Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Inuyasha series or characters or any other copy written stuff that I may have referred to or used in this story.
From Our Past
Chapter 16 Between Guilt and Forgiveness
It had been five days since Sesshomaru returned to the mansion with Natai still in a coma like state. He had arranged for a medical staff to be there at all times just in case but from what the doctors had said they had little hope that she would wake up any time soon. Sesshomaru spent all his time setting in the room with her. He would do what work he could on a laptop and talk on the cell phone to keep up with the business but for the most part Inuyasha and Miroku handled most of the business deals for him. At this point he was not good company and had little patience for pompous business men who insisted on dragging out meetings. So it was best that someone else talked to business contacts.
When Kagome or Sango would go to the room to visit the unconscious woman they often found him holding her hand with his head laid next to hers whispering to her. It broke their hearts to see him like this but when they offered to take over for him he would automatically refuse. He wouldn't give up. There was only a couple of times they were able to talk him into getting some fresh air but he wasn't gone for very long and returned within 10 minutes. During his absence, Kagome would use her miko powers to strengthen Natai as much as she could before he returned. She didn't know how he would react to assistance in such a way and was not willing to take a chance on sending him into a rage.
"I'm worried about Sesshomaru." Kagome confided in her mate one late night after a rough day. She went on to tell him how Sesshomaru had lost patience with the medical staff and sent them rushing out of the room in a panic. She was afraid he was going to turn into his demon form from the amount of rage she could feel from him. She had to use her miko powers to calm his spirit so he could gain control again. Afterwards she made him retire to his room for rest. He passed out from the exhaustion and stress. Inuyasha hugged her closer to his body and sighed.
"I don't know what to do to help him. The pain he is going through is unlike anything I could even imagine. All I know is that if something like this happened to you I would go insane. We should all feel lucky he has been able to hold himself together this long." She snuggled closer into his chest with a sad sigh.
"This whole thing is so terrible. I want to help but don't know what else to do." A tear slipped down the side of her face. He kissed the top of her head as he wiped it away.
"I know how you feel but we have to stay strong for him. He appreciates everything we are doing to support him right now. Just be ready for what ever may happen. I hate to think about it but she may give up and just let herself go. I think she has sunk into such a mental depression that she may not even realize she is free from Naraku. She may not even be there mentally anymore. You would have to of been there that day. She was talking crazy thinking she was in a dream or something. But even in that state she managed to get us out. I was never so scared in all my life as I was then." He hugged her closer to him.
"Me either." She hugged him back secure in the here and now. She didn't want to think about the future or the past. She was content to just have him there safe and sound.
Sesshomaru laid on his side in bed listening to the muffled voices of his brother and his mate. He felt a surge of guilt and regret from the way he had acted earlier that day. The feelings of dispair were close to the surface again but he was not as tired now and was able to squash it back. He rolled over on his back and stared up at the ceiling. It pained his heart to think about Inuyasha's words but unfortunately they could be true. He needed to face that fact that she may be lost to him forever. There was no way of knowing just what kind of mental stress Naraku had subjected her to.
A gentle breeze blew in his window. He breathed deep the fresh air. It reminded him of simpler times when he didn't have to worry about creatures like Naraku. It was those times when he wished he had someone to share his life with but when he finally found her she was snatched away. He was convinced that fate didn't want him to be happy. But why did fate have to punish Natai. She didn't do anything to deserve this. He closed his eyes. It was his fault she was even involved. By caring for her he had doomed her to this. Fate hated him and therefor anything that made him happy in life was doomed to be ruined in some way.
He inhaled deeply again. The scent of a distant rain storm could be detected. The flowers from the garden were strongest of all but he could still smell the saltiness of the ocean that wasn't too far away. There was another faint scent that tickled at his nose that he was having a hard time figuring out. All the others were covering it up but it was familiar enough his mind kept telling him he should know it. It tickled his senses mercilessly. In aggravation he stood and walked over to the balcony and look out. Maybe he could see it then the miserable scent would leave him.
His sharp amber eyes scanned the dark shadowy landscape easily. The dark was never a real problem for his demon eyes. The breeze was nice and refreshing to him. A movement at the back of the gardens caught his attention but he didn't get a very good look at it. For the most part it appeared to be like a shadow most likely from a tree branch or bush dancing from the breeze. He watched the spot intently knowing that most shadows being influenced by the wind would reappear in the same spot. After several minutes of studying the path of the breeze he came to the conclusion the shadow wasn't from the plants in the garden.
'A bit of a hunt might be good.' He thought as he jumped from the balcony to investigate. When he reached the spot where he had seen the shadow he found it was close to one of the back gates. He sniffed the air and found that the scent had indeed been there but was masked by that of a couple of guards. His muscles froze when he detected the slight scent of blood. With a low growl he crept closer to the gates. He found it unlatched clearly meaning that someone had come through it recently. A deep frown crossed his face as he opened the gate farther to peer through. On the other side he found the two guards in a crumpled heap where they had stood on guard. 'Some guards.' He mused to himself but then what could he expect of humans. Once again he inhaled deeply. This time he could clearly detect the scent that had been evading his memory.
When she first awoke she didn't know where she was but then the surroundings slowly started to look familiar. Old carved stone made up the walls, an ancient tapestry depicting a gigantic dog demon above a village that was attempting to fight it off hung elegantly on the wall. She smiled but that smile soon faded. What the hell was she doing here? She scanned the dimly lit room. It was a bedroom, that was for sure, but it contained a lot of medical equipment like you would find in a hospital. There was a large fluffy lounge chair that looked rather comfortable setting next to the bed and a small card table next to it. On the table there were several sheets of paper that had typing on them she didn't care to read at this moment and a closed lap top. There was no doubt about it, she was at Sesshomaru's mansion. A small smile crossed her face but faded quickly as she tried to figure out just how she had gotten there. No this could not be right.
She remembered the dream she had with Kouga, Inuyasha and Miroku where all of them were trying to escape a deadly trap but that was about all her memory of the most recent events that she could decipher. 'It was a dream right?' The question kept spinning round in her mind. She sat there for a moment straining her brain to remember. Exasperated she turned on her side and stared at the wall. 'This could be a trick of Naraku's.' She thought with distaste. It wouldn't be beyond him to try and make her believe this was happening. The only way to tell for sure was to get up and investigate. To find the flaw that would show it was all fake. Slowly she swung her legs off the bed to push herself off. A sharp pain in her hand made her look at it. She saw an IV stuck in her vain. Narrowing her eyes she loosened the tape that held it in place then used a gauze she found on the night stand next to the bed and pressed it down on the opening when she pulled the needle out. She hissed at the pain it caused but felt satisfied when it stopped bleeding.
'That son of a bitch was drugging her. How normal for him. But why? It would have been easier to just kill her but then he did have a flare for his little manipulative games.' She thought coldly as she slipped off the bed to the cold stone floor. Her legs felt weak but she forced them to hold her weight. This could be her only chance to get away. Shakily she stumbled toward the door. Her natural instincts kicked in as she reached for the door knob. Glancing around the room quickly she locked her eyes on the window. A devious grin slid over her pale face as she walked toward it. She checked it carefully for any alarms or traps but found nothing more then an ordinary lock on it. At first this confused her but then she remembered who she was dealing with. 'Of course it would be this simple he had to make this seem real.' With a snort she quickly opened it and climbed out.
To her surprise she was in a very nice garden. The smell of a storm hung in the air giving it a fresh country smell. 'Very realistic.' She thought but slipped through the shadows toward what she thought was the way out. She moved quickly even though her sore muscles protested. The ack in her hand was a bother but she pushed the pain to the back of her mind and focused on the rising wall ahead of her. After several tense minutes she finally found a stone wall in front of her. She carefully considered trying to climb over it but knew with her muscles in the condition they were in that she would only fall and hurt herself farther. 'Like that would matter.' Shaking her head to clear her thoughts she looked up and down the wall for any signs of a gate. To her luck there was one not more then 50 feet from her. Another grin crossed her face as she trotted toward it.
She stopped and leaned her head against it to listen. With a shaky breath she slowly turned the handle and peeked out. A low chuckle could be heard that was joined by a mumbling voice. 'There are at least two.' She thought nervously not knowing if she was up for a fight but if she wanted her freedom then fighting would be the only way. She took a few deep breaths to calm her racing heart and made her mind focus on what she needed to do. A shaky hand or flinching from the pain of stiff muscles would not do at a time like this.
Her nerves calmed enough for her mind to clear making it easier for her to access the situation. Tactfully she carefully opened the gate just enough to be able to see more of the guards. So far only two. A feeling of relief washed over her tired body. Two she could handle. Hopefully there weren't any more along the walls outside. Gritting her teeth to bite back a moan she made her muscles relax so she would be able to use them effectively.
In one swift movement she stepped out of the gate and used the pressure point on the guard to her left to immobilize him. The other guard turned in surprise at his companion's grunt only to have a sharp pain hit him in the chest. He looked at his assailant with wide eyes and mouth gapping like a fish. His mind could not register the ghostly vision of the woman that stood in front of him in a nightgown that flowed around her body in the breeze. Darkness soon eased his mind of all thoughts and relieved his confusion.
Natai smiled with relief that she had been able to surprise them quickly. She rubbed the sore muscles of her arms and shoulders but knew she didn't have time for this. Quickly she glanced up and down the wall to be sure there were no others. 'How foolish of Naraku to leave only two.' She mused to herself as she bolted across the small clearing toward the more wooded area in front of her. Without a second glance back she knew there would be little time. So she ran. Pain serged through her legs and sides causing her to stumble. Her feet were cut and bruised from the rough ground but she wouldn't give up. She couldn't.
It seemed like she had been running forever when she first smelled the saltiness of the ocean air. A few moments later she came out of the forest and could see the clear night sky. The moon was half full with sparkling stars that danced around it happily. She smiled and took a deep breath feeling the cool breeze run through her short hair. A tear escaped her eye, she was so close. Now was not the time to get careless. Her eyes darted back and forth then searched the sky to make sure there was no one there to stop her. Smiling she dashed forward.
The tall grass whipped at her legs as she ran. Once in a while she would trip but managed to keep her feet moving. The thought of being caught when she was this close to freedom was maddening for her. She wanted release so badly. Everything in her life had come to a stop when she saw the look in her mates eyes. That look of unbelievable betrayal. Yes she had betrayed his heart by choosing to go with Naraku willingly. She knew him well enough to know he would have risked that woman's life to keep her alive and she could not live with herself if he did that. The woman deserved a chance where as she didn't deserve anything. Her time was long over due to be ended.
Natai knew this and knew that by leaving in this way it would cause severe damage to Sesshomaru. That is why she had chosen to block out his influence. She refused to let their mating bond flow freely like it had been before all this mess started. If he had not felt her then this never would have happened. She would not have seen him again. She never would have felt what it was like to be in his arms again. Tears filled her eyes at the thought and she stumbled landing hard on her knees. The shock of the impact sent jolts of pain racing up her legs but she forced herself to crawl to her feet and stumble on at a slower pace.
She could see the edge of a cliff and wondered if it was a straight drop or if there was a path that led down to the water. Either way she would reach the sea. Exhaustion was taking its toll on her body. The closer she got the slower she became until she was walking slowly toward the edge. She swallowed sourly when she found no path. Heights had never been one of her favorite things but then it was ironic everything that happened came down to this. Killing had never been on the top of her list of professions but yet she did it time and time again for personal gain.
Shaking her head of those thoughts she turned her tear stained face to the sky once again. Her mind raced for an explanation to her question. 'Why?' That was all she wanted to know. Why had this all happened? Why had she met Sesshomaru only to be denied his love and protection shortly after he took her as his mate? Why had she become the miserable creature that now stood on the edge of the cliff? Why did life hurt so much? Tears flowed down her cheeks like a river from the frustration in her heart. She yearned for one thing and one thing only. Him and she could not have him.
Fate had already decided that she was only allowed a small taste of what life with him could have been like then she became something so revolting that no one would want to be near her. Not even him. She could not deny it even if she wanted to. Naraku kept her alive this long for his own entertainment but she would end that. Even something as loathsome as her deserved better then this torture right? The thought of suicide had never crossed her mind before. If it had then perhaps she could have avoided all the torment she had managed to inflict on those she cared about. Surely he would understand why she had to do this. It wasn't what he would want but this was the only way she could free him from the shame she had caused him.
She folded her hands over her heart and said a small prayer for him. A feeling of euphoria spread through her body as if cleansing her soul. The corners of her lips curled up in a little smile as she envisioned him calling to her. She could feel the warmth of his love in her heart now and she knew it was time. With her eyes still closed she spread her arms wide to welcome death whole heartily and leaned forward.
It all seemed like slow motion. The cool sea air rushing by her caused a shiver to run through her body as she fell. Subconsciously she turned over in her flight and opened her eyes to look at the stars one last time. She marveled at just how beautiful they looked. The sky was so clear you could almost touch them. She giggled at the foolish thought but reached up anyway. It seemed as if they were coming closer. Her body felt as if it was floating upward and she thought her mind had surely snapped. With a shuttering sigh she closed her eyes and waited for the impact that would end her torment. She forced her mind to fill with the nothingness she felt in her heart as the darkness took over.
A sound much like a steady drum beat along with the gentle sway of her body rocking back and forth in time with it was the first thing her mind was able to comprehend. The warmth that surrounded her was even more confusing. Her lungs took in a shuttering breath that was almost painful but that feeling soon left her as the fresh scent of the sea mixed with the rich scent of the forest surrounded her and filled her soul. It was so pleasant she wanted to sink into its depths and hide there forever but the ghosts of her sins were still haunting her. This was all an illusion to break her spirit even more before she was consumed by the fires of hell.
A low rumble vibrated through her senses that sounded much like the thunder that rolled on a turbulent stormy night but strangely felt soothing to her. 'No!' She thought. 'This is only a trick of my mind. I can not succumb to the pleasant feelings.' A tear slipped from the corner of her eye and she thought ironic that it felt so real. The soft touch of it being wiped away was more then her senses could handle. 'This can't be real. Stop it please!' She pleaded with her mind. A whimper escaped her lips. Then soft lips pressed gently to hers in a chastised kiss and she knew she could hear his voice calling her name. Her eyes shot open on their own accord.
Slowly her vision cleared enough for her to make out the dark shadow above her. This sight took her totally off guard. She gazed up at an angel. The moon's glow circled its head in a dazzling halo of light but hid the face in a dark shadow. She smiled shyly and ran a finger through the soft silvery white hair that flowed down from the head. A very masculine chuckle filled the air and she realized her angle was laughing at her. She frowned but couldn't stop running her fingers through the soft tresses that seemed so familiar. Her angel shifted in the light and she could see the face more clearly now. The first thing that caught her eyes was the crescent moon on his forehead. Her eyes grew wide as realization sank in. How dense could she be? Then a thought entered her tired mind. 'This can't be true.' Her hand dropped but was caught before it fell far. A concerned look filtered through his eyes as she stared intently into his.
"This..." she stuttered, "can't be true." A sob slipped past her trembling lips. She wanted to scream bloody murder. Her heart couldn't take any more taunts or games.
"I assure you this is very real." He velvety voice filled her ears. A tear slipped from her eye as she closed them to regain some of her composure. She shook her head to try to clear the jumbled thoughts that crashed down like an avalanche. "Please love, look at me. You have to believe me this is as real as it gets." His voice coaxed her. The pain in her heart yearned to believe but her mind fought to remain closed off. 'This is a trick. Some kind of illusion.' It told her over and over. As if he could read her thoughts, his arms gathered her closer to him. He nuzzled her neck affectionately as the low rumble she had heard before returned. She could feel it move through her body soothing her nerves gently to calm her. 'But even when Naraku was being kind and gentle it never felt like this.' Her heart insisted. Tentatively she put her hand on his chest to make sure she could really feel him.
His tight skin was soft to touch but the firmness of his muscles vibrated gently beneath it. She smiled and opened her eyes to look at him again. With tired muscles she tried to push herself into a setting position so he loosened his grip on her a little and helped her set up more by setting Indian style with her in his lap. She laid her cheek against his bare chest absorbing all the warmth he had to offer. He smiled and kissed the top of her head. "You are real." Her voice was nothing more then a whisper but he heard her.
"I told you so didn't I?" He replied with an amused tone. His finger curled under her chin and raised her head so he could look into her face. She could now see all the love and warmth that danced in his eyes. It felt a little strange to realize that all that emotion was for her. She smiled and placed a hand on his cheek while she gazed at him.
"I thought you were an angel." She said with a snort. His rich laugh filled the air.
"Perhaps a demon in angelic cloth but no angel by far." He mused back. The smile on his face faded and his features took on a more serious expression. "I thought I lost my angel." He frowned a bit as he ran a thumb along her jaw line.
"She must have fallen." Natai responded back. Unshed tears glittered in her eyes but she fought to keep them at bay. "Her wings were clipped." The sad look in his eyes broke her resolve and a single tear managed to slip from the corner of her eye. He leaned forward and licked the tear up the kissed her temple.
"Her wings may have been clipped and fallen but she never lost her beauty in my eyes." He responded with a smile. She could no longer hold back the tears a sob escaped her lips. She gasped to try and regain control but he caught her mouth with his in a soothing kiss. Desperately she clung to him for stability that only he could offer. He kissed her tears away and held her as close as he could with out crushing her. "I love you my angel." He whispered in her ear.
"As I do you my lord." She hugged him as tightly as she could. But still something was plaguing her mind. She couldn't stop thinking about it. She leaned back a moment to look into his face. She frowned and didn't know if she should ask him or not. The subject wasn't pleasant but she just had to know. "What happened to Naraku?" She cringed a bit when he growled.
"Unfortunately he got away." His fangs snarled but then his features soften. "But I did get you back." He smiled at her. Her heart filled with warmth but it didn't answer all her questions.
"Does he know I am alive?" She could see the concern in his face. He seemed to contemplate the answer then sighed.
"I am not sure. He made his get away before you were brought out. So there is a chance he will think you are dead." He ran a finger along her lips. "It doesn't matter now anyway. I have you back and he will have to kill me to get to you." She frowned at him.
"That would not be a problem for him. He would love another chance to kill you and I am afraid he will be even more aggressive then before. Especially now." She frowned even more when he started to laugh.
"Let him come. I will take care of him once and for all." His rich deep laughter filled the air when she scowled at him.
"And what makes you think he won't be able to get to you as easily as last time?" She crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes at him.
"Because he doesn't have you anymore. I do. I am counting on your expertise when it comes to him. You know him better then anyone." His face was filled with amusement when her eyes lit up. She smiled and started to laugh but ended up coughing. He comforted her to calm her down then looked deep into her eyes. "I see you have realized your importance." His face became serious once again. "But I don't want you to take any risks. I will be beside you all the way and we will get our revenge on him for what he has done." He leaned in and kissed her passionately. "First you need to regain your strength then we will consider a move on him, understand?" He said sternly. She just smiled and nodded eagerly. Nothing more needed to be said between them as they sat on the cliff over the ocean holding each other tight.
The End