(A/N) Hello!!! So this story is nearly at an end. I haven't decided whether this will be the last chapter or whether I will write another. Anyhow, basically I've enjoyed writing this story and it's longer than I thought it would be. Lucius and Remus are like my favourite Harry Potter characters (along with Draco) and I really wanted to write a good story involving them. I think I have succeeded. I hope I have but if not, oh well and I hope you all enjoyed reading this anyway.
CHAPTER TEN: The Poison in Our Blood
Outside the wind raged and howled through the trees and the rain splattered against what leaves remained, shining like diamond drops in the night. Inside, in the Malfoy heir's bedroom Lucius sat, leaning against Snape who was in turn leaning on the wall. The rain hit the windows forcefully and every drop echoed in the boys ears.
"Severus?" Lucius whispered; his voice sounding alien to his ears.
"Yes?" Severus said, looking down at the bloodstained head resting on his chest.
"I can't have him anymore."
There was silence for a moment as both boys contemplated this statement. All Lucius could imagine was Remus waiting for him at the Halloween ball, unaware of what had happened, unaware that Lucius was no longer....pure.
"Oh god!" Lucius choked out, his pale fingernails digging into Severus's skin as he clutched him tightly. He could still feel Voldemort, could still feel the poison in his skin, why hadn't his father done something? Why didn't his father care just a little? Why did his father let him do that?
After they had gone and Severus and Lucius had been left in the dark they had thought that had been the end of it. But then, about two hours later, two hours of pain and panic, Voldemort had come back. Come back for Lucius. He had screamed, Severus had screamed. They had both screamed but no one had cared, and now Lucius was broken. Just another slave to be used by Voldemort in any way he wished.
Severus lifted his hand and placed it tentatively in the older boy's hair. Lucius flinched slightly but then relaxed into the touch, releasing his grip on Severus and lifting his face up to the other boy's.
"I can't have him anymore." Lucius said.
Severus nodded, tears slipping silently down his cheeks. Lucius stared at him for a moment and then pulled away, clambering shakily to his feet. Standing, his fists tight in his hair Lucius let out an ear-splitting scream. Severus got up and reached out, trying to silence the tearstained boy but Lucius pushed him away.
"I wanted him!" Lucius cried, picking a vase from the table and flinging it hard against the wall, showering coloured glass all over the floor.
"I wanted him!" he cried again, pushing the table over. Severus jumped out of the way and stood near the bed, a shiver running through his body.
"I didn't want this!" Lucius screamed while banging his fists against the wall. "I can't see him anymore! Its too dark and I can't see him in the dark!"
He stumbled over to Severus and grabbed onto the front of his robes. Two pairs of tearful eyes stared into each other and then Lucius sank to his knees, his fingers still twisted into the black material. "I am lost." He whispered.
"You are lost." Severus agreed, his hands once again finding their way into the smooth strands of white-gold hair.
Remus Lupin sat at the window beside his bed in the Gryffindor dormitories. Outside the snow was falling, covering the footprints left behind by the snowball fights that had taken place earlier in the day. Remus had not taken part; he had stood under the willow tree, its braches bare and covered with frost. The lake was frozen over, much like Remus's heart. He had not seen Lucius or for that matter, Snape since the day of the Halloween ball. It was now the morning of Christmas Eve.
What had happened Remus did not know, but that night, when he had sat on the floor in the Great Hall, crying his eyes out Sirius had been there. He had come into the hall, his black hair soft and his eyes warm and full of compassion. He had gathered Remus into his arms and just held him. No questions asked, Sirius had never asked Remus why he had been so upset that night. Either he knew already or he knew that Remus did not want to discuss it.
Slowly but surely he had helped Remus find his feet again when Lucius had not returned. Remus sighed and reached out a pale hand to write in the early morning mist on the window. Over and over again his fingers traced the letters.
"Remus?" Sirius asked as he opened the door, his hair wet from the falling snow. He had just finished Quidditch practice with James and was soaked to the bone. "Are you coming for breakfast?"
Remus looked at him, his amber eyes blank and unresponsive. "Yes." He said, jumping down off the windowsill. Sirius smiled and ruffled the honey coloured hair which had grown longer since Halloween and was now in straggly curls past his shoulders. Remus walked on ahead out of the room and Sirius, curious as to what the boy had been doing, glanced back to the window. There, written clearly in the mist were the letters LM.
Lucius stood in his bedroom in the Slytherin dormitories. Severus stood behind him, a hand on the blond boy's shoulder. "Are you ready?" he asked.
Lucius smirked, "We're back." He said. "I never thought I'd see this place again." Unconsciously he ran his hand over the sleeve which covered his Dark Mark, flinching a little his face relaxed into its now commonplace icy expression.
"Yes," Severus repeated. "We're back."
"Breakfast." Lucius said, turning to leave the room. Severus took one final glance and then followed the older boy. Lucius was like a different person now, in the months they had spent away from Hogwarts, living in the company of Voldemort and other Death Eaters Lucius had lost his will to resist. He had disappeared to Voldemort's rooms every night, leaving Severus alone and scared for his friend. Lucius had clammed up until he was nothing but ice, ice that would not melt. Severus had hoped that maybe returning to Hogwarts would provoke some feeling in Lucius but it seemed it had not. Lucius truly was lost.
They walked silently through the halls to the Great Hall, each wearing equally icy expressions on their faces, as cold as the weather outside.
As the large wooden doors of the Great Hall opened and as the two Slytherins entered they were greeted by the festive red and green Christmas decorations that covered the walls. A large Christmas tree stood in one corner, its multicoloured lights twinkling in the early morning light that streamed in through the windows. Severus guided Lucius to a seat at the end of the Slytherin table and filled his plate for him. Lucius took the plate silently and set it down on the table. He never ate, Severus knew that. The plate was just for show.
Down near the teachers' tables the student choir sang Christmas carols loudly, the girls at the front and the boys at the back. Each one of them perfect, each one of them happy.
Severus turned and glanced at the Gryffindor table, there, sitting with Sirius, James and Peter was Remus Lupin. The boy was staring into space, his honey hair hanging over his shoulders and his skin far paler than normal. Sirius was talking to him, trying to get a response but none came. Severus looked again at Lucius and then back to Remus. It could never have worked, he knew. But still something inside him wished that it had.
It was at that moment that Remus turned and caught the obsidian eyes of Severus Snape. Astonishment dawned in the amber depths and then his gaze flickered to Lucius who sat beside Severus, his back to Remus. Hurt, pain, sadness and then a tentative kind of joy flashed in the Gryffindor's eyes before he jumped out of his seat. Severus, dreading a confrontation, pulled Lucius rather roughly to his feet.
"Where are we going?" the older boy asked, his silver eyes narrowing.
Severus didn't bother to answer he just kept on walking, pulling Lucius far away from the pain that followed them. They made it to the stairs in the entrance hall when a small voice cried: "Lucius!"
Severus closed his eyes as he looked at the blond haired boy's face. Lucius's ice mask had cracked; a flicker of emotion pushed its way out and swam in the depths of his silver eyes. Slowly Lucius turned, replacing the mask as he did so.
To Remus, the sight of Lucius standing there on the stairs, his long white-gold hair flowing down to his waist; was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. But something was wrong, Remus could tell.
He almost ran to the stairs and grabbed the paler boy's hand. "Lucius," he said. "Lucius, where have you been?"
The blond boy smirked, the expression twisting his pale lips and narrowing his silver eyes. Reaching out a hand he entwined his fingers in Remus's honey hair and pulled him forward until their lips almost touched. Remus almost cried out from the pain of those perfect fingernails digging into his scalp. Confused and upset he looked for reassurance in those silver eyes.
"I'm sorry." Lucius whispered; his breath ghosting over Remus's lips, his scent new and unfamiliar to Remus. Lucius had been with someone else. "But I'm not the Lucius you want. He's gone, and I? I don't care." Then he kissed Remus, roughly and painfully before pushing him backwards down the stairs.
Remus landed in on his back on the floor, crying out in pain. His amber eyes met Lucius's once more, just in time to see a satisfied smirk cross the older boy's face before Lucius turned and walked away up the staircase. Severus watched as the small Gryffindor's face crumpled and tears began to form, tracing paths of diamond down the pale cheeks. He almost reached out to the boy, almost, but then he remembered that he was now a Death Eater too. No Death Eater could ever help anyone.
Turning away he followed Lucius back to the dormitories.
Lucius stood in front of the fire, the flames turning his hair golden and lighting fires in his eyes. The fire was the only light in the bedroom and Lucius liked it that way. There was only black, only one colour in the night, only one colour inside him, only darkness inside him. That boy, Remus was gone- there was no room for someone like him in Lucius's heart. That heart which was black and frozen. He was to marry Narcissa Black that year when he left school. Marry Narcissa but belong to Voldemort. There was no room for Remus.
Severus stood quite a way back from Lucius, his bony frame leaning against the green coloured wall. "Lucius," he began. "Dumbledore could help us." This was futile he knew, there was no point, Lucius was already gone- he would never be the same. But he, Severus, he desperately didn't want that to happen to him. He desperately wanted help.
Slowly Lucius turned to face him, and angry glint in his eyes. "I don't need help Severus. I'm fine, I'm happy."
Severus almost choked at the older boy's words. Lucius crossed over and stood before him, a fallen angel glowing in the darkness. Lucius's hand snaked out and his fingernails trailed over the younger boy's face, over his cheeks, his lips, his neck.
Severus groaned and slapped the wandering hand away. Lucius moved closer, pressing his thin body against Severus's. "I have Voldemort." He said; his lips half a centimetre away.
Severus closed his eyes. No, he thought. No, Voldemort has you Lucius, don't you see? You did see, once. I have to get out, he thought desperately as Lucius's lips descended roughly on his own. Panicking, Severus tried to push him away but even though Lucius was smaller it was of no use. Roughly he slammed the younger boy back against the wall. Severus tried to scream as Lucius bit his tongue. It hurt, oh lord did it hurt, but Severus felt helpless. As the blood poured out of his mouth Lucius lapped it up and Severus felt sick, sick at what Voldemort had done to Lucius and sick at what Lucius was doing to him. Pale hands began to tear at his robes, reaching to scratch the flesh beneath. "You're mine." Lucius whispered his left hand running lovingly over Severus's Dark Mark.
Severus flinched and then, in a moment of surprising strength and force he turned Lucius around and shoved him hard against the wall. "No," he said. "You're Voldemort's"
Lucius smiled as blood bubbled up over his lips, flicking a serpent tongue out to taste it he giggled. "Yes, yes I am."
In horror and anger Severus stumbled away and ran from the room, leaving the Slytherin dungeons and running through the halls he came to rest in a classroom not far from Gryffindor tower. Leaning over a desk he threw up. There was no God.
Sirius sat on the floor beside Remus's bed which was currently occupied by the boy himself. Remus had been crying for the last half an hour and Sirius knew why. Lucius was back, Lucius was back and he had hurt Remus. Now Sirius was mad.
"It will be okay." Sirius said, patting the messy head. "You'll see."
Remus let out a strangled cry. "No it won't!" he said. "Why did he do that? How could he do that to me?"
Sirius got up and hugged the crying boy. Remus had been different at the start of the year, now he would never be the same. "I don't know Remus. But I will always be here, if you need me."
Remus raised his head, amber eyes staring into blue ones. "I need you." He breathed, his lips finding their way to Sirius's mouth.
Shocked, Sirius didn't respond, he didn't even push the smaller boy away. But then Remus's hand wound its way into his thick strands of black hair and his tongue forcefully pushed its way into Sirius's mouth. "I need you Sirius." He repeated. Sirius groaned, wasn't this what he'd always wanted? But Remus didn't really want it; he knew that, Remus just wanted something, some kind of reassurance. He knew he should push Remus away, comfort him in some other way but as the smaller boy moaned into his mouth Sirius knew there was no chance of him doing that. Pushing Remus back down onto the unmade bed Sirius took charge.
Later, when Remus was asleep, Sirius threw up in the toilet. He felt used and somehow dirty, he felt Remus had used him, he knew Remus had used him. When Remus had unconsciously cried out: "Lucius!" Sirius had cried, burying his tears in honey hair.
Now he ran out of the Gryffindor dormitories and out the common room. He wandered from hall to hall, his mind polluted by what he had just done, by what Remus had just done. Finally coming to rest in a classroom just outside Gryffindor tower Sirius let out a choked sob. It was then that he noticed the classroom's other occupant; a tearstained Severus Snape, kneeling over his own puke, his robes torn and blood on his face.
"What the fuck happened to you?" Sirius asked, failing to keep the aggression out of his voice.
"I could ask you the same Black." Severus drawled, a crooked smirk appearing on his face. It was then that Sirius saw the Dark Mark, black and burnt into Severus's skin.
"You bastard." Sirius hissed, "What are you? Voldemort's whore?"
"No," Severus whispered, his mouth twisting into an eerie smile. "That would be Lucius. I'm just me...just me."
Then Sirius hit him, punching the Slytherin in the face, stomach, where-ever. And Severus let him, the blows hurt but not as much as other things so he just sat there, drinking in the pain.
Sirius was using Snape as a human punch-bag, all the blows he wanted to land on Remus for using him, Lucius for using Remus and himself for being such a fool. They all came out on Severus and so Sirius continued to hit him, and continued to cry.
(A/N) Okay-the end!!!! I think. I may do one more final chapter if you want. But you have to review and tell me. The ending I have ended up with is completely different than what I had originally planned. The original ending was far happier. But in a few ways I think that this works better. Okay well please review!!!