(A/N) Finally! The eighth chapter! Okay this one took a while because I
have been doing my higher exams and I really needed to concentrate on that.
But now they are over and I can concentrate on this and on How Voldemort
part 2 which is nearly finished, you must believe me!!!
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CHAPTER EIGHT: Better Than Okay
Lucius Malfoy stood beside the open window in his bedroom. He let the crisp night air drift over him, sweeping through the loose strands of his white- gold hair. He sighed, tasting the soft scent of the pine trees and night- flowers. Behind him, on the dark green velvet sofa sat Severus Snape, his eyes narrow and his mouth shaped into a small frown. He had arrived that evening at the elder boy's door, upset and desperate to tell someone of the previous night's happenings. Lucius had listened; he had shown anger towards Sirius and James but no sympathy for Severus.
"Halloween is tomorrow." Lucius said, letting the words slip quietly off his tongue.
Severus nodded, his black hair falling over his face. "Lucius," he said rather hurriedly, as if trying to get the words out before he changed his mind. "Take me with you."
The older boy turned around swiftly, his silver eyes narrowed as he said, "Why? Why would you ever...?"
Severus just looked at him, if Lucius refused him this, well, he didn't know what else he had in life. Severus didn't particularly find the prospect of becoming a Death Eater thrilling but Lucius was going to become one and if that was so then he would be one as well.
"You can't tell." Lucius spoke suddenly, "About Lupin."
Snape nodded, "I know."
Seemingly satisfied Lucius nodded his head and closed the window, shivering a little in his green, Slytherin pyjamas. He moved over to the fire, the glowing flames casting him in a golden light. He looked both heavenly and evil, all at the same time. His eyes, however told nothing, he had resigned himself already lost, destined for a life of servitude to an evil and sadistic master. Love, he had sworn, would never touch him again. "Very well" he said softly.
Severus stood; he walked over to the fire. Standing near the blond boy, but not too near, because there seemed to have been a new distance created between Lucius and everyone else. A sort of invisible barrier that spoke, without saying anything, 'Don't come to close'.
"Good night." Severus said, his voice sounding strangely formal. He resisted the rather ridiculous urge to bow. Turning stiffly he left the room, the heavy door banging loudly as it closed behind him.
As soon as it had shut Lucius sank to the floor, his fingers tangling softly in the warm green carpet. Breathing deeply he closed his eyes, he felt so very, very empty. Scraping his nails through the fabric he lay, stretched out on his back in front of the fire. The flames danced enticingly beside him and he wondered what it would be like to just walk right into them. But even these thoughts did not linger long in his mind. They, like everything else, led him to thoughts of Remus. The boy he had believed would be his salvation, his passage to the light. Now that passage had been blocked and Remus was gone. Lucius curled up into a ball, trying to get as small as he could and turned away from the fire. Closing his eyes he fell into an uneasy sleep.
In his dream Lucius was standing, tied to a stake and surrounded by dry branches. This yet, unlit bonfire stood in the middle of a clearing surrounded by cherry blossom trees. The blossom petals blew around him, whispering through his hair and caressing his pale skin. The sky above was white and heavy; Lucius was expecting snow at any moment. But none came; instead small drops of golden fire began to fall from the heavens. The branches around Lucius caught fire and he began to struggle, it was, however, no use as the rope seemed to wind tighter around his body the more he moved. The flames crept up the edges of his white robes and licked at his skin. This time Lucius could feel them and they hurt, they hurt beyond believing. The curly silver tendrils of smoke wound their way up to his face and beyond. Lucius choked on the heavy fumes, he tried to scream but no sound came. The petal around him had all but disappeared, lying now as silver dust of the burning grass. His white-gold hair had caught fire now and Lucius struggled harder, the rope squeezing him as he opened his mouth in a silent scream. Finally Lucius gave into the flames as they licked at the milky white skin of his face. The last sight he saw was the cherry blossom trees, burning red and pink as the flames licked at the silken petals.
Sirius sat by the bed, his deep blue eyes looking tenderly at the small, huddled lump of red blankets that was Remus Lupin. It was ten o'clock on Saturday night and Remus had been in bed since the afternoon. Sirius had washed his hands and face, cleaning the blood off the trembling boy. "Blood," Remus had muttered. "Blood"
He and James had settled the vaguely protesting boy into the bed and Sirius had sat with him, muttering his apologies until the glassy amber eyes had closed and Remus's breathing had become the quiet, even breathing of those deep in slumber. Sirius didn't know if he was forgiven, he didn't care. He didn't deserve forgiveness, he didn't deserve anything, but Remus did.
Remus deserved happiness and peace. What God was there up above that could give one boy so many problems? Sirius smiled softly as the lump in the blankets shifted and a quiet sigh reached his ears. Remus was here and he was trusting Sirius. That was all that the dark haired boy needed and he found that he didn't care about Lucius Malfoy anymore. It didn't matter if Remus had found a place in his heart for the Slytherin, as long as he didn't cut Sirius off anymore then he would be happy.
"Sirius?" asked a small voice. Sirius jumped as he noticed Remus's wide amber eyes open and stare at him.
"I'm sorry." Sirius said, the words spilling from his mouth before he could stop them, he would always feel guilty, that he knew.
"I didn't go to Madam Pomfrey." Remus whispered and Sirius almost laughed, trust Remus to be worried about that.
"It doesn't matter," Sirius said. "Do you feel okay?"
Remus sat up slowly, trembling under his robes. With one pale hand he pushed back the honey hair that hung in front of his eyes. He smiled painfully, "I was okay, now I'm...I'm...." He sighed and wrung his hands. "I need to be alone." Remus said finally, his voice little more than a whisper.
Sirius nodded, swallowing painfully. It was just for a while, he told himself. Remus just needed some time to sort things out then he would come back, he would confide in Sirius. "Alright." He said, getting up to leave; almost laughing at himself. Nothing would be the same, ever again. Things had changed, there was a new wall between Remus and the rest of them, and although they might be able to peer through the cracks they would never be able to knock it down. With a final, rather sad nod at Remus he left, shutting the door tightly behind him.
Once the dark haired boy had left Remus wrapped the covers tightly around his body and walked to the window. It was night-time, how long had he been asleep? His amber eyes flicked to the Quidditch calendar on the wall beside James's bed. It was Halloween tomorrow, Remus realised. With this realisation came thoughts of Lucius Malfoy, the long haired Slytherin who had haunted his dreams and nightmares and who had been his first thought when he had believed himself a murderer. Would he still want me, Remus had thought; if he knew me to be as dark as him? It had been a small relief to find that he had not been responsible for the death of Severus Snape but still the blood on his hands had told him one thing. His friends would not always be there. Nothing lasted forever and you should grasp happiness when you found it and hold on to it as long as you could. He wouldn't have Sirius and James forever, but he would have them as long as he could. And as for Lucius, he would receive the Dark Mark tomorrow unless, unless Remus got to him first. Lucius was his light, Lucius was his path to something better than okay, something better than what he was. Remus wanted that, he wanted something better and most of all he wanted Lucius.
On Sunday morning Remus awoke to the warmth of the sun shining on him from outside, looking out the window he saw that although the sun was shining the wind had already begun to lift the leaves from the trees. Taking a deep sigh Remus breathed in the crisp scent of the dead leaves through the open window. He smiled, a rare smile that seemed to light up his face. Autumn was here and it was time for a change, whether it be for better or worse Remus did not yet know.
Once he had showered and changed the small honey haired boy made his way out of the common room. He was delayed however by James who appeared in front of him, concern written all over his handsome face.
"Are you feeling okay?" James asked; a rather hopeful look in his brown eyes.
Remus managed a small, reassuring smile. "Yes." He said, "If you see Sirius, tell him...tell him that I'll see him later."
James nodded and then smiled. "Where are you going now?"
"Somewhere." Remus answered and James smiled properly.
"It's good to know someone is," he said. "Just don't forget about the Halloween dance tonight!"
Remus nodded and watched his messy haired friend make his way up to the dormitories before slipping through the portrait hole.
The air outside the castle smelled crisp and new. Remus inhaled deeply as he made his way toward the lake. The water lapped against the shore in a gentle rhythm and a cool wind bade the autumn leaves dance around the Gryffindor's feet. He wasn't sure that Lucius would even turn up, it wasn't even planned. All Remus knew was that they seemed to find each other when it seemed right and if Lucius needed him this was where Remus would be.
Lucius stared at the small figure making its way across the grounds to the lake. It was Remus, he could tell by soft waves of honey hair and the sure way the figure sat beside the Weeping Willow tree. He looked well, Lucius thought. With a sigh he rubbed at the bags under his silver eyes. Maybe, maybe he could go and see him just one last time? Lucius mentally slapped himself, seeing Remus would only complicate matters. No matter what he thought the boy could have done for him, or what he still hoped he could do it was over. Everything was over, the choice had been made and Lucius would be a Death Eater that night.
The small Remus figure cast a pebble into the lake and Lucius's silver eyes flicked back to him, then their eyes met. Silver on amber and Lucius was caught. Neither of them seemed to be able to look away no matter how hard they tried. Inside Lucius was screaming, why was he doing this to himself? Then Remus waved softly, hesitantly and Lucius's heart leapt. "Remus." He breathed, Remus. Without another thought Lucius ran from the window and out of the entrance hall. He felt as though his feet were barely meeting the ground at all as he made his way down the grassy hill to the lake, and to Remus.
By the time he reached to other boy Remus had stood up and they now faced each other, both expressions wide eyed and hesitant. "Hey," Remus almost whispered.
Frozen, Lucius said nothing, nor did he move. A second later however his hesitation went out of the window as he grabbed the amber eyed boy and kissed him. Remus moaned and Lucius pushed him away.
"I don't want to be a Death Eater." He said, looking so scared that Remus took his hands and kissed his forehead.
"You don't have to be." Came the reply. Lucius almost choked on the tears that seemed to be pouring from his eyes. He gripped Remus tightly as the world around him spun out of control, as long as he held onto Remus he would be safe, safe.
"This is insane." Lucius muttered into the other boy's green jumper. His jumper, he noted with a teary smile.
Remus felt as though he would explode, Lucius was here and Lucius was holding him as though he were a life preserver. So this was love, Remus thought, this was love and he would happily drown in it. He smiled as he felt Lucius playing with his jumper.
"It's yours." Remus said.
"No, it isn't mine any more. It belongs to you now."
Remus smiled and this time it was he who kissed Lucius. In that moment they both felt free, they both felt better than okay.
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(A/N) ok, so that was quite short. Next one will be longer. I've only got about two or three more chapters to go.....yay!! Anyway, be warned, just because this chapter ends on the happy Lucius/Remus note doesn't mean that everything will be hugs and bunnies in the next one! Well please read and REVIEW!!! Thanx
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CHAPTER EIGHT: Better Than Okay
Lucius Malfoy stood beside the open window in his bedroom. He let the crisp night air drift over him, sweeping through the loose strands of his white- gold hair. He sighed, tasting the soft scent of the pine trees and night- flowers. Behind him, on the dark green velvet sofa sat Severus Snape, his eyes narrow and his mouth shaped into a small frown. He had arrived that evening at the elder boy's door, upset and desperate to tell someone of the previous night's happenings. Lucius had listened; he had shown anger towards Sirius and James but no sympathy for Severus.
"Halloween is tomorrow." Lucius said, letting the words slip quietly off his tongue.
Severus nodded, his black hair falling over his face. "Lucius," he said rather hurriedly, as if trying to get the words out before he changed his mind. "Take me with you."
The older boy turned around swiftly, his silver eyes narrowed as he said, "Why? Why would you ever...?"
Severus just looked at him, if Lucius refused him this, well, he didn't know what else he had in life. Severus didn't particularly find the prospect of becoming a Death Eater thrilling but Lucius was going to become one and if that was so then he would be one as well.
"You can't tell." Lucius spoke suddenly, "About Lupin."
Snape nodded, "I know."
Seemingly satisfied Lucius nodded his head and closed the window, shivering a little in his green, Slytherin pyjamas. He moved over to the fire, the glowing flames casting him in a golden light. He looked both heavenly and evil, all at the same time. His eyes, however told nothing, he had resigned himself already lost, destined for a life of servitude to an evil and sadistic master. Love, he had sworn, would never touch him again. "Very well" he said softly.
Severus stood; he walked over to the fire. Standing near the blond boy, but not too near, because there seemed to have been a new distance created between Lucius and everyone else. A sort of invisible barrier that spoke, without saying anything, 'Don't come to close'.
"Good night." Severus said, his voice sounding strangely formal. He resisted the rather ridiculous urge to bow. Turning stiffly he left the room, the heavy door banging loudly as it closed behind him.
As soon as it had shut Lucius sank to the floor, his fingers tangling softly in the warm green carpet. Breathing deeply he closed his eyes, he felt so very, very empty. Scraping his nails through the fabric he lay, stretched out on his back in front of the fire. The flames danced enticingly beside him and he wondered what it would be like to just walk right into them. But even these thoughts did not linger long in his mind. They, like everything else, led him to thoughts of Remus. The boy he had believed would be his salvation, his passage to the light. Now that passage had been blocked and Remus was gone. Lucius curled up into a ball, trying to get as small as he could and turned away from the fire. Closing his eyes he fell into an uneasy sleep.
In his dream Lucius was standing, tied to a stake and surrounded by dry branches. This yet, unlit bonfire stood in the middle of a clearing surrounded by cherry blossom trees. The blossom petals blew around him, whispering through his hair and caressing his pale skin. The sky above was white and heavy; Lucius was expecting snow at any moment. But none came; instead small drops of golden fire began to fall from the heavens. The branches around Lucius caught fire and he began to struggle, it was, however, no use as the rope seemed to wind tighter around his body the more he moved. The flames crept up the edges of his white robes and licked at his skin. This time Lucius could feel them and they hurt, they hurt beyond believing. The curly silver tendrils of smoke wound their way up to his face and beyond. Lucius choked on the heavy fumes, he tried to scream but no sound came. The petal around him had all but disappeared, lying now as silver dust of the burning grass. His white-gold hair had caught fire now and Lucius struggled harder, the rope squeezing him as he opened his mouth in a silent scream. Finally Lucius gave into the flames as they licked at the milky white skin of his face. The last sight he saw was the cherry blossom trees, burning red and pink as the flames licked at the silken petals.
Sirius sat by the bed, his deep blue eyes looking tenderly at the small, huddled lump of red blankets that was Remus Lupin. It was ten o'clock on Saturday night and Remus had been in bed since the afternoon. Sirius had washed his hands and face, cleaning the blood off the trembling boy. "Blood," Remus had muttered. "Blood"
He and James had settled the vaguely protesting boy into the bed and Sirius had sat with him, muttering his apologies until the glassy amber eyes had closed and Remus's breathing had become the quiet, even breathing of those deep in slumber. Sirius didn't know if he was forgiven, he didn't care. He didn't deserve forgiveness, he didn't deserve anything, but Remus did.
Remus deserved happiness and peace. What God was there up above that could give one boy so many problems? Sirius smiled softly as the lump in the blankets shifted and a quiet sigh reached his ears. Remus was here and he was trusting Sirius. That was all that the dark haired boy needed and he found that he didn't care about Lucius Malfoy anymore. It didn't matter if Remus had found a place in his heart for the Slytherin, as long as he didn't cut Sirius off anymore then he would be happy.
"Sirius?" asked a small voice. Sirius jumped as he noticed Remus's wide amber eyes open and stare at him.
"I'm sorry." Sirius said, the words spilling from his mouth before he could stop them, he would always feel guilty, that he knew.
"I didn't go to Madam Pomfrey." Remus whispered and Sirius almost laughed, trust Remus to be worried about that.
"It doesn't matter," Sirius said. "Do you feel okay?"
Remus sat up slowly, trembling under his robes. With one pale hand he pushed back the honey hair that hung in front of his eyes. He smiled painfully, "I was okay, now I'm...I'm...." He sighed and wrung his hands. "I need to be alone." Remus said finally, his voice little more than a whisper.
Sirius nodded, swallowing painfully. It was just for a while, he told himself. Remus just needed some time to sort things out then he would come back, he would confide in Sirius. "Alright." He said, getting up to leave; almost laughing at himself. Nothing would be the same, ever again. Things had changed, there was a new wall between Remus and the rest of them, and although they might be able to peer through the cracks they would never be able to knock it down. With a final, rather sad nod at Remus he left, shutting the door tightly behind him.
Once the dark haired boy had left Remus wrapped the covers tightly around his body and walked to the window. It was night-time, how long had he been asleep? His amber eyes flicked to the Quidditch calendar on the wall beside James's bed. It was Halloween tomorrow, Remus realised. With this realisation came thoughts of Lucius Malfoy, the long haired Slytherin who had haunted his dreams and nightmares and who had been his first thought when he had believed himself a murderer. Would he still want me, Remus had thought; if he knew me to be as dark as him? It had been a small relief to find that he had not been responsible for the death of Severus Snape but still the blood on his hands had told him one thing. His friends would not always be there. Nothing lasted forever and you should grasp happiness when you found it and hold on to it as long as you could. He wouldn't have Sirius and James forever, but he would have them as long as he could. And as for Lucius, he would receive the Dark Mark tomorrow unless, unless Remus got to him first. Lucius was his light, Lucius was his path to something better than okay, something better than what he was. Remus wanted that, he wanted something better and most of all he wanted Lucius.
On Sunday morning Remus awoke to the warmth of the sun shining on him from outside, looking out the window he saw that although the sun was shining the wind had already begun to lift the leaves from the trees. Taking a deep sigh Remus breathed in the crisp scent of the dead leaves through the open window. He smiled, a rare smile that seemed to light up his face. Autumn was here and it was time for a change, whether it be for better or worse Remus did not yet know.
Once he had showered and changed the small honey haired boy made his way out of the common room. He was delayed however by James who appeared in front of him, concern written all over his handsome face.
"Are you feeling okay?" James asked; a rather hopeful look in his brown eyes.
Remus managed a small, reassuring smile. "Yes." He said, "If you see Sirius, tell him...tell him that I'll see him later."
James nodded and then smiled. "Where are you going now?"
"Somewhere." Remus answered and James smiled properly.
"It's good to know someone is," he said. "Just don't forget about the Halloween dance tonight!"
Remus nodded and watched his messy haired friend make his way up to the dormitories before slipping through the portrait hole.
The air outside the castle smelled crisp and new. Remus inhaled deeply as he made his way toward the lake. The water lapped against the shore in a gentle rhythm and a cool wind bade the autumn leaves dance around the Gryffindor's feet. He wasn't sure that Lucius would even turn up, it wasn't even planned. All Remus knew was that they seemed to find each other when it seemed right and if Lucius needed him this was where Remus would be.
Lucius stared at the small figure making its way across the grounds to the lake. It was Remus, he could tell by soft waves of honey hair and the sure way the figure sat beside the Weeping Willow tree. He looked well, Lucius thought. With a sigh he rubbed at the bags under his silver eyes. Maybe, maybe he could go and see him just one last time? Lucius mentally slapped himself, seeing Remus would only complicate matters. No matter what he thought the boy could have done for him, or what he still hoped he could do it was over. Everything was over, the choice had been made and Lucius would be a Death Eater that night.
The small Remus figure cast a pebble into the lake and Lucius's silver eyes flicked back to him, then their eyes met. Silver on amber and Lucius was caught. Neither of them seemed to be able to look away no matter how hard they tried. Inside Lucius was screaming, why was he doing this to himself? Then Remus waved softly, hesitantly and Lucius's heart leapt. "Remus." He breathed, Remus. Without another thought Lucius ran from the window and out of the entrance hall. He felt as though his feet were barely meeting the ground at all as he made his way down the grassy hill to the lake, and to Remus.
By the time he reached to other boy Remus had stood up and they now faced each other, both expressions wide eyed and hesitant. "Hey," Remus almost whispered.
Frozen, Lucius said nothing, nor did he move. A second later however his hesitation went out of the window as he grabbed the amber eyed boy and kissed him. Remus moaned and Lucius pushed him away.
"I don't want to be a Death Eater." He said, looking so scared that Remus took his hands and kissed his forehead.
"You don't have to be." Came the reply. Lucius almost choked on the tears that seemed to be pouring from his eyes. He gripped Remus tightly as the world around him spun out of control, as long as he held onto Remus he would be safe, safe.
"This is insane." Lucius muttered into the other boy's green jumper. His jumper, he noted with a teary smile.
Remus felt as though he would explode, Lucius was here and Lucius was holding him as though he were a life preserver. So this was love, Remus thought, this was love and he would happily drown in it. He smiled as he felt Lucius playing with his jumper.
"It's yours." Remus said.
"No, it isn't mine any more. It belongs to you now."
Remus smiled and this time it was he who kissed Lucius. In that moment they both felt free, they both felt better than okay.
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(A/N) ok, so that was quite short. Next one will be longer. I've only got about two or three more chapters to go.....yay!! Anyway, be warned, just because this chapter ends on the happy Lucius/Remus note doesn't mean that everything will be hugs and bunnies in the next one! Well please read and REVIEW!!! Thanx