"Never let me fall"
by; Jessica

Note: I'm looking for a beta-reader for this fanfiction and other NCIS-fanfiction that might be coming. Want to be my beta-reader? Then email me at: jrothenyahoo.se
One day earlier

My heart is beating fast as I walk the path to her door.
The moon takes a walk on the sky above me.
I know that I shouldn't be here.
I should stay as far away as possible from her.
She had a way about her that woke something inside of me that I had thought had died a long time ago.
The need to protect her.
The need to hold her.
And that scared me.
That was the feeling that got me in trouble so many years ago and the kept getting me in trouble long after my first marriage had ended.
We were young then, so I blamed my failure on being to naive.
But I'm older now and wiser.
As I drove over here tonight I blamed my need to see her on a boss needing to see an employer.
But she was more than that.
She was somewhere in between.
I had let her walk the fine line between employer and friend.
I had let them all walk that line for far too long.
And I knew better.
I had lost people in that way.
Many people.
My years on the job and taught me that safest way was to never mix business and pleasure.
To keep them at an arms length and never, ever feel anything.
It kept me on my toes and it kept me alive.
But it also killed my marriages, one by one.
I can blame it on the lack of time spend together, on her weaknesses, on not loving each other.
But I know better.
The blame is mine and mine alone.
Some people are meant to be alone.
And I'm one of those.
But still I'm drawn to her home tonight.
Kate.
I almost lost her today.
We were supposed to bring in a suspect for questioning and we were met with gunfire.
One bullet that graced her temple and left her bleeding in my arms.
Fear took a hold of me.
Everything ended quietly and with her smiling up at me telling me that she was all right. But I saw something in her eyes, behind that wall she carried around, that told me that she was scared.
Of course she was.
Any normal person would be scared in that moment.
A little closer and everything would have come to an end.

I had come close to losing her before.
But never this close.
As I climbed the stairs to her apartment I told myself that I had a right to be here.
I was only checking up on her.
Nothing else.
My hands trembled a little as I knocked on her door.
She opened a second later.
Her hair was wet after a shower and she was dressed in jeans and a dark shirt.
"Gibbs."
"Hey."
"What are doing here?"
"Nice to see you too."
"I was just.."
"Won't you invite me in? Or shall we stand here until your neighbors starts to wonder?"
"Oh, sorry."
I walked past her and in to the warmth of her apartment.
Her living room was big and bright.
Two large bookcases occupied one wall and on the other a nice piano stood proud and strong.
"Can I get you something? If I knew you'd come I..."
"I just wanted to see how you were."
My voice shook a little as I spoke.
I felt out of place in the warmth of her living room.
"How I am?"
"Yes."
"I'm fine. Of course..."
"Okay."
I felt stupid standing there, staring at her.
"Is everything okay, Gibbs? Is not like you to come over like this?"
"You want me to leave?"
"No, of course not. It's just..."
"I wanted to say....sorry."
"Sorry?"
"Yeah."
"For today."
"What do you mean?"
"I shouldn't have put you in that situation."
"What situation? You mean getting shot?"
She smiled.
That smile that had the power to knock me off feet.
And I almost stumbled.
"I shouldn't have let you go into that situation without back-up."
"You would."
"Yes, but..."
"What? Because I'm a woman then you think I can't handle it."
"Of course not."
"Then, what?"
"It's..."
"What? You regret taking me. You should have had Tony with you. Is that it?"
Her eyes flashed with anger as our eyes met.
"No. I'm only saying that I should have been the one to go first.. I should have.."
"What? You should have what? Taken the bullet?"
"I have never let anyone get hurt...And I.."
"I'm fine. I said I was fine. It's just a small scar. Look."
She brushed back her hair and showed me a tiny scar above her right eyebrow. My hand trembled a little as I ran my tumb over it.
She shivered a little under my touch.
"I'm sorry that you got hurt."
My voice was barely a whisper.
She was close now, so close that I could pick up the smallest whiff of her shampoo.
I let go of her.
My hand was already missing her.
I felt so powerless as she turned her face towards me.
Her eyes were dark as they met mine.
"Why did you really come here?" I felt weak now.
Ready to fall.
All I had to do was to take one step back and break the bound between us.
I had a choice to not take that leap.
But I was weak.
As I've always have been.
All I wanted was to take one taste of her and then I would settle for that.
She didn't move away.
Didn't object.
All sanity went out the window as our lips met.
A voice was screaming in my head that I was making a mistake.
But I was too far in now to go back.
She surrendered with a sigh as I ran my tongue over her lips, whispering to her to invite me in.
A fire was born inside of me as our tongues met in a dance.
Her hand that rested on my chest found its way in to the soft hair in the back of my neck and she pulled me closer to her.
I let my hands drown in a soft sea of her hair as I let myself explore her mouth.
She tasted like coffee, like heaven and hell all wrapped up in one.
We moved slowly towards her bedroom, stealing kisses as we walked.
I couldn't take my eyes of her.
I felt weak and strong all at once.
We stopped in front of her bedroom window.
The moon found its way through the window and painted her body in silver as I pealed of her clothes slowly.
She shivered a little as I touched the sensitive skin at her back and pulled her closer to me.
I laid her down on the bed.
Moving slowly.
I removed the last pieces of clothes that separated our skins.
She reached for me without question and I went to her.
Lips meeting.
Bodies melted together.
Moving together in a harmony.
As I entered her that night I knew that I was lost.
.
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