Three weeks later, Voldemort had not yet recovered from the seminary experience.  He couldn't even handle teenagers.  No wonder he had been so unable to deal with Harry Potter!  That is, if he were still a dark and vicious wizard.

Despondency did not take long to set in.  Even though the whole evil malicious dictator part of life was in the past, the sudden and harsh realization of why he had failed hurt. It hurt more than anything he had ever before experienced.  Including the time when he had to break up with his super model girlfriend Michelle.  (Author's Note:  See "The Conspiracy of Voldemort".)

And so his life flipped in on itself.  He lay around his apartment watching MTV and "The Newsies" (uncut!).  He began to fail his classes.  He couldn't even participate in church basketball. 

One morning, as Voldie lay in bed, rethinking his many failures, the phone rang.  With a sigh, he put the phone on speaker.

"Hi Voldemort!" said a disgustingly-cheerful voice. "This is Mary Sue Giles!  I'm the new ward activities director."

As if he cared.  Voldemort gave an unintelligible grunt of a reply. 

Mary Sue seemed slightly disappointed, but continued on with her message.  ". . . anyway, I'm in the middle of planning the next ward activity. It's going to be a talent show. It'll be so much fun!  And I heard you used to be an evil dark and malicious nice-people hating wizard dictator wannabe.  And I thought we could somehow work that into the talent show."

Voldemort sighed again, this time in irritation.  "Mary Sue, do you have a job?"

"Of course.  I'm an irritatingly perfect girl who can do know wrong. I get paid to work in people's fanfics and marry the main character."

"Great.  Then why don't you come over here and be all irritating?"

Mary Sue gasped. "Excuse me?  That was not at all appropriate—"

Voldemort cut her off.  "You're right. It's not appropriate."

". . . I'm. . . sorry."  She didn't sound sorry at all.  "I just thought you could participate in the ward talent show."

"And when was the last time you saw me at a ward activity?!"  Voldemort ended the connection.  After muttering to himself, he climbed out of bed and went to make himself some breakfast.

He had barely taken a bite when the doorbell rang.

"I'm coming!"  He jumped to his feet, dropped his bowl, and slid in the milk.  "Ow…."

The door opened anyway, and in walked his friends Dalton, Hyrum, and Eldon.  "Hey Voldemort!" they sang, completely oblivious to his situation.   "We were wondering if we could have a ride tonight."

"A ride?"  Voldemort cringed as he climbed to his feet. "Where?"

"There's a stake dance," Hyrum said.  "And Zack has already destroyed all of our cars."

"Then steal his car."

"Can't. He took it cliff diving."

Voldemort groaned.  "I assume you meant that literally.  And I missed the explosion?"  What a bad day this was turning out to be.  "Fine.  I'll take you to the stupid dance tonight."

So that night, they all piled in Voldemort's beat-up lemon of a station wagon (which he had lovingly nicknamed Snowflake) and took off for the stake center.  On the way, they sang annoying songs by N'Sync and Good Charlotte.

Even Voldemort, in his bad mood, had to admit the dance was pretty fun.  It even had a "Johnny Lingo" theme.  But he really didn't like cows, so he sat out in the foyer like a loser.

A few people walked by, pelted him with green jell-o, and called him a mean Harry Potter-hating man. 

Just as he was about to run screaming from the building, a really, really, really, really pretty girl sat down next to him.  "Hi!  The dance is in there."  She pointed at the cultural hall.

Voldie stared at her. "Yeah. . . I can see that."

"Just wanted to be sure you knew," the girl said, her smile broadening.  "And guess what else?  You're out here."

"You're good at this, aren't you?"  Voldie had to admit she was really cute.

"So. . ." said the girl. "Do you want to go dance?"

As the girl was really cute, he went with her.  And they danced and all that.

"So what's your name?" Voldemort finally asked.

She smiled at him even more. "Mary Sue Giles."

The name sounded really familiar. "That name sounds really familiar."

"I'm the new ward activities director."

The name seemed to echo in slow motion through the room.

Voldie screamed and jumped back.  "No!!!!"  He ran screaming from the room.

Mary Sue stood where she was.  "That was weird."

Her friend walked up to her.  "Why were you dancing with him?  If any guy did what he did to me, I'd never forgive him."

Mary Sue was completely clueless. "What are you talking about?"

"That was Voldemort!"