Ker-klank.
Klunk.
Ker-klunk-klang.
Thunk.
"Oh I agree, they think they rule the damn universe, but we
know better," Kryten nodded furiously to his new friend; a ventilation shaft
with a rotating fan that was a bit of a looker and intelligent to boot. He'd met
many electrical friends whilst cruising around the many miles of corridors
throughout the Red Dwarf but Ventila was special. There was that incident with a
confiscated lawn mower a week or so back. She was better best forgotten. He'd
rescued her and she'd told him about her past; her deranged young human who
thought no one would notice he had stolen her during a Rag Week. Subsequently,
he dropped out of his college anyway and ended up on Red Dwarf dragging her
aboard in a suitcase. Even a dimwit like Hollister could espy a lawn mower in a
suitcase. She was put away until they could trace the owner. She was so grateful
to Kryten and fell handle over blades in love with him. But alas, she was not
his type and he let her down as gently as possible. Last time he saw her, she
was racing up and down the halls roaring for vengeance. But Ventila was far
better. So understated and shy at first, but under it there was a great sense of
humour. She'd heard every joke told on the ship, passed down from shaft to shaft
from whence it was first heard, and she had Kryten in stitches all day with
them. And the things she could do with those propellers would drive any droid
wild! It was an almost perfect love. Kryten sat with Ventila for days on end,
chatting about his new-found disrespect for humans and how they were all smegs,
except for David Lister, the only man who'd ever believed he could have a
greater purpose than serving him and other humans. "He could've taken advantage
of having his very own service-droid, but not Davie! He taught me to live. To
really live."
Clank.
"Yes, I plan to go back very soon."
Whirrr.
"Of course you can meet them! I'll bring them down to you.
I'm sure David and the Cat would love to join us for a chat."
Thunk-klang?
"Pffft, like I'd want to invite him."
Clink.
"He is, very."
More time passed and Kryten grew restless. He wanted to
explore some more. He had freedom and he wanted to use it to its fullest. But
how could he abandon Ventila so early in their relationship? "Perhaps if I went
back to the others, they would help me move her to another shaft. We could all
be one, big, happy family. An odd family, but a family none the less." It was
decided. He made his apologies to Ventila and promised to return very soon. With
a small salute, he rode off into the darkness. Ventila waited there for him to
come back. She would be waiting for a very long time. A few miles later, Kryten
realised he was a bit lost. He searched his memory trying to work out what
routes he had taken since coming down to the lower levels and calculated a quick
route back. "Aha!" He revved the bike and it roared into action. He was about to
set off when a bad feeling crept up on him like a fart in an aeroplane. He
switched off the engine. The roaring sound was still echoing around the
corridor. He turned his head slowly. An orange creature moved towards him.
"Daisy?" he gulped and tried to smile at the lawn mower but his expression came
out as 'sick-as-a-parrot'. The lawn mower grinned menacingly (which is
impressive for something with no face) and sped up. Quick as flash, Kryten
turned the ignition and the bike jumped forward and drove off. Daisy wasn't
about to let this put her off her mission and she pushed herself to go faster
and faster. Kryten could see no way out. The bike was getting low on fuel and
Daisy was hungry for robot-blood. Some quick-thinking was required here. "So,
Daisy, how have you been? You look well," he called behind him, hoping that a
friendly conversation would calm her slightly. Daisy showed no signs of
stopping. Kryten looked around for some inspiration for an escape plan. He was
on his way to formulating a great plan but it was cut short. Kryten was
concentrating so hard on his plan that he paid little attention to his driving
and didn't turn in time at a sharp bend. He swerved to avoid the wall but
smacked against it violently and spun away from it and hit the corner of the
bend. Kryten lost an arm and an eye with that collision and he rolled across the
hall stopping at the wall he had originally crashed into. He flopped off of the
bike and collapsed in a heap. Daisy came to a stop inches away from his battered
remains. She spun her blades in triumph and trundled off down a metal bridge.
But in a glorious display of karma's sense of justice, her wheel caught in the
grid and she flipped over like a tortoise. And she remained like that until the
end of her days. Kryten lay for a few moments and thought about how he wanted to
see Lister once more. And how much he would miss Ventila. Then, he shut down.
Author Notes;
Kryten - I was concerned about the lack of Kryten and always wondered what he
got up to during those few months before Lister found him smushed up. So it's
all explained here!
Daisy and Ventila - Well, everyone else gets a romantic storyline in Red Dwarf
at least once and Kryten only gets Camille (sp?). So I decided to make him a bit
of a ladies' man.
