Chapter Three: Look, Jesus!

"I have always said Rachael is the worst at directions!" yelled Tamela, angrily, as the Yayas stumbled out of Fangorn Forrest somewhat less than unscathed.

"I just thought if we followed the squiggly lines..." mused Rachael, bewildered.

"Give me this!" exclaimed Emily, snatching the book of maps from Rachael and examining it. Finally, she turned to Rachael with a scathing expression on her face. "Those squiggly lines are trees, doofus."

"Hey! You called me a doofus!" exclaimed Rachael, smacking Emily in the nana.

"Ow! So what, you are a doofus!" exclaimed Emily, hitting Rachael in the nana as well.

"Guys, stop it," said Tamela, "I am tired, I am hungry and I am also a dwarf. We need to get this Ederas place and soon-and they'd better have iced tea there!"

"It's Edoras," corrected Rachael, while Emily tried to examine the map and read it correctly. It all fell quiet and pretty soon the three were aware of a cheerful mumbling noise.

It was Lanny. She was happily talking to herself, as usual. The other three crept closer to hear what she was saying and trying to determine whether or not it required their attention. As usual, it didn't.

"Lanny!" exclaimed the three, "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

"I was like, I was like..." said Lan.

"What, Lan?! What were you like?!" asked the three.

"I was like..."

"WHAT? WHAT WERE YOU LIKE?" bellowed the three.

"I was like...Legolas was here once..." said Lan meekly.

"OH MY GOODNESS!" screamed Rachael, "THAN SO WAS ARAGORN!"

With that, she threw herself down on the ground and rolled around in the grass, trying to soak up the essence of Aragorn. Lan, Tama and Emily looked at her for a moment, and when it was apparent she wasn't stopping any time soon, they shrugged and decided to move on.

"She'll catch up," reasoned Emily.

"Besides, it's not fair she doesn't have that much to carry," said Tama, as she took up her axes and bag, Emily took up her sword and bag and Lan gathered all of her long flowy clothing about her.

They went off in the direction they assumed was towards Edoras.

It was early morning when they first spotted Edoras.

"Ooo! It's so pretty!" exclaimed Emily. An irritated look crossed her face and she said, "HEY! Where's the beautiful-beyond-beautiful Edoras fiddle theme music?"

The other two listened closely but could not hear any music. They looked at Emily and shrugged.

"Well, that's not very cool!" she said, "In musicals, they always have those musicians who follow them around and play music whenever they randomly burst into song! I want the theme music!!"

"Well, Ems," said Tama, "You're not exactly singing, are you?"

"Oh- no, I'm not!" laughed Emily. She felt steadily more uncomfortably as her other two Yayas were staring at her expectantly. "Uh, what?"

"Sing, I want the theme music too!" said Lan.

"Uh..." said Emily, before hesitantly and shyly breaking into song, "Matchmaker, matchmaker, find me a find! Catch me a catch!"

She stopped when the Yayas started rather glaring at her.

"What?!" she asked again.

"Matchmaker, Ems? Really?" asked Tamela.

"Oh, well, I didn't hear any music anyway, did you?" exclaimed Emily, irritated.

Yet again the Yayas listened carefully. They could almost hear a faint noise –

"Oh, it's just Rachael," said Tama, disappointed.

Rachael stomped up the hill, looking decisively angry.

"Ya'll left me!" she said.

"Thank you, Tamela," said Lan, sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"No, no, I'm Rachael," said Rachael, looking at Lan as if she were an idiot.

"No, I meant, 'cause you said 'ya'll' and that's Tamela's word-" began Lan.

"You stealin' my word, bi-atch?" asked Tama, poking Rachael's chest in an upfrontal manner.

"You tryin' to start something, Trina?" asked Rachael in the same manner.

"No, no, she's Tamela," said Lanny, "And, hey, why isn't Tama short like a dwarf?"

"Hey, be quiet, guys, I hear something!" said Emily, "Ooo! Maybe it's the theme music!"

None of her friends heard her and kept right on talking or arguing.

"You are a dirty whore!" yelled Tama.

"I mean, I was like, I'm just look forward to being taller than someone for once, but you know, I'm okay with being short, because, after all, I am SO incredibly cute-" said Lanny.

"YA'LL SHUT UP!" yelled Emily, "IT'S THE THEME MUSIC!"

Everyone stopped in awe as the beautiful Rohan theme music played. Everyone was distinctly teary-eyed until they noticed a large group of horsemen with the Rohan banner riding towards them.

"OH MY GOD!" yelled the Yayas.

"I can't meet Èomer looking like this!" exclaimed Rachael, who was covered in mud from rolling in it. "Emma, don't you have a change of clothes in your bag?"

"Uh, don't think so," said Emily, bending down to look. "Let's see, I've got the 'Gavel of this Conversation has Gone TOO Far,' 'The Pantyhose of Goodness,' 'The Hedgeclippers of Randomness,' and the 'Granola Bars of Useful Fulfillment' but no change of clothes."

"You have what?" asked the three, with confused looks on their faces.

"The implements of the Queen of the Universe," explained Emily.

"Ohhhh," said the others.

"But don't mention it to anyone, I like to keep it on the down-low, 'cause you know, it's kinda important and they always do that in these books," she added.

"Riiiiiiiight," said everyone like Kronk from the Emperor's New Groove.

"Oh, here they come!" yelled Rachael.

"Look cool!" yelled Lan.

"Where?!" said the other three, frantically looking for cool.

"No, dumb butts!" said Lan, "ACT cool."

"Well, say so next time," said Rachael, sticking her tongue out.

"Well, I was like-" began Lan, but Emily quickly cut her off and stopped the inevitable fight.

"Look, something shiny!" she yelled.

Lan didn't look.

"I don't like shiny," she explained.

"Oh," said Emily, thinking hard, "OH! LOOK! JESUS!"

"WHERE???!!!!" yelled Lan, looking everywhere for Jesus while the others stepped in front of her and struck "cool" poses from Chicago.

The group of Rohan nobles rode up the hill and stopped by the curiously posed girls.

"Hiya!" yelled the three Yayas, who in their excitement, forget they were not in their old world.

"Excuse me?" said the head person, who happened to be Èomer, if you were wondering.

"Er- we mean, Good Day, my lords!" said Emily.

"Who are you?" he asked, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"We're the Yayas!" they exclaimed before they thought twice.

"You're what?" asked Èomer, now just looking like he was that odd kind of confused where you feel like you've clearly missed something and therefore other people seem really weird.

"Yayas," said Rachael, thinking quickly, "A tribe of really cool tribeswomen, who er-"

"Duh! A tribe of tribeswomen? Ya' think?!" said Tamela.

"Shut up!" yelled Rachael, "Besides, you just said 'Duh!' That is soooo seventh grade!"

"Look, if I have to separate you two I am not going to be happy-" began Emily, before there was a rather annoyed clearing of the throat by Èomer. The girls looked up sheepishly.

"Look, we've been riding after renegade Orcs all day-"

"Ooo, exciting!" exclaimed the girls, before they were silenced by his stare.

"-and we're very tired and ready for dinner and such, so please explain who you are and what you're doing here before I loose my patience," finished Èomer.

The girls looked to Emily. She was, after all, the authoress extraordinaire.

"Well, you see, we're the only surviving members of a ruling race called the Yayas. We used to live on the outskirts of –er Fangorn but then we were attacked by Orcs – perhaps the very same Orcs you were chasing today- and we are the only known survivors."

Èomer's expression instantly turned into one of sorrow and sympathy.

"My deepest regrets, ladies," he said, with a slight bow.

"Yes, well, we were very upset," said Tama, tearfully, "But we're starting to get over it –slowly."

All the Yayas looked off into the distance with tearful expressions. The men of Rohan were deeply upset for the women (yes, all of the sudden they're women, hooray!) but could not quite figure out what they were looking at, even after several attempts to stare off into the distance and follow their eye lines –all to no avail. Finally, as one, as if on one big cue, the three Yayas looked away and back at the Rohan men.

"My ladies, I cannot help your loss, but I can offer lodgings at my home, Meduseld, if you would care to accept?" said Èomer.

"OKAY! THANKS!" yelled the girls, and with that, they followed Èomer and his men up the rest of the hill and into the city. As they walked at the back of the group, Lan rejoined the group.

"I couldn't find Jesus," she complained.

"Again?" asked Rachael, sympathetically. Someone was always finding Jesus and no one could ever find them. It was a very disheartening thing for all of them.

"Yeah," said Lan, "Too bad."

"Well, on the plus side, we saw the Eamer guy," said Tama.

"Èomer, Tama, I keep telling you!" yelled Emily.

"Yeah, whatever."

"Anyway, we're going to go stay with him in the Golden Hall!" exclaimed Emily, excited.

"Oh, YAY!" said Lan, "That's almost as good as meeting Jesus! Especially as I'm related to them."

"To whom?" asked the other three, very grammatically correct I might add.

"Èomer and Èowyn," said Lan, as if it were obvious.

Tama, Emmy and Rachie exchanged looks.

"Riiiiiiiight," they said, "We doubt it."

"No really!" said Lan, "Wait and see!"

"Sister, we need lodging for our royal guests of the tribe of Yaya," said Èomer, as they walked into the great hall.

"Of course, brother," said Èowyn, smiling as she walked up to greet him. The Yayas sighed with contentment as they saw Èowyn,. Isn't she the greatest??

"For three," added Èomer.

"Four, my lord," corrected Rachael.

"Four?" he asked, "I only saw three."

"Yes, well, Lan was off looking for Jesus when we met," said Tama.

"Who?" asked Èomer, again looking confused. Then his eyes fell on Lan. Instantly, he had a huge smile on his face as he ran forward and pulled her into a huge bear hug.

Èowyn exchanged confused glances with the other three Yayas.

"Um, Èomer?" asked Èowyn.

"Sister, do you not recognize your own twin sister, Anawyn, who was sent away to Elvish boarding school when she was very young?" asked Èomer, in cheery disbelief.

"Uh..." said Èowyn.

"Sister!" exclaimed Èomer, "Come on, you two are identical!"

Èowyn, tall, regal, golden haired and fair skinned, looked at Lan/Anawyn, short, cute, dark-haired with a dark complexion. She raised an eyebrow.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiight," she said.

"Èowyn, stop being silly!" laughed Èomer, "Come, let's go eat with our newly reunited sister and her bloodsisters!"

"Hey, how did you know we were bloodsisters?" asked Rachael in disbelief.

Èomer scoffed.

"What, you think I haven't heard of the Yayas?" he laughed. Then he gathered all the Yayas up in a big hug and walked into dinner, holding Lan's hand in an adorable manner.

Èowyn and the three remaining Yayas looked at each other and shrugged and followed Èomer into the hall.

AN: HAHA! SO FUNNY! Anyway, I finally updated so I could get Lan to shut up. Also because all my Yayas have abandoned me for the sakes of their education. And Lan is a skank and went to U of L instead of Murray. (TRINA!) Anyway, explanations: Trina is our new word for "skank." And, "Hey, look! JESUS!" is what we say when we want someone to look away so we can hide their present/steal their French fries/run away and hide/or do anything else we don't want them to see. Usually, the person who is "looking for Jesus" looks everywhere while going, "WHERE? WHERE?" while pretending not to notice what the others are doing. Heehee, sooo much fun! Anyway, here you go, Lan. The Yayas of the Round Table will make an appearance in the next chapter and the Yaya lawyer firm will be sometime after that. To anyone else, thanks for reading. I'm sure you're not a skank like Lan. Or the rest of the Yayas. I love all of you.

Emma