Watch Over Us
Author: Cougar Bait
Genre: Drama/Angst
Rating: PG
Summary: While Daniel helps Sam in Janet's house, Janet watches over them. Post 'Heroes'.
Author's Notes: This story is originally for my new account, Cougar Bait. But, due to the 3-day waiting period and my extreme lack of patience, I've decided to post it on this accout. Which I basically loathe, until a time when I can remove it and put it in my other accout. This is definitely a first for me. Primarily it's my first Stargate SG-1 fanfic ever posted on an archive or site, also this is my first attempt at sad, dramatic themes. Oh, and this story is PG. That's another first for me. Usually my stories include some swearing, and lots of action sequences worthy of PG-13 or R ratings. But this story is meant to tug at your heartstrings. It's mainly a Daniel/Janet story, that I thought up the day the Season 7 DVD box set came out. My parents went right out and bought it for me, being the cool people they are, and I spent the whole day watching them. When Heroes Pt 1 & 2 came up, I bawled my eyes out. Which is abnormal for me, but it was also an inspiration. I hope you like it. I've never tried to go for the calm, sad scenes of a story, so this may seem a bit forced. More Author's Notes at the end of the story.
"Dammit!" The choked, agitated voice echoed down the empty hall. Empty. It wasn't always empty. Only days ago it had been full of life, full of a mother's love. But that was days ago. Now, the yellow glow of the lamps seemed absent, though not a single bulb was left cold. The owner of the voice, upon entering the house, had turned on every light she could find. It was a sorry attempt at bringing life back into it, to keep the shadows at bay. But the shadows were persistent, and the lights appeared almost chilled. Had this been a single week ago, the rooms would be happily lit, the chiming sound of friendly voices drifting through the halls, much like the wafting aroma of potpourri and fresh linens. Always clean, always neat, always caring. That was Janet. But now, the house that had once been so inviting, was so still that even breathing seemed to echo, while the only smell that could be sensed was that of stale air. Of air that hadn't been breathed, filtered, or opened to the outside for days.
"Sam?" Daniel's head materialized at the doorway to the kitchen, eyebrows drawn close in a worried frown. He was greeted by a pathetic sight. Samantha Carter, a Major in the US Air Force and the 2nd in Command of a top-secret, flag-ship team, was sitting on the tiled floor like a lost child, eyes a puffy red. Tears were still evident on her cheeks, while the remnants still clinging to her long lashes made her blue eyes seem like the pools of water they shared a common colour with. Her arms were hugging a picture frame, the photo it was supposed to be framing hidden from sight as she held it tightly against her chest. She was staring off into space, as if a memory had surfaced and she had become lost in it.
"Sam..." Daniel's tone changed from anxious to downright worried, trailing off as he came closer and knelt before her. Reaching out, he gently slipped the picture from her grasp. This apparently did the trick, as she snapped out of her reverie, looking up at him. Her right hand was still vice-like around one side of the frame, like a drowning man hanging onto a life preserver. Nodding slowly, Daniel looked at it from where they both held it, as Sam wouldn't part with it.
It was an old picture. Very old. He could tell because his hair was a little big shaggier, while still short, Jack's hair had a bit less silver, and Sam's lapels still held 'Captain' pins instead of 'Major'. He remembered this day fondly. It was only a week after they had been rescued from Hathor's pseudo-SGC after being cryogenically frozen. Everyone had gathered for this photo in the infirmary, as many of the soldiers (including Daniel himself) were unable to leave just yet. In the center, Makepeace stood beside Jack, who in turn stood on Sam's right side. Daniel, leaning on a crutch, was on her left, while Teal'c was beside him, a hand on his shoulder as a precaution against him falling. Every one was smiling, even Teal'c. It wasn't the biggest smile in the group, but it was clearly the brightest smile he had seen from the Jaffa in the two years he'd known him. General Hammond stood at Janet's left shoulder on the outer edge of the group, as she was holding the handles of a wheelchair, which held a staff-burned soldier from SG-3.
Everyone was smiling. Even though they were mourning the loss of comrades fallen in battle, they were still happy, because they knew that all these people had survived, and that they weren't all dead just yet. Daniel's gaze strayed back to where Janet was standing. Diminutive in height, she nonetheless had had a personality big enough to fill up several of the Great Pyramids. And here she was, smiling while keeping a close, protective watch on the soldier sitting by her. Doing her job.
It had been doing her job that had been her downfall. She had refused to leave Wells. She would stabilize him before they brought him back through the 'Gate. And she would have done the same for any one of them. She had saved them all several times over, bringing them from the brink of death back to perfect health. Yet they couldn't do the same for her. The thought made his stomach feel like a seven-pound rock had just settled there. The one time she was injured in the field, and the fates that had been watching over him during the years hadn't bothered to give her more than a few seconds of life, if that. The medics had said it had been instantaneous. Quick and relatively painless. But he didn't believe that.
"Sam, come on let's get you on the chair." He gave her back the picture, which was instantly returned to its place over her heart, and pulled the chair out from where it sat at the table. Placing a hand on either shoulder, he guided her to it, where she sat down awkwardly, lips still pressed together until they turned white. It was then that the blonde woman found her tongue. Prying her lips apart, she murmured a ragged, "Thanks."
"Are you going to be okay with this?" He asked, not bothering to mention the rest. Sam knew what he was talking about. She nodded, sniffling, wiping the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand. She would have smeared mascara had she been wearing it. But Daniel knew her. This was Janet's house. Back when their friend was still alive, Sam would have done her make-up, and looked presentable. But now, no one was here to welcome Sam, to gossip with, or to eat a whole pint of ice cream with. There was no point.
"I'll be fine, Daniel. I just need a minute alone." She gathered up her resolve, using her years of military training to push her emotions back behind the wall she had erected in her mind. She took a deep breath, letting it out in a shaky sigh. Giving him a reassuring nod, she went back to looking at the picture. Daniel bit his bottom lip and smiled gently, nodding as he turned and slowly made his way out of the kitchen. He continued on to the stairs, where he sat patiently, delving into his own happy memories of Janet.
I never ascended. But who's to say that Ascension is the only path after death?
I suppose I never ascended like Daniel because of the situation. If I had even been elligible for such a choice, I never would have had enough time. I remember when Daniel was dying, so slowly, from the radiation sicknes. Oh, it is horrible to remember, but had been even more horrible to watch first-hand. Apparently, all of his incoherent mumblings had actually been a conversation in his mind with one of the Ancients. That had to be one hell of a conversation. But he'd had enough time to think over his life, and his choices, and to make peace with himself over his past experiences. I guess I never had that opportunity.
Pain. That's what I remember. I was checking over Wells, making sure that the pressure bandage would hold during transport, then a brilliant flash of white light, followed by the feeling that someone was holding a match to every nerve ending in my body. I had barely had enough time to suck in another breath before the darkness clouding my vision took over completely. Then, a second stretched out into an eternity, and as if from a distance, Daniel's voice screaming for a medic. I didn't understand at the time that I was dying, or already dead.
Then there was nothing. No sound, no sights, no nothing. I mean, I was expecting something, at least. Where was the bright light and pearly gates? Where was the choir of angels? I've saved enough lives to expect at least a seat up in the Good Bright Eternity. But no. A short forever later, I found myself standing in very familiar territory. A place I knew better than my own house. My infirmary. Only, things had changed. One look at the calendar had shown several days had passed. Days?! And not only that, but the overall feeling of the infirmary had changed. I know I enforced silence, for those who needed rest to recouperate, but this was just silly. Everyone who was lucid seemed to mope around, like a rain cloud had been positioned just under the ceiling. I just didn't understand.
After several failed attempts at communication within the infirmary, I decided to try somewhere else. My thoughts automatically shifted to Daniel's office. The injury-prone archaeologist always had a knack for succeeding where others failed. I remember turning to head for the door, only to find myself looking across a file-laden desk in a totally different location, though nonetheless a familiar one, at the man himself. If the dark circles under his eyes and weary expression on his face were any indication, he hadn't slept in a while. Which, in and of itself isn't that uncommon, but this was serious. His head was drooping over the paper he was writing on, shoulders hunched up around his ears as if to protect himself from something. Apparently this was affecting his thought process, too. I had watched him with some dettached amusement as he went back several times with the white-out to correct his mistakes. Definitely not your everyday Daniel. Figuring that he was just very absorbed in his work like usual, I tried to get his attention.
"Daniel..."
"Daniel..."
With a quiet 'hmm' noise, Daniel's head lifted from where it had been resting on his knees. Lowering his arms from where they were draped around his legs, he turned at the waist to look behind him. There, sitting casually a step above him, was Janet. Not dressed in a flowing white robe, with wings and a glowing gold halo, or even dressed in the army fatigues she had died in. She was wearing her uniform, with the familiar white lab coat and a stethoscope hanging loosely around her neck. Janet as he had seen her almost every day he had been on Earth for the past six and a half years. She was looking at him with a gentle smile, her elbows placed on her knees to prop her head up.
"Hi Janet," Daniel murmured, a barely-there look of confusion visible in his eyes. His eyes. Janet's favourite Daniel-feature. Able to convey as many as a dozen emotions at any given time, almost always with the bright spark of intelligence and life. The last time she had seen them without had been when she had first appeared to him post-mortem. Judging by his current reaction, he had probably placed her being there as the creation of an over-taxed mind. Apparently not.
"How's it going, Daniel?" Her tone was calm, though not without its deep-seated concern for both his emotional and physical well-being. He shrugged off-handedly, his eyes never leaving hers.
"No one's taking your...leaving...very well." He stuck out his bottom lip and frowned as he thought of the proper thing to say. 'This must be how Jack felt whenever I visited him while Ascended,' he thought briefly, cocking his head to the side. "Especially SG-1. Jack's been extra snippy to nurses, Sam's eyes well up whenever she goes into your office, and Teal'c...well Teal'c isn't even being Teal'c. He went in for his Tretonin injection, and demanded that he do it himself, after threatening a nurse who wasn't, well, you." At this, Janet looked almost shocked. Apparently she hadn't been watching over Teal'c at that particular incident.
"He threatened a nurse?" Daniel thought about it for a moment, before pursing his lips and shaking his head. "Well, not threatening in the way you or I would classify it. It was that special 'look' he gives. It's a Teal'c thing." He nodded as he spoke the last statement. This created a rather happy smile on Janet's face, one that even reached her eyes. It was apparently contagious, as he couldn't help but smile himself. They sat this way for several moments, until the silence seemed to remind them of the situation at hand. Janet's shifted, her movements silent on the otherwise creaky stair, something that was disconcerting to Daniel on so many levels.
"And what about you, Dr. Jackson?" He tone went even softer, along with the expression in her eyes. Daniel's eyes downcast for a second, before raising again. He had lost her mid-conversation last time, he hoped this time that she wouldn't leave if he kept eye contact.
"Me..." He paused, not able to find the words. It was a rare occassion, but how could one possibly tell someone who is dead their feelings about their death? It virtually wasn't possible. Though, with their eyes locked, the physical words would have been insufficient. Just the look of pure angst on his face was enough for Janet. She never wanted him to think back on the event. Just as watching him die had been too painful for her.
"Daniel, I--" She was cut off as he turned his head, raising a hand to halt her speech.
"Have the others, you know, ever talked to you like this?"
"No, I'm afraid I couldn't reach them like I could you. Perhaps it has to do with your Ascension? Maybe we have a kind of special 'afterlife' link now." Daniel nodded at this, looking back around though focusing his gaze on the steps.
"Or I could just be losing my mind." He let out a little laugh at that.
"Daniel? Are you back here?" Carter's voice interrupted the conversation, and Daniel's head whipped around to look up at the doorway as she walked through. Her eyes were devoid of tears now, though the sorrow was still evident. He smiled reassuringly as she looked at him strange. She went all awkward. "I'm, um, done here, so, uh, we can go whenever you're ready."
"Yeah, Sam. I'll be with you in a minute." She nodded once, giving him a lingering look that told him he was not alone, and ducked back out of the doorway. As soon as her footsteps faded,he turned back to where Janet was waiting, staring sullenly at the spot where Carter had just stood. His expression turned to one of sympathy.
"She's been hit the hardest out of the four of us. She tries to work harder to keep her mind off of things, but in her one-track-mind, she tries too hard and ends up hurting herself in some way. Then it's a trip to the infirmary, and that kind of sets her off all over again. It's a vicious cycle." Janet bit her bottom lip, before raising ehr hand to nibble thoughtfully on her thumbnail. After a few moments, she looked at the wall, as if beyond it, to where Sam was waiting for her companion.
"Go on, she's waiting. Give her a big hug for me, she looks like she really needs it. And sleep too. If I were still amongst the living, I'd probably demand she take a few days off duty and just crash." Her nonchalant self-deprecating attitude about her own demise caused Daniel's face to scrunch up, his eyes becoming even brighter as the tears that were gathering threatened to fall. Janet realized her folly, and her easy smile vanished instantly. A hand rose to her mouth in shock.
"Oh Daniel, I'm so sorry." He had joked about his upcoming death during the hours of radiation sickness, and this had been just how she had felt. How could she have been so careless with her words? He stood, taking a few steps towards the door, before her voice halted him in his tracks.
"Wait." He turned to find her standing there before him. She was so short that he had to look down, and this position made the tears an even more possible event. She looked into his eyes, seeing all the tragedy that had taken its toll on him, and undoubtedly the rest of the team. She raised her hand to run it across his cheek and jawline. But he couldn't feel it. Her hand wasn't really touching him. This, coupled with the sad, loving look in her eyes, caused him to go over the edge. The tears that had been waiting spilled down his cheeks, through where her hand had paused.
"I'm sorry Janet. I miss you so much, and I'm so sorry." His whispered words reached her ears, and he turned away from her hand, eyes closed as he walked through the kitchen to the front door where Sam waited, picture still in her grasp. Looping his arm in hers, their positions changed as she became the comforter, leading him to where her car was parked out front. They got in, her in the driver's seat, and the engine revved to life. As they waited, car idling so that they would have a lingering view of the house, Daniel saw a small, white-jacketed figure clearly, standing on the porch.
"...I'll see you around," Janet Frasier said with a genuine smile. She raised her right hand and looked down at it, where her fingers glistened from Daniel's tears.
Author's Notes: I really hope you liked it. It really does seem almost forced to me. And for those wondering, yes I put the tears in there for a reason. It was the most important part for me, as even though she wasn't physically there, his tears still remained with her as a symbol.
I was actually thinking of expanding this. I have a great Heroes Fix-It in mind, though it's really up to you, the readers, whether or not I should make it the second part of this, or if I should keep them both Stand-Alone stories.
Also, my friend who is usually my Beta-Reader is off vacationing now, so I had no one to edit this for me. If you find any mistakes, be they grammatical or factual, please tell me so that I can correct them. I want this story to be mistke-free, as I find noticing errors takes away from the main idea of the story.
Thank you for reading. Review, if you like, your opinions and/or corrections. I plan on replying to the reviews I recieve, both good and bad, as constructive criticism is always my friend.