Title: Straightening
Author: Chris
Rating: G
Summary: Companion piece to Straightened, sequel to The Look, Mac's point of view on the conversation
Spoilers: up to and including Hail and Farewell 2.
Disclaimer: not mine, never were, never will be.
Feedback: appreciated but neither required nor expected.
Mac's POV
I'm knocking on Harm's door and part of me doesn't know why. The part of me that compelled my body to be here tells be that if I don't straighten Harm out now it will be too late. It says that I ran off and got engaged to Mic and Harm's going to do the same thing. My mind has tried to tell my heart that Harm isn't even seeing anyone, at least I don't think he is, but it won't listen. I'm pulled out of my internal debate by Harm answering the door.
"Mac what are you doing here?" he asks me and opens the door to let me in. Too late to back out now, I walk through the door.
"We need to get a few things straight Harm," I say in as serious voice as I can muster. He almost seems to shrink as he takes in my words. A few hours ago this would have confused me but not now. I forge ahead as I lead him to the couch.
"I saw that look you gave me on the beach at Clay's," I say, "I didn't understand it until 20 minutes ago."
"Mac..." He starts to protest, I can see the fear in his eyes.
"Don't," I say gently placing two fingers over his mouth to quiet him, "let me get this out."
He nods. I take a deep breath and continue.
"I talked to Uncle Matt and he made me realize that when I said not yet, you heard not ever." I say, "because of what happened in Sydney when you said not yet. You said not yet and I heard not ever, to the point that within the next few days I was wearing Mic's ring."
He looks like he's going to start protesting again. I give him a pleading look and he backs off.
"When I said not yet, that's exactly what I meant," I continue, "We will talk about Webb and my condition and everything else, I promise, but I need some time to work things out for myself. I need time to wrap my head around things, to figure out what I want and what I feel. I need to do that before I can even try to talk to you about it. Ok? Do you think you can live with that?"
"Ok," He says, "but I need just a little more. Give me a time frame,"
A time frame? He wants me to tell be when I'll be ready to talk. I don't know the answer to that question, I'm about to tell him that when he places him fingers to my lips, I remain silent.
"I'm no asked for an exact date. Just something. With a year, two years, something to hold onto."
Now I understand, he just needs something to look towards, a goal, a someday. I think about how long it might take me to come to terms with what has happened. Certainly not a year, not even 6 month.
"I don't think it will take that long," I say with a small smile, "I promise we'll have that talk by Christmas. And if we don't you can come and bang my door down on Christmas morning."
It's not like that wouldn't be a great Christmas present, to share my feelings with the man I love.
"Don't make a promise you can't keep," He says, echoing my words from years ago.
"I haven't yet," I reply in kind, "Are we ok?"
I couldn't stand it if we weren't ok. We've come so far in the past few months, the past years, I don't want to lose that. One thing that scares me more than anything is the thought of losing this man.
"Of course we're ok," He says and then offers me a hug. I wrap my arms around him and lean my head against his shoulder.
"I can really bang your door down on Christmas day?" He jokes.
"As long as it's not too early," I tell him, "we wouldn't want the neighbors to call the cops."
"I can live with that," he says and I feel him gently kiss my forehead. I know he's not trying to push me, he's just letting me know he cares and that he's ok with what I said.
"Mac?" he asks.
"Yeah," I answer pulling out of the hug slightly so I can look his in the eyes.
"Why did you come over tonight?" he asks, "I mean this could have waiting until tomorrow I'm not going anywhere."
Oh God, I'm actually going to have to admit what I was thinking. I briefly consider lying but a push the idea aside. If we're going to make things work we have to be honest with each other.
"When you said not yet I turned to Brumby," I tell him, "I took his ring only days after that conversation on the ferry. I didn't want you running off and proposing to the first woman who showed any interest."
"Mac you know there's no one in my life right now," he says, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear, "besides if I even went on a date with another woman Mattie and Jen would kill me."
Mattie and Jen would kill him? Do they know something I don't?
"And why would they do that?" I asks playfully but I really need to know the answer.
"If you recall Jen works with us and has daily exposure to one Harriet Sims." He replies,
I can't argue with that, if one person wants to believe Harm and I have a chance it's Harriet. She's not shy about sharing that fact either.
"And as for Mattie, she managed to get a confession out of me a few months ago."
A confession? Perhaps the same confession that I gave to Sturgis a few years ago. There's only one way to find out.
"What kind of confession?" I ask. I try to sound innocent, but he knows me to well.
"She asked me if I love you," he says.
Wow a straight answer from Harmon Rabb. I notice he didn't tell me his answer though. I guess I'll have to give him a little push.
"And?" I ask.
"And I told her the truth," He says, "I said yes."
I'm in shock, he actually came out and said it. No dancing or beating around the bush, just a flat out confession. Now the question is why he hasn't said before now. Maybe he's not in love with me.
"So how come you can say it to her and not me?" I ask, once again. I hate it but I can hear the vulnerability in my voice.
"I don't know," he says, "but it feels good to finally say it. I love you Mac. You don't have to say anything, this one's on me."
More honesty, I think I like this new Harm. I'm not about to let him be the only one to say it though.
"I'm still not ready to have that talk but for the record I love you too." I tell him before placing a gentle kiss on him cheek. "I should go, I have court in the morning."
It's true I do have court but mostly I just need to get out of there before the tension becomes to much.
He walks me to the door, "good night Sarah," he says in that soft velvety voice.
"Night Harm,' I reply. I contemplate another kiss but decide against it. I simply step out the door.
He closes the door behind me. As soon as he does I let myself fall back against the wall beside his door. I can't believe I actually had that conversation. Harmon Rabb Jr. actually admitted that he loves me. It almost makes me forget everything that's gone on these past few months.
I realize he'll be watching for me to walk to my car. He always does. I push myself off the wall and make my way to the stairs then out to my car. I glance up at Harm window and see him watching. I get in my car and drive home. I have no doubt that tonight my dreams will be of a certain pilot turned lawyer that I happen to know and love.
End