"A Bad Decision –"Repercussions"

Chapter 7

Author: Lorrie Ellis

Email: lorrieannhotmail

Summary : The team gates to a previously unexplored world and may regret what they find.

Disclaimer: The following story is based on the characters of the TV Series "Stargate: Atlantis". The characters belong to MGM, The Sci-Fi channel, etc. but the story is mine. ALL DISCLAIMERS APPLY. (No copyright infringement is intended.)

Days had passed since the team had returned from Frena with John and in spite of what seemed to be a full physical recovery with the exception of his sight, Dr. Beckett still insisted that the Major remain in the infirmary for a few more days.

"Beckett, for the umpteenth time, I'm fine." John retorted as the doctor examined the scares from the puncture marks in his head.

"Humor me, Major. I've never witnessed such a miraculous recovery and I'd like to study it for a bit."

"I never enjoyed being a guinea pig and now that I can't see what you're doing, I dislike it even more." John said firmly.

"I'll make a deal with you. You stay put for 24 hours and then I'll release you." He paused. "With the understanding that someone must be with you 24/7."

John's mouth hung open. "24/7, you've got to be kidding. I'm a grown man, I don't need a babysitter."

"You're a grown man who has just lost his sight." The doctor's usual cheerful voice changed to concern. "And John, the blindness may be permanent."

He spoke slowly, watching John's face as the reality of the moment sank in and then continued. "I don't want ya hurtin' yourself by bumping into things, so until you're more comfortable with the surroundings, I don't want ya out of your quarters without an escort."

John turned away, not wanting to face the truth just as much as he didn't want to face Dr. Beckett at that moment.

"John . . ." The doctor took note that John was uncharacteristically at a loss for words. "Don't shut everybody out. We're all your friends and we want to help as much as possible."

John continued to face the wall, his thoughts running wild. What good was he to the team if he couldn't see? How could he maintain his leadership role, if someone had to lead him around the city? And the worst thought that came to his mind . . . how could he fly?

Flying was the one thing in his life that allowed him to feel free, free from the pressure that his parents had placed on him as a child, free from the strict atmosphere of the Air Force barracks, free from . . . well, everything and now he was grounded, maybe for life.

"How is he?" Dr. Weir asked as she approached Dr. Beckett.

"He could be better." Beckett replied, not even attempting to hide the worry in his voice.

Elizabeth turned her head, waiting for the doctor to continue. When he didn't she piped up. "I thought that Landiv was able to remove the energy mass entirely."

Beckett nodded. "He did. In that respect, the Major is as right as rain, but he's still blind and . . ." He paused. "Oh Dr. Weir, there's just not any more that I can do for him. I'm afraid that the blindness may be permanent and I just told John so. He's not taking it very well and quite frankly I don't know what to make of his behavior."

"What do you mean?" She looked past the doctor and saw John lying on the cot in the infirmary.

"He turned away from me when I told him that there was nothing more I could do and he hasn't said a word since."

She gently grasped Carson's shoulder and walked passed him, towards John. "Hi John, how are you feeling?"

There was no response, he didn't even face her.

She started to step closer to the bed and then realized that maybe he needed a while to deal with the news Carson had just given him. She knew that this wasn't going to be easy on him, on any of them for that matter. The whole crew of Atlantis had grown to somewhat depend on the Major to see that the Wraith and other hostiles were kept away from the gate, away from Atlantis and now, with him not being able to see, how would they continue to carry out their missions?

"I'll let you rest and check in on you later." She said softly, reaching for his hand. Surprisingly, he allowed her to take it. She could almost swear that she felt him grip it for an instance, but then she could have imagined it.

Lt. Ford and Teyla had waited nearly half of the morning just outside of the infirmary. "Do you think he is still ill?" Teyla asked.

Ford shook his head. "I don't know. He seemed more himself after Landiv did his thing, but I just don't know."

"It's his eyes." Rodney said as he quietly walked up behind them.

"What?" Ford asked.

"I talked to Dr. Weir this morning. Major Shepherd is still blind and he's not dealing with it very well." His voice was full of concern.

"What can we do?" Teyla asked.

Rodney shook his head from side to side. "I wish I knew."

John was still lying on the cot when Dr. Beckett approached him. "I know ya hate me John and I'm sorry. I'm still tryin' everything I know to find a way to restore your sight, but the optic nerve is damaged and . . ." He stopped, realizing that John wasn't listening to him.

"Royally screwed. That's me. John Allen Shepherd, Royally screwed. I can't even walk down the corridor to my quarters without help, let alone fly a Jumper. What good am I to Atlantis now?" His thoughts continued to run wild, even though outwardly he appeared catatonic.

John's final night in the infirmary was restless. He couldn't sleep, not with the news that Dr. Beckett had given him earlier in the day. He hadn't wanted to speak to anyone even though he knew that his team, Dr. Beckett and Elizabeth were all anxious to know that he was going to be alright.

But was he going to be alright was the question of the moment. He wasn't sure that he could deal with being blind, let alone share his feelings about it with someone else, even if that someone were Elizabeth.

At 0100, Dr. Weir found herself outside of the infirmary door. She quietly walked in, finding Dr. Beckett sitting at his desk, staring at nothing. "Carson?"

"Dr. Weir, what are ya doin' up at this hour?"

"I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about John." She looked towards the cot, seeing only his back and assuming that he was asleep. "How is he?"

Dr. Beckett shook his head. "No change. He still won't speak to me."

She continued to watch him as he rolled over on his back. She could tell that he wasn't asleep. "Carson, do you have any objections to me taking him out on the balcony?"

"I don't, but good luck at gettin' him to do anything right now."

She said and started towards John's cot, pausing just before she reached it. "So, you can't sleep either, eh?" His expressionless eyes looked up at her. "What do you say that you and I take a little walk?"

He turned his head more in her direction and then to her surprise, he spoke. "I can't even walk from here to the hallway without stumbling over something."

"You can if you let me help you." She gently put her arm around him and helped him out of bed.

"Beth, I don't want to do this." He objected.

"Let's just take a walk out on the balcony. The fresh air will do you good." She insisted.

She didn't try to coddle him, but instead took his hand and allowed him to walk at his own pace. She swore that she even saw a glimmer of a grin when they reached the balcony. "There, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

He shook his head. "No, but it's not flying."

"John . . ."

"Beth, I'm nothing if I can't fly. I'm of absolutely no use to you or anyone else in Atlantis if I can't do what you chose me to come here and do."

"John, that's not true."

"It is true. I can't lead if I can't see. I can't fly if I can't see and I can't even help you with tactical missions if I can't see to read the charts. I've been through it all a hundred times or more in my head Beth. There's nothing that I can do without my sight that will benefit Atlantis. I'm useless."

"Stop it!" She said firmly. "I will not let you feel sorry for yourself. You are a very important part of this expedition whether you can see or not. My God John, you can access the technologies of the Ancient's so easily that it's almost scary. And you can do that with or without your sight."

He scoffed. "So I'm a key to the artifacts now, is that it?"

"No." She shouted. "That's not what I meant and you know it."

He turned, stumbling slightly. Elizabeth reached out to steady him and they caught each other in an embrace. "You're so much more John." She whispered as she closed her eyes and they found each others lips. "So much more."

To be continued . . .