Harvest Moon: The Bachelor
~Eight Girls, vying for Kurt's affection. Katie, Gina, Dia, Gwen, Lyla, Nami, Muffy, and Celia~
Kurt arrived back to his living quarters from foraging earlier. He did not expect to see a cute brunette standing in front of his home. "Hey!" She squealed as she spotted him, "I'm Hannah, the host of Harvest Moon: The Bachelor! You were selected as the second bachelor!" Kurt sighed, he wasn't really a "people person" he just liked being alone. "Aren't you excited?" Hannah asked.
Kurt replied merely with a shrug. "Oh this will be so cool! I think one of the girls are here now!" Kurt rolled his eyes, he couldn't block Hannah's high pitched voice out of his head.
The first girl wore a long green dress, she had shoulder length black hair and cute green eyes. When she approached the two, she glared at Hannah. "Hello, I'm Dia. I am the most beautiful creature, our goddess has ever made. I'm sure you agree, as I'm sure you are enthused to meet me. I know, I'm beautiful, smart, funny, talented, sweet, rich and POPULAR. Every girl wants to be me, and every guy wants to date me."
Kurt shrugged once again, "Eh"
Dia's face twisted in disgust, "Eh? Is that how you greet a lady? Some manners! Hmph! You dumb paupers are all the same! You just envy us rich folk." She beamed as she said the word "rich". Dia looked around, "There is NO WAY I am walking on this disgusting floor!" She snapped her fingers and two servants ran up to her, and picked her up. "Much better. Now bring me water, NOW!" Once again, the snapping of her fingers were heard as two more servants ran up to her carrying two freshly poured mineral fresh glasses of water. Dia took a sip of the first glass, "This water is WARM!" She suddenly grabbed the glass and threw it at her servant. "You stupid fool! You are fired!" Her servant ran off crying. She then sipped the second glass, "WHAT?! THIS TASTES LIKE WATER!"
"Miss Dia! That is what you asked for!" Her servant pleaded.
"I have heard enough! SAY YOUR PRAYERS!" Dia threatened.
"Oh Dia, Goddess of beauty and light forgive me!" Dia's servant sobbed as he got down on his knees. Dia looked him in the face.
"KILL HIM! HE BROUGHT ME NASTY WATER!" Five guards ran out and tackled the servant down, taking him away. "Off with his head!"
Dia returned to the presence of Kurt and Hannah. "I have NEVER competed for anything because I always get what I want. So let me get this straight with you, I am not competing for you, YOU are competing for me, you pile of trash!" Dia laughed as he tossed him a single gold coin, "Go get some new clothes, you look like a cow." She turned to Hannah, "And YOU! Get out of here, your harsh appearance makes me want to weep. Be gone or I shall make you be gone." She snapped her fingers and was instantly taken inside.
Hannah was left dumbfounded, "Well she sure seems nice."
The second girl arrived soon after, she was a blonde who wore her hair in a pony tail. Her clothes were that of a tomboy. "Hey!" She called as she spotted the two. "My name is Gwen and I love animals!"
Hannah smiled, "You seem normal!"
Gwen nodded, "Yeah! I am normal! As normal as they come! Hehe, normal. That's me!" Her eyes shuffled from side to side. "So, do you have any fodder? Its delicious! I mean, it's quite good. I mean... ugh."
Hannah smirked, shaking her head. "We have had one of you before."
Gwen sighed in relief, "You mean, You have had Human-Animal hybrids before? What a relief!" Gwen blew a kiss to Kurt, who was beyond disturbed, "I don't really have all the right parts, but I got the ones that count! I have a camel toe." Hannah and Kurt looked at each other, "No, I'm serious!" She took off her shoe, to reveal... a camel's foot. "They replaced it with a camel toe." Hannah sighed in relief. "Okay! Well I'm going to go inside now. Tata!" With that said, Gwen entered the house.
Katie was the third girl to meet Kurt, she had long brown curls and wore a pink outfit. "Hi, my name is Katie!" She giggled, "I'm sixteen!"
Hannah thought for a minute, "Kurt is Twenty-one. Isn't that illegal?"
Katie's smile turned into a frown, "Stop treating me like I'm young!"
"You are young!" Hannah shot back at her.
Katie started to cry, "You take that back! Or you'll regret it! I'm sick of people putting a label on me just because I'm young! I can be a skanky whore too!" She started to rub her ass against Kurt. Kurt blushed. "You like that don't you?" Katie asked, Kurt just nodded. Katie threw her arms in the air, "Oh Kurt! I want to ride you right now!" She grabbed her Barbie suitcase, and looked through her stuff, finally she took out a hello Kitty vibrator. "Ha!"
Hannah was shocked, and disgusted. She shoved a fat censor sign over Katie. "You Missy, are a young whore. Get out of my sight!"
Katie grabbed her things and hissed at Hannah, "You'll regret that!" and so, she went inside.
Next, a pink haired girl skipped merrily up to Kurt. "Hi Kurt! I'm Lyla!"
Kurt smiled, blushing a little.
"I love flowers! Flowers are the ultimate good and weeds are the ultimate evil! Oh my goodness! There are some flowers now!" Without warning, Lyla ran out to the field and gathered the flowers. "Ah my precious beauties, we will all live together happily, as a family." She picked each flower and snorted them up her nose. "Ah, That's the good stuff!" Once she was done, she went inside.
A blue haired girl followed, She stopped momentarily to introduce herself to Kurt and Hannah. "My name is Gina. I... uh, I'm a maid..." tears streamed down her cheek. "Oh cruel world! Why do I have to be a dork? Why am I related to Mary? WHY WHY WHY?!" Kurt wondered why she was talking to herself. Gina excused herself and went inside.
The next girl was had brown hair and looked like a house wife. "Hi my name is Celia. I am oh-so-happy to meet you!" She squealed, "Well, no I'm not... but that's besides the point right?" She laughed. "I like working at the ranch... no I don't. I hate that bitch I work for, and I hope she croaks. Oh! Silly me, I am rambling. I must be going now, good day." Celia walked inside.
Hannah was stunned, "These girls are freaks." Kurt nodded.
A girl with short red hair and blue eyes was the next one to approach Kurt. "Hello you. I'm Nami." She turned to Hannah and suddenly anime hearts flew around her head. She licked Hannah's face breathing heavy. "I want you." Nami backed away slowly, giving Hannah a flirtatious wink.
Hannah shuddered, "so... how about them apples?"
Nami glared at her but seductively winked at the same time. This girl was talented! She slapped Hannah's rump and went inside.
The last girl to arrive was Muffy, a blonde bimbo. She giggled and waved eagerly when she saw them. "Hi! Oh my goddess! This is like, a dream come true! To search for love on this very day!" She began to giggle, "Call me sweetiekins." And so, Muffy retired to go inside.
Hannah turned to Kurt. "Let's go inside to pay the ladies another visit." The two went inside only to see chaos.
"The light in this room is ruining my completion!" Dia complained, "Knock THE WALL DOWN!"
And so, her servants including Gina knocked the wall down. Gina cried as she did so. "I hate this job! Oh cruel cruel world!"
Katie was humping the chair, "Oh! Barney! Come on Barney! Harder! Bring Baby Bop into this trial of fun!"
Lyla continued to sniff her flowers as Celia sat there starring at the wall.
Nami looked over to Hannah and licked her lips. "Tonight" She mouthed.
Hannah took Kurt aside. "Well it's time to eliminate three girls. Each girl wrote you a special letter. This is their plea to stay. Enjoy."
Gina's letter:
Oh why must I settle for this cruel job for that cruel woman!
Oh how I hate my life
You would only add to my sorrow.
-Gina
Lyla's letter:
Flowers are fun.
Love, Lyla
Gwen's letter:
I am so happy that you accept me for who I am!
Remember the camel toe.
~Gwen~
Dia's letter:
Dear Kurt,
If you do not choose me you will die a painful death.
Love (always),
Dia
Katie's letter:
Hey! See I'm not that young!
I'm sixteen and a HALF!
Half more the whore, half more the fun!
Love, Katie
Muffy's letter:
5+5= 35
And Me+ You= LUV
Nami's letter:
Hey Kurt,
I was wondering, what's Hannah's phone number? Just curious of course.
I wont stalk her, don't worry.
Nami
Celia's letter:
Today was fun.
Well not really.
I hope you choose me.
Or I really don't care.
Love (or not.)
Celia(That's not my real name anyway)
When Kurt was finished, he turned to Hannah and nodded. "It is now time for the weed ceremony." She brought him back inside.
Kurt stood at the podium. He had said "eh" throughout the whole episode but no one had noticed. Of course, he was talkative today.
Hannah narrated. "It is time for the weed ceremony. There are eight girls but only FIVE weeds."
Kurt nodded, and grabbed the first weed. He pointed at Dia, mostly in fear.
Dia smirked, "You DO NOT POINT AT ME! You HAND the weed to me." Kurt walked over to her and tossed it at her. "Weeds are gross, TAKE IT AWAY!"
The next weed was for Gwen. Kurt made that clear when he pointed her out. Gwen got up and graciously accepted the weed. She ate it, in fact.
The third weed was for Katie. Kurt smiled as Katie got up to accept her weed. "Thank you! See? Age does not matter!" She wiggled her butt and returned to her seat.
Kurt pointed at Celia next. Celia smiled and grabbed her weed. "Thank you, wait no. It's a weed, so more like 'fuck you'"
Hannah interrupted. "This is the final weed."
The girls all bit their nails madly. Kurt sighed, and pointed to Lyla. Lyla got up and received her weed, snorting it up her nose like everything else.
Muffy, Nami and Gina were left weedless.
Gina sighed, "This is how life always goes for me. Why does life have to be so bad?" Gina cried. "Oh what a cruel fate I hold!"
Nami cracked her knuckles. "I really wanted to get the know her-him. For now, I will remain a mystery though."
Muffy cried into a pillow. "What's wrong with meeee? I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy! I put it all on the line and got nothing in return!" She sobbed even though she just met the guy.
The three ladies walked out of the house and got on their designated donkeys.
"Kurt is not my type anyway." Nami stated as she rode off.
"Oh this horrible life I lead." Gina grunted and rode away.
Muffy got on her donkey sadly, "Well here is a girl crushed. I hope you get ratings. At least I can watch myself get rejected on surround sound now!" with that said, Muffy rode off, unaware that she didn't own a television.
~Eight Girls, vying for Kurt's affection. Katie, Gina, Dia, Gwen, Lyla, Nami, Muffy, and Celia~
Kurt arrived back to his living quarters from foraging earlier. He did not expect to see a cute brunette standing in front of his home. "Hey!" She squealed as she spotted him, "I'm Hannah, the host of Harvest Moon: The Bachelor! You were selected as the second bachelor!" Kurt sighed, he wasn't really a "people person" he just liked being alone. "Aren't you excited?" Hannah asked.
Kurt replied merely with a shrug. "Oh this will be so cool! I think one of the girls are here now!" Kurt rolled his eyes, he couldn't block Hannah's high pitched voice out of his head.
The first girl wore a long green dress, she had shoulder length black hair and cute green eyes. When she approached the two, she glared at Hannah. "Hello, I'm Dia. I am the most beautiful creature, our goddess has ever made. I'm sure you agree, as I'm sure you are enthused to meet me. I know, I'm beautiful, smart, funny, talented, sweet, rich and POPULAR. Every girl wants to be me, and every guy wants to date me."
Kurt shrugged once again, "Eh"
Dia's face twisted in disgust, "Eh? Is that how you greet a lady? Some manners! Hmph! You dumb paupers are all the same! You just envy us rich folk." She beamed as she said the word "rich". Dia looked around, "There is NO WAY I am walking on this disgusting floor!" She snapped her fingers and two servants ran up to her, and picked her up. "Much better. Now bring me water, NOW!" Once again, the snapping of her fingers were heard as two more servants ran up to her carrying two freshly poured mineral fresh glasses of water. Dia took a sip of the first glass, "This water is WARM!" She suddenly grabbed the glass and threw it at her servant. "You stupid fool! You are fired!" Her servant ran off crying. She then sipped the second glass, "WHAT?! THIS TASTES LIKE WATER!"
"Miss Dia! That is what you asked for!" Her servant pleaded.
"I have heard enough! SAY YOUR PRAYERS!" Dia threatened.
"Oh Dia, Goddess of beauty and light forgive me!" Dia's servant sobbed as he got down on his knees. Dia looked him in the face.
"KILL HIM! HE BROUGHT ME NASTY WATER!" Five guards ran out and tackled the servant down, taking him away. "Off with his head!"
Dia returned to the presence of Kurt and Hannah. "I have NEVER competed for anything because I always get what I want. So let me get this straight with you, I am not competing for you, YOU are competing for me, you pile of trash!" Dia laughed as he tossed him a single gold coin, "Go get some new clothes, you look like a cow." She turned to Hannah, "And YOU! Get out of here, your harsh appearance makes me want to weep. Be gone or I shall make you be gone." She snapped her fingers and was instantly taken inside.
Hannah was left dumbfounded, "Well she sure seems nice."
The second girl arrived soon after, she was a blonde who wore her hair in a pony tail. Her clothes were that of a tomboy. "Hey!" She called as she spotted the two. "My name is Gwen and I love animals!"
Hannah smiled, "You seem normal!"
Gwen nodded, "Yeah! I am normal! As normal as they come! Hehe, normal. That's me!" Her eyes shuffled from side to side. "So, do you have any fodder? Its delicious! I mean, it's quite good. I mean... ugh."
Hannah smirked, shaking her head. "We have had one of you before."
Gwen sighed in relief, "You mean, You have had Human-Animal hybrids before? What a relief!" Gwen blew a kiss to Kurt, who was beyond disturbed, "I don't really have all the right parts, but I got the ones that count! I have a camel toe." Hannah and Kurt looked at each other, "No, I'm serious!" She took off her shoe, to reveal... a camel's foot. "They replaced it with a camel toe." Hannah sighed in relief. "Okay! Well I'm going to go inside now. Tata!" With that said, Gwen entered the house.
Katie was the third girl to meet Kurt, she had long brown curls and wore a pink outfit. "Hi, my name is Katie!" She giggled, "I'm sixteen!"
Hannah thought for a minute, "Kurt is Twenty-one. Isn't that illegal?"
Katie's smile turned into a frown, "Stop treating me like I'm young!"
"You are young!" Hannah shot back at her.
Katie started to cry, "You take that back! Or you'll regret it! I'm sick of people putting a label on me just because I'm young! I can be a skanky whore too!" She started to rub her ass against Kurt. Kurt blushed. "You like that don't you?" Katie asked, Kurt just nodded. Katie threw her arms in the air, "Oh Kurt! I want to ride you right now!" She grabbed her Barbie suitcase, and looked through her stuff, finally she took out a hello Kitty vibrator. "Ha!"
Hannah was shocked, and disgusted. She shoved a fat censor sign over Katie. "You Missy, are a young whore. Get out of my sight!"
Katie grabbed her things and hissed at Hannah, "You'll regret that!" and so, she went inside.
Next, a pink haired girl skipped merrily up to Kurt. "Hi Kurt! I'm Lyla!"
Kurt smiled, blushing a little.
"I love flowers! Flowers are the ultimate good and weeds are the ultimate evil! Oh my goodness! There are some flowers now!" Without warning, Lyla ran out to the field and gathered the flowers. "Ah my precious beauties, we will all live together happily, as a family." She picked each flower and snorted them up her nose. "Ah, That's the good stuff!" Once she was done, she went inside.
A blue haired girl followed, She stopped momentarily to introduce herself to Kurt and Hannah. "My name is Gina. I... uh, I'm a maid..." tears streamed down her cheek. "Oh cruel world! Why do I have to be a dork? Why am I related to Mary? WHY WHY WHY?!" Kurt wondered why she was talking to herself. Gina excused herself and went inside.
The next girl was had brown hair and looked like a house wife. "Hi my name is Celia. I am oh-so-happy to meet you!" She squealed, "Well, no I'm not... but that's besides the point right?" She laughed. "I like working at the ranch... no I don't. I hate that bitch I work for, and I hope she croaks. Oh! Silly me, I am rambling. I must be going now, good day." Celia walked inside.
Hannah was stunned, "These girls are freaks." Kurt nodded.
A girl with short red hair and blue eyes was the next one to approach Kurt. "Hello you. I'm Nami." She turned to Hannah and suddenly anime hearts flew around her head. She licked Hannah's face breathing heavy. "I want you." Nami backed away slowly, giving Hannah a flirtatious wink.
Hannah shuddered, "so... how about them apples?"
Nami glared at her but seductively winked at the same time. This girl was talented! She slapped Hannah's rump and went inside.
The last girl to arrive was Muffy, a blonde bimbo. She giggled and waved eagerly when she saw them. "Hi! Oh my goddess! This is like, a dream come true! To search for love on this very day!" She began to giggle, "Call me sweetiekins." And so, Muffy retired to go inside.
Hannah turned to Kurt. "Let's go inside to pay the ladies another visit." The two went inside only to see chaos.
"The light in this room is ruining my completion!" Dia complained, "Knock THE WALL DOWN!"
And so, her servants including Gina knocked the wall down. Gina cried as she did so. "I hate this job! Oh cruel cruel world!"
Katie was humping the chair, "Oh! Barney! Come on Barney! Harder! Bring Baby Bop into this trial of fun!"
Lyla continued to sniff her flowers as Celia sat there starring at the wall.
Nami looked over to Hannah and licked her lips. "Tonight" She mouthed.
Hannah took Kurt aside. "Well it's time to eliminate three girls. Each girl wrote you a special letter. This is their plea to stay. Enjoy."
Gina's letter:
Oh why must I settle for this cruel job for that cruel woman!
Oh how I hate my life
You would only add to my sorrow.
-Gina
Lyla's letter:
Flowers are fun.
Love, Lyla
Gwen's letter:
I am so happy that you accept me for who I am!
Remember the camel toe.
~Gwen~
Dia's letter:
Dear Kurt,
If you do not choose me you will die a painful death.
Love (always),
Dia
Katie's letter:
Hey! See I'm not that young!
I'm sixteen and a HALF!
Half more the whore, half more the fun!
Love, Katie
Muffy's letter:
5+5= 35
And Me+ You= LUV
Nami's letter:
Hey Kurt,
I was wondering, what's Hannah's phone number? Just curious of course.
I wont stalk her, don't worry.
Nami
Celia's letter:
Today was fun.
Well not really.
I hope you choose me.
Or I really don't care.
Love (or not.)
Celia(That's not my real name anyway)
When Kurt was finished, he turned to Hannah and nodded. "It is now time for the weed ceremony." She brought him back inside.
Kurt stood at the podium. He had said "eh" throughout the whole episode but no one had noticed. Of course, he was talkative today.
Hannah narrated. "It is time for the weed ceremony. There are eight girls but only FIVE weeds."
Kurt nodded, and grabbed the first weed. He pointed at Dia, mostly in fear.
Dia smirked, "You DO NOT POINT AT ME! You HAND the weed to me." Kurt walked over to her and tossed it at her. "Weeds are gross, TAKE IT AWAY!"
The next weed was for Gwen. Kurt made that clear when he pointed her out. Gwen got up and graciously accepted the weed. She ate it, in fact.
The third weed was for Katie. Kurt smiled as Katie got up to accept her weed. "Thank you! See? Age does not matter!" She wiggled her butt and returned to her seat.
Kurt pointed at Celia next. Celia smiled and grabbed her weed. "Thank you, wait no. It's a weed, so more like 'fuck you'"
Hannah interrupted. "This is the final weed."
The girls all bit their nails madly. Kurt sighed, and pointed to Lyla. Lyla got up and received her weed, snorting it up her nose like everything else.
Muffy, Nami and Gina were left weedless.
Gina sighed, "This is how life always goes for me. Why does life have to be so bad?" Gina cried. "Oh what a cruel fate I hold!"
Nami cracked her knuckles. "I really wanted to get the know her-him. For now, I will remain a mystery though."
Muffy cried into a pillow. "What's wrong with meeee? I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy! I put it all on the line and got nothing in return!" She sobbed even though she just met the guy.
The three ladies walked out of the house and got on their designated donkeys.
"Kurt is not my type anyway." Nami stated as she rode off.
"Oh this horrible life I lead." Gina grunted and rode away.
Muffy got on her donkey sadly, "Well here is a girl crushed. I hope you get ratings. At least I can watch myself get rejected on surround sound now!" with that said, Muffy rode off, unaware that she didn't own a television.