14. Ignominy
The unforgiving weather kept the inhabitants of the dispirited town confined to what they considered their homes, encompassing the city in a derelict mist.
In reality, that fact had little bearing, as not a single soul would have been able to differentiate tears from rainwater across flushed features or hear harsh breath cracking with sobs above the calamitous thunder.
The night sky ruthlessly assaulted the earth below and litter of all sorts tarnished the rain-soaked ground. Small puddles of dingy liquid splattered as the assault of the teen's frantically ruthless steps collided with the unfortunate pools.
Hisoka ran desperately in search of solitude in the Earth realm. Though it seemed that no matter how quickly his strides were placed, his thoughts lingered about him, like a predator strategically waiting to strike its prey once it becomes completely spent and vulnerable.
The Empath was fortunate to leave when he did. At the moment he had left his partner, the boy's mind was being taken by a nauseating wave of vertigo that threatened to render him unconscious. After all he had gone trough after he had awoken in the infirmary, the intensely raw disbelief and hurt that had stabbed into his mind as he exited was far more then the boy could handle.
His senses still blazing from the torrent of complex emotions his partner had emitted, Hisoka's shattered mind flashed with incoherent portions of the previous event as he stumbled to a halt down a nameless alleyway in the unsavory desolate neighborhood.
Frantically clasping a palm over his heart, he grasped the rough denim of his jacket that lay unbuttoned over his chest, while the other arm braced his dripping form against the frigid surface of a decaying stone building.
Desperate for air, he panted hard and allowed his exhausted frame to become languid as he slowly slid down the decrepit bricks of a rundown apartment complex.
Rainwater soaked through his cloths, and he wrapped his arms tightly around his torso as he vainly fought against a squall of chilled wind.
A vindictive air stream blew in fierce opposition to the damp folds of clothing that clung to his trembling sodden form and pushed a dripping tress of wheat bangs in front of eyes that were shut tight against the harshness of the storm.
Bitingly cold rainwater mingled with heated cascades down the boy's numb cheeks as a stinging emotion, familiar in its unfamiliarity, uncontrollably lacerated his mind, quickly reminding him of his partner.
'Is he really this insufferable?' Hisoka winced in frustration as the habitual yet unidentifiable emotion ruthlessly bombarded him when thoughts of his partner were able to maneuver their way to the forefront of his distraught psyche.
Whatever the emotion was, it had made him want to hurt his partner...
...And fiercely protect him at the same time.
Fresh moisture pooled behind his delicate lashes when he recollected how he left Tsuzuki, alone and distraught on the cold tiled floor.
This mysterious emotion was seemingly impossible to discern, though Hisoka was somehow certain that it carried with it a promise of pain.
To save himself from the torture and turmoil of finding out for sure, he had taken the easy way out, to simply leave before this frightful feeling could be named and in the process, become a reality.
'You don't have to worry anymore...' The pressure setting into his wretched expression intensified as he considered his partner.
Hisoka had never meant to inform Tsuzuki of his decision in that manner. And now, refusing to face the disaster, nothing had been resolved. He had only succeeded in creating an even larger irreconcilable schism between him and Tsuzuki.
'Did I really just try my hardest to hurt Tsuzuki?' The boy quivered in disbelief of his own actions. His eyes shut in defiance as another wave of violent sobs threatened to overtake his submissive body.
'I'm certain I've never cried this much during my lifetime, so why now? If this is the correct choice, if what I'm doing is right, then why the Hell am I so upset? I'm doing this for myself, right? I understand I'm being selfish, but I couldn't take anymore,' his anarchic consciousness proffered in an attempt to find something grounded to cling to.
'Why can't he just be honest with me!?' his mind finally cried out in aggravation as he dug his fingers into coarse fabric, tightly enveloping himself. Heavy raindrops sunk him deeper to the ground as he attempted to find solace in the icy earth beneath him.
'But isn't that what you got?'
Emeralds shot open and breath failed to enter his lungs as the boy's heartbeat quickened at the sound of a sickeningly familiar tone.
His ardent internal voice was much akin to his own despondently cruel tone. This hidden part of himself that the boy had always managed to repress was able to gain freedom by means of the Empath's current traumatized state.
The torment was always profound to the stubborn teen because the he knew that this customarily confined persona was, on some level, always correct.
'You're his toughest critic. If you so much as tolerate him, he feels tremendous acceptance,' the voice offered coolly.
Knowing the nature of his own mind, Hisoka quickly tensed in preparation for the relentless mental assault that would unfailingly ensue.
'But you rejected him,' it tersely scorned in the boy's own acerbic intonation as he cringed at the truth behind the accusation.
'You have broken him... again.' Frustrated tears silently broke free from behind tightly shut dark lashes.
'Your decision rejects him and all he has given you.' The boy quickly took in a sharp breath as he futilely attempted to force his thoughts back into repression.
In defiance of the accursed voice, Hisoka shakily began to rise from the wet ground. Although his entire body ached, he reasoned that his thoughts seemed to be less aggressive while he had been moving.
'You purposefully hurt him in the worst possible way, and your only justification is that he unintentionally hurt you.' Tears continued to stream down his flushed cheeks as he realized he could find no reasonable excuse for his actions.
Propping his trembling shoulder blades against the cold building facade, he slowly reached his stiff fingertips up to the either side of his throbbing head. His body cringed in protest as he masochistically applied increasing pressure to his temples in an attempt to ward off the belligerent voice.
'Don't deny the fact that you need him, that if he died you would soon follow suit.' Overwhelmed, Hisoka regretfully slid down the wall with impending defeat. He fell to his knees clutching trembling hands to his ears, desperately attempting to vanquish his own mind, his ability, himself.
'Everyone you have ever known has hurt you.'
As he surrendered once more to the sting of truth behind each menacing syllable, he tightened his grip around himself.
'You find the one person who truly cares, and you abandon him!'
Regardless of the downpour, his throat was drained of moisture and restricted his ability to voice his futile opposition to his internal monologue.
'You have become just like everyone who has wronged you. You are what you despise.'
He sunk unnerved fingers into the wet filth that plagued the cluttered landscape struggling to quell the nauseating faintness that slowly crept about the edges of his consciousness.
'You know he will believe that he is responsible for what will happen!'
Though it produced an anguished throb deep within his chest, it was one truth he was already fully aware of.
'What do you have worth living for?'
His neck arched as a numbing sting rushed through his mind at the question: he knew the answer, but fervently denied it acceptance.
'Hasn't he given you a reason?'
Overcome by his opposition to his own mind, gravity suddenly became the boy's greatest foe as he unwittingly collapsed completely to the muddy ground.
Curling tightly into himself, Hisoka hugged his knees securely against his delicate agony-laced features, allowing warm tears to seep uninhibited into the rigid fabric of his jeans. Dirt clung desperately to his face in opposition to the severe earthbound drops as he laid grounded, mud easily corrupting the purity of his wet garments.
'Understand that you have already admitted you belong with him.'
The boy anxiously shuddered at the stinging legitimacy of the words that continued to run rampant trough his mind, drowning his withering senses.
It was useless to deny the truth of what he had already said. However, he berated himself everyday since that mistake in Kyoto as his guarded nature convinced him that his emotional outpouring was the cause of his current problems.
Too drained, mentally, emotionally and physically, to deny himself any longer, the boy surrendered his obstinate will as the storm calmed to a cool drizzle across one skyward cheek.
His chaotic emotions quietly orchestrated themselves to a level of calmed normalcy as he tearfully submitted to the truth behind what his subconscious was telling him. His taut body slowly relaxed; the tight ball he had formed unfurled silently into lethargically limp heap of Empath.
A gentle wave of weariness washed over his slim frame as he languidly exposed previously sheltered emeralds to a dark overcast evening sky.
Watery eyes began surveying the alley that encompassed him, and Hisoka noticed that he had ironically ended up at the crime scene where the fallen angels had first been reported.
It was the last place he and Tsuzuki had been together on Earth.
The memory dispelled the chill from his veins as his nerves calmed considerably. With the boy's resigned acquiescence of his subconscious thoughts, the voice became a soft coo in the back of his mind. A dull throb that had retreated to the base of his skull was the only evidence left of his internal struggle.
'He needs you just as much as you need him...'
Besides the stiffness and the biting cold that was settling into his slender frame, he let his mind relax in the afterglow of his distressing emotional release.
'...So he needs you now more then ever.'
To Be Concluded...
But there is good news! (Though I am sure everyone has heard by now -smiles-) the first volume of Descendents of Darkness will be out in August by Viz! Hurrah!!
To SapphireDragon: Every time I read reviews to other stories, you're a reviewer. Do you have a registered pen name? Do you have anything on FF.net? Regardless, I would like to thank you on behalf of all the authors you have made so happy with your numerous reviews -smiles-. I'm honored that you keep tabs on my story.
Dazzle1: floored by encouragement Wow. Thank you so much for the inspiring reviews you take the time to give me, I really appreciate it and it makes me so happy that you enjoy this story.
Thank you Chiharu-san for your amazing beta reading skills.
Thank you to all my readers and special thanks to my reviewers: aoi yuki, xXLil Yu JahXx, E-san, Ola, Fin-Phoenix, Mlaine, L'Ananda, and Black Prodigy.
Reviews are certainly not mandatory, but authors really appreciate the comments of their readers very much -smiles-