Shout-Outs!
Veela-Valoom: Thanks so much for reading this! I greatly appreciate it. I tried to do a list of various Mormon pop culture references.
Aljake: Yup, I'm Mormon. Or else I couldn't have written this story.
HotDog-Jo: Thanks!
RVG: It's Mormonism. It's extremely different.
Krenya-Alenak: You know, I've actually had fears of getting excommunicated because of this! But it's just so much fun and I try to stay away from anything serious.
Sugarsprite: Voldy served his mission before the bar was raised.
And so Mary Sue and Voldy happily moved to Hogwarts, where Voldy was given position as co-Defense Against the Dark Arts professor after he threatened to feed Dumbledore green jell-o filled with carrot shavings. They led an exciting year, though Harry Potter really had no idea what to do with himself now that no evil dark lord was trying to kill him.
But then Harry soon found the joy of magical construction-working and selected that as his career path, bringing in extra money by publishing his memoirs. He married Ginny Weasley and together they took over Artemis Fowl's mansion, destroyed it, and built another in its place. They currently have one set of twins and are expecting a second.
Lucius Malfoy joined forces with Mrs. Fields. You can now buy his famous peanut-butter cookies at most general grocery stores and Mrs. Fields shops world-wide.
Zack taught Professor Trelawney how to bungee-jump a car. She no longer annoys people with predictions and was last seen snow boarding in the Alps.
Zack discovered Afterglow in prison. He couldn't stand them, but fortunately he also discovered Jericho Road and is now their biggest fan. He served an honorable mission and now tours with Michael McClaine doing "The Forgotten Carols."
Eldon took over Australia using mainly palm pilots and poisonous broccoli.
Dalton, of course, became an expert on Mormon mythology and false doctrine. He wrote a book on the subject and gave seminars, but later became a seminary teacher in order to more easily spread the myths. He gives great object lessons and can get any student to play "Sweet Hour of Prayer."
Hyrum replaced Elder David A. Bednar as president of BYU-Idaho.
Cho Chang benefitted from intense therapy, went to college, and is now a psychiatrist specializing in grief counseling. Thank goodness.
Luna Lovegood proved the existence of over a dozen conspiracy theories and was subsequently elected Minister of Magic. She married Neville Longbottom, a highly respected Auror and they have twelve children.
Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger had a little too much caffeine-free root beer and left-over church party vanilla ice cream and woke up married with no memory of any of the experience.
Elder Jared Phelps led an interesting post-mission life that can be viewed by watching The RM.
Elder Ben Taylor currently write whiney letters home to his family.
The girl that wouldn't play "Sweet Hour of Prayer" was unable to survive life as a music major and switched over recreational education.
Barnaby the Frog was murdered. There was much rejoicing.
Voldy and Mary Sue married and have that as their excuse for leaving before the year was up. (Snape was finally given the position.) They are expecting their first child.
And sometimes they even went to ward activities.
The End! (Of The Singles Ward parody)
List o' Mormon Culture Explanations:
Provo. Provo is Happy Valley and is filled with Mormons.
Green Jell-o: A popular Mormon dish. We often put fruits, veggies, and other things into our gelatin. Carrot shavings are most common.
Acne-faced missionaries: In the Mormon religion, our young men serve two-year missions around the age of 19.
Elder Jared Phelps: A character from the movie The RM.
Elder Ben Taylor: My brother, who is currently serving in Minnesotta.
Nursery Leader: During our church services, toddlers can go to the nursery to play. Of course, you need someone to babysit them.
Singles Wards: A singles ward is a church congregation composed of single people usually looking to get married. It's also a movie from which most of the plot was stolen.
Church basketball: Our church likes to do social activities, such as sports. During basketball games, tempers can fly. They are often very intense games.
Brother Kendrick: An old seminary teacher at my high school.
Seminary: It's a kind of religious education for teenagers.
Scipture mastery cards: Part of the seminary program is encouraging kids to memorize certain scriptures.
Object lessons: We teach morals and concepts using objects.
Plan of Salvation: A very, very common lesson in church, seminary, and etc.
"Sweet Hour of Prayer": A Mormon hymn. Very easy to play. However, people just don't like playing the piano.