Disclaimer: I don't own crossing Jordan nor do I own "Shelter from the storm by Bob Dylan.
Note : I'd like to thank everyone who reviews on this story, I really enjoyed writing it, I realize how sadistic that sounds but I did. Also, This is the revamped version of the last chapter.
Woody paced the length of his studio apartment nervously, his palms sweaty, his hands shaking. He ignored the little girl in front of him; he knew she was just a figment of his imagination. He wanted her to be real so bad, it haunted his dreams. He saw her everywhere now, wherever he went, it was getting worse, not that he wanted her to leave, no, he wanted her there so he could see her again, even make believe she was alive. But she wasn't. a thought that continually gnawed at his brain. Each day it was becoming harder to breath, like something leaden was weighing down on his chest. He couldn't eat, he couldn't even think anymore. He was a living corpse, he was dead but breathing.
He remembered her well, the way she sang, the way she drew, the way she skipped, hopped and played. A solitary tear ran down his face. He forgot her laugh. He closed her eyes and willed her away, but when he opened his eyes she was still there, staring up at him, with those faded blue eyes.
"Hi Daddy." She said, holding out her hand.
He shook his head and closed his eyes tight, when he opened them she was gone.
Slowly he stood, walking to his desk in the corner of the room, pulling a piece of paper and a pen out from the desk drawer, he wrote her a letter, simple and short. After he was done, he crammed it into an envelope and wrote only.
For Jordan
It had seemed so long since he had met the whiskey eyed woman of his dreams. Never making it past the friend's stage, they never would. She had saved his life in every way that a person could be saved. He knew she was the only person in his life that had stayed, that was constant, a friend to lean on, someone he could count on. He slipped the letter in his Suit pocket, a place he knew she'd find it. Life had lost its luster long ago. He could see the life underneath the surface, as he picked up that bottle of pills, making his way to the balcony, sat on the cold ground to wait. He could see the sunrise, the dusty pinks and the crisp oranges bleeding together as the sun rising from below the rim of the earth. He smiled as those pills began to take affect; he was waiting for that still moment...
He held her crumpled picture in his hand for a long time. The edges were frayed and worn, he was broken and the pieces couldn't be put back together. The worst was over now.
She had gone away.
This was a long awaited answer to a long and painful fight. Maybe he could find some peace somewhere in that stillness, that grey area where life and death merge together. Like water the years drifted away, and he felt her again, he felt her life, he felt her death. He couldn't move on, he wasn't that strong. He had fallen long ago and couldn't get up again. He knew Jordan would find him, it was a matter of time, she would be fine, she was so strong. Boston moved forward, while he stood still in the past. It was cold but he couldn't feel it... he couldn't feel anything; it was so stark and barren. Then it was like her, ageless and endless, he felt he could see forever in that still moment, he could hear God breathing....
"Daddy!" he turned once more to see her, standing in the corner of the balcony, smiling. "Bye Daddy." She giggled and waved, her blue eye sparkling in some momentary excitement, he did remember her laugh, he thought to himself. And then she was gone, just like that, disappearing into the dawn. He knew, he couldn't say why, he wouldn't see her again for a very long time.
All he had left to do was wait, wait to die, to live, wait for some sort of Vindication, That would never come...
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"Hey Woody, Woody?" Jordan wrapped herself up tighter in her jacket, it was freezing in his apartment, the sliding glass door was open, his drapes were being blown about violently. Immediately she knew something was wrong. He had told her that he wouldn't be home, but she had seen his car parked outside and had decided to come and see if he wanted to grab dinner with her. She knew immediately he was there, but at the same time he wasn't there. Turning frantic she began to call out his name frantically, knowing he was outside on the veranda but to frightened to look outside. Dusk was approaching, the sun sinking below the earth, washing everything in red and orange. Slowly she slipped pasted the drapes as the blew every which way.
At first when she saw him, she thought he was alive. The way his blue eyes stared out at the horizon. Yet, they were dull and clouded over, not the friendly blue eyes she had stared into so many times. Not the eyes of the friendly detective she had always taken a bit for granted. She reached out and touched his hand, ever so faintly; he was cold, so cold. She swallowed hard and didn't cry, though she wanted to, she didn't scream. She simply sat down next to him, leaning close to his cold body, just sat there. She noticed his badge and the small, pink hair Barrett clinched in his fingers. She stared into the sunset, waiting for that still moment...
Just as the sun disappeared under the earth, she shut her eyes tight, she ceased to breath, and just listened, not with her ears but with her heart... she had never felt as close to God as she did then, just sitting there not moving, because time wasn't moving. When she opened her eyes, she began to rock back and forth, in a slow, methodical manner. And to her surprise she began to sing a song she remembered her mom used to sing to her when she was sad. The familiar melody felt so soothing.
'Twas in another
lifetime, one of toil and blood
When blackness was a virtue and
the road was full of mud
I came in from the wilderness, a creature
void of form.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give
you shelter from the storm."
And if I pass this way
again, you can rest assured
I'll always do my best for her, on
that I give my word
In a world of steel-eyed death, and men who
are fighting to be warm.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll
give you shelter from the storm."
Not a word was spoke
between us, there was little risk involved
Everything up to that
point had been left unresolved.
Try imagining a place where it's
always safe and warm.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll
give you shelter from the storm."
I was burned out from
exhaustion, buried in the hail,
Poisoned in the bushes an' blown
out on the trail,
Hunted like a crocodile, ravaged in the corn.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter
from the storm."
Suddenly I turned around and she was
standin' there
With silver bracelets on her wrists and
flowers in her hair.
She walked up to me so gracefully and took my
crown of thorns.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give
you shelter from the storm."
Now there's a wall between
us, somethin' there's been lost
I took too much for granted, got
my signals crossed.
Just to think that it all began on a
long-forgotten morn.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll
give you shelter from the storm."
Well, the deputy walks
on hard nails and the preacher rides a mount
But nothing really
matters much, its doom alone that counts
And the one-eyed
undertaker, he blows a futile horn.
"Come in," she
said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."
I've
heard newborn babies wailin' like a mournin' dove
And old men with
broken teeth stranded without love.
Do I understand your question,
man, is it hopeless and forlorn?
"Come in," she
said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."
In
a little hilltop village, they gambled for my clothes
I bargained
for salvation an' they gave me a lethal dose.
I offered up my
innocence and got repaid with scorn.
"Come in," she
said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."
Well,
I'm livin' in a foreign country but I'm bound to cross the
line
Beauty walks a razor's edge; someday I'll make it mine.
If
I could only turn back the clock to when God and her were born.
"Come
in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."
After she sang, she stood, silently, looking down at his body, lifeless and unmoving. He had taught her everything she needed to know, in a few simple nights together. And she had learned more than she ever needed to know. Still in shock she walked away, her feet fighting to move. She got in her car and drove away, numbly, she made it to her house, slammed the door. And that is when all hell broke loose. It started with a trembling chin, then a tear, before she knew it she was sobbing hysterically. Running threw her house, gathering a duffle bag with clothes and a few personal items. She climbed back into her car and drove, she drove and drove. She drove threw the impending night, she drove threw the morning and on into the afternoon. It was only the dusk that brought her back.
She found herself sitting in her car, parked on the side of the road, cars whizzing by. It was like she woke from a dream. Looking around confused, she had no idea where she was or how she got there. She looked down at the passenger seat, a duffle bag sat untouched. Where was she? She thought to herself in a panic. Suddenly her breathing grew rapid and she struggled to calm herself. Slowly she stared the car and drove forward, to find the nearest gas station.
She pulled up at the Seven eleven, pulling her wallet out of her purse and casually getting out of her car. A couple of truckers whistled wolfishly at her.
"Excuse me." She asked the cashier in a hallow, subtle voice, barely audible.
"Yes Honey?" the middle aged woman responded, stroking Jordan on the arm in a mother bear type way.
"Where am I?" Jordan asked in the same hushed tone.
"Honey your in Wiltshire Massachusetts about eighty miles outside of Boston... Sweetheart are you okay? Do you need a doctor or anything?" the woman's concern touched Jordan, but she was too confused to know what was going on really. She shook her head no.
"I am a doctor." After a moment of silence Jordan whispered "Can I have a pack of Marlboro lights please." Paying for the cigarettes she thanked the woman and sat down in her car. Pulling down the visor, she looked at herself. She was deathly pale, her eyes had dark, begrudging circles underneath them. She was wearing a white baggy sweatshirt and jeans, her hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail. She looked like death itself. Noticing a payphone she climbed out of her car and stumbled over to it. Slowly slipping a couple of quarters into the slot dialed a familiar number.
"This is Nigel." A familiar voice said, she breathed out in relief; she was yearning for something familiar.
"Nigel." She whispered her voice cracking.
"Jordan!" he exclaimed "Where are you? Are you okay?" she could feel her hands shaking, it caused the phone to shake violently.
"I'm fine." She mumbled, "I'm in Wiltshire, do you know where that is?" she asked scanning the parking lot.
"Yes Love, do you want me to come get you?" he asked, relief and concern laced his voice.
"Please." Nigel could feel his heart break at the sound of her voice crack; she was on the verve of tears.
"Alright where are you, I'll pick you up, don't move." He stated morosely
"I'm at the seven eleven on Commonwealth and Main." She muttered. He copied it down and promised to be there quick, when something popped into her head, a vision of him, a man, slumped on the floor, of Woody.
"Nigel, is Woody okay." His pause was all she needed to hear. She set the phone down gently on its cradle and slid to the grimy sidewalk. She began to rock back and forth, humming to herself. Closing her eyes, she was so numb she could barely remember what happened, she could only remember his eyes.
How clouded they were.
She hadn't eaten in close to three days, her stomach growled loudly, yet she knew if she ate she would be sick, her tummy was already twisted into knots.
It seemed an eternity before Nigel arrived, and she didn't even see him or Bug. But they were there; Nigel carried her to the car and gently drove away, while Bug drove her car home. She could only stare dazedly out the window.
The next thing she remembered was feeling warmth, like she was being wrapped in blankets. Then Screaming.
All she could think was who was that poor creature who sounds like there skin was being ripped off. Suddenly she was being shaken by Nigel; he began to rock her softly, rubbing circles into her back.
"Shh, its okay, it was only a dream." Those words were the thing that brought her back to reality. She was the one screaming. For the first time she said in a clear voice.
"Nigel What happened to Woody?" he paused but told her.
"Woody killed himself Love, with a prescription sleep aid... Woody's dead." His voice was soothing, but something in her relented.
"He's dead?" she asked in a far off voice.
"You found him."
"I did?" she asked hazily as bits and fragments of her memory came back.
"Yah, love, he left this for you." He handed her an envelope, it was thin and wrinkled, but still his handwriting on the front was as Bold and strong as he was. She passed it threw her hands several times before opening it, they were the words she needed to hear, he knew exactly what to say. Slowly she read them out loud, her voice shuddering
Remember, until we meet again,
Awake with the dawn
Love Forever, Woody
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Three days later they held his funeral, it was simple, not that of an officer that died in the line of duty, there was no grand parade, not hero's goodbye. In the end, only Jordan, Nigel, Garret, Bug, Lily and Devan had showed up, besides Annie Capra and a few other detectives, his brother also came. Each held a red rose as his simple casket was lowered into the rich, cocoa earth. His family had paid for his funeral, but refused to come, they said he had turned his back on his family the day he moved to Boston. So, Jordan guessed, they turned their back on him. Suddenly she looked to the sky, the grey clouds parted and she saw the dusky sky. She closed her eyes and smiled faintly.
The earth was frozen, the sky painted pastel blue and pink. Snow blanketed the earth. Not a bird chirped, everything seemed quiet and peaceful. The cemetery seemed to go on forever. Jordan always wondered what kept Woody coming back, what kept him with her. She guessed it lived and died with him. The frosty wind blew up, reminding her of there last night together; he said he'd see her again. That he'd see her later. She'd be waiting for later for the rest of her life. He let go of life before his time, but his legacy would remain ageless.
The granite headstone was polished and lacquered; it looked immortal from the elements. As each one of them dropped a handful of dirt into the large hole in which they laid his tired body. She kneeled and whispered ever so softly into it. Something Garret and the others would never hear escape from her lips again, "I love you Woody." It had taken her so long to say those words, now they seemed weightless and vacant. She wondered if he could hear her, if he thought about her before his eyes dulled over and he drew in his last breath. She would probably always blame herself for his death, even if she had known it wasn't. She felt a hand on her shoulder.
"Jordan, he was a fine cop... but he was burnt out, there was nothing you could do." Garret consoled. She patted his hand that rested on her shoulder.
"I know." She looked up at the sky, the feeling of hopelessness suddenly changed; there was some air of aspiration in that dusky sky. Life goes on, her chin trembled softly, but she didn't cry, he wouldn't want her to, peace suddenly washed over her. He was right, as he had said once; doing the right thing was as hard as walking across Egypt
"Jordan?" Lily asked as they all stood behind her. "What are you doing?"
"I'm waiting for that still moment." She responded softly, she somehow knew he'd always be there, waiting for her, just beyond that horizon.
Fin
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