Changed the rating as it has ended up containing less swearing and adult situations than my fics normally do. Shame really! Don't worry, this is nearing the end now and I'll be finishing my first slash fic very soon. :D
Four hours later, they held a First Birthday party. Lister couldn't believe what was happening and it had taken several attempts from Holly to explain the situation. He still didn't quite get it. "It's to do with gravity," she had huffed, understanding why Talkie Toaster had been so frustrated with her and the butter-theory. She now finally got it, and the other dimensional theories of gravity. But to make room for this new information, she'd had to delete Mah Jong.
"Gravity?"
"Isaac Newton discovered gravity, but he believed in other gravitational forces and studied alchemy and fate. He was a bit odd really for a scientific genius." Rimmer had pointed out that nearly every genius was mad. "Shame it doesn't work the other way," he'd added.
"If you're going to insult me I won't help."
"No no, he's sorry, aren't you Rimmer?"
Holly then explained further, "Well everything has a gravitational pull that attracts them to other objects. Well there are actually other gravities, such as sexual attraction. That's why similar people often don't get along and opposites can get along really well. Not always true but physics has never been totally trustworthy." Rimmer urged her to get on with it. "Anyway, destiny and time are also a gravity. People affect their own destiny and others around them. Same as time. That's why when you were in the parallel universe, their rules applied."
"So when I came back here, why didn't my body reject the idea of babies in me when it's impossible?"
"Their destiny gravity affected your body because their combined destiny gravity was larger than yours. But they were on your time scale because it was a greater force. They had to contend with an entire universe." Lister scratched his head. "But now?"
"Now they're affected by their own gravities for some reason, so they're on their own time scale and you're still on yours." Lister was still trying to get his head around this. Holly didn't know why the destinies had changed. Lister managed to pose for the future echo picture before they grew too big to hold at the same time. He suddenly remembered Rimmer's vision of Bexley's death. At this rate, it'd happen by Thursday afternoon. He couldn't let that happen. "Holly?"
"Alright Dave?"
"Get the Holly Hop drive ready. They've got to go." Rimmer stirred from his sleep. After one too many hologram tequilas he'd collapsed under the table and Jim was waving his hand through him, giggling at the static distortion he caused each time. "Stop it," Rimmer moaned and got up. "Go? Go where?"
"To the other Red Dwarf. It's the only way to save them from dying early."
"But Lister..." Rimmer began but Lister motioned for him to stop. "Alright, Listy. I'll get the skutters to bring up some coffee. You don't want to fall asleep and miss their first steps or anything."
"Thanks, man."
When Starbug landed in their hanger, Deb could hardly contain her excitement and ran straight over. Arleen strolled behind, and the Dog was distracted by something shiny so his journey was cut short. Deb called back to Arleen, "The door's opening - walk faster!"
"Did y'all say 'walk'?" the Dog bounded over wagging his rear. The door swung fully open and the Lister family hugged and bounced around each other giving Arleen the mental image of farm dogs that had just heard the rattle of dog food against a tin bowl. "Dad!" the twins yelled in joy and fought for custody over hugging Deb. Deb ruffled what little hair they had. "I can't believe it Dave, they look amazin'! What you bin feeding 'em?" Dave confessed that Arnold had done all the hard work. Arnold shrugged sheepishly, secretly chuffed to be acknowledged. "Well done Aunty Arnold." Arleen grinned. Arnold immediately went into battle mode and made a stance similar to a martial artist but which made him appear to be constipated instead. "Hi-yah! You stay BACK, you vile temptress!"
"Oh don't be so paranoid, Arn."
"If it weren't for Rimmer, I don't think I'd have made it past the first month," Dave continued chatting with Deb. Deb nodded and laughed at Jim whose leg was being ravished by the Dog. The Cat watched with abhorrence at the mutt and combed his hair. "Listen Deb, the reason we're here..." Dave did his best to explain the situation as clearly as possible but Deb was still giving him blank looks when he finished. "Look you stupid wench, if the boys don't live here they'll die, "Arleen explained.
"Oh right," said Deb. "Well it's the least I can do. I was a total clit-head to you before."
"Well that's the biggest understatement since the Penguin children's history book that called Adolf Hitler a 'naughty man'," Arleen scoffed.
"Oh and you were practically Princess Diana with your manners and grace, weren't you?" Arnold retorted. Jim and Bexley exchanged 'bloody old people!' looks and went over to break up the tiff. "Alright, alright, calm down," Jim demanded. Holly blipped onto the wall and told them it was time to go. "Holly, is that lipstick on Hilly's face?"
"Maybe..."
Dave swore to himself that he wasn't going to cry, which was difficult to do when he was already sobbing so openly on Jim's jacket. "It's alright lads, we'll probably meet again." Arnold nodded and asked Bexley to join him for a private word. "S'up, Aunty Arn?" Arnold looked around carefully and pointed at Bexley's head. "Never EVER go into the drive room wearing that deerstalker hat. Neither of you. Don't ask me why, just don't do it."
"Er, Ok... Whatever you say, man."
"And eat your vegetables."
"Shut up man, me dad's watching," Bexley groaned with embarrassment. Arnold coughed shyly and went to join Dave and the Cat at Starbug. "Be good boys!" Dave called back, almost having to be dragged back in by the Cat. "Why don't you just spit on a hanky and wipe their faces, I don't think they're humiliated enough!" he growled and eventually managed to bring Dave in. Dave ran to the front of the 'bug and stared out of the window. "Don't worry, Listy. They'll be fine."
"Yeah buddy, unless they get ticks from that flea-hound down there," the Cat said at the door. The Dog overheard him. "Yeah well, yo' daddy ate cat litter and yo' mamma was a Manx!" he shouted back.
"What did he say?! That son of a b-" The door closed and Starbug rose up ready to leave. Jim and Bexley waved one last time before leaving for the safe and oxygenated hold. Bexley stopped only to throw his hat on the floor, ready to be sucked out into space with Starbug. "Rimmer, did you tell him...?"
"I honestly didn't utter a word," Arnold sniffed haughtily. Dave smiled gratefully at him and watched forlornly as they left the Red Dwarf.
Author notes;
Chuffed – means to be pleased with oneself
Penguin – a children's book publisher, no da!
Adolf Hitler – I'm not sure if it's Adolph or Adolf. Oh well.