The new edition of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy notes about a change in the Wikkit Key (The Silver and Golden Bails, and the Steel, Wooden, and Plastic Pillars). Apparently the Silver Bail has been recently discovered on Planet Earth, and is now serving an entirely different purpose. It is being used as a disco ball for a party in the middle of a plate of land referred to by Earthlings as "Saudi Arabia".
Currently, the natives have no clue of the Silver Bail's true function, nor what the Wikkit Key is. (The Wikkit Key is the symbol of the Galaxy—the Wikkit Gate. Its purpose is to lock the planet Krikkit in a Slo-Time envelope.
Ten billion years ago, the inhabitants of the planet Krikkit got fed up with being surrounded by galaxy filled with alternate life. They simply "needed to be alone." Thus, thousands of gigantic Krikkit warships set off into space and started to steal material supplies from planets by the thousands, and then blowing them up, in a mad conquest to destroy the universe.
By their definition, that meant zapping anything that wasn't Krikkit out of existence.
The Galaxy in which the planet Krikkit dwelled managed to get its act together and defeat the Krikkit army. But it took them 2 million years to achieve this victory.
Once that was done, the Chairman of the Board of Judges at the Krikkit War Crimes Trial (also known as His High Judgmental Supremacy, Judiciary Pag, and L.I.V.R., which stands for the Learned, Impartial and Very Relaxed) decided to encase the planet Krikkit for perpetuity in an envelope of Slo-Time, inside which life would continue almost infinitely slowly. Escape from the envelope would be utterly impossible unless it was unlocked from the outside.)
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One day, Dame Olga received a letter from overseas. Hattie and Olive tripped over each other trying to get to it first.
"Well, well!" exclaimed Olga. "It's a invitation to a party in the city of Medina. The person who wrote this letter is the future prince of that country, and according to this, he's single!"
"Wow," said Hattie blandly, "I guess he secretly likes us if he's extending his invitation all the way to Europe! We have to go! It's like my dream come true!"
"Should we bring Elizabeth? And where's Medina?" asked Olive, not showing that much interest.
"No, no, she will stay," snapped Olga. "This house needs to be looked after, and she doesn't have any decent dresses. And Medina is a city in Saudi Arabia."
"Yeah," said Hattie cruely, "An Arabian prince doesn't invite people all the way in another continent if they're just dirty house maids."
At this, Elizabeth walked up to her attic room, not the least bit disappointed, because Mum Olga never gave her an order. Furthermore, Hattie did not know that Elizabeth had been working on a special pink dress in secret in case she got invited to a ball. This pink dress was supplemented by Hattie's bead necklace and Olive's blue sash. (Of course, both sisters threw those in the garbage, claiming they never wanted to see those garments again.) And there was no way Elizabeth was going to pass up something like this!
So, a few days later, Olga and her daughters were getting ready to head to the airport, when Hattie suddenly became suspicious. Usually, Elizabeth would be downstairs, carrying out orders, but she was nowhere to be seen. Hattie called Olive to her side and together they tiptoed quietly up to the attic, so that no one upstairs could hear.
Once they reached the door to the attic, Hattie and Olive looked at each other as they clutched the doorknob. Hattie whispered, "On the count of three. Ready? One...two...THREE!"
And the two of them burst into Elizabeth's room, shocked to see her packing the dress in her suitcase. And when Elizabeth saw them, she gasped, realizing she should have locked the door.
"WTF?" screamed Olive. "MY SASH!" And she pushed Elizabeth aside, grabbed the dress and pulled the sash away.
"OMFG!" bawled Hattie. "MY BEADS!" And she knocked Elizabeth to the ground, and tore into the dress while scrambling to get the necklace off.
"Girls, that's enough!" called Olga from downstairs, as if nothing was going on, "British Airways cannot wait for us as long as we like. It's time to go!"
When they heard this, they let go of the dress (if you could call it a dress now), fixed their clothes, and walked away without a word. A minute later, Elizabeth heard the door slam shut. She didn't even bother to try and get up, for she knew there was no point. All around her, there were shreds of pink and blue and beads scattered all over the floor. Her dream, her yearlong work, her last chance for happiness, was shattered. Overcome with grief, she just lay there, and cried her eyes dry.
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Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz's eyes snapped open, and he sat bolt upright in his chair, twisting his aching head in all directions, ready to shoot anything that moved. But nothing stirred. Everything was absolutely silent, except for the humming of the engines, which he dared not destroy. Finally, his muscles relaxed, and he settled back into his cushy seat, thankful that all he had was a nightmare of his life's work of poetry being burned.
This captain's Vogon Constructor Ship was currently in neutral, quietly floating somewhere between Mars and Earth. This did not suit the captain at all, for he had to remain in this no-man's-land for at least two more weeks. "Just think about their deaths," he would tell himself, and he would smile at the thought of watching a stupid planet explode into bits.
Two weeks from now, the captain was going to use demolition beams to destroy Earth in order to build a hyperspace bypass through this particular solar system. At least, that's the reason he made up to justify the destruction of this planet.
When the Universe realized that Deep Thought could not figure out the question of Life, The Universe, and Everything, they fell into despair. After all, it took Deep Thought 7.5 million years just to find out that the answer is 42. But the super computer assured them that a new computer was being built to replace it, and this one could find the Question to the Ultimate Answer. It would be called Earth. Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz wanted to blow this planet up to make sure the Question would never be found, and thus no one would understand how 42 was the answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything.
"Run a scan on this squalid planet," he barked. Within minutes, red barcode scans shined on Earth, while ship's computer hummed and buzzed, trying to find anything of Vogon interest, which was (since not even one trillionth billionth percent of the Universe makes a typical Vogon's eyes light up, especially not those of the captain) not likely.
One of the scanners moved east. It went past a big continent located just below a small continent, and then paused in the area next to this big continent and the biggest continent on the planet. Then it focused on that small landmass. Soon after, without warning, the computer set off a siren indicating that it had detected something that Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz had programmed it to think would interest the captain.
He reeled like a man seeing his girlfriend run away. "This had better be important! What did you see?" The computer then flashed a screen, with a picture of a glowing orb. It was colored like some type of shiny gray...could it be...? It couldn't! Below it, Earthlings were putting tables and chairs in place for a special event. A dance! But it had to be...
"Wh...th...I...That's...that's the SILVER BAIL! The Silver Bail which represents the peace in the universe! I don't believe it! Right here, and I was about to demolish it! What could I have been thinking?" The captain broke into hysterical laughter. This went on for quite some time until it turned into a hacking cough. It became apparent that he was disturbing the Dentrassis' sleeping quarters with all this racket.
"But I'm getting carried away," he cleared his throat and rubbed his palms together. "Anyway, good to finally have something fun to do. Let's see. In that region of the planet, it will be...midnight, or whatever it is those ridiculous Earthlings call it. Yes. Within about four of their Earthling hours, their clocks will strike midnight. And so will I. People from all over the Universe will make me rich after this!"
He then turned on the PA and began shouting into it. "May I have your attention please. This is your captain speaking, so stop whatever you're doing and pay attention. Our scanning instruments have detected the coveted Silver Bail on the planet Earth. As you know, people everywhere are trying to get their grubby hands on this trinket, as it forms a piece of the symbol of the Universe. And here's our chance to get it. If we succeed, peacemakers will pay us indefinite amounts of money to get the orb back. Therefore, failure is not an option. We're going to Earth to retrieve the Bail immediately, using any means possible. In case the inferior Earthlings put up a fight, I want a squadron of 50 Vogon troopers armed and ready by the time we land. Message repeats. This is your captain speaking, so stop whatever you're doing and pay attention. Our scanning instruments have detected the coveted Silver Bail on the planet Earth. As you know, people everywhere are trying to get their grubby hands on this trinket, as it forms a piece of the symbol of the Universe. And here's our chance to get it. If we succeed, peacemakers will pay us indefinite amounts of money to get the orb back. Therefore, failure is not an option. We're going to Earth to retrieve the Bail immediately, using any means possible. In case the inferior Earthlings put up a fight, I want a squadron of 50 Vogon troopers armed and ready by the time we land. Message ends.
End of Part one.
Oh, I bet you can just guess what's going to happen next, eh?