Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one that you recognize. The others are from my own imagination so they're mine and I own them! And there is nothing you can do about it! Hah!!!
A/N: Note – James and Sirius are both ... well, pricks, at least at the beginning. You know how seventeen-year-old boys are. And you know that James and Sirius were sort of pricks in fifth year too, if you've read OotP. They have to get worse before they get better. Don't worry. They do get better.
Summary: James Potter and his best friends Sirius Black and Remus Lupin (plus tagalong Peter Pettigrew) are the top troublemakers at Hogwarts. When his friends decide to try and hook James up with Prefect Lily Evans, whom James has been after for years, what havoc will ensue? Suddenly it's one disaster after another in a fast-paced series of hilarious pranks, mix-ups and casualties, with James smack dab in the middle and unable to do a single thing about it.
Title: Out With A Bang---------------------------------------
"Sirius!"
"James!"
Both seventeen-year-olds waved as they spotted each other on the platform. It was nearly eleven o' clock; The Hogwarts Express was steaming up and getting ready to leave. James Potter kissed his mother goodbye and winked at her as he started to walk away.
"'Bye, mum!"
"Have a safe year, James!" his mother called. "Please try not to get into too much trouble!"
James rolled his eyes and hopped onto the train. His best friend, Sirius Black, boarded right behind him.
"Long time no see," James remarked casually as he put his trunks away. Sirius nodded, saying,
"It's been a looooooong while, James, mate."
They hadn't seen each other since the day before.
"James! Sirius!" cried a tinny voice from down the corridor. A small, watery-eyed boy was hurrying toward the two friends. His thin, mousy-brown hair seemed plastered down to his head and his nose quivered just a bit when he spoke.
James and Sirius glanced at each other. "Hey, Peter," James said resignedly.
The small boy, Peter Pettigrew, had taken to following James, Sirius and their friend Remus Lupin, around since their second year. The three had gotten used to his presence after a while.
James, Sirius and Remus had been troublemakers from the very start. Always pulling amusing pranks on the Slytherins, teachers, the caretaker, and anyone else who got in the way. They did things like spelling the floor in the entrance hall to be extremely slippery, so that everyone who set foot on it would fall over. They would cause all the toilets on the fourth and fifth floors to regurgitate their contents at midnight on St. Patrick's Day every year. It was also a well-known rumour that those three were responsible for a certain Slytherin's loss of the ability to speak for an entire week and a half.
Severus Snape was James' favourite target. The scrawny Slytherin, in all honesty, never really did anything to James in the first place. But some people are born to hate each other, and so it was for these two.
"So, how've you been?" Peter asked, falling into step beside James and Sirius. "Did you have a good summer? Have you seen Remus yet, I wanted to ask him something about the homework McGonagall gave us over the summer. Or I could ask you! You know how the essay was supposed to be about animagi in the seventeenth century? Well I was thinking, did it have to be all in the seventeenth century? Because I found some information from the eighteenth too, and I wrote some about that ..."
James and Sirius glanced at each other again. Peter could babble endlessly for hours if no one shut him up.
"Pete, Pete, Pete ..." Sirius cut the small boy off. "You know, we're still getting over the fact that the holidays are over. It's a hard fact to accept."
"And going over the homework afterwards makes it all the more difficult, you see," continued James.
"And if you're going to start sounding like that priss Evans –"
"Oi, don't call her a priss."
"Well she is. Anyway, if you're going to start sounding like her, why not go talk to her instead of us?" Sirius finished. Peter's face fell.
"Sorry," he mumbled, and was silent.
"'S fine," said the taller boy nonchalantly, and the three of them stepped into an empty car.
James and Sirius lounged back against the seats, taking up as much room as possible. "So, what've you been up to all summer, Peter?" James asked casually, not really interested.
"Well, first I went to London with my parents, and while we were there we ..."
James let the continuing drone of the boy's voice fade to a soft buzz at the back of his mind as he stared out the window at the countryside whizzing by. His thoughts flicked lazily from one subject to another. He had his homework completed. Done on the last day of the holidays, of course. He was sure to get good marks on it, however. He always did.
Lily Evans always got good marks, too. James almost sighed out loud, but caught himself in time. He'd had a crush on her for how long now? Must be almost two years now. Her wavy auburn hair and emerald eyes always captivated him whenever he saw them. Of course, as in all stories, his love was unrequited. Poor Evans hadn't yet realized just how hot and sexy and charming James was. He unconsciously swished his hair out of his face as he thought of her.
"Dreaming of any redheads in particular, Prongsie?" Sirius asked, grinning wickedly as James snapped out of his thoughts.
"Nope. You?"
"Not since Alice Crevas. And that was over two months ago."
"Oh? Given up on her, then? That's a first."
"Nah. I got her into bed just before school let out," Sirius winked. James chuckled and yawned, stretching.
"I think I'll go for a walk, see where Remus has got to."
"He'll be in the Prefects' car."
"So I'll bump into him when he's let out. Either of you comin'?"
"Nah."
"I'll just wait here and talk to Sirius, but thanks for asking!"
James rolled his eyes at Peter, nodded to Sirius, and left the car, sliding the glass doors shut behind him. He sauntered down the hallway, glancing into each compartment he passed by, and alternately grinning and sneering at the people inside. When he reached the front of the train, a door opened right before him and he very nearly knocked over the petite redhead stepping out into the corridor.
"Sorry –" James started, but stopped talking as Lily Evans glared up at him.
"If you look where you're going, you're less likely to bump into things, Potter," she growled, and walked past him, nose in the air. James rolled his eyes and mentally cursed his clumsiness. He poked his head inside the car that she'd come out of and spotted his other best friend, Remus Lupin, sitting and chatting with a Ravenclaw Prefect. Remus glanced up and spotted James standing there, excused himself to the girl, and came over.
"Hullo, Prongs," he said as they clasped arms. "Never thought I'd see you of all people up here with the 'good students'."
"Always exploring new places," James grinned, and they started walking back down the train together. "So, did that git Thatcher get Head Boy?"
"Too right he did. Guess who's Head Girl?" Remus said slyly, nudging his friend in the side. "Your girlfriend, Evans. We all saw that one coming."
"Shut up," James elbowed Remus, who laughed.
"You know, I still think she'd go out with you if you'd just stop bugging her about it."
"I don't bug her about it!"
Remus snorted.
"As soon as she agrees, I'll stop bugging her, then."
"Doesn't work that way, mate. Girls like her are devious. They have to have things their way or the high way."
"Bah. She's too much trouble."
"An unattainable goal."
"Are you challenging me?"
"I'm just saying that you've been after her for how long now, and still she rejects you. Don't you think it's time to maybe change your approach?"
"Speak English."
"Do you want me and Sirius to try and set you up with her?"
"No! I fight my own battles."
"So she's a battle now?"
"Shut up, Moony."
"And a losing battle, at that."
"Ugh."
"Now, let's not be negative. Ugh is a negative word. The school year hasn't even started yet – the train hasn't even arrived yet – but you know, this is our last year here. Kind of scary, huh?"
The two friends contemplated that in thoughtful silence for a minute or two. Then James spoke up. "Well, if we've got to go, then we might as well go out with a bang, no? I say we pull at least three pranks every week, no matter how big or small. Oh, and we'd all best get top marks in all our classes, just to spite the professors. And we sneak out to Hogsmeade once every week. And –"
"As a Prefect, I can't allow you guys to pull pranks, of course."
"What pranks?"
"And I also can't allow you all to sneak off school property at any time but make sure you always bring me back something when you go."
"Righto."