Chapter 1- Broken hearted
James had absolutely no sleep graduation night. Nor did any of his fellow Marauders. Remus was packing James' trunk, a task he had neglected to do earlier and would not be fit to deal with in the next few hours. James went from a silent stupor, rocking back and forth aimlessly, tears falling from his eyes, muttering to himself things to himself, most involving that Lily couldn't love him anymore. It sickened Sirius to watch. How could she do this to his best mate? James then snapped into anger mode and he started thumping his pillow and throwing things. Luckily Remus had packed most of his room mates belongings and all was in reach was his soft bedding. Finally James just collapsed into his bed, sobbing miserably. It was a sad site to see, but he really loved Lily. He would find her tomorrow; she couldn't escape him on the train.
Lily however was one step ahead and had gotten permission from Dumbledore to floo to the ministry early the next morning. She couldn't face James, she knew if she saw him again she would give in and she couldn't. Her parents had been killed because of her. Any relationship she had hopped to have with her sister was ruined. She couldn't survive the guilt if James also died because of her. She loved him too much. She was doing this for the best.
James frantically searched every compartment on the Hogwarts express. And when she couldn't be found he searched the girl's toilets. Andi and Sirius decided to keep their relationship quiet for a while until James recovered. Then they would break it to him gently. She told Sirius about leaving early in the morning. How she had red puffy eyes, still soaking wet from a night of hysterical tears. She told them she wouldn't see them for a while, that she was going away and to tell James that she was sorry. Sirius was less than sympathetic.
As soon as the train pulled to a halt, James ran out and dumped his belongings with Claire, who was extremely confused. Sirius explained to her what had happened. This worried her. Lily was his true love. She didn't know if he could ever get over her.
James apparated to 4 Privet Drive, where he knew Petunia lived. When she opened the door she sneered.
"Quick come in." she quickly said pulling the tall man who was puffy eyed and still wearing his Hogwarts robes, into the hall before any of the neighbours would see. "What do you want?" Petunia whispered as though making sure no one heard her.
"Where's Lily?" James questioned, not bothering to lower his voice.
"I don't know? It's nothing to me where that freak is!" She stated. "But it seems she may have come to his senses. Left you has she?" James could feel his temper rise.
"Do you know where she is? He stated firmly.
"NO, I..." James dissapereated with a loud pop, causing Vernon to come trundling down the stairs.
"Whassat?" He grunted looking at a disgruntled Petunia.
"It was... it was one of..." She looked round as if for someone who would be listening and lowered her voice. "One of them." She whispered.
James apparated to anywhere and everywhere he could think of that Lily would go. Her parents house, Diagon alley, Hogsmeade and finally he found himself in a graveyard, the one he knew her parents were buried in. Hearing a distant pop, he walked quickly yet cautiously to their grave stones side by side. He knew subconsciously she had been there, but sadly he knew she had gone. As he reached the head stones he saw a fresh bunch of flowers on the stand, roses. And just by them was a funny shaped stick (A pencil) and a piece of oddly shaped parchment (Paper). It had his name on. He bent over and picked it up. His hands shaking. He knew this would be bad. The writing was still wet, both in ink and teardrops.
James,
I truly with all my heart love you. I don't want to leave you. But this is for the best. If I didn't you would've been killed and I couldn't live with myself if you had been.
Listen, I want you to forget me ok? I want you to move on with your life. Become and Aurour- the best Aurour. I know you can. I just want the best for you.
If you can find it in your heart, please forgive me. But I'll understand if you can't.
Yours always,
Lily Evans xxx
Once James had read her letter. He knew Lily was gone. He had lost her. Some how, maybe because he still loved her so much, he didn't blame her for leaving. In a way he was angry with himself. It was obvious from her letter that she knew Voldemort was after her and she was scared that he would die as a consequence to that. He knew that she would see it upon herself not to get too close to anyone. He wished that he had told her when Sirius had told him that Voldemort was after James anyway.
James was fired into a state of depression, he wanted Lily, and he needed her. But he knew it was too late to look for her, that she would have hidden herself somewhere he would never find her. She knew he would try to find her on the train the next day. She knew he would follow her to the graveyard, she knew him. So depression it was. Sirius dealt with him in the only way he knew how too. He took him out and got him drunk. That only resulted in James being hung over the next morning making him twice as depressed. Lucky for him, Claire was still living at Godric's Hollow. She sorted him out the best she could and Remus, Sirius and Peter stayed for a week to help. But even after a week, he was not eating, not sleeping; just sitting they're not really doing anything.
It was almost as if Lily had died, he felt as though he would never see her again. It is said that the length of time it takes to get over someone you loved, is the amount of years but in months. For James that figure would be 2, but 2 months later he still wasn't over her, nor 3 months, nor 4 months and so on. James in that time, although depressed, did manage to get him self a job, and as an Aurour. In doing so he closed himself up from his friends and family, he would talk to them but not in the way he used to. He wouldn't express his opinions openly any more. He wouldn't smile, he wouldn't laugh. His soul purpose in life was to work, to become an Aurour and to defeat Lord Voldemort.
It all came down to him. That wizard, who thought himself better than everyone else, he felt he had the right to "clean society" of those HE deemed unworthy. Merlin, people didn't even use his name anymore! It was now "He who must not be named" or "You know who" It was ridiculous; the wizarding world was bowing down before him, scared! James wouldn't let this happen. Voldemort had killed so many innocent people destroying their lives. Voldemort was corrupted like his father who killed his mother. Voldemort killed Lily's parents, and lost Lily for him. James was going to try his damdest to stop Voldemorts reign of terror. Now he just had to get through Aurour training first...
On James' first day of training, 2 months after Lily had left him. He went in and got straight to it. He had been a month behind everyone else who had signed up because of his depression. But being so involved in his plan, and the smart multi talented head boy he was, he zoomed through all the paper work, whizzed through all the practical and by his 5th month of training, he had been deemed ready to join the next year of training. A whole 7 months early. When he arrived into his new class at Aurour school. Everyone seemed intimidated by him, not coming up and greeting themselves or anything, all except one man. He looked a few years older than James, but still he was polite enough to say hello.
"Hi, Frank Longbottom." He said, shaking James' hand. James smiled politely.
"Jam."
James Potter." Frank finished for him. " Yes I remember you. One of four of the Hogwarts famous quartet of pranksters. 3 years my junior I believe. Yes many a time I remember laughing at the state of the Slytherins after your doing." James smiled.
"Created myself a bit of a reputation, have I? Yes, you were the Prefect we caught snogging the head girl behind the statue of Dagenport the daring!" James grinned for the first time in months remembering their 3rd year at Hogwarts returning back to the common room and finding that sight. It made Frank blush,
"Ow yeah- I've never figured out how you managed to get so close to squirt us with cold water from your wands without us seeing you!" James smirked.
"A marauder never tells I'm afraid." And that was the start to a beautiful friendship.
James and Frank had become fast friends. Frank never bothered James into trying to get him to open up. He didn't know how screwed up James' life currently was and he was grateful that he hadn't pried.
Frank had a steady girlfriend. She was a year younger than Frank and about to start to train as a healer in the New Year. That hit James a little close to home, but he chose to ignore it.
Frank had met Alice by mistake. When she took her apparation test... her first one, you see she was a little clumsy. She managed to apperate 60 odd miles in the wrong direction and as fate would have it, she had landed in Frank's lap in a restaurant. Co-incidentally he was supposed to be on a date, he had been stood up.
Frank was very much like James, extremely smart, intelligent, good looking, arrogant, fun, very work minded and had a knack for attracting trouble.
James also longed to meet Frank's family. Between Franks mother who never removed her hat decorated with a stuffed vulture and his older brother whom had once apparently tried to stuff 100 and 9 Bertie botts every flavour beans up his nose, to see if he could fire them out like a Muggle machine gun. They seemed fun.
When James wasn't at work, he was doing assignments. He hardly ever went out with his mates and when he did he got so incredibly drunk it wasn't even fun. It seemed he couldn't relax and enjoy himself like he used to. He was scared that if he did he would lose every last memory of Lily he had. It was over 9 months since Lily had gone and James still wasn't back to normal. The only person he ever really talked to was Frank- and that was because he didn't know about Lily.
Sirius now hated Lily. She had ruined his best mate.
James had absolutely no sleep graduation night. Nor did any of his fellow Marauders. Remus was packing James' trunk, a task he had neglected to do earlier and would not be fit to deal with in the next few hours. James went from a silent stupor, rocking back and forth aimlessly, tears falling from his eyes, muttering to himself things to himself, most involving that Lily couldn't love him anymore. It sickened Sirius to watch. How could she do this to his best mate? James then snapped into anger mode and he started thumping his pillow and throwing things. Luckily Remus had packed most of his room mates belongings and all was in reach was his soft bedding. Finally James just collapsed into his bed, sobbing miserably. It was a sad site to see, but he really loved Lily. He would find her tomorrow; she couldn't escape him on the train.
Lily however was one step ahead and had gotten permission from Dumbledore to floo to the ministry early the next morning. She couldn't face James, she knew if she saw him again she would give in and she couldn't. Her parents had been killed because of her. Any relationship she had hopped to have with her sister was ruined. She couldn't survive the guilt if James also died because of her. She loved him too much. She was doing this for the best.
James frantically searched every compartment on the Hogwarts express. And when she couldn't be found he searched the girl's toilets. Andi and Sirius decided to keep their relationship quiet for a while until James recovered. Then they would break it to him gently. She told Sirius about leaving early in the morning. How she had red puffy eyes, still soaking wet from a night of hysterical tears. She told them she wouldn't see them for a while, that she was going away and to tell James that she was sorry. Sirius was less than sympathetic.
As soon as the train pulled to a halt, James ran out and dumped his belongings with Claire, who was extremely confused. Sirius explained to her what had happened. This worried her. Lily was his true love. She didn't know if he could ever get over her.
James apparated to 4 Privet Drive, where he knew Petunia lived. When she opened the door she sneered.
"Quick come in." she quickly said pulling the tall man who was puffy eyed and still wearing his Hogwarts robes, into the hall before any of the neighbours would see. "What do you want?" Petunia whispered as though making sure no one heard her.
"Where's Lily?" James questioned, not bothering to lower his voice.
"I don't know? It's nothing to me where that freak is!" She stated. "But it seems she may have come to his senses. Left you has she?" James could feel his temper rise.
"Do you know where she is? He stated firmly.
"NO, I..." James dissapereated with a loud pop, causing Vernon to come trundling down the stairs.
"Whassat?" He grunted looking at a disgruntled Petunia.
"It was... it was one of..." She looked round as if for someone who would be listening and lowered her voice. "One of them." She whispered.
James apparated to anywhere and everywhere he could think of that Lily would go. Her parents house, Diagon alley, Hogsmeade and finally he found himself in a graveyard, the one he knew her parents were buried in. Hearing a distant pop, he walked quickly yet cautiously to their grave stones side by side. He knew subconsciously she had been there, but sadly he knew she had gone. As he reached the head stones he saw a fresh bunch of flowers on the stand, roses. And just by them was a funny shaped stick (A pencil) and a piece of oddly shaped parchment (Paper). It had his name on. He bent over and picked it up. His hands shaking. He knew this would be bad. The writing was still wet, both in ink and teardrops.
James,
I truly with all my heart love you. I don't want to leave you. But this is for the best. If I didn't you would've been killed and I couldn't live with myself if you had been.
Listen, I want you to forget me ok? I want you to move on with your life. Become and Aurour- the best Aurour. I know you can. I just want the best for you.
If you can find it in your heart, please forgive me. But I'll understand if you can't.
Yours always,
Lily Evans xxx
Once James had read her letter. He knew Lily was gone. He had lost her. Some how, maybe because he still loved her so much, he didn't blame her for leaving. In a way he was angry with himself. It was obvious from her letter that she knew Voldemort was after her and she was scared that he would die as a consequence to that. He knew that she would see it upon herself not to get too close to anyone. He wished that he had told her when Sirius had told him that Voldemort was after James anyway.
James was fired into a state of depression, he wanted Lily, and he needed her. But he knew it was too late to look for her, that she would have hidden herself somewhere he would never find her. She knew he would try to find her on the train the next day. She knew he would follow her to the graveyard, she knew him. So depression it was. Sirius dealt with him in the only way he knew how too. He took him out and got him drunk. That only resulted in James being hung over the next morning making him twice as depressed. Lucky for him, Claire was still living at Godric's Hollow. She sorted him out the best she could and Remus, Sirius and Peter stayed for a week to help. But even after a week, he was not eating, not sleeping; just sitting they're not really doing anything.
It was almost as if Lily had died, he felt as though he would never see her again. It is said that the length of time it takes to get over someone you loved, is the amount of years but in months. For James that figure would be 2, but 2 months later he still wasn't over her, nor 3 months, nor 4 months and so on. James in that time, although depressed, did manage to get him self a job, and as an Aurour. In doing so he closed himself up from his friends and family, he would talk to them but not in the way he used to. He wouldn't express his opinions openly any more. He wouldn't smile, he wouldn't laugh. His soul purpose in life was to work, to become an Aurour and to defeat Lord Voldemort.
It all came down to him. That wizard, who thought himself better than everyone else, he felt he had the right to "clean society" of those HE deemed unworthy. Merlin, people didn't even use his name anymore! It was now "He who must not be named" or "You know who" It was ridiculous; the wizarding world was bowing down before him, scared! James wouldn't let this happen. Voldemort had killed so many innocent people destroying their lives. Voldemort was corrupted like his father who killed his mother. Voldemort killed Lily's parents, and lost Lily for him. James was going to try his damdest to stop Voldemorts reign of terror. Now he just had to get through Aurour training first...
On James' first day of training, 2 months after Lily had left him. He went in and got straight to it. He had been a month behind everyone else who had signed up because of his depression. But being so involved in his plan, and the smart multi talented head boy he was, he zoomed through all the paper work, whizzed through all the practical and by his 5th month of training, he had been deemed ready to join the next year of training. A whole 7 months early. When he arrived into his new class at Aurour school. Everyone seemed intimidated by him, not coming up and greeting themselves or anything, all except one man. He looked a few years older than James, but still he was polite enough to say hello.
"Hi, Frank Longbottom." He said, shaking James' hand. James smiled politely.
"Jam."
James Potter." Frank finished for him. " Yes I remember you. One of four of the Hogwarts famous quartet of pranksters. 3 years my junior I believe. Yes many a time I remember laughing at the state of the Slytherins after your doing." James smiled.
"Created myself a bit of a reputation, have I? Yes, you were the Prefect we caught snogging the head girl behind the statue of Dagenport the daring!" James grinned for the first time in months remembering their 3rd year at Hogwarts returning back to the common room and finding that sight. It made Frank blush,
"Ow yeah- I've never figured out how you managed to get so close to squirt us with cold water from your wands without us seeing you!" James smirked.
"A marauder never tells I'm afraid." And that was the start to a beautiful friendship.
James and Frank had become fast friends. Frank never bothered James into trying to get him to open up. He didn't know how screwed up James' life currently was and he was grateful that he hadn't pried.
Frank had a steady girlfriend. She was a year younger than Frank and about to start to train as a healer in the New Year. That hit James a little close to home, but he chose to ignore it.
Frank had met Alice by mistake. When she took her apparation test... her first one, you see she was a little clumsy. She managed to apperate 60 odd miles in the wrong direction and as fate would have it, she had landed in Frank's lap in a restaurant. Co-incidentally he was supposed to be on a date, he had been stood up.
Frank was very much like James, extremely smart, intelligent, good looking, arrogant, fun, very work minded and had a knack for attracting trouble.
James also longed to meet Frank's family. Between Franks mother who never removed her hat decorated with a stuffed vulture and his older brother whom had once apparently tried to stuff 100 and 9 Bertie botts every flavour beans up his nose, to see if he could fire them out like a Muggle machine gun. They seemed fun.
When James wasn't at work, he was doing assignments. He hardly ever went out with his mates and when he did he got so incredibly drunk it wasn't even fun. It seemed he couldn't relax and enjoy himself like he used to. He was scared that if he did he would lose every last memory of Lily he had. It was over 9 months since Lily had gone and James still wasn't back to normal. The only person he ever really talked to was Frank- and that was because he didn't know about Lily.
Sirius now hated Lily. She had ruined his best mate.