"No, no, no," Remus insists, looking horrified. He backs away from James and Sirius, who are both wearing identical evil expressions.
"But Moony," James asks reasonably, "why ever the hell not?"
Remus backs further away, knocking over the books he had placed meticulously on his bedside table earlier. He bends down to pick them up, his hazel eyes watching James mistrustfully, because he's not entirely sure that James won't leap on him at any moment. Sirius fiddles with his cuffs, apparently not paying attention.
"Because," Remus mutters, "I'll look like a fool. I'm telling you, earrings won't suit me. I'll look like an arse. And they're..." Remus searches desperately for a plausible excuse. "They're feminine."
Sirius lets out a sharp cry. James's eyes widen so much that they quite literally pop out of his head. They both stare at Remus in amazement for a few seconds. James opens his mouth to speak, and then closes it again, looking very much like a bewildered goldfish. Sirius sighs heavily and begins to examine his fingernails.
"Moony, my earring is not feminine."
Remus knows this is true. Sirius's earring depicts a grinning skull, wrought entirely out of gold and silver, and it is huge. Sirius had fallen in love with it instantly one night when they were wreaking havoc in the Muggle part of London. He'd found it on a park bench.
Sirius had insisted on getting his ear pierced there and then, on the cold, damp bench, just so that he could put it on immediately. Since James and Peter were far too drunk to be trusted with anything sharp, Remus had been persuaded to pierce Sirius's ear with a needle that James inexplicably had in one of his bottomless pockets.
No-one had bothered to listen to Remus's naggings about infections and diseases and blood loss and sterilising, so he'd given up and agreed to perform the piercing. Though the blood spilt on the collar of Sirius's shirt had never really washed out, and although Peter still occasionally had nightmares about the inhuman bellow Sirius had given once Remus inserted the needle, the skull was still one of Sirius's favourite possessions. He had been banned (several times) from wearing it in class, but on their frequent trips to Hogsmeade he paraded it around proudly, finding numerous ways to make sure everyone had greater visibility of his left ear.
Sirius's earring is a symbol of masculinity, a sign that he is indeed all man. Remus, who promptly threw up when he saw the blood gushing from Sirius's earlobe, knows he is very definitely not all man. The others blamed the vomiting on the excessive consumption of alcohol, but Remus knows the truth. Sirius is the kind of boy who can pull off an ugly, gothic earring and isn't scared of having his inebriated best friend prod at him with something sharp. Remus hates the sight of blood, especially his own, and he knows that if he ever put on an earring like Sirius's, he would have an instantaneous heart attack upon seeing his reflection. Remus looks directly at Sirius and shakes his head.
"I am not doing it."
"It's not as if we're going to make you wear a socking great skull or anything," James reassures him. He glances at Sirius and makes a face. "Padfoot and I wouldn't do that to you."
"No, we wouldn't," Sirius reaches out and rumples Remus's hair fondly. "We've got you the most darling heart-shaped diamond stud." James takes Remus's left arm, and Sirius takes his right. Together, they force him down onto the bed. Remus struggles to get free, realising too late what they're intending to do. It's no use. Sirius soon overpowers Remus and straddles him, sitting on his stomach. James rolls sideways off the bed, laughing hysterically.
"Don't," Remus begs. "I'll bleed, I hate to bleed, it'll hurt, my ear will get infected and I'll die, and then you'll be sorry, you bastards..." James is standing over the bed, laughing quite openly into his face, and Sirius, who is extremely heavy, is blowing a raspberry.
"Don't worry, Moony," Sirius says, once James starts to hiccup. "We know how much you hate pain, so we found this spell that'll make you completely numb. You won't feel a thing. Well, you might feel something, but-"
Remus is no longer listening. He has seen James drawing his wand, and is now making a tremendous effort to escape. No way in hell is he going to lie there docilely and let Prongs hex him. For the next few seconds there is a silent scuffle, which Sirius wins, due to his strength from the occasional one-on-one wrestling matches with James.
"Ok, children," James barks, after watching the fight with some amusement. "Healer Potter is ready to perform the operation." He lifts his wand, eyeing the two boys on the bed. "Novocana Frio!"
Remus sees a jet of blue light speed towards his face, and screws up his face, waiting for the impact. He doesn't feel anything after a while and opens his eyes. James and Sirius are staring at him in shock.
"Your stupid numbing spell didn't work, and I refuse to have a piercing without anything to dull the pain," Remus informs them. "Let me up, you twats, and close the window, it's freezing."
"Moony?" Sirius leant forwards and peered into Remus's eyes. "Feel ok?"
"I feel fine, apart from the fact that it's bloody cold in here," Remus says irritably. The room suddenly has the icy quality of a January morning at three o' clock. An involuntary shiver runs through Remus's body. His teeth chatter noisily.
"The thing is, Moony, your lips have turned blue," James tells Remus matter-of-factly. Remus can see him holding a needle. It looks clean enough. Remus tries to tell James to wipe it so that he won't contract an incurable virus, but his lips are shaking too much to talk.
"Not only do you have blue lips, but all the colour has gone from your face, and you look like a corpse," Sirius adds, rubbing the goosepimples on Remus's bare arms vigorously. "I'm assuming that's a side-effect of the numbing. Anyhoo, you'll have to go to the infirmary, but you may as well have your ear pierced first."
James grins at Remus apologetically. Sirius rubs harder at his arms.
"Grit your teeth, mate."
Remus's eyes shoot open. He gasps in surprise. It hurts. A lot. Remus realises that he is digging his fingernails into Sirius's knees. Sirius yelps, and clambers off the bed, looking both affronted and concerned.
"Good boy," James croons. Remus shoots him a death stare. James fumbles in his pocket and comes up with a half-eaten slab of Honeydukes chocolate. He breaks off a square and feeds it to Remus, who swallows it grudgingly. Sirius, sitting opposite James, opens his mouth expectantly. James responds by throwing a slightly bigger square of chocolate, which Sirius catches in his mouth.
"You look better for that chocoate, mate," James comments, cramming his mouth full of chocolate. He dabs at Remus's ear with a tissue. "More colour."
"Your lips are still blue, though," Sirius tells him, loyally. "Doesn't matter – you can always wear lipstick." Sirius prods Remus impatiently. "Don't you want to see?"
Remus still feels cold, though the chocolate has warmed him up a little. His left ear is throbbing dully, but he doubts that it will, as he had previously feared, require amputation. It gradually sinks in that he now must have an earring, but as yet he can't feel it. Remus reaches a tentative hand up to feel its shape, and James jabs him with the needle.
"No touching, you prat. You have to see it first." He pulls Remus up into a sitting position whilst Sirius rifles through Peter's drawers, finally finding what he's looking for; a hand mirror. Sirius clambers over to Remus's bed, looking ecstatic. Clamping an alarmingly hot hand over Sirius's eyes, he clears his throat officiously. Obligingly, James gives him a drum roll.
"Dedededededededede..." Sirius does not remove his hand. He simply gives James one of his looks.
"Dedededede?"
"Well, what should it be?"
"Duhduhduhduhduh."
"No, it shouldn't, wanker."
"It should – and it should be done with your hands. Like a drum."
"Then it can't be a duh, it should be a rat."
"A rat?"
"Like a ratatatatatatatat."
"That's knocking, wanker."
"Oh – for God's sake," Remus says impatiently. He removes Sirius's hand and stares into the mirror. For a second he doesn't notice the earring. Oh dear, he muses, my lips are blue. And I think I'm getting a spot.
Then he sees it. He was half expecting a skull-like monstrosity like Sirius's, or an actual heart-shaped diamond stud that had been charmed never to come off. What he actually sees is a single, small gold hoop on his ear, which is slightly pinker than usual.
"Oh," he says in surprise. Feeling that this is not an appropriately emphatic answer, he tries to elaborate.
"I like it," he mumbles. "It's not ostentatious like Sirius's, and it doesn't make me look like a complete poof, and it isn't weird. It's... nice. I – I like it. Thank you."
Sirius wipes away an imaginary tear and clutches James. James pretends to sob into his shoulder.
"We had no idea you would love it this much," Sirius chokes out. James howls mournfully, while Sirius pats his back. "We are touched."
Peter stumbles into the dormitory suddenly, looking harassed. His round face is sweaty, and his cheeks are bright pink. He glares at the boys accusingly.
"I was looking for you!"
"Sorry, mate," James shrugs, unconcerned. "We had to pierce Moony." Peter shoots James a hurt look, then crosses the room to examine Remus's ear.
"That's cool," he admits, sighing. "James, are you getting your ear done?"
"Nah." James shrugs again. "Isobel told me that Evans hates tattoos and piercings and all that stuff. Plus, I don't need an earring to be desirable." Sirius rolls his eyes, but Peter nods enthusiastically.
"Me neither. I don't actually like them all that much."
Sirius and Remus glance at other knowingly. Sirius bares his teeth at Peter in a faintly menacing smile, then rumples his hair in a friendly manner.
"Why exactly don't you like them?" Sirius asks, picking dirt out of his fingernails with the discarded needle. Peter gulps.
"Well," he says pompously, "They're undeniably feminine."