Part 5: A Journey of Separate Hearts – A little Talk
Spoiler: a little bit of "JAG-a-thon"
February 4th 2003, Tuesday
0005 Zulu (19:05 hrs EST)
Still in front of Martha's house
Georgetown, Washington D.C.
Harm and Mac stood still gazing at each other for another few seconds as if they wanted the moment to last endlessly – as if they feared that this special moment would never come back again.
Another "Harm, Sarah…come in, please!" from Martha was necessary to wake them up completely. Mac shook her head lightly as if washing away the dream she had remained in for the last few minutes. She loved the way Harm had looked at her and the smile she had on her face the whole time never left her face, especially when Harm led her by the arm. His face was lighted by a happy smile as well. He hadn't felt so free and relaxed for weeks – even months. Now he had this true and certain feeling that they would work things out – maybe not today, maybe not even tomorrow – but soon, he was absolutely sure, they would start new.
He remembered their conversation at the end of the first JAG-a-thon:
Mac: "So where does that leave us?"
Harm: "I don't know, Mac. At the end, I guess."
Mac: "How 'bout back at the beginning?"
It was then they had declared a new beginning for the first time, but it was never really a new beginning. Too many things – emotions and thoughts – remained non-discussed and well-hidden, deep in each of their hearts. But this time he would do everything. Everything – so they could finally get their friendship back and maybe go even further – even when that meant he had to open his heart and his soul for her.
As sure as Harm was Mac. 'We'll get over this – I know it! We'll find a way! We have to!' promised Mac in silence.
Martha had watched them all the time and she had seen all the unspoken feelings between them. There was no way these two young people didn't belong to each other. And if both would look over their walls of protection they had to admit it to themselves.
'I really think that this dinner will be good for them and can probably start the healing of some deep wounds.'
0100 Zulu (20:00 hrs EST)
Inside Martha's house – living room
Georgetown, Washington D.C.
The evening developed very well. After all three had finally entered Martha's house and living room Mac, Harm and Martha enjoyed their time together. Martha surprised them with an amazing dinner. First they started with fresh vegetable salad and croutons. Afterwards, a creamy mushroom soup and hand baked bread followed. The highlights of the meal were spicy mushroom pancakes filled either with tasty creamy beef mushroom ragout or with a vegetarian mix of vegetables and fruits. All was completed by one of Mac's favorite desserts: Mouse 'o' chocolate with vanilla sauce. Harm and Martha both agreed to drink tonic or bottled water for the meal after Mac had honestly admitted that she was a recovered alcoholic, even though she emphasized there was no need for them to do so. Mac didn't know exactly why she could open herself so easily to Martha, but from somewhere she knew that Martha would respect her past as a part of the person Sarah MacKenzie was with all her good and bad sides. Again Harm was amazed at Mac's bravery. She showed weakness to an almost strange woman even though it was in her past.
Both Harm and Mac enjoyed every little piece – Harm even tried something from Mac's beef ragout.
Martha promised to give Harm the recipe. She was thrilled about the fact that both loved her meal and even more, because they seemed to like the company of the other. There wasn't a hurtful, sarcastic word between them. Mac laughed at Harm's jokes as well as Harm about Mac's. Martha watched them, their friendly teasing, their laughing and the sparkling in both their eyes. Harm and Mac told Martha about their jobs, the JAG-family and even how both had met so long ago.
"In a rose garden?" Martha asked in disbelief.
"Not just any old rose garden – we met in the White House Rose Garden to be precise." Mac answered smiling.
She loved this memory because it was the start of their relation- and partnership. In this garden she had looked into his deep blue eyes for the very first time. She hadn't known then what these eyes would mean to her several years later. These eyes represented her anchor, her rock in a rough sea, her lightning in life. She had seen and saw also today truth, care and even love in them. But she knew for sure that these orbs also hid all the doubts and fears of Harmon Rabb, Jr. She wondered if she would ever get the chance to look behind them – to look fully and deeply into his heart and soul. She vowed in her mind that she would make him open up, but she knew, too, that she had to be careful and not push him. Pushing would force him into running away, she had seen that once on that awful night on a ferry in Sydney harbor. She wouldn't make that mistake twice…
They finished dinner and when Harm and Mac wanted to help Martha clean up the table she told them, "No, you are my guest. So take your drinks and make yourselves comfortable. Maybe you could sit outside and enjoy the night a little bit." she suggested.
0300 Zulu (22:00 hrs EST)
Martha's house – on the terrace
Georgetown, Washington D.C.
As suggested Harm and Mac went outside on the terrace. While Harm took a seat in one of the wickerwork furniture Mac leaned against the terrace fence. Neither of them said anything, both enjoyed the clear fresh night. When Mac started to shiver, Harm took the blanket that laid next to him on the wickerwork couch and stepped behind Mac. He encircled her with the blanket, but never took his arms away instead wrapped her closer to him as Mac's shivers first didn't stop. She took a deep breath, not used to being so close to him, and inhaled his masculine scent. Mac loved his
Eau-de-Cologne, it lulled her into a soft sensitive and relaxed mood. She closed her eyes and leaned into his embrace. It felt so right to be in his arms – to be so close to him.
Harm was happy – he had thought that she would pull away, but she let it happen. As he felt her relaxing against him he tightened his hold on her even more and placed his chin on the top of her head.
"Feel better?" Harm asked softly but suddenly.
"Hmm mmh" was the only response Mac gave him.
He relaxed himself and could smell her fruity shampoo in her hair and the lavender perfume on her skin. He wondered how it would be to taste her skin, her hair, her lips – all of her. This thought caught him and he couldn't stop when he lowered his head placing a soft shy kiss on her neck. This kiss – it was hardly a real kiss it was more a soft brush against her sensitive skin – sent a shiver through her body again and raised the little hairs on the back of her neck.
'Oh this feels so good' both admitted in their minds.
'She tastes as I've expected it. So soft, warm and wonderful!' Harm answered his former question in silence.
'His lips against my skin – oh how wonderful. This feels so amazing, so right!' Mac thought but when he touched her neck again, she was suddenly back to reality and back in a relationship with too many hidden secrets, fears and emotions. 'No wait, he can't do that – we can't do that!! Yet!'
"Wait! Stop, Harm! Please, we can't do this now!"
Harm was stunned. He could feel her relaxing against him and enjoying his touch, so why would she want to stop. This felt so totally right!
But when she turned in his arms to face him, he could see the fear in her eyes. By then he stopped abruptly, because the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt her in any way. He knew he had already done that – in Sydney and on the Admiral's porch at her engagement party; both times because he couldn't let go. And he had sworn to himself, that he would never do it again. That would break his heart in a thousand pieces.
"Why, Sarah?" he had to know, although he probably knew the reason deep inside of him.
The use of her given name touched her deep in her heart. She was willing to explain it to him, because she saw the truth and concern in his eyes.
"Because there is so much unsaid. So many things we need to discuss, so many hidden emotions we shouldn't deny. Harm, we have to talk about everything, about our past, our mistakes, our friendship…about us – and maybe about our future. There are so many things I want to ask you, so many things I need an answer to from you. You have...I have…we have hurt each other so many times because we wasn't really honest with each other, because we've misunderstood each other or never really listened to each other. I know so many things about you – I know so many sides of you. I've been at your side when you were weak and when you were strong. And you know me exactly the way I know you. But there are still too many secrets, too many denied feelings we have to discuss. Until we do this – I mean talk, really talk about everything, about us – I can't go any further."
That all came in a rush, and by the end, he knew she was right. They needed to sit down and talk – finally really talk to each other.
"I know, Mac – we have to and we will do it. But not here." He said and continued, "We are here to enjoy the evening with Martha. But I promise you, we will talk about it – soon."
"How soon exactly?" Mac needed to know it for sure – she couldn't wait longer anymore.
"How does Saturday sound to you? I'll cook dinner and we'll talk. Ok?" Harm suggested.
"Saturday would be perfect!" she replied smiling and was happy about the fact that they finally reached this point.
Martha had witnessed nearly everything from inside the living room and she was relieved that Harm and Mac had finally found a way to build a common base for their future. She was sure that they could finally overcome their differences.
When both came back into the living room, Mac tried to hide a yawn, but wasn't successful. So Martha spoke, "Oh, Sarah, honey. You're tired – I can see it. It would be the best for you to go home. It's already late and this old woman in front of you needs her sleep as well."
Smiling she continued, "Harm, you'd better give Sarah a ride and take her home safely. I don't want her to walk alone to her apartment, even though she's a marine – she's also a woman!"
"You're right, Martha. It's late and we have to go to work tomorrow. So I take this tired jarhead and bring her home – safely, I promise." Harm answered softly.
"Hey, you two, stop talking about me in the third person. I'm still here and I'm able to decide for myself." She declared seriously but then she had to yawn again.
Martha and Harm smiled knowingly. "I know that, Sarah. But it's really late and Harm can take you home in a minute. So do an old lady the favor and go with him, will you?" She looked at Mac with pleading eyes.
Mac had no chance and she knew it. To be honest, she was glad that Harm would drive her home.
"Ok, ok, Martha. I'll do it but only because I don't want you to worry."
"Thank you, Sarah – it was a wonderful evening and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. I'm so happy that you could make it and I'd love to have you over again. So I hope we'll do that again sometime."
"It was a pleasure to be here with you and I'm sure Mac agrees when I say that we'd love to repeat this. Next time I'll cook, ok?" answered Harm honestly.
"Oh jeez, no, Martha, then we'll have to eat Harm's special meatless meatloaf!" Mac teased him.
"Cute, Mac, really cute!" replied Harm sarcastically.
"But Harm and you were right, it was a wonderful evening and we will definitely do it again. Thank you for the amazing dinner. It's a pleasure to know you."
"Oh, Sarah, you are both more than welcome. And it's a pleasure to know you, too. Maybe at least the thief had one good thing going for him – because of him, we've met and I'm thankful for that."
Instead of speaking again Mac gave Martha a huge bear hug as well as did Harm. They said their good-byes and shared a final embrace.
Mac and Harm got into Harm's car and drove away.
Five minutes later
In front of Apartment "The Washington 2812"Georgetown, Washington D.C.
After a few minutes of driving in silence, Harm finally reached Mac's apartment house and parked next to the entrance of the building.
He turned off the engine, looked at Mac for a moment and said, "What an evening – wonderful, but really unexpected. Thank you for that, Mac!"
"Oh I have to thank 'you' or better, Martha, that she invited us. I had a really nice time and I'm looking forward to Saturday, Harm."
"I'll let you know exactly when you should come over to my place on Saturday. I'm looking as forward to it as you are. Good night, Sarah! Sleep tight!" he smiled at her and she got out of his car. Before closing the door, she turned and said, "Good night, Harm and be careful, will you?"
"Always." he grinned at her and drove away when she disappeared into the building.