Fugen: Continuing, continuing. Had to change the title, though. I'm getting WAY off title. I'm getting more and more angsty...must be the other fics I'm reading...read this really good one earlier today, but I forgot what it was called...

Chapter 4: Cold

It's been years since we met, years since I first began to change, years since I saw you, met you, fell in love with you. I still love you, you know, but I wonder, do you care about me at all? Even as a friend? I have so many questions, but no answers.

It's raining now, and the heater's on, but I feel so cold. My body shivers without warning, and not with the kind of cold that affects any living human being. There's a void inside me, a void so real that it weighs down my chest and sucks all warmth within me into oblivion. I can even see it in my mind's eye. It's white, ghastly white, the untainted color in which there is nothing. Not even my mother's love could possibly add color to it.

Hiei, I feel so cold...I need you here with me...

And I've been having a disturbing dream lately to add to it all. I'm in the middle of that white void, and everyone is standing in a group, their backs facing me. You're standing apart from them, just as I am, but...you're not with me either.

At one point in the dream, I start walking toward the others, but the closer I get, the further away they get from me, sliding into and shrinking in the distance. Then, feeling panicked, I start running toward you, but the same thing happens. I reach out toward you, but you just glance at me as if I'm nothing, then start walking away, without a second look back.

That's when I wake up. That's when I start crying.

You haven't visited me for so long. I've heard that you're growing stronger, that you're still Mukuro's heir, but that is all. You never contact anyone, myself included, much less visit. How I wish you would. Every sound I hear becomes a tap on my window or a deep 'hn', and silence automatically becomes a silent smirk or scowl. Fireworks no longer please me because they remind me of you, thus creating the pangs in my chest grow worse. I miss you, Hiei, don't you know that? Can't you see how much I want to at least hear from you, or confirm that you're absolutely happy with or without me? Aren't I still at least a friend? A teammate with whom it is easier to talk than with any other?

I'm so cold...so cold...

Owari

Fugen: Short, I know, but it looked longer when I typed it. Anyway, I'm gonna be deleting my fic 'Still Here With You', which I'm near mortified at creating. If you protest against it, please say so when you review. If enough people protest, I'll leave it on, and maybe even redo it to make it better.