Harvest Moon: The Bachelorette
~*~Seven Guys, all vying for Aja's affection. Only one will be her husband. Gray, Cliff, Kai, Rick, Tim, Lalalapoopoo, Kappa, and a cow named Bessie.~*~
Aja woke up to screeching, as she heard the men bickering from the floor below. "Oh god, WHAT THE FUCK IS IT NOW?!" She got out of bed, and marched down the steps angrily as they had kept her up all night. Opening the wine cellar she saw Cliff and Rick arguing. "What's going on?" Aja demanded to know.
Cliff stood glaring at Rick, "Did you know this guy has sex with chickens?!"
Aja gasped, disgusted, "Rick that can't be true!"
"Well, yeah it is. I wouldn't talk if I were you Aja, you know very well I could kill you with my bare hands." With that said, Rick erupted into laughter. "What, You don't think it's funny? That was just a joke! You whore!"
Cliff stepped in, "Don't talk to her like that!"
Rick laughed at Cliff as well. "Oh you're her knight and shining armour right? Well Cliff is a strong believer in dendrophilia!"
"Hey man, at least I don't fuck chickens!" Cliff yelled.
Rick pointed an angry finger at Cliff. "No you fuck trees you sick freak!"
Aja looked back and forth between Cliff and Rick. "You have sex with TREES?!"
Cliff's eyes shuffled from left to right. "Okay, so I get aroused whenever I pass a garden, so what? Isn't that completely normal? I mean, I'm a man! I have needs! Some needs can only be released by tree's with all their bark and leaves.so sexy.ah, besides! Some of the best drugs wouldn't even exist without them!" He took out his stash pointed at several different drugs.
Aja was still dumbstruck. "I'm sorry, you have sex with TREES?!?!"
Cliff shrugged, "Everyone is doing it! Hey, why don't you have some weed to calm you down! Free of charge!"
Rick smirked, "Aja, it's not a big deal. I rape chickens, Cliff molests trees, Tim sleeps with men. Everyone has their own side preference, you know?"
Tim was watching Jenny Jones when he suddenly heard his name, "I'm here watching this talk show, It's good! It's MOMS THAT DRESS TO SEXY!"
Kai sat down beside Tim. "That a boy! Looking at the milf's nice racks, eh?"
Tim shook his head, "No! I just love what they're wearing! I wish I could pull that off!"
Kai got up, moving far away from Tim. "So yeah, the other day I was talking to one of mah hoes right? She's like 'what do I do if a costumer is not satisfied' so I'm like 'bitch! Send me the money, yah skank ass ho!"
Aja's eyes widened even more. "Yeah, heh I know exactly what you mean! Anyway, I have to go now." Turning around she noticed The harvest sprite known as Lalalapoopoo on top of Bessie.
"Wild Night fun! More sex!" It screamed. The cow mooed wildly as the two continued with their actions.
Aja turned to Gray, hoping he was normal. Gray sat there staring at the wall doing absolutely nothing. ".........." She shrieked in horror. "Oh my god! You are all a bunch of freaks!"
Hannah marched in with a smile on her face, "So did I come at the right time?"
Aja turned to Hannah and hugged her tightly. "Oh my god! You're normal! I love you!"
Hannah smiled, "Yes, I have that effect on people, but I'm not like that sorry." Aja looked at her strangely. "eh, so now it is time for the group dates! On the first date it will be Rick, Gray and Cliff!"
"Oh goodie." Aja said sarcastically, as she led the three boys out of the cellar.
Aja and her suitors walked up to the mountain landscape to breathe fresh air and enjoy the scenery. "Isn't it beautiful here?"
"Yeah it is." Cliff said looking at one of the trees longingly. He mouthed the words "I love you" to the tree. "So, where's everyone else?"
"Huh?" Aja turned around only to see Rick half way down the mountain with something in his pants. It was moving and making chicken noises. "Oh no! You didn't! You zoophilia freak!"
She turned around again, and Cliff was gone. He was slamming his body into the tree. "Oh my god! You people are sick! And.and, I love it!"
Gray was sitting on the ground, staring at the sky. He remained silent.
"Aja I HATE YOU! YOU'RE A WHORE! I WILL MURDER YOU TONIGHT! Don't you think I'm sweet?" Rick asked.
Aja was in love with the three suitors. "KiT and Kayla aren't here to stop me either!" she laughed evilly.
Suddenly a tree fell directly on top of her, and she spat out some teeth. "I think it's time for the next date."
The next date was with Kai, Tim and Kappa. Aja brought the gentlemen to the beach. "Isn't it great?"
Tim started to cry, "Yes! But it needs flowers! Oh the prettiness!"
Kappa grunted, and in a high pitched voice responded "It could use a pond as well."
Suddenly Kai started to unbuckle his belt. "Oh man, this is getting me hot! Aja I need you to do me a favour!"
Aja was disgusted, "NO! I will not do that!"
"But why? I make home videos all the time! Cliff and his trees, Rick and his chickens, Tim and his patients, Popuri and her flowers. Why not?" Kai asked as he rubbed Aja's hand.
Aja sighed, "You're a sick freak and I want to go home."
"Ho! I ought to give you a good spanking!" Kai stood.
"Let's go home NOW!"
The last date never took place due to the fact that Lalalapoopoo and Bessie went missing.
It was now time for the Weed ceremony, as Aja prepared in the mirror room. Hannah gave her a few letters to look over.
Cliff's letter:
Hey Aja,
Remember I can hook you up!
So what if I fuck trees? Its all good.
Cliff
Kai's letter:
Your nothing but a no good ho! You would bring me no money!
Eliminate me BIIIIIATCH!
Kai
Rick's letter:
I hate you! You smell like shit!
I'd rather fuck a chicken!
The last sentence was VERY TRUE
Hehe
Love, Rick
Gray's Letter:
.
Kappa's letter:
Be my sprite and live with me forever in the pond of dreams!
Aja nodded, but wondered about the other two letters. "Lalalapoopoo and Bessie left the show. Bessie got pregnant and everything got complicated. Anyway, You must now eliminate THREE suitors. Go in and do your thing!"
Aja walked in, "Good evening everybody. I must now eliminate three of you. Just know that in a weird way I like you all." And so, she grabbed the first weed. "Cliff."
Cliff walked up, and grabbed his weed. "Just like my weed, baby."
Aja giggled and picked up the second weed. "Rick."
Rick strode over to Aja and snatched his weed. "I hate you! Thanks."
Aja picked up her final weed, looking at each bachelor. Gray, Tim, Kai or Kappa?
"Gray."
Gray walked up to her and grabbed his weed. He didn't say a word throughout the process.
Tim, Kai and Kappa looked at each other with disappointed looks. "I'm sorry guys!" Aja sighed, sadly. "The other guys are really fucked up, but they're hot as hell. You cant compete with that."
Kai walked up to Aja and slapped her across the face, "Whore! You never made me any money anyway!"
Tim got up, crying. "I thought I wanted to be with you Aja but I was wrong." He pouted, "I want to be you." With that said, Tim and Kai walked out holding hands. Kappa followed them.
The three guys got on their donkeys and rode off each thinking very different things.
"I need more hoes for the home movies, yo." Kai thought out loud.
"I need to buy some make up, I should pick some up on the way home." Tim sighed.
"My queen was a whore." Kappa noted.
And so, the day was over. Three bachelors remained. Aja would soon meet their families and cut one more bachelor. Whom would that be?
The following morning, Aja woke up feeling light and excited. She pranced down the stairs but the guys were nowhere in sight. Suddenly she heard a girl's voice yell "CHICKEN-FUCKER!" she followed the voice to the cellar, where Cliff, Rick and Gray were. The boys were all strapped to chairs, blindfolded and naked. The girls surrounded them, yelling and slapping them with padded sticks.
"What the hell is going on here?!"
KiT, Kayla and the host, Hannah all smiled at Aja. In unison they said "You pick my man, you die." With that said, the three headed out leaving Aja dumbfounded. Moments later Hannah returned as if nothing had happened. "Okay! So today you will meet your suitor's family! You will be meeting Rick's family first! Just give him a moment to prepare and you two will be on your way!"
Rick got dressed, and brought Aja to his family's poultry farm. "Yeah here it is. Why don't you go inside? I'll stay in here and uh feed the chickens!"
"Oh no you don't!" Aja screamed as she pulled Rick by the ear and led him inside. What she found disgusted her beyond belief. "What the..?!" inside, Rick's mother Lillia was chanting to some demon, and his sister Popuri was videotaping two chickens having sex.
"That's my mother and my sister! There, no more introductions. Now I'll leave you alone with them!" with that said, Rick scampered out.
"So." Lillia's eyes narrowed down to Aja. "Your Rick's new girlfriend, eh? Well You don't have pink hair so I HATE YOU! I could never support a wedding with no pink."
Aja's eyes continued to widen, "What if I dyed my hair? Or wore pink?"
Lillia stood, grabbing a chicken that ran across the room. "Fuck this chicken. When you are done, tell me. Then you will be ready."
Popuri smiled, "Don't look so glum! I fuck chickens all the time! It's so much fun! I could show you some techniques if you wish!"
Aja coughed, "No, actually I'll just be heading out thank you." With that said, she turned around and left.
Aja saw Rick humping some the fence, and grabbed him roughly. "Your family is freaky!"
Suddenly the door to the farm house knocked down, and Popuri walked out. Her eyes glowing. "I can shoot hyper bolts through my eyes. I suggest you run, whore. Run fast!"
Aja started to cry, and ran far away. Rick sighed, "How come you guys always do that?"
Lillia smiled to her son. "We love you honey-poopoo."
The next house Aja visited was Gray's house. The two knocked on the blacksmith shop's door and waited patiently. An old gruff looking man opened the door. "Gray! You son of a bitch! You just left your work! What the hell is with that? You will never be as good as me, loser!" suddenly he noticed Aja. "Oh hello! Yes, I'm Gray's loving grandfather, how do you do?" he turned back to Gray. "So you decided to try a ho, eh?" Gray looked at his grandfather in disgust. "Well I would have picked a prettier one but hey! What do I know?"
Aja's vein on her forehead was about to explode. "I am pretty!" she stated.
"Sure, you are! Keep telling yourself that, sweetie." He leaned in to whisper in Gray's ear. "She's a bitch too. My, I knew you were a loser but come on! Even you can do better!"
Aja was offended, "I'm insulted!"
"And I'm Saibara." He said, meekly. Aja grabbed Gray's hand and ran off for the second time.
Aja and Cliff walked into the mountains together. "Well I don't have a family, or a house, but I do have a mate." Suddenly a bird flew and perched on his head. "This is Kain."
"Oh how sweet!" Aja said delightfully as she tried to pet the bird. The bird bit her hand. "Ouch! You BASTARD! I mean, oh.look at that, he bit me."
Cliff smiled, "Kain hates girls. Anyway." Cliff took out some cocaine. "While we're here let's party like We're rock stars!"
Aja looked at Cliff strangely "Sure whatever." And so, the two got hammered.
That night Aja felt conflicted. The weed ceremony was approaching and she didn't know who to eliminate. Suddenly a chandelier feel on her head and she fainted.
That night, Hannah gave Aja the letters from the guys.
Cliff's letter:
Yo, aren't you having fun with me?
I have magic mushrooms with your name on it
Cliff
Rick's letter:
YOU EVIL WHOREY UGLY BITCH that I love.
You make me think of chickens and I like that.
Love always, Rick
Gray's letter:
..
Aja nodded, knowing what she had to do. She entered the cellar feeling worried. Was she making the right decision? She began "Hello gentlemen. Tonight one of you will be eliminated. I love you all, so please forgive me." She picked up the first weed.
Rick cracked his knuckles, not worried. Even if he lost, the chickens would console him. Gray sat there staring blankly and Cliff just smiled smugly.
"Cliff"
Cliff walked up to Aja and accepted the weed. "Thank you, here are your mushrooms." He placed a bag in her pocket.
Aja picked up the final weed. Hannah interrupted. "This is the last weed, the man without a weed will be eliminated."
Aja nodded and sighed. Rick and Gray just glared at each other.
"Rick"
Rick jumped up for joy and ran across the room to get his rose. "Thanks, you're a whore!"
Gray sat there, as the only man eliminated. He got up, and walked outside. ".She was a dork anyway." He nodded at this, got on his donkey and silently rode off.
Hannah smiled. "Well it's down to Rick and Cliff! The final dates and the parental meetings will happen these next few days, stay strong. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go comfort Gray." And so, Hannah ran off chasing Gray's horse and Aja stood there before her two suitors. She had a tough decision to make.
~*~Seven Guys, all vying for Aja's affection. Only one will be her husband. Gray, Cliff, Kai, Rick, Tim, Lalalapoopoo, Kappa, and a cow named Bessie.~*~
Aja woke up to screeching, as she heard the men bickering from the floor below. "Oh god, WHAT THE FUCK IS IT NOW?!" She got out of bed, and marched down the steps angrily as they had kept her up all night. Opening the wine cellar she saw Cliff and Rick arguing. "What's going on?" Aja demanded to know.
Cliff stood glaring at Rick, "Did you know this guy has sex with chickens?!"
Aja gasped, disgusted, "Rick that can't be true!"
"Well, yeah it is. I wouldn't talk if I were you Aja, you know very well I could kill you with my bare hands." With that said, Rick erupted into laughter. "What, You don't think it's funny? That was just a joke! You whore!"
Cliff stepped in, "Don't talk to her like that!"
Rick laughed at Cliff as well. "Oh you're her knight and shining armour right? Well Cliff is a strong believer in dendrophilia!"
"Hey man, at least I don't fuck chickens!" Cliff yelled.
Rick pointed an angry finger at Cliff. "No you fuck trees you sick freak!"
Aja looked back and forth between Cliff and Rick. "You have sex with TREES?!"
Cliff's eyes shuffled from left to right. "Okay, so I get aroused whenever I pass a garden, so what? Isn't that completely normal? I mean, I'm a man! I have needs! Some needs can only be released by tree's with all their bark and leaves.so sexy.ah, besides! Some of the best drugs wouldn't even exist without them!" He took out his stash pointed at several different drugs.
Aja was still dumbstruck. "I'm sorry, you have sex with TREES?!?!"
Cliff shrugged, "Everyone is doing it! Hey, why don't you have some weed to calm you down! Free of charge!"
Rick smirked, "Aja, it's not a big deal. I rape chickens, Cliff molests trees, Tim sleeps with men. Everyone has their own side preference, you know?"
Tim was watching Jenny Jones when he suddenly heard his name, "I'm here watching this talk show, It's good! It's MOMS THAT DRESS TO SEXY!"
Kai sat down beside Tim. "That a boy! Looking at the milf's nice racks, eh?"
Tim shook his head, "No! I just love what they're wearing! I wish I could pull that off!"
Kai got up, moving far away from Tim. "So yeah, the other day I was talking to one of mah hoes right? She's like 'what do I do if a costumer is not satisfied' so I'm like 'bitch! Send me the money, yah skank ass ho!"
Aja's eyes widened even more. "Yeah, heh I know exactly what you mean! Anyway, I have to go now." Turning around she noticed The harvest sprite known as Lalalapoopoo on top of Bessie.
"Wild Night fun! More sex!" It screamed. The cow mooed wildly as the two continued with their actions.
Aja turned to Gray, hoping he was normal. Gray sat there staring at the wall doing absolutely nothing. ".........." She shrieked in horror. "Oh my god! You are all a bunch of freaks!"
Hannah marched in with a smile on her face, "So did I come at the right time?"
Aja turned to Hannah and hugged her tightly. "Oh my god! You're normal! I love you!"
Hannah smiled, "Yes, I have that effect on people, but I'm not like that sorry." Aja looked at her strangely. "eh, so now it is time for the group dates! On the first date it will be Rick, Gray and Cliff!"
"Oh goodie." Aja said sarcastically, as she led the three boys out of the cellar.
Aja and her suitors walked up to the mountain landscape to breathe fresh air and enjoy the scenery. "Isn't it beautiful here?"
"Yeah it is." Cliff said looking at one of the trees longingly. He mouthed the words "I love you" to the tree. "So, where's everyone else?"
"Huh?" Aja turned around only to see Rick half way down the mountain with something in his pants. It was moving and making chicken noises. "Oh no! You didn't! You zoophilia freak!"
She turned around again, and Cliff was gone. He was slamming his body into the tree. "Oh my god! You people are sick! And.and, I love it!"
Gray was sitting on the ground, staring at the sky. He remained silent.
"Aja I HATE YOU! YOU'RE A WHORE! I WILL MURDER YOU TONIGHT! Don't you think I'm sweet?" Rick asked.
Aja was in love with the three suitors. "KiT and Kayla aren't here to stop me either!" she laughed evilly.
Suddenly a tree fell directly on top of her, and she spat out some teeth. "I think it's time for the next date."
The next date was with Kai, Tim and Kappa. Aja brought the gentlemen to the beach. "Isn't it great?"
Tim started to cry, "Yes! But it needs flowers! Oh the prettiness!"
Kappa grunted, and in a high pitched voice responded "It could use a pond as well."
Suddenly Kai started to unbuckle his belt. "Oh man, this is getting me hot! Aja I need you to do me a favour!"
Aja was disgusted, "NO! I will not do that!"
"But why? I make home videos all the time! Cliff and his trees, Rick and his chickens, Tim and his patients, Popuri and her flowers. Why not?" Kai asked as he rubbed Aja's hand.
Aja sighed, "You're a sick freak and I want to go home."
"Ho! I ought to give you a good spanking!" Kai stood.
"Let's go home NOW!"
The last date never took place due to the fact that Lalalapoopoo and Bessie went missing.
It was now time for the Weed ceremony, as Aja prepared in the mirror room. Hannah gave her a few letters to look over.
Cliff's letter:
Hey Aja,
Remember I can hook you up!
So what if I fuck trees? Its all good.
Cliff
Kai's letter:
Your nothing but a no good ho! You would bring me no money!
Eliminate me BIIIIIATCH!
Kai
Rick's letter:
I hate you! You smell like shit!
I'd rather fuck a chicken!
The last sentence was VERY TRUE
Hehe
Love, Rick
Gray's Letter:
.
Kappa's letter:
Be my sprite and live with me forever in the pond of dreams!
Aja nodded, but wondered about the other two letters. "Lalalapoopoo and Bessie left the show. Bessie got pregnant and everything got complicated. Anyway, You must now eliminate THREE suitors. Go in and do your thing!"
Aja walked in, "Good evening everybody. I must now eliminate three of you. Just know that in a weird way I like you all." And so, she grabbed the first weed. "Cliff."
Cliff walked up, and grabbed his weed. "Just like my weed, baby."
Aja giggled and picked up the second weed. "Rick."
Rick strode over to Aja and snatched his weed. "I hate you! Thanks."
Aja picked up her final weed, looking at each bachelor. Gray, Tim, Kai or Kappa?
"Gray."
Gray walked up to her and grabbed his weed. He didn't say a word throughout the process.
Tim, Kai and Kappa looked at each other with disappointed looks. "I'm sorry guys!" Aja sighed, sadly. "The other guys are really fucked up, but they're hot as hell. You cant compete with that."
Kai walked up to Aja and slapped her across the face, "Whore! You never made me any money anyway!"
Tim got up, crying. "I thought I wanted to be with you Aja but I was wrong." He pouted, "I want to be you." With that said, Tim and Kai walked out holding hands. Kappa followed them.
The three guys got on their donkeys and rode off each thinking very different things.
"I need more hoes for the home movies, yo." Kai thought out loud.
"I need to buy some make up, I should pick some up on the way home." Tim sighed.
"My queen was a whore." Kappa noted.
And so, the day was over. Three bachelors remained. Aja would soon meet their families and cut one more bachelor. Whom would that be?
The following morning, Aja woke up feeling light and excited. She pranced down the stairs but the guys were nowhere in sight. Suddenly she heard a girl's voice yell "CHICKEN-FUCKER!" she followed the voice to the cellar, where Cliff, Rick and Gray were. The boys were all strapped to chairs, blindfolded and naked. The girls surrounded them, yelling and slapping them with padded sticks.
"What the hell is going on here?!"
KiT, Kayla and the host, Hannah all smiled at Aja. In unison they said "You pick my man, you die." With that said, the three headed out leaving Aja dumbfounded. Moments later Hannah returned as if nothing had happened. "Okay! So today you will meet your suitor's family! You will be meeting Rick's family first! Just give him a moment to prepare and you two will be on your way!"
Rick got dressed, and brought Aja to his family's poultry farm. "Yeah here it is. Why don't you go inside? I'll stay in here and uh feed the chickens!"
"Oh no you don't!" Aja screamed as she pulled Rick by the ear and led him inside. What she found disgusted her beyond belief. "What the..?!" inside, Rick's mother Lillia was chanting to some demon, and his sister Popuri was videotaping two chickens having sex.
"That's my mother and my sister! There, no more introductions. Now I'll leave you alone with them!" with that said, Rick scampered out.
"So." Lillia's eyes narrowed down to Aja. "Your Rick's new girlfriend, eh? Well You don't have pink hair so I HATE YOU! I could never support a wedding with no pink."
Aja's eyes continued to widen, "What if I dyed my hair? Or wore pink?"
Lillia stood, grabbing a chicken that ran across the room. "Fuck this chicken. When you are done, tell me. Then you will be ready."
Popuri smiled, "Don't look so glum! I fuck chickens all the time! It's so much fun! I could show you some techniques if you wish!"
Aja coughed, "No, actually I'll just be heading out thank you." With that said, she turned around and left.
Aja saw Rick humping some the fence, and grabbed him roughly. "Your family is freaky!"
Suddenly the door to the farm house knocked down, and Popuri walked out. Her eyes glowing. "I can shoot hyper bolts through my eyes. I suggest you run, whore. Run fast!"
Aja started to cry, and ran far away. Rick sighed, "How come you guys always do that?"
Lillia smiled to her son. "We love you honey-poopoo."
The next house Aja visited was Gray's house. The two knocked on the blacksmith shop's door and waited patiently. An old gruff looking man opened the door. "Gray! You son of a bitch! You just left your work! What the hell is with that? You will never be as good as me, loser!" suddenly he noticed Aja. "Oh hello! Yes, I'm Gray's loving grandfather, how do you do?" he turned back to Gray. "So you decided to try a ho, eh?" Gray looked at his grandfather in disgust. "Well I would have picked a prettier one but hey! What do I know?"
Aja's vein on her forehead was about to explode. "I am pretty!" she stated.
"Sure, you are! Keep telling yourself that, sweetie." He leaned in to whisper in Gray's ear. "She's a bitch too. My, I knew you were a loser but come on! Even you can do better!"
Aja was offended, "I'm insulted!"
"And I'm Saibara." He said, meekly. Aja grabbed Gray's hand and ran off for the second time.
Aja and Cliff walked into the mountains together. "Well I don't have a family, or a house, but I do have a mate." Suddenly a bird flew and perched on his head. "This is Kain."
"Oh how sweet!" Aja said delightfully as she tried to pet the bird. The bird bit her hand. "Ouch! You BASTARD! I mean, oh.look at that, he bit me."
Cliff smiled, "Kain hates girls. Anyway." Cliff took out some cocaine. "While we're here let's party like We're rock stars!"
Aja looked at Cliff strangely "Sure whatever." And so, the two got hammered.
That night Aja felt conflicted. The weed ceremony was approaching and she didn't know who to eliminate. Suddenly a chandelier feel on her head and she fainted.
That night, Hannah gave Aja the letters from the guys.
Cliff's letter:
Yo, aren't you having fun with me?
I have magic mushrooms with your name on it
Cliff
Rick's letter:
YOU EVIL WHOREY UGLY BITCH that I love.
You make me think of chickens and I like that.
Love always, Rick
Gray's letter:
..
Aja nodded, knowing what she had to do. She entered the cellar feeling worried. Was she making the right decision? She began "Hello gentlemen. Tonight one of you will be eliminated. I love you all, so please forgive me." She picked up the first weed.
Rick cracked his knuckles, not worried. Even if he lost, the chickens would console him. Gray sat there staring blankly and Cliff just smiled smugly.
"Cliff"
Cliff walked up to Aja and accepted the weed. "Thank you, here are your mushrooms." He placed a bag in her pocket.
Aja picked up the final weed. Hannah interrupted. "This is the last weed, the man without a weed will be eliminated."
Aja nodded and sighed. Rick and Gray just glared at each other.
"Rick"
Rick jumped up for joy and ran across the room to get his rose. "Thanks, you're a whore!"
Gray sat there, as the only man eliminated. He got up, and walked outside. ".She was a dork anyway." He nodded at this, got on his donkey and silently rode off.
Hannah smiled. "Well it's down to Rick and Cliff! The final dates and the parental meetings will happen these next few days, stay strong. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go comfort Gray." And so, Hannah ran off chasing Gray's horse and Aja stood there before her two suitors. She had a tough decision to make.