The Lord of the Rings: The Sequel: The Breach of Middle-Earth
By Makoto-47 aka Emily Claire
Chapter One: Introduction: Rolly-Chairs and Dwarf Women
Note: There are some references to my story, the Hot Ship, so you might
want to go read this first...or perhaps I am merely doing shameless
advertising...who knows?
*Disclaimer: I own no Lord of the Rings characters, they are all the
property of the great god J.R.R. Tolkien or New Line Cinema, if you prefer.
Likewise, OFUM and the "Naturally Nine" theory are property of Miss Cam-go
read it right now! The Yayas are property of me...hahaha! Anawyn is property
of Lan.
It was another pleasant day in the Journalism classroom and the group of four friends were rolling around in rolly-chairs. Well, they were attempting to roll around in the rolly-chairs, you see, they weren't what you would call high-quality rolly-chairs...the majority of the time you would push off in one direction and immediately go in the complete opposite direction, thus aborting your plan completely...where was I going with this? I have no clue.... Allow me to continue: The four friends were really bored and looking for something to do.
Emily "rolled" over to her computer (by the only way that worked, which was to grasp the bottom of the seat and then drag your seat while scooting in the direction you chose) and sat with fingers posed at the keyboard, ready to type...
"But what to write?" she thought, then an idea dawned on her.
"Hey guys," she called to her friends, "If I wrote a Lord of the Rings fan-fic-"
"Ooo! Yeah!" exclaimed Rachael, "Write one!"
"Yeah, and make it funnier than the Hot Ship," agreed Lan.
Rachael glared at her. "NOTHING is funnier than the Hot Ship."
Lan was unafraid and did not cower in the stern look and merely stuck her tongue out at Rachael before turning back to Emily.
"Write it," she said, "And put us in it!"
"Well, what do you want to be?" inquired Emily, preparing to type.
"Read the shirt, stupid," said Lan, bending back over her pre-cal notebook, her long dark Asian hair falling in her face...how can hair be Asian? I have no clue, I'm not Asian...ask Lan.
Emily complied. Lan's shirt read: "Anawyn: The Lord of the Rings Sequel." Thus, Emily was reminded that Lan was Äowyn's twin sister who was sent off to Elvish boarding school.
"What about you, Rach?" she asked Rachael.
"Gandalf's lover," she replied without missing a beat.
"Yeah, but, you've got to have a race-"
"Gandalf's lover," said Rachael again, not even looking up from the Gackt website she was looking at.
"Yeah, but-"
"Look, am I gonna have to tell you again?" Rachael, a bit peeved, "I am Gandalf's lover, and that is all you ever need know."
Emily sighed and turned to her remaining friend.
"Tama, what about you?"
"I don't care," she said, not looking up from the computer where she was playing video games.
"Yeah, but you have to choose one," said Emily.
"I don't care," she said, not looking up from the computer where she was playing video games.
"Tamela Page!" she yelled, "Pick something!"
"I don't care," she said, not looking up from the computer where she was playing video games.
"Fine then!" exclaimed Emily, "You can just be a dwarf!"
"I don't care," she said, not looking up from the computer where she was playing video games.
"Haha, well, she did always say she wanted to swing Gimli around by his beard," laughed Lan.
"Maybe it's some sort of Dwarf mating ritual," mused Rahael.
Emily shrugged and finally, turned to herself.
"What do I want to be?" she thought, and then got her "If I Ever Wrote A LOTR fan-fic, these are the Characteristics I would want to Have" List and looked it over:
"Gandalf's Grandaughter
"Super Cool Fighting Chick
"Random Elven Chick
"Slight Magical Powers
"Stunningly Gorgeous
"A great Horse woman"
"Well, that should about do it," she said out-loud. Just then, she was struck by panic. "I've never even attended OFUM!" she thought panicked, (and if she did, she suspected she would not survive, as she would suffer a fate similar to being drawn and quartered from the result of trying to rush at all of her lust-objects at once), "If this is anything like my Hot Ship story, there's no way this'll make any sense! I mean, I know I would respect the rights of 'Naturally Nine,' but still...."
With that, she began to hum Miss Cam's Lord Elrond's "Naturally Nine" song to the tune of "Jesus Loves Me:"
"Nine's a number that is fine, "Not a one next to a line, "Never shalt thou count thee ten, "There were nine, they all were men-"
But then, Emily stopped to consider.
"But it doesn't make sense," she thought, "Because they weren't all MEN, they were all male, but, that's not the same-"
Just then Lord Elrond poked his head in and said.... "Emily, can you find me another copy of the April '99 paper?"
......?
No, wait, it was just Mr. Morehead, the Journalism teacher and he was about to send her to fetch and carry for the next half-hour. Any attempt at a Lord of the Rings fan-fic would have to wait until later....
* * * * * Authoress' Notes: Howdy! How do ya'll like this? I know it's only the first chapter and not very funny yet, but rest assured this was merely a set-up for the randomness to come! And, by the way, I know I made myself a Mary-Sue, don't worry, it's part of the plot! Let me know how you likies! Lots of Love, As Always! Makoto-47 aka Emily Claire
It was another pleasant day in the Journalism classroom and the group of four friends were rolling around in rolly-chairs. Well, they were attempting to roll around in the rolly-chairs, you see, they weren't what you would call high-quality rolly-chairs...the majority of the time you would push off in one direction and immediately go in the complete opposite direction, thus aborting your plan completely...where was I going with this? I have no clue.... Allow me to continue: The four friends were really bored and looking for something to do.
Emily "rolled" over to her computer (by the only way that worked, which was to grasp the bottom of the seat and then drag your seat while scooting in the direction you chose) and sat with fingers posed at the keyboard, ready to type...
"But what to write?" she thought, then an idea dawned on her.
"Hey guys," she called to her friends, "If I wrote a Lord of the Rings fan-fic-"
"Ooo! Yeah!" exclaimed Rachael, "Write one!"
"Yeah, and make it funnier than the Hot Ship," agreed Lan.
Rachael glared at her. "NOTHING is funnier than the Hot Ship."
Lan was unafraid and did not cower in the stern look and merely stuck her tongue out at Rachael before turning back to Emily.
"Write it," she said, "And put us in it!"
"Well, what do you want to be?" inquired Emily, preparing to type.
"Read the shirt, stupid," said Lan, bending back over her pre-cal notebook, her long dark Asian hair falling in her face...how can hair be Asian? I have no clue, I'm not Asian...ask Lan.
Emily complied. Lan's shirt read: "Anawyn: The Lord of the Rings Sequel." Thus, Emily was reminded that Lan was Äowyn's twin sister who was sent off to Elvish boarding school.
"What about you, Rach?" she asked Rachael.
"Gandalf's lover," she replied without missing a beat.
"Yeah, but, you've got to have a race-"
"Gandalf's lover," said Rachael again, not even looking up from the Gackt website she was looking at.
"Yeah, but-"
"Look, am I gonna have to tell you again?" Rachael, a bit peeved, "I am Gandalf's lover, and that is all you ever need know."
Emily sighed and turned to her remaining friend.
"Tama, what about you?"
"I don't care," she said, not looking up from the computer where she was playing video games.
"Yeah, but you have to choose one," said Emily.
"I don't care," she said, not looking up from the computer where she was playing video games.
"Tamela Page!" she yelled, "Pick something!"
"I don't care," she said, not looking up from the computer where she was playing video games.
"Fine then!" exclaimed Emily, "You can just be a dwarf!"
"I don't care," she said, not looking up from the computer where she was playing video games.
"Haha, well, she did always say she wanted to swing Gimli around by his beard," laughed Lan.
"Maybe it's some sort of Dwarf mating ritual," mused Rahael.
Emily shrugged and finally, turned to herself.
"What do I want to be?" she thought, and then got her "If I Ever Wrote A LOTR fan-fic, these are the Characteristics I would want to Have" List and looked it over:
"Gandalf's Grandaughter
"Super Cool Fighting Chick
"Random Elven Chick
"Slight Magical Powers
"Stunningly Gorgeous
"A great Horse woman"
"Well, that should about do it," she said out-loud. Just then, she was struck by panic. "I've never even attended OFUM!" she thought panicked, (and if she did, she suspected she would not survive, as she would suffer a fate similar to being drawn and quartered from the result of trying to rush at all of her lust-objects at once), "If this is anything like my Hot Ship story, there's no way this'll make any sense! I mean, I know I would respect the rights of 'Naturally Nine,' but still...."
With that, she began to hum Miss Cam's Lord Elrond's "Naturally Nine" song to the tune of "Jesus Loves Me:"
"Nine's a number that is fine, "Not a one next to a line, "Never shalt thou count thee ten, "There were nine, they all were men-"
But then, Emily stopped to consider.
"But it doesn't make sense," she thought, "Because they weren't all MEN, they were all male, but, that's not the same-"
Just then Lord Elrond poked his head in and said.... "Emily, can you find me another copy of the April '99 paper?"
......?
No, wait, it was just Mr. Morehead, the Journalism teacher and he was about to send her to fetch and carry for the next half-hour. Any attempt at a Lord of the Rings fan-fic would have to wait until later....
* * * * * Authoress' Notes: Howdy! How do ya'll like this? I know it's only the first chapter and not very funny yet, but rest assured this was merely a set-up for the randomness to come! And, by the way, I know I made myself a Mary-Sue, don't worry, it's part of the plot! Let me know how you likies! Lots of Love, As Always! Makoto-47 aka Emily Claire