DISCLAIMER: I don't own Ella Enchanted, The Matrix, the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, or any of its characters. And in case you were wondering, no, this Elizabeth is not the one from Pirates of The Caribbean. She's my made-up parallel of Ella.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Matrix Enchanted Chapter 2 – Cast of Characters Part 1Elizabeth's childhood was in shambles the moment it began and she knew it because she was unlucky enough to have the dumbest fairy in the universe put the curse of obedience on her.
Anyone could give her an order, and she would have to do it, no matter what. It could be from doing chores, to being social or even violence. If she were ordered to kill herself, that would be the end of Elizabeth.
Curiously enough, though she did not know it, she was 7th in a line of fairies, but intervening generations and racial mixing had juggled her genes so that only a drop of fairy blood remained inside of her. Therefore, the only resemblance she had were her fairy feet, which don't grow.
She had by no means any magic; indeed, she was not even immortal.
The saddest part of all was that in a bizarre turn of events, Elizabeth somehow ended up in the care of her good-for-nothing stepmother, Mum Olga, along with her two careless stepsisters, Hattie and Olive.
Also, just when Elizabeth thought things were at their grimmest, Lucinda showed up again when she found out that Elizabeth's father married Olga. She gave the two the gift of eternal love. As long as they were alive, they would always love each other.
The stepfamily enjoyed bossing Elizabeth around, especially Hattie, who was noticeably jealous of Elizabeth's physical features. After all, Hattie wore a scraggly wig, while Elizabeth's natural, smooth, golden brown hair shined like the sun.
To shun her beauty, Olga and her daughters turned Elizabeth into a maid and forced her to do chores day and night.
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Zaphod Beeblebrox stared at the huge crowd clogging the streets. He was in downtown Islington and couldn't find a mechanic anywhere he looked.
Normally, this two-headed hell of a guy had better things to do than waltz around on a planet like Earth. He knew of parties out in the galaxy that much more to offer than anything he'd seen here, but he hadn't stopped by Earth to go to a party. He didn't even stop here.
In fact, he hadn't stopped here at all.
He sighed, turning his right head to look at the figure trudging along with him. It was a silver robot, who was walking in such a way that one might guess his feet each weighed five pounds more than they actually were.
His name was Marvin—Marvin the Paranoid Android, and it was because of this robot that Zaphod was stranded in the middle of a city on an island people referred to as the United Kingdom. Well, it sure is a bloody corrupt kingdom, thought Zaphod, if you can't find a place to get a robot's diodes replaced!
What have I done to deserve this, anyway? Thought Zaphod. I'm the coolest guy around, the best ship in the galaxy, and a girl with whom things are working more or less well.
FLASHBACK:
"Hey Marvin, how are you today?" said Zaphod out of complete boredom, knowing very well what the answer was going to be.
Marvin slowly lifted his head and craned it slightly to fix a somber stare at Zaphod. He was in a corner, sulking about how the Universe was treating him at that moment.
As usual.
"Worse than ever. My diodes especially hurt, as they haven't been changed in over 10 zillion years."
Zaphod rolled his eyes, as if he should have guessed that. There were countless numbers of times when Zaphod would accidentally forget Marvin on some desolate planet, and then return some 600 thousand million years later to pick him up. Of course, to do that, Zaphod had to travel through time.
"And why," said Marvin despondently, "Did you ask a question like that? I know you don't care, deep down. Do you actually think I need your fake sympathy? Here I am, brain the size of a planet—"
"Shut it," snapped Trillain, who happened to be an Earthling. She left her home planet when she first met Zaphod, and had been living with him ever since.
To take his mind off Marvin, Zaphod decided to turn his attention to the controls. He soon found this to be no help at all.
"Hi there! What a great day this is, eh?" sang the ship's computer.
"Shut up and pinpoint our location."
"You're somewhere in ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha."
That name sounded terribly familiar, but Zaphod couldn't remember why. It was, as a mattter of fact, the sector where he originally picked up Trillian, but he never got the chance to ponder it. The ship was starting to shake and vibrate.
"Attention everyone," said the computer calmly, "I think we're about to enter a high Improbability Drive. Brace yourselves, because someone could get hurt."
And instantly, something whacked Zaphod in the back of both his heads. One of them said, "Sh," but the other one didn't even have time to say, "it," before he was out cold.
The next thing he knew, he was lying down on a landmass somewhere on Planet Earth, with Marvin hunched over, scowling at him.
END FLASHBACK
"Marvin," whispered Zaphod, "Remind me again why I was sent here, of all places, and why you're with me."
"As I recall," droned Marvin, who wasn't even using one quintillionth of his memory banks to conjure this moment, "Your great-grandfather activated the Improbability Drive, causing the both of us to end up on Earth. He told me it was because he wanted you to change my diodes, and he figured this planet should have the resources. But I don't think it does."
"What does it matter, anyway? If I were to actually change the diodes on your left side, what would happen to you?"
"I would go from a world of pain to a state of boundless misery."
"What's the difference?" snorted Zaphod.
"Isn't it obvious? I can stop worry about this 10-zillion year old ache and start worrying about even worse things."
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There was a long line of mighty Arabian Princes, and Saleem was not exactly one of them.
He was actually extremely popular with the girls, and was having a tricky time trying to find the right girl to marry. On top of that, in 7 days time, he would be crowned the new king of Saudi Arabia. Everyone was anxiously waiting this moment—everyone, that is, except Saleem's volcano of an uncle.
This uncle was named Al Karia, and he was a man of malevolent deeds. Karia often tortured prisoners in order to get information out of them. Other times, he would do it for fun, just to watch them scream in agony, or just to take his anger out on someone, or, most likely, for both reasons.
He also liked training animals instead of humans for an army. He would look for the strongest elephants, big cats, and bears in the world, bring them back to his military base, and use negative reinforcement (starving, whipping, etc) to turn these peaceful beasts into monsters.
Of course, Saleem didn't know this, and it would be too late when he would realize it...
Well, that's enough of that, eh? In part 2, I will introduce Peter Pan and his friends, who take part in a Matrix spoof.
To be continued...