A/N: More hallucinating for Isabela, he just wouldn't be Duke without them. There's gonna be six chapters to this story, I've decided (I've also finished writing them.) Enjoy. . .
Chapter Four
I couldn't leave Ema in the hotel. It just wasn't ethically right, man. So we both took a little trip to see the President give his little speech so we could all go home.
That would have been nice. But this speech bored the shit outta me! I was taking acid nearly as soon as I sat down, and Ema wasn't too far behind me. Weapons of mass distraction this, weapons of mass distraction that, weapons of mass distraction my ass. Fuck! Slightly high, I turned to my left (Ema was sitting on my right.)
"You haven't got a camel, have you Ema?" I ask. The woman temporarily inhibiting Ema's body looks to me, leans forward right to my face, and slurs,
"No." That's not Ema's voice! I turn to my right, there she is! To my left, there's two! Twooooo. God, what's happening to me? Back to my left.
"Well if there's no camels how are we to get about in this desert terrain?" I ask, a little loudly, as the Ema sitting directly in front of me turns round and shhh's me. I look back to Left Ema, she's putting acid in her mouth. I turn to Right Ema, who I think is the original one, but I can't be sure. She's looking, bored, at the President's face on the screen. I look up, Ema's delivering the President's speech, now why the fuck is that? God, what's wrong with the world??? One Ema I can just about cope with, the drug taking, the Dream, the bottom half of the bed. Left Ema, Right Ema, Front Ema and President Ema? How the world wasn't ridden with shark-infested camels I didn't know. As I look back to Ema, the original one, or so I believe, her nose walks amiably across her face. Sure, I can't see the nose's legs, but how else would it move, to her ear, to her forehead?
There's gotta be something wrong.
And what's President Ema saying? I have a vague feeling I should be listening to her, but right now I just want to stand up on my chair, beat my chest like a gorilla, and crow like a cockerel. I begin to get up to do this dreadful deed, when Right Ema pulls me down. As I lay on the floor, I look up to Left Ema, who's growing brown hair and a moustache. Right Ema, blonde, pretty, the Ema I've always known. Left Ema, brunette, facial hair, I make a tiny squeak. The man sitting behind where I should be sitting leans over the chair I should be sitting in and asks me to be quiet, his features are quite Ema-like. I kneel on the chair, holding the back with both my hands looking directly at him.
"Flob."
Right Ema pulls me round the right way and holds my wrist.
"Rape!" I feebly whisper. "Rape!" Left Ema pokes my back and I turn to her. Wow, now I know why women shave their facial hair. She offers me a tiny sheet of paper, about the size of a stamp with a crude drawing on of a lady and a man, well. . .
Paper? Why the fuck would I want paper? I flick it out of her hand, she bends down to get it and a repeatedly stamp my foot. Right Ema takes the stamp from Left Ema.
"Duke? Duuuke?" she asks me, I look straight at her, my head swimming a bit, and obediently open my mouth. Right Ema feeds me the paper. Tastes of limes. Limes? We didn't have any limes! As I look, Left Ema's moustache slowly disappears and she turns into a completely different person. A rather ugly person. Fuck, man! Had I been talking to her? I saw her take a tab of acid. She's just like me. I poke her.
"Duuuuuu," I say.
"Duuuuuuuuuuuuu?" she asks.
"Duuuuuuuuuuuuu," I agree.
"Michelle," she says, very slowly. "Habard Times." Times? Times what? I look to the clock on the wall by President Ema, she was still there. Four fifty. Four fifty?!?! What was I doing here? We needed to be gone! I take Right Ema's hand and Left Ema/Michelle's hand and pull them both from the conference room, leaving President Ema high and dry on her own. We get out to the parking lot, passing several camels and sand dunes on the way, battling against the elements, taking long strides, our heads dipped towards the wind. We get to the car. I start it up, and away we go.
"Excuse me? Excuse me?" Michelle asks, man, she sure hit some ugly branches being dropped by the stork. And how can she take all that acid and not be affected? What kind of word was 'excuse me?'? "I know, this might sound a little improper, but where are we going?"
"Baltimore," I say without a care in the world. "We shouldn't be in there, Ema's gonna ravage the world with weapons of mass distraction, and we need to be gone! If we get to Balllllll," I halt on the syllable. "Timore, we'll be fine." Michelle nods, sits back in the backseat, opens her bag and takes out some more acid. Well, she'll be fine for the trip. I begin to wonder where Baltimore is. This way? This way will have to do. Habard Times? It starts to dawn on me that the Habard Times is a magazine, not unlike mine. Michelle's a reporter! A reporter with a headful of acid, why do I recognize this? I lean to Ema sitting in the passenger seat.
"Co," I say, drawing out the 'o'. "Co." She seems to understand what I'm saying, after all, 'co' is a recognized word in the American dictionary, 'excuse me,' that was a totally different matter.
Driving down the highway I feel like I'm just setting out, me and Ema, she'd offered me a bag of grass for a ride so I thought, 'why the hell shouldn't I' I switch lanes, a little dangerously. I see Michelle laying horizontal on the backseat, passed out. Ema climbs over her, looking in the trunk for some 'co'. I don't slow down, I don't need to. Ema gets back into the passenger seat, taking a tiny bit of cocaine on her finger and putting it under my nose. I sniff. Mmm. Mmmmmmmmm. Again I switch lanes. Baltimore. I see a road sign for Baltimore. Ballllllltimore. We take the Baltimore road.
Suddenly, there comes the long, slow, stumble back to reality, that cocaine hadn't lasted long! I feel a little light-headed, so I pull over onto the side of the highway for a moment. Ema offers to drive for a while, and so I accept. I climb over onto the backseat with Michelle, the unsightly brunette.
I can't be mean to her, it's not her fault she was born to two extremely ugly people and had to inherit some of her jeans. And maybe she could have been uglier. However, at this precise moment, I couldn't care less about her unsightly appearance. I quickly fall asleep almost on top of her, both struggling to share the seat.
We wake up in Baltimore. Well, it has to be Baltimore. Ema's parked the car in a parking lot. And Baltimore doesn't look too bad. But we can't all sleep in the car for the night. Why are we here? Oh well, questions will have to wait til we're all in a stable state of mind, which is not now. Lets find a hotel.
Eventually we find a hotel, it's a little run down inside but it's got beds and bathrooms so its alright. Me and Ema share one bed, I take the top half, naturally. Michelle takes the other bed, neither of us wanted to share with her. More aware of the world than I was in DC, but not totally, I fall asleep.