She was still angry at herself for how she was around him, but in honesty, she just couldn't help it. Whenever Jack touched her she could feel Eli instead of him. She knew it wasn't fair to Jack, but when the assault occurred, she kept her calm, by telling herself that everything was going to be okay because Jack was on his way to save her. He did come and save them, but in reality he was too late. And that is what she thought of when they lay in bed together. She knew it was not his fault, how could he have possible known what was going on, he couldn't. It was that simple - he had done everything in his power to help her, and he had saved them. He did nothing wrong, but he did nothing, when she truly needed him, when she was with that monster.
She wondered if it would make it easier for herself if she told him so he could understand her behaviour. She could tell he was hurt by her lack of emotion towards him, he was trying to hide it from her but she could see it in his eyes, he was hurting. But so was she. She knew that if she told him she would feel better, hall, maybe she would even be able to put it behind her and move on, but she couldn't. As much as it would help her, she knew it would destroy him.
Jack stayed put in his spot on the cold step in the garden staring deeply into space whilst the air slowly darkened around him as the day passed by. He thought of how stupid he was to think Richard would leave his mind once he went to the funeral - that plan had crashed and burned, seen as he kept popping into his head every now and then. He realised that he simply had to accept that he was gone, but at least he had some good memories to remember him by. What more could he ask for, he wasn't coming back, and that was as good as it was going to get.
He also thought of Terri, and how strange she was behaving, it really wasn't like her. He was beginning to notice a pattern though, and what he was discovering scared him. Terri seemed to get tense and nervous when he was close to her or if he touched her. If she came to him and controlled the movement between them she seemed to be okay, but when he approached her, that was an entirely different story.
He was saddened by this thought, what had he done wrong, he wondered? He must have upset her to make her act this way. He couldn't really think of anything which would fit with his hypothesis, and he couldn't think of anything that had happened before Tuesday, and it was directly after that when her distance from him had begun. He deduced that it had to be that she was angry at him for the way his job endangered them, that was the only logical explanation - and he couldn't be mad at her for that - she had every right to be angry with him for what he put them through that day. The must have been scared, he thought guiltily, and he knew none of it would have occurred if it wasn't for him.
He thought about the irony of the situation he was now facing, Terri's distance from himself. Wasn't that the reason she had kicked him out a few months ago? She had claimed it was, and he believed her, he knew he had been cold and distracted ever since Operation Nightfall, and she had finally had enough. The death of his men was why he had changed, so what had happened to Terri to make her distance herself from him, he wondered confused, he couldn't think of anything, except maybe stress from being kidnapped and held hostage. That could explain it, he thought, although he wasn't fully convinced.
He then let his mind wander into more dangerous depths, Nina Myers. She had called today to see if he was okay. He knew it was strictly a friend calling a friend, after all she seemed to be with Tony now, from what gossip he had heard floating around the office, much to his displeasure. Still, it only cemented the thought in his head that she had only called as a friend, a co-worker. He also knew that if the roles were reversed he would have done the same thing.
He also understood where Terri was coming from, it was a little suspicious, especially when he hadn't confided in her, his wife, that it was Walsh who had died. He chuckled dryly to himself as he thought about how she would have reacted if she knew about his and Ninas past together, although he found no humour in it. He felt guilty about how he had retracted her question earlier, he didn't have the energy to go into all that now, maybe he would explain it all to her later, just like he had intended to clear it all up with her when they first got back together, but she hadn't wanted to hear it. Now she did, Jack thought bitterly, and it was only going to make matters worse.