Harvest Moon: The Bachelor
~*~Seven Girls, all trying to win the heart of Jack. Only two remain now, and one will be his bride. Karen, or Popuri? Find out! ~*~
This episode opened differently then the others, Hannah stood in a studio with the five eliminated girls. "Hello hello! Welcome to the Bachelor finale! Both Popuri, and Karen are going to meet Jack's parents, choose their rings, and come face to face with Jack as he makes his final decision. Before he does, we have the rest of the Bachelor crew here!" The audience cheered. "Sara! Jill! Mary! Elli! And now, Ann!"
"Let's start with Ann, Ann how did you feel when you were eliminated?" Hannah asked the redhead.
"It felt great!" Ann said surprisingly. "Jack was just a dumb fuck, who loved to womanize. I hated him, the only reason why I was in it was for his cows. Especially Bessie, goddess, how I miss her! We used to make passionate love in the moonlight and she would often squeal or moo in delight, or pain.....I don't know which, either way it was love."
Hannah stared at Ann, dumbfounded, "So you had a relationship with Jack's cow Bessie?"
"That is correct." Ann nodded. "She was a wonderful cow, and I hope to fuc- I mean, see her in the future."
"How.....................Pleasant." Hannah smiled nervously. "Now, Elli how did you take being eliminated?"
Elli sighed, "Well, at first I was really depressed." She took out some cookies, and began to snack on them. "I would eat anything in *munch* sight!" *munch munch* "But then I knew how silly I was! I have a perfectly good guy at home, Jeff."
"Actually, didn't Jeff admit on national television that he was gay?" Hannah asked.
"Yes, but he was just kidding, he is so funny!" Elli's eyes looked overly delirious. She was more than a tad oblivious about Jeff's sexuality as a jump television set turned on showing scenes of Jeff making out with numerous males from FBV. "See? He's a good actor too!"
Hannah just stared at the girl, who was obviously in denial. "That's not all, Jeff also said that Karen is his daughter, Sasha had an affair on him." Then she remembered something, "She had an affair with Kai too, and the carpenters." Hannah thought for a moment then screamed, "This chick is an even bigger whore than I am!!!!"
*Awkward silence, crickets chirping, tumbleweed passes*
"ANYWAY! Mary, while on The Bachelor, You were this sweet book nerd. Once you left, the audience noticed a wild side to you. Which is the real side?"
Mary glanced from side to side, "I-I.don't know um......w-what your talking.................about."
"The drugs! The porn mags! The booze?!" Hannah interrogated.
"They were a-all pl-planted!" Mary cried.
"WHAT ABOUT THE 'Eat cunt!" comment?!" Hannah screeched, trying to catch this virgin Mary in a lie.
"What about it? I-I heard uh my m-mom say that." Mary said blankly.
*GASP!*
"That is so not true!" Mary's mother said from the audience. "I am a grade A mother, and would never use such foul language in front of my children, or EVER!"
"I-I heard y-you!" Mary pointed to her mother.
"Oh my goddess! You little! AAAAAAAAAGGGGGH!!!!!" Mary's mother was about to go insane.
"Shut up, Tramp!" Mary lashed out, "I have had fucking enough of you! I know for a fact you married daddy for his money! I mean, who the FUCK would be so desperate as the marry that short ass fuck?!"
Mary's mother, obviously caught on this, sat down and smiled sweetly to her daughter, "Carry on, I will not be a bother."
Everyone gasped, shocked and appalled by Mary's behavior. "What?! Go back to your shit ass houses in that HELL HOLE Flowerbud. I HATE YOU ALL!" Mary raised her head to the studio lighting, causing a glare of light to temporarily blind everyone. When everyone had their eyesight back, Mary was gone.
Hannah clasped her hands nervously. "So Sara, did you end up getting the operation?"
Sara sighed, and in her manliest voice ever replied "No Hannah, I am still waiting, however once I get it, I'll give you a call and we can hook up."
Hannah smiled nervously. "Heh, I don't think so, ANYWAY Jill, has life changed for you since the show?"
"Like, no, like it hasn't like changed!" Jill laughed, "Like, I just like got like dumped by, like a man whore anyway like!"
"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight." Hannah nodded. "Were there any fights in the house besides the Karen-Popuri conflict?"
The girls all looked around at each other glaring, then suddenly broke out into a WWE-style royal rumble. Two to three minutes later, they calmed down and everyone calmly went back to their seats.
"Who do you guys predict Jack will choose?" Hannah asked each girl.
"I think he'll choose Karen." Sara said, "He wants a real woman, not a real man like me, I mean....erm Can I rephrase that?"
"I like, think, like he'll like, choose, like, Popuri! Or He'll like, never like, get the like, pussy! Oh no!" Jill responded.
Mary was next to reply, but had already escaped.
"Jack will choose Karen." Elli nodded, "Because she is a drunk, she is a whore, she bosses him around, and She is a drunk whore who bosses him around. I think Jack is into S and M."
Ann was the last to speak. "Jack will choose Popuri, because he is genuinely afraid of her and her curses."
Suddenly Rick, the poultry farmer ran out from backstage being chased by a young fan girl. "Come back!" the girl cried, also known as KiT. "I promise I will always..ah screw it!" Kit grew annoyed of running, so she whipped her shoe at his head knocking him out cold. She then dragged him backstage cackling. "I WILL HAVE YOUR BABIES! I WILL MAKE SURE OF IT!"
The camera now showed backstage where both Cliff and Rick were tied to chairs squirming, KiT and another girl overbearing them. "Rick, you will be mine FOREVER! Now get ready for the best Blowjo- "
"Yeah!" The other girl shouted before KiT could finish, "Oh sorry, anyway Cliffie YOUR MINE! Kayla and Cliffie forever." She dreamed.
The camera cut back to the stage where Hannah grinned evilly. "Operation Sack-all-of-the-hot-FBV'ers is going well." *cough* "Anyway, NOW IT IS TIME! LET US WATCH THE SEASON FINALE!"
*Monitor turns on*
The day was peaceful, as sex monkeys high off Viagra molested each other and a new potato hit the big screen.
The scene showed Karen getting ready to visit Jack's dad who was visiting Jack for the weekend. She wasn't nervous or anything. She was too wasted for that. "Ah fuck that, get his dad wasted, and I'll get him in the sack, his dad will be SURE to love me." Karen managed to blurt out between slurs.
Meanwhile Popuri was in Rick's tool shop looking for the right ring. Hannah was by her side guiding her threw the process. "These pieces of shit are all ugly!" Popuri lamented.
"Well, we are on budget so none of the rings are real. They were all from gumball machines." Hannah reasoned.
"No, they are pretty GOLD RINGS!" Popuri shouted as her eyes swirled red, hypnotizing Hannah.
"Yes...GOLD rings." Hannah nodded, fully hypnotized.
"Good!" Popuri smiled.
Back with Karen, she stood outside Jack's house waiting on his porch. She slowly knocked on the door, and Jack opened it. "Hey Karen! Great to see you! Come in!"
Karen smiled eagerly. "Jack, I hope you don't mind I took a dump on your porch.ANYWAY, I would gladly come in!" and so, Karen stepped inside only to see Jack's dad waiting by the table.
Jack's dad winked at her seductively and growled. "Hello Miss Karen."
Karen flirtatiously winked back, "Hello Mister Jack's Dad."
Jack's dad smiled, patting his chair. "Karen, would you like to sit?"
Karen sat down next to him and rubbed against his knee, purring. "Mister Jack's dad, would you like to get wasted and hump like monkeys?"
Jack's dad loosened his tie before answering. His glasses were fully fogged, "Would I ever!"
And so, Karen took the Karma Sutra book out from her book bag. "I don't read it, of course because I can't read. However, I look at the pictures and imitate them. Want to try?"
Jack's father bit his lip as he smiled. "Yes please."
Jack walked out from the kitchen with a bowl of spaghetti in his hand's when he noticed Karen and his father humping on the table. "DAD?!? KAREN?!" He gasped in shock.
"Oh, hello Jack. Would you like to join us?" Karen asked while being bounced against the table.
Jack's dad smiled, "It can be a family bonding experience!"
Jack was disturbed, Jack was disgusted. "Eh, no." and so, Jack blacked out. When he woke up he found his home completely empty. Even his furniture was gone! Angered, Jack stormed outside only to find his father with a big grin on his face.
"I sold the furniture to Karen, she is such a sweet heart! I love her!" Jack's father squealed.
"You only like her because she let you hump her." Jack reminded him.
Jack's father nodded, "That is true, however it was THE BEST SEX I HAVE EVER HAD! SO YOU BETTER CHOOSE HER OR YOUR GROUNDED!"
"But Dad! You live in Florida!" Jack reminded his father.
Jack's father nodded once again. "I have my ways."
Suddenly Jack remembered something.
Popuri: If you do not choose me YOU WILL NEVER GET THE PUSSY!
"Hehe, Well Dad your going to have to wait and see!" Jack laughed awkwardly.
Jack's dad glared at Jack. "It better be Karen."
***********
Karen entered Rick's tool shop with a smile on her face. "Get me any ring you want honey!" Karen yelled to Hannah. "I just wanna find Rick.so I can fark him." And with that said, she left.
Hannah's eyes widened with fear. "Oh no! Better call KiT and warn her that Karen is after Rick!" she opened her special communicator: a cup connected to a string that reached KiT's cup. "KiT! Karen, Rick, Fark o'clock!"
**********
Popuri rang Jack's doorbell "Jack open up, or you will NEVER GET THE PUSSY!" Suddenly fire shot from her eyes and Jack's house was on fire. "DIEEEEE!!!!!!" Jack ran out as she screamed this.
Jack began to cry, "I was in the bathroom! And now your burning my house down!"
Popuri smiled embarrassed, "Oops, oh well!"
Jack's father walked out, "Hello, You must be Popuri. Would you like to hump like monkeys?"
Popuri glared at him. "NO" She screeched.
"But Karen did!" Jack's Dad protested. "I am merely testing the product for my son."
Popuri shook her head, "Karen is a whore, she has been tested by everybody, and now she is being tested for STDs."
Jack's dad squirmed, and ran into the burning house crying. "Noooooo!!!"
Jack smiled to Popuri but smoke seemed to fill the air. When it cleared, Popuri was gone. A bat was seen flying off into the distance.
*********
When Jack's father left, and his house burnt down Jack knew he had a decision to make. "Karen, or Popuri?"
"NEITHER!" Hannah interrupted. "You don't have a kitchen anymore, it burnt down."
"I will buy one this afternoon." Jack said annoyed.
"First, you should read the letters." Hannah pointed out as she threw the letters at him.
Karen's letter:
omg! ur dad is so f'n cool!
i wan a daad like urs!
soooo mary mi! i woll meke u happy!
Popuri's letter:
You better choose me, afterall, You want the pussy.
Much love, YAY
Popuri.
Hannah grinned. "Well You have a huge decision to make. Popuri, and Karen are both on their way over here. Each not knowing if she went first or second. But first, You must make your decision so we may get you the ring." Jack whispered in her ear, and with a nod she was off.
*******
The first donkey rode up to Jack's poorly decorated house. Because of the budget circumstances the decorations were left on from Halloween. Jack stood in the spooky setting ready for his final weed ceremony.
Karen got off her donkey and walked over to Jack, giggling. She obviously was drunk and did not understand how serious this moment was. "Hello Karen."
"Hello Jeff!" She said right back to him with a wink.
Ignoring her stupidity, he continued. "Karen, you are a beautiful girl. Sure, you smell like alcohol, and smoke. You're a bit of a crack whore, and your completely drunk right now but I was sure that I loved you, however, I want the pussy, and the fact that my dad just humped you made me sick. So I have to say goodbye to you. I'm sorry."
Karen raised her arms in victory. "YES!" She cheered. "I WON!!!!!!!!" She danced around and did a stumbled cartwheel.
"Actually, You have just lost." Hannah informed her. "Now leave, you're a whore and clash with the scenery. Good day."
Karen sighed in defeat, still drunk. She began to cry, "What's wrong with me?!" She screeched. "I LOVED YOU!!!!!! I'm having your babies!" She pointed jaggedly at Jack. "You bastard!"
"We never slept together." Jack said, as he just stared at her blankly.
Karen cried harder. "Fuck you! I'm going now, and you better miss me. Have fun with that pink whore. She better be worth it Jack. She better be worth RUINING this relationship!"
"WHAT RELATIONSHIP!?"
"The one with me and your father. Geez, spread us apart like you did with Ann and your cow!" Karen sobbed as she grabbed a sickle. "Now I must end it.." She threw the sickle into Harris the token mailman. "Oops. Shit!" with that yelp out, Karen hopped on her donkey and high tailed out. "You will never catch me! EVER!"
Finally the moment everyone has been waiting for! Popuri rose up on her donkey, smiling to Jack as she got off. She ran up to Jack excitedly. "Well where's my ring?!"
Jack sighed, "You see Popuri, you're a great girl and the pink is just lovely. However, I do not want to have a relationship with someone mentally retarded, meaning your eliminated."
Popuri's eyes circled as her head twisted around. "YOU WILL NEEEEEEVAR GET THE PUSSY!"
Jack giggled, "That's the beauty of it! I found out that I'm gay after a night with Jeff. I don't want the pussy anymore. I want the co- oh! Look at the time, you better head off Popuri!"
Popuri set Jack on fire, and somehow managed to slaughter all of his animals using her mind. She floated off his farm, killing the donkey as she passed it as well.
Suddenly Jeff ran on the set and hugged Jack who was still on fire. The two fell to the ground, where they became flaming homosexuals *literally* and they celebrated this with champagne. Jack, now found his bride-erm, husband. They will live together happily ever after. The end.
Hannah stared blankly at the words "The end." She put her hands on her waist. "It's not over till I say it is! Watch the bachelorette coming soon! Okay, now it's over."
*Credits roll*
~*~Seven Girls, all trying to win the heart of Jack. Only two remain now, and one will be his bride. Karen, or Popuri? Find out! ~*~
This episode opened differently then the others, Hannah stood in a studio with the five eliminated girls. "Hello hello! Welcome to the Bachelor finale! Both Popuri, and Karen are going to meet Jack's parents, choose their rings, and come face to face with Jack as he makes his final decision. Before he does, we have the rest of the Bachelor crew here!" The audience cheered. "Sara! Jill! Mary! Elli! And now, Ann!"
"Let's start with Ann, Ann how did you feel when you were eliminated?" Hannah asked the redhead.
"It felt great!" Ann said surprisingly. "Jack was just a dumb fuck, who loved to womanize. I hated him, the only reason why I was in it was for his cows. Especially Bessie, goddess, how I miss her! We used to make passionate love in the moonlight and she would often squeal or moo in delight, or pain.....I don't know which, either way it was love."
Hannah stared at Ann, dumbfounded, "So you had a relationship with Jack's cow Bessie?"
"That is correct." Ann nodded. "She was a wonderful cow, and I hope to fuc- I mean, see her in the future."
"How.....................Pleasant." Hannah smiled nervously. "Now, Elli how did you take being eliminated?"
Elli sighed, "Well, at first I was really depressed." She took out some cookies, and began to snack on them. "I would eat anything in *munch* sight!" *munch munch* "But then I knew how silly I was! I have a perfectly good guy at home, Jeff."
"Actually, didn't Jeff admit on national television that he was gay?" Hannah asked.
"Yes, but he was just kidding, he is so funny!" Elli's eyes looked overly delirious. She was more than a tad oblivious about Jeff's sexuality as a jump television set turned on showing scenes of Jeff making out with numerous males from FBV. "See? He's a good actor too!"
Hannah just stared at the girl, who was obviously in denial. "That's not all, Jeff also said that Karen is his daughter, Sasha had an affair on him." Then she remembered something, "She had an affair with Kai too, and the carpenters." Hannah thought for a moment then screamed, "This chick is an even bigger whore than I am!!!!"
*Awkward silence, crickets chirping, tumbleweed passes*
"ANYWAY! Mary, while on The Bachelor, You were this sweet book nerd. Once you left, the audience noticed a wild side to you. Which is the real side?"
Mary glanced from side to side, "I-I.don't know um......w-what your talking.................about."
"The drugs! The porn mags! The booze?!" Hannah interrogated.
"They were a-all pl-planted!" Mary cried.
"WHAT ABOUT THE 'Eat cunt!" comment?!" Hannah screeched, trying to catch this virgin Mary in a lie.
"What about it? I-I heard uh my m-mom say that." Mary said blankly.
*GASP!*
"That is so not true!" Mary's mother said from the audience. "I am a grade A mother, and would never use such foul language in front of my children, or EVER!"
"I-I heard y-you!" Mary pointed to her mother.
"Oh my goddess! You little! AAAAAAAAAGGGGGH!!!!!" Mary's mother was about to go insane.
"Shut up, Tramp!" Mary lashed out, "I have had fucking enough of you! I know for a fact you married daddy for his money! I mean, who the FUCK would be so desperate as the marry that short ass fuck?!"
Mary's mother, obviously caught on this, sat down and smiled sweetly to her daughter, "Carry on, I will not be a bother."
Everyone gasped, shocked and appalled by Mary's behavior. "What?! Go back to your shit ass houses in that HELL HOLE Flowerbud. I HATE YOU ALL!" Mary raised her head to the studio lighting, causing a glare of light to temporarily blind everyone. When everyone had their eyesight back, Mary was gone.
Hannah clasped her hands nervously. "So Sara, did you end up getting the operation?"
Sara sighed, and in her manliest voice ever replied "No Hannah, I am still waiting, however once I get it, I'll give you a call and we can hook up."
Hannah smiled nervously. "Heh, I don't think so, ANYWAY Jill, has life changed for you since the show?"
"Like, no, like it hasn't like changed!" Jill laughed, "Like, I just like got like dumped by, like a man whore anyway like!"
"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight." Hannah nodded. "Were there any fights in the house besides the Karen-Popuri conflict?"
The girls all looked around at each other glaring, then suddenly broke out into a WWE-style royal rumble. Two to three minutes later, they calmed down and everyone calmly went back to their seats.
"Who do you guys predict Jack will choose?" Hannah asked each girl.
"I think he'll choose Karen." Sara said, "He wants a real woman, not a real man like me, I mean....erm Can I rephrase that?"
"I like, think, like he'll like, choose, like, Popuri! Or He'll like, never like, get the like, pussy! Oh no!" Jill responded.
Mary was next to reply, but had already escaped.
"Jack will choose Karen." Elli nodded, "Because she is a drunk, she is a whore, she bosses him around, and She is a drunk whore who bosses him around. I think Jack is into S and M."
Ann was the last to speak. "Jack will choose Popuri, because he is genuinely afraid of her and her curses."
Suddenly Rick, the poultry farmer ran out from backstage being chased by a young fan girl. "Come back!" the girl cried, also known as KiT. "I promise I will always..ah screw it!" Kit grew annoyed of running, so she whipped her shoe at his head knocking him out cold. She then dragged him backstage cackling. "I WILL HAVE YOUR BABIES! I WILL MAKE SURE OF IT!"
The camera now showed backstage where both Cliff and Rick were tied to chairs squirming, KiT and another girl overbearing them. "Rick, you will be mine FOREVER! Now get ready for the best Blowjo- "
"Yeah!" The other girl shouted before KiT could finish, "Oh sorry, anyway Cliffie YOUR MINE! Kayla and Cliffie forever." She dreamed.
The camera cut back to the stage where Hannah grinned evilly. "Operation Sack-all-of-the-hot-FBV'ers is going well." *cough* "Anyway, NOW IT IS TIME! LET US WATCH THE SEASON FINALE!"
*Monitor turns on*
The day was peaceful, as sex monkeys high off Viagra molested each other and a new potato hit the big screen.
The scene showed Karen getting ready to visit Jack's dad who was visiting Jack for the weekend. She wasn't nervous or anything. She was too wasted for that. "Ah fuck that, get his dad wasted, and I'll get him in the sack, his dad will be SURE to love me." Karen managed to blurt out between slurs.
Meanwhile Popuri was in Rick's tool shop looking for the right ring. Hannah was by her side guiding her threw the process. "These pieces of shit are all ugly!" Popuri lamented.
"Well, we are on budget so none of the rings are real. They were all from gumball machines." Hannah reasoned.
"No, they are pretty GOLD RINGS!" Popuri shouted as her eyes swirled red, hypnotizing Hannah.
"Yes...GOLD rings." Hannah nodded, fully hypnotized.
"Good!" Popuri smiled.
Back with Karen, she stood outside Jack's house waiting on his porch. She slowly knocked on the door, and Jack opened it. "Hey Karen! Great to see you! Come in!"
Karen smiled eagerly. "Jack, I hope you don't mind I took a dump on your porch.ANYWAY, I would gladly come in!" and so, Karen stepped inside only to see Jack's dad waiting by the table.
Jack's dad winked at her seductively and growled. "Hello Miss Karen."
Karen flirtatiously winked back, "Hello Mister Jack's Dad."
Jack's dad smiled, patting his chair. "Karen, would you like to sit?"
Karen sat down next to him and rubbed against his knee, purring. "Mister Jack's dad, would you like to get wasted and hump like monkeys?"
Jack's dad loosened his tie before answering. His glasses were fully fogged, "Would I ever!"
And so, Karen took the Karma Sutra book out from her book bag. "I don't read it, of course because I can't read. However, I look at the pictures and imitate them. Want to try?"
Jack's father bit his lip as he smiled. "Yes please."
Jack walked out from the kitchen with a bowl of spaghetti in his hand's when he noticed Karen and his father humping on the table. "DAD?!? KAREN?!" He gasped in shock.
"Oh, hello Jack. Would you like to join us?" Karen asked while being bounced against the table.
Jack's dad smiled, "It can be a family bonding experience!"
Jack was disturbed, Jack was disgusted. "Eh, no." and so, Jack blacked out. When he woke up he found his home completely empty. Even his furniture was gone! Angered, Jack stormed outside only to find his father with a big grin on his face.
"I sold the furniture to Karen, she is such a sweet heart! I love her!" Jack's father squealed.
"You only like her because she let you hump her." Jack reminded him.
Jack's father nodded, "That is true, however it was THE BEST SEX I HAVE EVER HAD! SO YOU BETTER CHOOSE HER OR YOUR GROUNDED!"
"But Dad! You live in Florida!" Jack reminded his father.
Jack's father nodded once again. "I have my ways."
Suddenly Jack remembered something.
Popuri: If you do not choose me YOU WILL NEVER GET THE PUSSY!
"Hehe, Well Dad your going to have to wait and see!" Jack laughed awkwardly.
Jack's dad glared at Jack. "It better be Karen."
***********
Karen entered Rick's tool shop with a smile on her face. "Get me any ring you want honey!" Karen yelled to Hannah. "I just wanna find Rick.so I can fark him." And with that said, she left.
Hannah's eyes widened with fear. "Oh no! Better call KiT and warn her that Karen is after Rick!" she opened her special communicator: a cup connected to a string that reached KiT's cup. "KiT! Karen, Rick, Fark o'clock!"
**********
Popuri rang Jack's doorbell "Jack open up, or you will NEVER GET THE PUSSY!" Suddenly fire shot from her eyes and Jack's house was on fire. "DIEEEEE!!!!!!" Jack ran out as she screamed this.
Jack began to cry, "I was in the bathroom! And now your burning my house down!"
Popuri smiled embarrassed, "Oops, oh well!"
Jack's father walked out, "Hello, You must be Popuri. Would you like to hump like monkeys?"
Popuri glared at him. "NO" She screeched.
"But Karen did!" Jack's Dad protested. "I am merely testing the product for my son."
Popuri shook her head, "Karen is a whore, she has been tested by everybody, and now she is being tested for STDs."
Jack's dad squirmed, and ran into the burning house crying. "Noooooo!!!"
Jack smiled to Popuri but smoke seemed to fill the air. When it cleared, Popuri was gone. A bat was seen flying off into the distance.
*********
When Jack's father left, and his house burnt down Jack knew he had a decision to make. "Karen, or Popuri?"
"NEITHER!" Hannah interrupted. "You don't have a kitchen anymore, it burnt down."
"I will buy one this afternoon." Jack said annoyed.
"First, you should read the letters." Hannah pointed out as she threw the letters at him.
Karen's letter:
omg! ur dad is so f'n cool!
i wan a daad like urs!
soooo mary mi! i woll meke u happy!
Popuri's letter:
You better choose me, afterall, You want the pussy.
Much love, YAY
Popuri.
Hannah grinned. "Well You have a huge decision to make. Popuri, and Karen are both on their way over here. Each not knowing if she went first or second. But first, You must make your decision so we may get you the ring." Jack whispered in her ear, and with a nod she was off.
*******
The first donkey rode up to Jack's poorly decorated house. Because of the budget circumstances the decorations were left on from Halloween. Jack stood in the spooky setting ready for his final weed ceremony.
Karen got off her donkey and walked over to Jack, giggling. She obviously was drunk and did not understand how serious this moment was. "Hello Karen."
"Hello Jeff!" She said right back to him with a wink.
Ignoring her stupidity, he continued. "Karen, you are a beautiful girl. Sure, you smell like alcohol, and smoke. You're a bit of a crack whore, and your completely drunk right now but I was sure that I loved you, however, I want the pussy, and the fact that my dad just humped you made me sick. So I have to say goodbye to you. I'm sorry."
Karen raised her arms in victory. "YES!" She cheered. "I WON!!!!!!!!" She danced around and did a stumbled cartwheel.
"Actually, You have just lost." Hannah informed her. "Now leave, you're a whore and clash with the scenery. Good day."
Karen sighed in defeat, still drunk. She began to cry, "What's wrong with me?!" She screeched. "I LOVED YOU!!!!!! I'm having your babies!" She pointed jaggedly at Jack. "You bastard!"
"We never slept together." Jack said, as he just stared at her blankly.
Karen cried harder. "Fuck you! I'm going now, and you better miss me. Have fun with that pink whore. She better be worth it Jack. She better be worth RUINING this relationship!"
"WHAT RELATIONSHIP!?"
"The one with me and your father. Geez, spread us apart like you did with Ann and your cow!" Karen sobbed as she grabbed a sickle. "Now I must end it.." She threw the sickle into Harris the token mailman. "Oops. Shit!" with that yelp out, Karen hopped on her donkey and high tailed out. "You will never catch me! EVER!"
Finally the moment everyone has been waiting for! Popuri rose up on her donkey, smiling to Jack as she got off. She ran up to Jack excitedly. "Well where's my ring?!"
Jack sighed, "You see Popuri, you're a great girl and the pink is just lovely. However, I do not want to have a relationship with someone mentally retarded, meaning your eliminated."
Popuri's eyes circled as her head twisted around. "YOU WILL NEEEEEEVAR GET THE PUSSY!"
Jack giggled, "That's the beauty of it! I found out that I'm gay after a night with Jeff. I don't want the pussy anymore. I want the co- oh! Look at the time, you better head off Popuri!"
Popuri set Jack on fire, and somehow managed to slaughter all of his animals using her mind. She floated off his farm, killing the donkey as she passed it as well.
Suddenly Jeff ran on the set and hugged Jack who was still on fire. The two fell to the ground, where they became flaming homosexuals *literally* and they celebrated this with champagne. Jack, now found his bride-erm, husband. They will live together happily ever after. The end.
Hannah stared blankly at the words "The end." She put her hands on her waist. "It's not over till I say it is! Watch the bachelorette coming soon! Okay, now it's over."
*Credits roll*