Fugen: Ohayo! I decided to add a bit more to this fic, as people seemed to like it, and I'm in my 'deep' mood again. Might be a bit short, though, as I'm writing this really late at night. Probably won't be able to put this thing in until tomorrow. Anyway, I'm sorry that I won't be able to individually thank my reviewers. Again, it's really late, I'm really sleepy, and my room is beckoning (because it has my bed and my only YYH poster in there). Oh, and be warned that this chapter has nothing to do with the real plotline of the story, belonging to Yoshihiro Togashi (did I spell that right?). Enjoy!

Chapter 3: Ephemeral Fantasia

I stand here, alone, on the cliff edge, and all is still. Not even the waters below crash against the cliffs as they usually do, probably because there's no wind right now. The skies above are layered with dull gray clouds that block the sunlight, creating a gloomy atmosphere. That is the last thing I need right now, a surrounding that dampens further my mood.

I've been reminiscing lately, a trait that I know is unlike me. Did you know that I consider the day I met you the day my life truly began? Do you know why?

Up to the day I met you, my 'life' was nothing more than a futile existence. What was I fighting to live for? Even then, I knew that my pride, my only shield and weapon then, wasn't worth a thing to live on for. I was in a world, an existence, where no one gave a damn if I was to die, no one would cry for me if I was suffering, no one would worry about me if my location was not known to them, and no one would mourn me where I was gone.

And then I met you. For the first time in my 'life', someone wanted me. Someone actually wanted to talk to me, to see me, to be with me. Someone actually wanted to be, at the very least, my partner in battle, and not because of my power, potential or otherwise. Someone actually wanted me for me.

It is only now that I realize that I was wrong. Someone only seemed to want me. Someone seemed to want to talk to me, to see me, to be with me. Someone seemed to want to be with me for me. The belief that it was all reality was nothing more than a mere fantasy I made up in my head, the happiness I felt then nothing more than a fleeting dream. I had been a naïve, stupid child. I had never really been alive at all.

I realized this when you began drifting away from me. That was when you met Yusuke, Kuwabara, and the others. I began realizing that the only reason you even seemed to want me around was because I was a demon. I could provide for you a link to your past life, your past life as a fox demon thief, your past life as a fox demon thief in the demon world. I could be a link to the time when you were free from all human restraints. But that was all I was to you, other than a useful person to have around in a time of battle. When Yusuke and the others came along, they offered to you more direct links to your past freedom, and a friendship that I thought I had given you. At first I had thought that I had perhaps given you the wrong thing, only to realize that I was just an unexpected but useful pawn. As you say, checkmate.

But, you know, I don't regret anything at all. I don't regret meeting you and having my heart broken only a year or so after. I don't regret having met you and only imagined joy. I don't regret it at all, because although I have never experienced the real thing, I know at least what a false version of it is. I know what it costs, and now certainly what it's worth. It costs everything, and it's worth everything. Wanting oneself to be happy...is that really the most selfish desire of all? I wonder.

I remember your happy face when the Makai Tournament finally ended and you were all free to go back home. I remember you standing in the circle that I stood well outside of, the one including Yusuke and the others. I wonder, did you even notice my absence at all?

One thing is clear. I am no longer needed. I no longer possess any ability to make you happy in this human life of yours. You have better friends, real friends who are not pawns as I am to you. You will one day give your heart to someone that is not me. The person who will become the center of your world will never be me. I will never have such a chance to make you happy for the rest of your life, because I am but a pawn, your pawn, a pawn now thrown away, lying in the shadows, forgotten and alone.

I accept it now. I accept the fact that I was born alone, that I had lived and now live alone, and I shall be alone for the rest of my life. I accept the fact that I was never really alive. I accept the fact that the time in which I thought I was, is actually a dream. A short dream, but the sweetest one I shall ever have.

I lift my eyes to the dull gray sky, and hope to dream again.

Owari

Fugen: Whoa. I never knew I had so much angst in me.

Hiei: (broods)

Kurama: Hiei, you know that's not true! You're not a pawn to me!

Hiei: (broods)

Kurama: Fugen! You better fix this right now!

Fugen: W-What'd I do? I swear I did nothing wrong!

Kurama: You've made Hiei think that I don't love him! It's all your fault!

Fugen: This is FICTION, for Inari's sake! FICTION! As in, NOT real! C'mon, give me a break!