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Chapter 9

He heard his scream bounce off the walls and bounce back to him, startling him from his stupor. Confused, feeling the panic growing inside, he started to shout whatever came to mind.

Movement. He felt movement in front of him, but he couldn't see through the haze that covered his eyes. Occasionally, it would snap into focus and then blur again, threatening to send him back to the abyss.

He would not go back.

Fighting with more ferocity, he cried out again, backing away from the movement, this time making the effort to formulate his words into something someone might understand.

"Jack! Sam! Teal'c! Anyone!"

Hearing no reply, Daniel continued to focus on where he was and how to escape. He felt the restraints on his hands, but couldn't seem to detach himself from them. He also felt the insistent clawing at the base of his skull.

I have to get it out, he thought to himself, trying to grasp for his neck, angry that he couldn't reach it.

"Stand down, airmen!"

Hammond's voice. He could hear him, but he couldn't see him. What? Where was he? Had he done something? He hoped he hadn't done something…

Daniel heard increased movement in front of him, along with some shouts and calls he couldn't understand. His mind froze when he saw the shadow of something large moving towards him. Instinctively, he moved back, still struggling with his restraints as he sensed the presence reach out to him.

"DanielJackson! It is I, Teal'c," came the concerned voice.

"Teal'c?" he asked weakly. "I can't see you."

Daniel winced, feeling the buzzing enter his brain. He ground his teeth, struggling against the onslaught of pain at the base of his skull and the noise in his mind. With a quick jerk, he whacked his head against the wall.

"There is no need to harm yourself, DanielJackson." He felt Teal'c's arms slip around his waist and drag him away from the wall. "You are only with friends."

Dazed from the blow, Daniel nodded, feeling his body unwind in Teal'c's grip. Breathing out, he slumped into Teal'c, resting his head on his chest.

"Oh, no you don't," he heard Jack say. Daniel felt a hand shake him. "You're staying with us this time."

"Jack?" Daniel asked, blinking. Part of his vision came into focus, but most of it remained blurry.

"Yeah, it's me. You okay?"

Daniel pushed against the restraints and sighed. "No."

"DanielJackson has stated that he lacks the ability to see," Teal'c announced.

"Put him on the floor, Teal'c."

Daniel felt his body shift, and he moved downward, still pressed against Teal'c. His friend's grip remained firm, but gentle.

"Do you understand what is happening, Daniel?"

Sam's voice.

"Yeah. No. I don't know."

Daniel moaned, knocking his head back as the clawing at his head became increasingly brutal. The more he fought, the worse it became.

"Daniel?" Daniel jerked, hearing two snaps in front of his face. "Stay with us."

"Jack," he said, breathing out. He blinked against, watching as Jack almost came into focus. "I can see you."

"That's great, but you have to stay focused, okay?"

He sighed, closing his eyes, and nodded. Jack shook him again.

"Focused, remember?"

"Right." He started to fumble with the restraints, while he concentrated on fighting the buzzing in his mind. "I think I dropped my glasses," he said.

Jack handed him his glasses and he accepted them gratefully. Daniel closed his eyes.

"Dammit."

Daniel snapped his eyes open, shocked by the slap to his face. He blinked at Jack, who was glaring at him.

"No time for sleep."

Daniel nodded, searching the room with his eyes, trying to concentrate through the muddled haze in his head. The clawing intensified and he winced, a flare of pain and panic seizing him.

He suddenly remembered.

"Get it out!" he shouted, struggling against Teal'c. "Get it out! Now! Get it out!"

"Daniel, we've called the Tok'ra," Sam told him. "As soon as they get here, they'll be able to remove it from you."

"I can't wait that long," Daniel uttered, nearly breathless. He brought his pleading eyes to Jack. "Just take it out. Shoot me. Do something."

"Just hang on a little longer, Daniel," Jack told him, the lines in his face deep with worry. "That's an order."

"Jack, I can't wait. Get him out."

"You're not thinking rationally," Sam insisted. "You have to keep fighting."

Squeezing his eyes shut, Daniel resisted the numbness he felt, and denied the pull back to that other place. When he felt Jack's hand on his shoulder, he opened his eyes again.

"I don't even remember! I don't remember."

"What? What don't you remember?" Jack asked, adjusting himself to allow Janet room to move.

"Don't remember it," he muttered, feeling his body go slack.

"Daniel!"

"Jack?"

Daniel forced himself to stay alert, barely feeling Janet's hand as she checked his pulse. She was talking to him, her face full of concern, but Daniel found it increasingly difficult to concentrate. When he found himself drifting again, he pulled on his reserve energy to fight harder. His gaze instead fell to Sam and to the notebook she was holding.

"Is that mine?" he asked her.

She nodded, shooting Jack an uneasy glance.

"You've been talking to it?" Daniel asked, astonished.

"Only so we could get to you," Jack told him.

Daniel blinked. They had been talking to Thoth and he didn't even know it. How did that work? He thought the host could see, hear, and feel whatever the symbiote did.

"Well, wha-what did it say?" Daniel asked curiously.

Sam looked flustered, caught off-guard by his question. "Well, Daniel, he's a little different than—"

"Carter, save it for later," Jack said coolly. He kept his gaze on Daniel. "Whatever the hell you're doing, keep it up. Don't let him win, you got that?"

Daniel nodded, but felt the pressure in his skull increase. The buzzing became insistent. "No time," he whispered.

"No, Daniel!" Jack shouted, shaking him. "Make time! Daniel?"

Daniel could hear him, but he now lacked the strength to respond. Everything was falling away from him, becoming more distant. He wasn't sure how much time he had left.

"Colonel, I need to get him on the gurney," Janet instructed.

Daniel remained silent as he felt Teal'c lift him while Jack grabbed his legs. The two men grunted, quickly side-stepping to the nearby gurney, placing him on top. Daniel felt his head flop while they adjusted his weight and began securing him.

More restraints.

Teal'c had his hand on his shoulder.

More restraints.

Jack was saying something. No, Sam. They both were talking to him, but he couldn't understand. Their mouths seemed to move wordlessly, their faces full of insistence. He wished he could reach out to them, talk to them. He needed something to ground him.

As he struggled to find a new tactic, he realized he was already gone, and had been swept away to a different reality.

"I hope that you are satisfied," Thoth admonished with a snarl, pacing in front of Daniel. "I am no longer able to sustain us both."

Daniel didn't answer. Right now, he couldn't care less about the feelings or thoughts of the Goa'uld that had managed to take over his mind. He knew he had to concentrate on finding a way to defeat him and win back his body.

Which he knew wouldn't be easy. Daniel glanced down at the ropes that bound his hands and feet. It seemed the Goa'uld wasn't going to take any chances.

Though, despite his situation, he couldn't help but wonder what was going on here—wherever here was—while his body interacted with people in the real world. Sha're and Skaara had known what was happening to them when they had been taken. Kendra was aware enough to even influence her symbiote. And most recently, there was Sarah, who had sobbed while she told him the nightmare she had lived while being possessed by Osiris.

So, why was this any different?

Daniel thought back to several years ago, remembering Kalwalsky and his black outs. Thoth couldn't be an immature symbiote. That didn't make sense. But was it possible?

"I know you have many questions, but this is not the time for them," Thoth said, stopping. "If you had just allowed—"

"Allowed? What-what, for you to just take over my mind?" Daniel asked angrily. "I never asked for this. You can't just take people. You can't just take me."

Thoth shrugged. "I can. And I always have."

"Not anymore." Daniel twisted his hands, trying to loosen the rope. "I won't let you."

Thoth sighed, walking towards Daniel. "You make things difficult. If you abide by my counsel, no pain will come to you."

"I don't take well to threats, you know," Daniel muttered, still struggling.

"This is no threat, Daniel. It is to save us both. The more you fight, the less power I have."

Good, Daniel thought. That's exactly what he wanted.

"I don't have a problem with that," Daniel said hotly.

"I do. I have no intention of losing myself and the host."

Host. He was just a host.

"You are not just a host," Thoth stated, coming to sit beside Daniel as he read his thoughts. "You are the strongest I have ever encountered."

"Bit of a problem?" Daniel asked.

"More of a challenge," Thoth said with a grin.

Daniel sighed, staring at his wrists. How was he going to get free?

"I won't be a prisoner in my own mind," Daniel informed him. "I won't let you do this. And I won't let you hurt my friends."

Thoth chuckled, shaking his head. "At times so open. At times so closed."

Daniel really did not have the patience for these games right now. Closing his eyes, he focused harder on fighting against the pressure in his mind, and blocking out the words of his unwanted guest.

"You are stubborn indeed," Thoth said, breaking Daniel's concentration by placing his hand on his shoulder.

Opening his eyes, he glared at Thoth, shrugging him off. Thoth sighed, drawing his hand back, but gazing at Daniel sternly.

"If you would just listen, and trust—"

Daniel raised his eyebrows disbelievingly. Trust? Him? Daniel felt like he was on the verge of insanity, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. Here he was, trapped in what he could only guess was some deluded state of mind, with a symbiote controlling his motions, blocking him from the outside world, and Daniel didn't have a clue how it happened. Effectively a prisoner in his own mind, Daniel wasn't about to trust his oppressor.

"What's happening to me?" Daniel demanded. "What is this place and what's going on in reality?"

"We have very little time for—"

"I don't care." Daniel pursed his lips. "What do you mean you-you can't sustain us both? I have witnessed first hand how symbiotes react with their hosts. This," he motioned with his bound hands to the room, "this is not normal. At least, I don't think it is," he muttered.

"You are correct," Thoth answered, sounding defeated. "My methods are different than others."

"Your methods? Can you elaborate on that a bit?"

Thoth appeared pensive. "We don't have time."

"Why not? Didn't you just say—not too long ago I might add, unless I have lost all concept of time—that the knowledge would take years to process?" Daniel laughed nervously, pointing to the scrolls and then to the tablets that rested on the floor. "So, why the hurry?"

To Daniel's surprise, Thoth actually appeared apprehensive. Scared maybe?

"What's going on?" Daniel demanded again.

"I am weak," Thoth admitted. "I cannot continue to create this reality in your mind and exist in one outside your mind in unison."

Frowning, Daniel allowed himself a moment to absorb the new information. Was that even possible? Thoth was blocking his consciousness? Why couldn't he seem to remember anything?

"All in due time, Daniel."

And why could Thoth seem to read his thoughts, but Daniel couldn't tap into his? Was this what being oppressed by a symbiote was really like? He knew that wasn't right. His experiences told him better.

"So many questions, Daniel," Thoth muttered tiredly, rubbing his forehead. "Please, time is short and I grow more weary."

Jack told him to hang on…

"What's happening in the real world? What's going on with my body?"

"I cannot sustain it as I once did." Thoth placed his hand on Daniel's shoulder. "Time…"

"What happened? How did you enter my body?"

"Daniel…"

"What about SG-11 and SG-17? They were with me on P9R-139. What about Jack, Sam, and Teal'c? Have you hurt them?" he asked menacingly.

"I have hurt no one."

"How did you end up on P9R-139?" Daniel continued, ignoring the new throbbing sensation in his head. "Were you hiding from someone?"

"Daniel…"

Thoth squeezed his shoulder and Daniel gasped, feeling a sudden rush of energy flood his body…or mind. He wasn't entirely sure. Breathing out, Daniel attempted to steady himself and focus, startled as the energy ebbed into a warm, soothing sensation. He started to forget about the pain, the buzzing, and slumped into the wall behind him.

"Stop it," Daniel said, trying to remain strong.

"You do not listen. It is for your own good. For the good of us both."

"No," Daniel muttered defiantly.

Another wave of contentment took hold.

"No," Daniel mumbled, feeling sleepy. He had to keep fighting. He couldn't allow Thoth to keep exercising influence over him.

"You need to relax," Thoth said calmly, rubbing Daniel's arm tenderly, "and to end this battle. You will destroy us both. That is not acceptable."

"What?" Daniel managed to ask. He felt hazy, as if someone had filled the room with a thick fog.

"The blending. We cannot blend unless you let go." Thoth smiled gently at him. "This is what you want, right? For the pain to end?"

An end to the noise in his mind? Some silence and peace? The idea was immediately appealing to Daniel.

"I know you wish this," Thoth said, bringing Daniel closer. "The knowledge, and the wisdom, you shall gain from me over time will be like nothing you have ever experienced. I hold information that people can only dream of," he whispered into Daniel's ear. "All I ask in return is just one simple thing."

"Wha-?" Daniel asked again, feeling his speech slur. The contentment was quickly forming into a desire, a yearning for the information that Thoth had promised. More than just a wish, it morphed into an urgent need, a craving that flooded his senses.

He had always sought truth, wisdom, and knowledge. He had always been driven to discover the secrets behind life and the universe, pondering existence itself.

The Ascended had begun to show him this path. Was this how he was to continue his journey?

Daniel pushed aside the warnings flashing in his mind and leaned into Thoth. He needed this—the power, the knowledge, the way it made him feel. Energetic, full of life. Yes, to feel alive…

Frowning, Daniel caught himself, shaking as the thoughts passed through his mind. Fearful, Daniel gaped at Thoth, feeling his body beginning to tremble.

"See? It may already be too late," Thoth muttered angrily, seizing Daniel. "I cannot shield you any longer!"

Memories of the sarcophagus, Daniel realized, growing pale. He was feeling the need of the sarcophagus. Only, they weren't his memories.

"Daniel, I cannot stress the urgency of this situation."

"You're using me!" Daniel shouted, trying to pull away. "You're using your memories to control me!"

"We swore off the sarcophagus many, many years ago," Thoth said quickly. "I have knowledge that you understand its pull as well."

"I don't want this," Daniel muttered, fighting against Thoth. He couldn't go through that dependency or withdrawal again. He couldn't.

"I would not subject you to the powers of the sarcophagus," Thoth stated sternly.

"All Goa'uld use the sarcophagus." Daniel gritted his teeth, trying to slide his hands out of the bonds. "I won't go through that again."

"I am not Goa'uld," Thoth snapped defensively, causing Daniel to jump. "We swore off use of the sarcophagus. The continued use only brought us unease and lack of clarity. We could no longer learn and study as we once did while using it. It destroys focus."

We? Daniel struggled again.

"If you're not Goa'uld then are you Tok'ra?" Daniel asked, somehow knowing neither was the case.

"No," Thoth answered simply.

"Then what are you?"

"Not now. Your mind is pliable, and I am weak. We must blend."

Blend. Blend. None of this made any sense. Daniel knew that when a symbiote took a host, they began blending immediately. The host was aware of everything that was happening, but was powerless to stop it. Even the long-lived host of Apophis knew the atrocities he had committed under the pervasive control of the Goa'uld.

"We haven't blended? Why?" Daniel asked, trying to buy more time.

The pain was overwhelming.

Thoth mumbled something incoherent, shaking his head angrily. "Questions. Why must you have so many questions?"

That's what you get for choosing me, Daniel wanted to snap, but received the glare before he had even finished his thought.

"You hold so much knowledge, so much for me to learn. New languages for me to study. New cultures. New experiences."

"Then, I'm just one big feast for you."

Thoth bowed his head. "In a sense. But in return, I would show you the Egypt of old. I would allow you to explore what you have only been able to read in your text books."

"I lived on Abydos for a year, which, of course, you already know," Daniel retorted. "I lived it. I don't need it from you."

"I can give you all the knowledge of the Goa'uld language, and that of Egyptian hieroglyphs," Thoth offered. "I created both."

He did? Daniel shook his head, refusing to be bought. "I am fluent in both."

"I can give you knowledge of the Stargate system and how it operates."

"We know how it works," Daniel told him.

"You opened it, I know," Thoth conceded. "As did I."

"You did?" Daniel was starting to get a little nervous.

"I can show you the cultures you have always dreamed of seeing. And I can show you races that you have never encountered."

Now, that was information that piqued Daniel's curiosity. But he wouldn't be swayed.

"I am an explorer. If you just give me all this information without allowing me to find it myself, figure it out for myself, then it's all pointless." He shook his head. "You have nothing that I want."

"And yet, you have everything that I want."

Daniel eyed him curiously, finding concentration increasingly difficult.

"Then, it seems that I am the one who is really in control here," Daniel said with a listless smile.

Thoth did not answer. But Daniel read into the silence, his eyes widening as he realized the consequences of his comment.

Could it be true?

Frowning, Thoth sighed, wringing his hands nervously. "I already have full access to your mind." Thoth's tone surprised Daniel. They were the words of a desperate man. "I know all that you know."

Which made Daniel a liability. A serious liability.

"I have all your memories and feelings within me now."

"You said we hadn't blended," Daniel mentioned pointedly.

"We haven't. But, I am a parasite, as you would call me, and my very nature is to seek out a host for my survival. I have access to my host's memories instantaneously."

"So, then, in essence, you really are a Goa'uld." Daniel narrowed his eyes. "You've taken everything away from me and have come pretending to beg for my help, just to push me further into submission."

"That is not true. My methods are different."

"What are your methods, Thoth? What makes you so different from the Goa'uld?"

Thoth buried his head in his hands, curling his fingers into his dark hair. Surprised, Daniel studied him quietly, wondering what was going on with the man beside him.

Symbiote, he reminded himself. This was all an illusion.

"Would you have preferred me to come to you as a giant talking symbiote head?" Thoth muttered sarcastically.

Daniel blinked, surprised at the sudden outburst. He also hated to admit he was a little unnerved by the fluctuations in the Goa'uld's personality. And where were Kemsa and Sadji?

"So many questions…" Thoth's weary voice trailed off as he shook his head. "I knew you would be a challenge, but I also knew you would be my greatest asset." He lifted his head, his dark eyes sparkling. "We can spend a wonderful life together, Daniel."

Asset? Daniel frowned.

Why did it sound like this Goa'uld was trying to court him?

"Daniel, please, we can be happy together. I can shelter you. Protect you. Allow you to be whatever you want to be." Thoth opened his arms to him. "I will respect you. You would never be alone again. You would never have to feel isolated as long as we're together."

Daniel shivered at Thoth's words, not realizing before how much they shook him at his core. Did he really have these desires? Had he left the Ancients only to come back to a life where he felt out of place?

No, he told himself. Jack, Sam, Teal'c…they cared for him. They had mourned him.

"But do they show it, Daniel? Do you feel loved?"

Daniel squeezed his eyes shut, trying to fight Thoth, push him out of his minds. Empty promises. Falsehoods.

"I am here for you, Daniel. A companion that would never leave you. Always there for you. Always—"

"No," Daniel said firmly.

Thoth groaned.

Was he weakening? Was Daniel winning? Jack told him to hang on, to keep up the fight…Jack cared. They all did. They were fighting for him. Maybe there was a chance he could overcome this.

"Your Jack is an ass," Thoth said bluntly.

"Wha-what?" Daniel stammered, bewildered.

"You heard correctly. I dislike him immensely."

"Maybe because he can see you for who you really are?"

"No, because he can see you for who you really are."

Daniel took a moment to mull over that thought, jerking when he saw Thoth produce a knife.

"Um…"

Thoth cut the rope that bound Daniel's ankles, sheathing the knife quickly as he grabbed Daniel by the neck, pulling him to his feet. Gasping, Daniel squirmed in the tight grip, momentarily seeing spots until Thoth had steadied him.

"We need to blend, now!" Thoth cried urgently.

"No!"

"Don't resist me, Daniel, or you will die."

"I would rather die than to spend my life as a prisoner in my own body," Daniel admitted.

Thoth studied his face, frowning slightly, the confusion wrinkling his brow. He shook it off, holding Daniel more tightly.

"You do not understand," Thoth said levelly. "I teach incrementally, once accepted. To do otherwise would crush your mind. If we do not begin the blending now, I will be unable to hold back any longer. You will be flooded by my years of knowledge and existence." He glared at Daniel with his piercing eyes. "I have no use for you if your mind is destroyed."

"What?" Daniel asked exasperated.

"You have much intelligence, Daniel. I need not explain this to you. Bring down this petty resistance and give in. I have no need of a host who is a slave to me."

Oh God, Daniel thought, feeling the pain flare in his head. Images began to overwhelm him, and he saw faces, people he never meant, but knew somehow.

"You're not even a System Lord," Daniel said, surprised, struggling to talk. "You never had any Jaffa."

"I never had the need. They are mere toys, created by Hathor for her own pleasure." He squeezed harder. "By her, all System Lords came to know the service of the Jaffa."

I know this, Daniel thought, amazed and horrified. I don't want to know this.

"I am weak," Thoth said again, noting the expression on Daniel's face. "I have difficulty sheltering you from my memory."

"I don't want to be you!" Daniel blurted out, his voice hoarse.

"Then allow me to do my work," Thoth stated. "I will start with only information you already know, so as not to go against your will. Be silent and let me begin the blending as to not damage your mind."

I don't want to blend with you, Daniel thought to the symbiote. I want you out of me.

"That is not an option. There is no time."

"Make time," Daniel whispered.

Thoth appeared to be in as much anguish as he was, from what Daniel could discern. Thoth released him, muttering something, before turning to gaze at Daniel forlornly.

"We have only moments before I may not be able to help you," Thoth admitted, unsheathing his knife. "But we both know the art of language and the way of mediation. Perhaps we can come to an agreement."

Negotiate. He wanted to negotiate.

"Quickly," Thoth stated, slicing through the rope that bound Daniel's hands.

Daniel took a moment to stare at his hands, relishing in the freedom, but cringing as the pressure continued to build in his mind.

He glanced up, catching the pleading look in Thoth's eyes.

He had to make a decision about what to do, action or inaction. Force or negotiation.

Swallowing hard, Daniel stepped forward, deciding he needed to choose now.