, and Jeff, Kyle, and Lenny just sat there. Everyone looked up from their dinner when Big Gay Al started to talk.

"Okay everyone," said Big Gay Al, "Now remember tomorrow night is movie night! And we're going to be seeing one of my favorites--The Wizard of Oz! So everybody be there!"

Everyone but Lenny groaned hearing this news. All the campers started talking again.

"What's wrong fat ass?" Kyle asked Cartman, "You're not eating?"

"I can't Jewbag, my mouth was poisened by that Tilly bitch," Cartman told him.

"Holy fuck! Are you serious?!" cried Kyle.

Cartman just nodded.

"But I thought you and Carman...?"

Cartman shook his head, "I don't Kyle...I really don't..."

From down the table, Denise elbowed Carman.

"Don't touch me Jewish whore," Carman said to Denise.

"Come on anorexic bitch, you know Cartman still likes you!" Denise said, a big teasing grin was on her face.

"Yeah right."

"He keeps looking at you!"

"Sure...whatever."

"Ohmigod you're hopeless."

That night, the girl's in cabin one decided to stay up a little later. Camilla was on her bunk, the black curtains drawn around it. Wendy and Denise were on Wendy's top bunk, Denise was painting Wendy's nails. Carman was below them, laying on her side. She was still sad about what had happened. She rolled over and picked up her fuzzy lavender photo album from the shelf on her bunk. She flipped through it and looked at all the pictures. There were of her, her cousin, Denise, Kimmy, Lenny, Camilla, and Fran all in West Park. There was even one picture of everyone in front of their old apartment building, the one they had lived in before they had to move to South Park. Carman sighed heavily and shut the album. She glanced over and saw that Anistelle was sound asleep on her bed.

"Hey guys!" Carman whispered loudly. She stood up and peered over her bunk at Denise and Wendy.

"What?" asked Wendy.

Carman smiled evily, "I just had the best idea!!"

The next morning, everyone gathered outside the dining hall.

"What's going on?" Kyle, Stan, Jeff, Lenny, Timmy, and Cartman arrived late.

"Someone TP'd the dining hall!" Kimmy told them excitedly.

"Ohmigod!!! Guess what?! Someone peed in the dining hall!!" the other of Kimmy's head told them.

"Right..." said Kyle, "Where's Denise?"

"The bitches are over there!" said Jeff, he led the group of boys over to where Denise, Carman, Camilla, and Wendy stood.

"Did someone really TP the dining hall?" wondered Stan.

Denise folded her arms and shrugged inocently, "I guess so."

"Yes, whoever did it is in some real trouble," added Camilla.

"Good morning chaps," Pip walked over to them.

"Hiya Frenchie!" greeted Denise.

"I'm not French!" snapped Pip.

"Yeah sure whatever," said Denise, "Hey look Al's gonna say something!"

"Maybe they're changing the menu!" cried Cartman hopefully.

"Or maybe we're seeing two movies tonight!" cried Lenny, "Wow, Al's the greatest!"

"Timmy! Timmy!" added Timmy.

"Excuse me everyone!!!" cried Big Gay Al, "This morning we discovered some vandalism to our mess hall, someone has spread toilet paper all over the place! They made a big, big mess!!"

"Oh no!!" cried Carman.

"Who could have done this?" cried Wendy.

"The culprit left this at the scene of the crime!" Big Gay Al cried. He held up a light blue sandel.

"If you are the owner of this light blue sandel, then please come up here right now and claim it!"

The campers all whispered excitedly as Anistelle came forward. She walked up to Big Gay Al and took her sandel back.

"This peice of fabulous footwear belongs to you?" Big Gay Al asked her.

Anistelle nodded.

"Did you mess up our mess hall?"

"No!" protested Anistelle.

A lot of people gasped.

"She's a liar!!" cried Wendy. Carman, Denise, and Camilla joined in by adding, "She's a liar!" too and soon the whole crowd of campers was chanting.

"But I didn't do it!" yelled Anistelle.

"I think we need to have a talk young lady!" said Big Gay Al.

"Wow, some excitement today huh?" Stan looked over at Cartman, Jeff, and Kyle. They were sitting on the sports field, bored not doing anything.

"I'm so glad that bitch got in trouble!" Cartman commented.

Jeff laughed, "Yeah me too. She was a skank."

"What about movie night? Are we still going?" Kyle asked the group.

"Nah, The Wizard of Oz is for pussies dude!" said Jeff.

"If there's popcorn then I'm going!" cried Cartman.

"What about you Stan?" Kyle asked.

"Not if Wendy and Token are going to be there," said Stan, "Which they probably will be!" he added angryily.

Kyle sighed irritably, "Stan, when are you going to give it up?"

"Give what up?"

"Wendy! She's a whore dude! She's always being a bitch!"

Stan stood up angryily, "You're just pissed off because you've never gone out with anyone before!"

Kyle stood up and faced Stan, "Yeah?! Well...well I'll just...I'll just show you!!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah dude!!"

"Fine!"

"FINE!"

And Kyle and Stan walked away in different directions.