Chapter 8- painful goodbyes
"Harry was so cute this morning. I was looking after him because Lily was called and asked by St Mungo's to fill in for someone, apparently there's a bout of Mongolian flu buzzing around. Any way I switched the wizarding wireless on and Harry was in his baby walker. The who's were playing their new song "Magic of an old hag" and I swear he was trying to sing along, he was dancing and everything." Claire said excitedly.
Remus smiled at her, enjoying her happiness.
"He is really cut, spitting image of James too."
"Yeah, and at least he'll get the chance of a happy upbringing. Unlike James did."
"Yeah, he's got the best parents I can think of." She looked into Remus' eyes. "Do you ever dream that one day we'll have kids? You know and be parents... like Lily and James."
Remus sighed. "You want kids?"
"Yes, don't you?" She asked. He paused uncomfortably.
"Well it's just, well. Well no I don't want kids." Claire looked at him horrified.
"You don't? Why ever not? Why did you never say anything before now?"
"I just don't ok."
"Remus there has to be a reason behind it. You love Harry. You always play with him and Neville when you're around them."
"Just leave it." Remus said moodily.
"No I want an explanation. I want to know why the man I love doesn't want children." Claire demanded.
"Because I'm a werewolf!" He shouted angrily.
"Wha...?" She replied shocked
"Claire, do you not get it? I'm a werewolf. If I were to have children, they would be werewolves too. Werewolf is in my blood, my genes, my heart and soul. It would also be passed down my blood line."
"Then so be it! Let our children be werewolves also! I would love them no less." Claire grinned happily.
"NO! I will not let them. No one can understand what I have experienced. A monthly transformation which is so painful you can still feel the extent of it days after. Not having control over yourself. Knowing given the chance you could willingly attack innocent people having either their blood on your hands or making them into a creature as ghastly as yourself. Being ridiculed by those who believe themselves better. Having so many laws placed over you by the ministry. Your friends and family having to bail you out of things all the time. I cannot let another go through what I have. Plus how would we support a child, I have no job and you would be out of work during maternity."
"Remus, you forget that I have a fortune."
"It is not right for a man to be living off another."
"Ok Remus, I understand why you don't want to have children, but that doesn't stop us from adopting."
"That's not what you want."
"What I want is to know that I will be with the man I love and raise children with him."
"I'm sorry Claire, but a werewolf is not the sort of person you want to bring up a child with."
"Then where is this going, what are you suggesting?" Her voice was quiet, shaky. She knew the solution; she just didn't want to admit it.
She wanted her future to include children, her own children. Remus was right, she couldn't adopt. She didn't want her children to live with the same burden he was most unfortunate to have either. But she loved him. Why did she always have to have this luck?
Remus looked into her eyes, tears shedding. He took her hand shaking his head.
"I don't know, I honestly don't know." He sobbed.
"But you do. We both do." She replied, wetting her own cheeks.
"Claire, I don't want to break up with you. I love you."
"I love you too, you know that. But if we want different things what can we do?"
Remus bowed his head hopelessly. "You know I was all ready to propose and everything. I'm soooooo sorry Claire. I always ruin everything for everyone." he said sadly.
"Don't say that Remus. You are the nicest person I've ever met. I'll always love you. Something's just aren't meant to be." Claire sobbed.
"Come here." Remus cried.
They embraced each other both shedding tears of regret. Absorbing each other's warmth, trying to implant the love they shared they shared in their memories forever.
Remus leant down and kissed Claire softly on the lips. Their last kiss was short and sweet and would last forever in their minds.
Reluctantly they let go.
"I think it's best I stayed at Lily and James' tonight."
"Ok in the morning I'll be gone." Remus frowned. As Claire got up Remus thought of something. "Claire wait." She stopped and waited as he switched apartments and came back with something in his hand. "Here, we may not be getting married but still wear it if you want, to symbolise my everlasting love and friendship. I don't want to lose you in my life forever, please can we still remain friends."
Claire smiled at him weakly.
"Give me a couple of weeks to come to grips with it. Then of course we can."
From that day Claire wore the engagement ring on a necklace around her neck and never took it off.
Claire fled to her brother's house in tears, thankfully only finding Lily and not James or Sirius.
"Oh my gosh, Claire whatever is the matter" Lily came running over to her sister in law as she collapsed into an arm chair crying.
Never in the years that she had known Claire, had she been this upset- not even when her mother died.
"Remus... we... I..." She couldn't finish her sentence, she just dissolved into tears in Lily's arms.
"Shhhhhh." Lily soothed. "Remus broke up with you?" She asked cautiously.
"No." Claire sniffed.
"You broke up with Remus?"
"No.... We just broke up." Lily hugged her closer. She knew this had to be about Remus.
"It's ok, I'm sure it was just a fight and you will get back together after you think it over." Claire's sobs grew stronger and louder.
"That's it. It's final. There's no way we're ever going to get back together." She cried.
"What happened?" Lily asked curiously. "I mean that's what I thought about James and I but look at us now." Claire thought about it then her mind rested on Harry, and her bout of tears increased.
"No, that won't happen. He... he doesn't want children... and ... and I do. He says they will be werewolves and I u..understand him not wanting them to... to put them through what he has lived with... b...but why does life have to be so unfair? Why must it be the man that I love, who can't have the same thing which we both know we want?" By this time it wasn't only Claire who was crying but Lily was too.
It was unfair! All Claire and Remus did was fall in love. No doubt they wanted to get married and then have children as the way we were all born to love and reproduce.
But they couldn't. Poor Remus.
He was doing the right thing in letting Claire move on and allowing her the freedom to fall in love with another, then at least she can be happy and have children. She can be fulfilled in motherhood. Lily understood, being a mother herself, it was the best thing in the world to have a happy family.
"I'm so so sorry Claire. I really don't know what to say." Lily sobbed.
They just sat together hugging in a mass of tears and regret.
Just then James walked in holding Harry so that he was "flying"
"Weeeeeee" James sang out happily.
Suddenly he set his eyes on his wife and sister sitting on an arm chair crying.
"Whats wrong?" He asked suddenly concerned holding Harry closer to him protectively.
Claire opened her mouth before Lily could stop her.
"Re.. remu..." That was all James needed, he handed Harry over to Lily and apperated out of the room.
"Oh dear mother of Merlin. QUICK CLAIRE COME ON BEFORE HE MURDERS REMUS!"
She too apperated Harry still in her arms.
".AND YOU BLOODY WELL CALL YOURSELF A FRIEND. I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE I LET YOU DATE HER. I THOUGHT YOUR WERE BETTER THEN THAT BUT THERE YOU GO AND BREAK HER HEART, SO NOW I HAVE TO BREAK YOU INTO PEICES!" Lily and Claire appeared seeing James lunging forwards at Remus.
They were at Remus' apartment where Sirius and Peter had found Remus, in... well a bit of a state.
"JAMES!" Claire shouted. He turned to her, but instantly turned back, the red stains down her cheeks from crying so much, spurred him on more.
He went forward and swung for Remus who just stood there. Nobody knew why he didn't move, maybe he believed he deserved it?
But Sirius jumped in and grabbed James' fist before it hit Remus.
Sirius and Peter were holding James back who was angrily thrashing at the broken werewolf.
Claire just watched dumfounded, trying to get out the words but only managed to get tears to once again fill her eyes.
Lily took things into her own hands, giving a crying Harry reluctantly to Claire.
"JAMES POTTER!" She shouted. James knew not to ignore his wife when she used that tone. He stopped struggling and glared at her. "Leave Remus alone and find out the whole story before you come charging around here. Come on we're going home. I'm so sorry Remus, please ignore him.
She picked up Harry off of Claire, took James' hand tightly and apperated with him. Claire looked at Remus half sad half apologetic then followed Lily, James and Harry.
Remus just broke down again with only Peter and Sirius to comfort him.
"Claire can you take Harry upstairs for me and put him in his cot please." She indicated to the baby in her arms who she had managed to rock to sleep. She had calmed him down quickly in only the way a mother can. Claire took Harry glad of an excuse to collect herself again.
James glared at his wife.
"Why did you take me away from that.. that... Him?" He growled. Lily shot him a pair of emerald daggers.
"He didn't break your sisters heart. It was neutral. And instead of coming in and comforting your last living relative, you shot off round Remus' trying to beat the living daylights out of him. You should be ashamed of yourself." James cowered under her glare. "Now I suggest when she comes back down you apologise to her about your reaction and ask her about it. You will no doubt be the most comforting person she can turn to." James looked like a little boy whose mother was telling him off. She couldn't help it, she caved. "Now come here." She held out her arms and hugged him tightly. "I know you had her best intentions in mind, it's just you thing more with your fist then your head in these cases."
James kissed his wife on the forehead knowing, that as usual she was right He left her warm embrace to find his sister.
James smiled as he found her singing to Harry the song she used to sing him when they were younger, hiding out in their tree house from their father.
Cauldron cake,
Cauldron cake,
Potion man.
Mix me a potion,
as fast as you can.
Stir it,
and boil it,
and mix it with sea.
Then serve it up coolly,
for baby and me.
Her voice was calm and harmonious, totally betraying her facial expressions. Even in the worst situations, that song had always made him laugh.
"I'm sorry about earlier." He whispered, so as not to disturb his son. Claire turned to him mournfully.
"James." She returned in a whisper. "I needed you." This made him feel doubly guilty after what Lily had said.
"I'm here now." He comforted.
"It wasn't Remus' fault. He doesn't want children, and I do, there's nothing more to It."
"Why's he against kids?" James asked defensively looking at Harry.
"They'd be born as werewolves." She stated simply.
"Ow... I don't blame him. I've seen what his transformations do to him. No one would wish that on another."
"James it hurts so much." Claire sobbed. James rubbed her back.
"I know. Just remember that in time you'll heal. When I lost Lily I thought I'd never feel the same, but things turned out fine. Now I'm not saying that you and Remus will get back together, it is a very big difference to have. But you don't know, maybe you'll meet someone else."
"But I don't want someone else, I want Remus."
"I know, I wish I could tell you the pain goes away quickly, but it doesn't. Just remember I have 2 shoulders to cry on as does Lily."
"Brother and sister forever." Claire smiled. "Anyway, is my little titch getting all sentimental on me?" he eyes gleamed a watery sense of mischief. "Never forget that it was Lily and I who charmed your robes in your 6th year. We were the only ones to fool the marauders besides Dumbledore. We can do it again." James laughed.
"Yeah in your dreams."
"Oh Claire was that a challenge?" Lily stepped into the room eyeing her husband mischievously.
"It was Lily." Claire replied. And both girls cackled.
James paled.
"Harry was so cute this morning. I was looking after him because Lily was called and asked by St Mungo's to fill in for someone, apparently there's a bout of Mongolian flu buzzing around. Any way I switched the wizarding wireless on and Harry was in his baby walker. The who's were playing their new song "Magic of an old hag" and I swear he was trying to sing along, he was dancing and everything." Claire said excitedly.
Remus smiled at her, enjoying her happiness.
"He is really cut, spitting image of James too."
"Yeah, and at least he'll get the chance of a happy upbringing. Unlike James did."
"Yeah, he's got the best parents I can think of." She looked into Remus' eyes. "Do you ever dream that one day we'll have kids? You know and be parents... like Lily and James."
Remus sighed. "You want kids?"
"Yes, don't you?" She asked. He paused uncomfortably.
"Well it's just, well. Well no I don't want kids." Claire looked at him horrified.
"You don't? Why ever not? Why did you never say anything before now?"
"I just don't ok."
"Remus there has to be a reason behind it. You love Harry. You always play with him and Neville when you're around them."
"Just leave it." Remus said moodily.
"No I want an explanation. I want to know why the man I love doesn't want children." Claire demanded.
"Because I'm a werewolf!" He shouted angrily.
"Wha...?" She replied shocked
"Claire, do you not get it? I'm a werewolf. If I were to have children, they would be werewolves too. Werewolf is in my blood, my genes, my heart and soul. It would also be passed down my blood line."
"Then so be it! Let our children be werewolves also! I would love them no less." Claire grinned happily.
"NO! I will not let them. No one can understand what I have experienced. A monthly transformation which is so painful you can still feel the extent of it days after. Not having control over yourself. Knowing given the chance you could willingly attack innocent people having either their blood on your hands or making them into a creature as ghastly as yourself. Being ridiculed by those who believe themselves better. Having so many laws placed over you by the ministry. Your friends and family having to bail you out of things all the time. I cannot let another go through what I have. Plus how would we support a child, I have no job and you would be out of work during maternity."
"Remus, you forget that I have a fortune."
"It is not right for a man to be living off another."
"Ok Remus, I understand why you don't want to have children, but that doesn't stop us from adopting."
"That's not what you want."
"What I want is to know that I will be with the man I love and raise children with him."
"I'm sorry Claire, but a werewolf is not the sort of person you want to bring up a child with."
"Then where is this going, what are you suggesting?" Her voice was quiet, shaky. She knew the solution; she just didn't want to admit it.
She wanted her future to include children, her own children. Remus was right, she couldn't adopt. She didn't want her children to live with the same burden he was most unfortunate to have either. But she loved him. Why did she always have to have this luck?
Remus looked into her eyes, tears shedding. He took her hand shaking his head.
"I don't know, I honestly don't know." He sobbed.
"But you do. We both do." She replied, wetting her own cheeks.
"Claire, I don't want to break up with you. I love you."
"I love you too, you know that. But if we want different things what can we do?"
Remus bowed his head hopelessly. "You know I was all ready to propose and everything. I'm soooooo sorry Claire. I always ruin everything for everyone." he said sadly.
"Don't say that Remus. You are the nicest person I've ever met. I'll always love you. Something's just aren't meant to be." Claire sobbed.
"Come here." Remus cried.
They embraced each other both shedding tears of regret. Absorbing each other's warmth, trying to implant the love they shared they shared in their memories forever.
Remus leant down and kissed Claire softly on the lips. Their last kiss was short and sweet and would last forever in their minds.
Reluctantly they let go.
"I think it's best I stayed at Lily and James' tonight."
"Ok in the morning I'll be gone." Remus frowned. As Claire got up Remus thought of something. "Claire wait." She stopped and waited as he switched apartments and came back with something in his hand. "Here, we may not be getting married but still wear it if you want, to symbolise my everlasting love and friendship. I don't want to lose you in my life forever, please can we still remain friends."
Claire smiled at him weakly.
"Give me a couple of weeks to come to grips with it. Then of course we can."
From that day Claire wore the engagement ring on a necklace around her neck and never took it off.
Claire fled to her brother's house in tears, thankfully only finding Lily and not James or Sirius.
"Oh my gosh, Claire whatever is the matter" Lily came running over to her sister in law as she collapsed into an arm chair crying.
Never in the years that she had known Claire, had she been this upset- not even when her mother died.
"Remus... we... I..." She couldn't finish her sentence, she just dissolved into tears in Lily's arms.
"Shhhhhh." Lily soothed. "Remus broke up with you?" She asked cautiously.
"No." Claire sniffed.
"You broke up with Remus?"
"No.... We just broke up." Lily hugged her closer. She knew this had to be about Remus.
"It's ok, I'm sure it was just a fight and you will get back together after you think it over." Claire's sobs grew stronger and louder.
"That's it. It's final. There's no way we're ever going to get back together." She cried.
"What happened?" Lily asked curiously. "I mean that's what I thought about James and I but look at us now." Claire thought about it then her mind rested on Harry, and her bout of tears increased.
"No, that won't happen. He... he doesn't want children... and ... and I do. He says they will be werewolves and I u..understand him not wanting them to... to put them through what he has lived with... b...but why does life have to be so unfair? Why must it be the man that I love, who can't have the same thing which we both know we want?" By this time it wasn't only Claire who was crying but Lily was too.
It was unfair! All Claire and Remus did was fall in love. No doubt they wanted to get married and then have children as the way we were all born to love and reproduce.
But they couldn't. Poor Remus.
He was doing the right thing in letting Claire move on and allowing her the freedom to fall in love with another, then at least she can be happy and have children. She can be fulfilled in motherhood. Lily understood, being a mother herself, it was the best thing in the world to have a happy family.
"I'm so so sorry Claire. I really don't know what to say." Lily sobbed.
They just sat together hugging in a mass of tears and regret.
Just then James walked in holding Harry so that he was "flying"
"Weeeeeee" James sang out happily.
Suddenly he set his eyes on his wife and sister sitting on an arm chair crying.
"Whats wrong?" He asked suddenly concerned holding Harry closer to him protectively.
Claire opened her mouth before Lily could stop her.
"Re.. remu..." That was all James needed, he handed Harry over to Lily and apperated out of the room.
"Oh dear mother of Merlin. QUICK CLAIRE COME ON BEFORE HE MURDERS REMUS!"
She too apperated Harry still in her arms.
".AND YOU BLOODY WELL CALL YOURSELF A FRIEND. I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE I LET YOU DATE HER. I THOUGHT YOUR WERE BETTER THEN THAT BUT THERE YOU GO AND BREAK HER HEART, SO NOW I HAVE TO BREAK YOU INTO PEICES!" Lily and Claire appeared seeing James lunging forwards at Remus.
They were at Remus' apartment where Sirius and Peter had found Remus, in... well a bit of a state.
"JAMES!" Claire shouted. He turned to her, but instantly turned back, the red stains down her cheeks from crying so much, spurred him on more.
He went forward and swung for Remus who just stood there. Nobody knew why he didn't move, maybe he believed he deserved it?
But Sirius jumped in and grabbed James' fist before it hit Remus.
Sirius and Peter were holding James back who was angrily thrashing at the broken werewolf.
Claire just watched dumfounded, trying to get out the words but only managed to get tears to once again fill her eyes.
Lily took things into her own hands, giving a crying Harry reluctantly to Claire.
"JAMES POTTER!" She shouted. James knew not to ignore his wife when she used that tone. He stopped struggling and glared at her. "Leave Remus alone and find out the whole story before you come charging around here. Come on we're going home. I'm so sorry Remus, please ignore him.
She picked up Harry off of Claire, took James' hand tightly and apperated with him. Claire looked at Remus half sad half apologetic then followed Lily, James and Harry.
Remus just broke down again with only Peter and Sirius to comfort him.
"Claire can you take Harry upstairs for me and put him in his cot please." She indicated to the baby in her arms who she had managed to rock to sleep. She had calmed him down quickly in only the way a mother can. Claire took Harry glad of an excuse to collect herself again.
James glared at his wife.
"Why did you take me away from that.. that... Him?" He growled. Lily shot him a pair of emerald daggers.
"He didn't break your sisters heart. It was neutral. And instead of coming in and comforting your last living relative, you shot off round Remus' trying to beat the living daylights out of him. You should be ashamed of yourself." James cowered under her glare. "Now I suggest when she comes back down you apologise to her about your reaction and ask her about it. You will no doubt be the most comforting person she can turn to." James looked like a little boy whose mother was telling him off. She couldn't help it, she caved. "Now come here." She held out her arms and hugged him tightly. "I know you had her best intentions in mind, it's just you thing more with your fist then your head in these cases."
James kissed his wife on the forehead knowing, that as usual she was right He left her warm embrace to find his sister.
James smiled as he found her singing to Harry the song she used to sing him when they were younger, hiding out in their tree house from their father.
Cauldron cake,
Cauldron cake,
Potion man.
Mix me a potion,
as fast as you can.
Stir it,
and boil it,
and mix it with sea.
Then serve it up coolly,
for baby and me.
Her voice was calm and harmonious, totally betraying her facial expressions. Even in the worst situations, that song had always made him laugh.
"I'm sorry about earlier." He whispered, so as not to disturb his son. Claire turned to him mournfully.
"James." She returned in a whisper. "I needed you." This made him feel doubly guilty after what Lily had said.
"I'm here now." He comforted.
"It wasn't Remus' fault. He doesn't want children, and I do, there's nothing more to It."
"Why's he against kids?" James asked defensively looking at Harry.
"They'd be born as werewolves." She stated simply.
"Ow... I don't blame him. I've seen what his transformations do to him. No one would wish that on another."
"James it hurts so much." Claire sobbed. James rubbed her back.
"I know. Just remember that in time you'll heal. When I lost Lily I thought I'd never feel the same, but things turned out fine. Now I'm not saying that you and Remus will get back together, it is a very big difference to have. But you don't know, maybe you'll meet someone else."
"But I don't want someone else, I want Remus."
"I know, I wish I could tell you the pain goes away quickly, but it doesn't. Just remember I have 2 shoulders to cry on as does Lily."
"Brother and sister forever." Claire smiled. "Anyway, is my little titch getting all sentimental on me?" he eyes gleamed a watery sense of mischief. "Never forget that it was Lily and I who charmed your robes in your 6th year. We were the only ones to fool the marauders besides Dumbledore. We can do it again." James laughed.
"Yeah in your dreams."
"Oh Claire was that a challenge?" Lily stepped into the room eyeing her husband mischievously.
"It was Lily." Claire replied. And both girls cackled.
James paled.