TAKING OVER ME
DISCLAIMER: Hogwarts and inhabitants are created by J.K. Rowling, not by me. They are hers, not mine. The lyrics in this story are from the song 'taking over me' by Evanescence. Buy their album. It's great.
WARNING: Dark story. Rated R for EXTREME VIOLENCE. So if you don't want Remus to get hurt, I suggest you turn back while you still can. This also contains a little SLASH. (SB/RL) Be warned.
A/N: My evil alter ego wrote this. It happened without my knowledge. I am completely innocent. Please don't kill me!
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This story is set from Sirius' point of view.
You don't remember me
But I remember you
He woke with a start. For a split second he seemed to wander in the darkness, alone and frightened. Then he opened his eyes and the mists before them cleared up to a slight veil of reddish colour. Slowly he got up, his movements uncoordinated like he was drunk. Holding the edge of his bedside table he took a slow step towards the wardrobe. His legs felt numb and he nearly tripped over a pair of dirty socks, lying on an unlikely clean floor. Muttering a curse under his breath he got down on his knees to pick them up. Unwillingly his eyes began to wander to the drawer of his bedside table. Cursing once more, he tried to force them back on the floor. But it was as if something else in his mind took over. He watched himself get up, open the drawer, and grab a piece of parchment.
I lie awake and try so hard
Not to think of you
Sirius winced and tried to avoid the parchment. Seeing it brought back memories he had been trying to forget. He tried that yesterday. Yes, but alcohol and nicotine, normally his closest friends, hadn't worked. Through a terrible headache and the foggy surroundings of his bed, bedside table and beer, he had been able to see that letter clearly before his eyes. And worse that what was written inside of it. No, he didn't want to think about that. Think about something else. Something nice. Butterflies, blossoming trees. The other person in his mind didn't want to think of butterflies. Looking down, he saw himself opening the letter. I seemed to take minutes. And then his eyes went down and he read the letter again, even though he knew it by heart, and could have recited it if he had wanted to.
But who can decide what they dream?
And dream I do...
'Dear Sirius,
Throughout my life, I've been lonely. Being what I am separated me from the other kids, changing me into a quiet, shy boy, with no friends. When I went to Hogwarts I didn't expected it to be otherwise. But then I met you, and James, and Peter, and you changed my life. For the first time I knew what it was to have fun, with your friends. For four years I was happy. Only few people have friends whom they can tell everything, and who will accept them no matter what. I realise I have been really lucky.But, then, you know what happened then, so why point it out? You know everything about it, why I fell in love with you, how insecure and desperate I felt, how you loved me back. I will never forget, but you must realise this is past. We both changed, now we must move on.You know my heart now belongs to someone else. Denying that would be fooling yourself. Please, Sirius, do this for me: forget us, and what we once had. It is over. Remus.'
I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
How could he say that? How could he just say: it's over, and then expecting Sirius to be content with those three little words and just leave him alone? But what if it is not over for me yet, what if my world still moves with your smile, what if I don't want to move on? What then? How could Remus, his Remus, say he loved someone else, when they had been so happy together? Had it meant nothing to him then? Yes, that would be it; he had just played with him, with his feelings, with the things closest to him. Everytime he had smiled that beautiful smile, his eyes suddenly lightning up, sparkling with intense colour; he had not felt, like Sirius had, an intense devouring heat, but a little sting perhaps, or even less. All that time he had acted, acted when they talked, smiled, joked, kissed and made love. Everything had meant nothing to him, he had just said it. Sure, he had wrapped the words in a sweet cocoon of flattery and love, but the message was the same. The same message in the letter, in the looks he gave Sirius, in the times they had talked about this. Then he had been able to control his emotions, but now, when he saw it written, ink on parchment, the carefully built up shield broke.
I have to be with you to live to breath
You're taking over me
He staggered when the other person in his mind jumped up. The veil before his eyes thickened, but he could still see the words of the letter hover before his eyes. ...this is past....fooling yourself... He still held the parchment in his hands, and when he looked down he saw he had crumpled it up, it was now no more than some goat's skin, clammy with his sweat. When he walked a few steps, he noticed his legs worked again and his head was clear. The knot in his stomach had been replaced by a burning rage, burning in his skin. He no longer felt despair and all-devouring sadness, nothing but this fierce anger. With two strides he reached the mirror. Looking in it, the rational part of him startled. His expression was bitter, his eyes red and bloodshot, and if you looked deep enough you could discover a growing glimpse of madness. Abandoning his reflection, he turned to go downstairs. Looking for Remus.
Have you forgotten all I know
And all we had?
Looking for Remus proved to be unnecessary; Sirius nearly bumped into him. 'Remus' he hissed, and the slightly smaller boy looked up at him, frightened. Well, thought Sirius, he could have expected this, right? I mean, he wrote that letter, he will have to take the consequences.'I want to talk to you.' It seemed to take an hour before Remus nodded. They went back to their dormitory, and sat on Sirius' bed. To his annoyance Sirius noticed Remus didn't want to sit next to him; everytime he moved closer to him, Remus shove aside. He had planned to say something clever, something to win Remus back. But as soon as he had blurted out his monologue, he knew he had only made it worse. 'Remus, listen, you can't do this. I mean, you can't just say: forget it. That's not how it works. That's not how I want it to work. I want you to be mine again. Like it was. It should be that way. Moony, please. You can't leave me like this! Do you hear me, you can't do that!'
You saw me mourning my love for you
And touched my hand
I knew you loved me then
He could almost hear Remus sigh, the exasperated sigh of someone whose plan had been to spend no more than 15 minutes on 'dumping boyfriend' and now found his schedule ruined. When Remus started to speak his words didn't have the usual calming effect on him. With every line, every apology, reason, sweet word, he only heard contempt and irritation. And the other person in his mind – since when had he been there? – drummed on the inside of his head rhythmically and in his head the drumming formed into an endless chanting: kill, kill, kill. He tried to ignore it and listen to Remus, but it was no use. Now the veil was bright red, red like blood. As he jumped up from the bed and roared in agony, he and the mysterious other person became one. He didn't notice Remus was eyeing him anxiously.
I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live to breath
You're taking over me
He turned and pulled Remus in a brusque kiss. Remus gasped in surprise. He clearly hadn't expected this. With Remus close to him, his lips on his, his hand in Remus' hair he felt better than he had done since he had found the letter. And it didn't matter that Remus struggled to escape his grip, tried to bite his lips; it only awoke the fury in him. He grabbed the other boy's jaw, forcing his mouth open. Somehow he liked to see Remus squirm in pain –and, who knows, pleasure? - beneath him. It felt like finally getting something rightfully yours that was long kept away from you. It felt like –well, not like heaven- but like hell, like the deep ovens of the place of the doomed. It felt absolutely great.
I look in the mirror and see your face
If I look deep enough
Under him, Remus tried to scream and struggled harder than ever. Finally he managed to free one foot and kicked Sirius. At the sharp pain the last rational thought left him. Now he was no longer a person, but a great ball of anger. His hands shaking, he grabbed a knife from under his bed. Remus eyes widened when he saw it, and it delighted Sirius to see him so afraid, and to be in complete control. Guided by his rage he brought the knife down and stabbed Remus, again and again. Had he felt kissing was good, this was even better. His knife cut Remus skin open, and made red blood stain his pale skin. To prevent Remus from screaming, he put his hand in the boy's mouth. Remus bit it, and he felt a sharp pain and blood, dripping in Remus' mouth. Again and again he brought down his knife, till the sheets were all covered in blood. Every time he cut the soft skin of Remus' body, some of his anger left him, and in the end he dropped his knife and fell tired out on top of Remus, who was unconscious.
So many things inside that are
Just like you are taking over
When he awoke the veil was gone, and he felt peaceful. He spent some minutes examining Remus fine features, and concluded the blood only made him handsomer. He then snuggled close to him, one arm wrapped around the smaller boy, and lay there, feeling his body getting heavier, till he felt his soul depart from his body and fly away to higher spirits, never to return again.
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