Voldy wanted to die of humiliation. It wasn't fair. He could feel every eye on him as we walked into the decorated gym with his date.

"Isn't this fun?" Professor Sibyll Trelawney said happily. "I just knew that you would go Preference with me. I saw it as I gazed into my crystal ball one night, that if I asked you at the Hogi Yogi, you would go with me. And I was right. The Inner Eye never lies."

Voldy muttered a naughty swearword under his breath. Trelawney refused to let go of his arm.

Hyrum, Dalton, Eldon, and even Zack had been asked by super models. They taunted Voldy the entire night. Voldy soon grew so miserable that he dumped an entire bottle of Mountain Dew Code Red into the punch bowl.

"I see that we will dance a slow dance!" Trelawney shrieked suddenly, dragging him away from the bowl. "The Inner Eye never lies!"

Voldy wanted to poke the Inner Eye.

Finally, thankfully, the dance ended. Voldy was ready to drop Trelawney off at her apartment and make a break for it.

But then Dalton brought up the idea of a movie.

"At my place?" Voldy asked, frightened.

"Ooh!" squealed Trelawney. "I see that we will be watching "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" on DVD! AND on Voldemort's TV."

"But. . .but my DVD player hooks up through the VCR!" he protested.

"I see that someone will know how to work with that!"

Before he knew it, a huge group date had been arranged around the TV in Voldy's living room. He stood at the door unwilling, like a good host in that position, greeting everyone as they entered.

Then Mary Sue entered. They stared at each other coldly.

Then her date appeared.

Voldy nearly screamed.

"Hello," said a short kid with messy hair and glasses as he shook Voldy's hand. "I'm Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived." They stared at each other coldly. "This is my date, Mary Sue."

"We've met," Voldy snapped. But inside he was dying. How could she? How could Mary Sue go to Preference with Harry Potter? His arch nemesis? Of course, she probably knew him very well from countless fanfics, but still!

Soon everyone was settled for the movie. Trelawney still refused to leave Voldy alone.

Dalton stood up, disappointed. "Sorry, but Professor Trelawney's copy of "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" was eaten by Fluffy."

A loud cry of disappointment rose.

"But! But we have "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone"!"

Cheers replaced the groans.

"I knew we would watch that one!" Trelawney exclaimed.

Voldy really hated that movie. He finally made an excuse to escape to the kitchen to make more Kool-Aid. He had barely fixed a pitcher when a house-elf appeared out of nowhere, knocked over the pitcher, and vanished.

"I hate when that happens!" Voldy screamed, grabbing a roll of paper towels.

Mary Sue appeared in the kitchen. "Let me help you with that," she said bitterly. "You've made such a mess."

"It wasn't me; it was a house-elf!"

"Oh, sure. Blame the house-elf. Is that your whole thing? Blame innocent house-elves?"

"At least I don't date midgets!" he shot back.

"Oh, yeah?" she snapped back. "At least I don't date psychos!"

Voldy laughed. "Let's get back to your date. What's that all about? He introduces himself with a handshake and all his victories against me?"

Mary Sue sighed. "Look, this fic demands that we reveal our unspoken attraction for each other and make out here in the kitchen. So let's just get it over with. Voldy, I've loved you from the moment I saw you."

And they made out in the kitchen while the "Hallelujah Chorus" played.