Disclaimer: Everything from HP books belongs to JK Rowling
Gone
The day is dark, cold. You sit on your window sill staring out into the gray sky. Rain splatters on the window and you silently listen to the beat. You close your eyes for an instant and the silence, the isolation, the pain all fade away and you hear laughter, see sunshine. You open your eyes and shiver. You don't think you've ever missed him so much.
You're happy now. You tell this to yourself over and over again, You Are Happy! You have a great boyfriend and get good grades. Your hair has never been more shiny and you're on your way to becoming an auror, the one job you've wanted since you were eleven. You look down at the diamond ring on your finger, the promise ring he gave you last week. You have his love, what else do you need?
A heavy sigh leaves your lips and you think about him, your other him. You don't imagine hazel eyes and a laughing smile and don't think about the messy hair you love running your fingers through. You think about blue eyes, so sad and tragic. You think about a boy, a sad and tired boy, who at one time you would have ended the world for. You slowly move your hand and touch the cold window, a boy you would still end the world for.
You remember your wrinkled clothes and messy wavy hair. You remember a makeup free face and a smile that used to be dazzling. You remember him holding you in his lanky arms and that smell he always had, rain water and baby powder. A tear rolls down your cheek and you rest your head on your knees, saying goodbye is the hardest thing you ever had to do.
But did you say goodbye? Did you even have a chance to say it before he walked out of your life? Echo's of that night fill your mind and you hear him screaming about how he hates you, how he never loved you. You hear him say over and over again how hard you made his life, how much happier he would be without you by his side. You try your best to wipe the tears out of your eyes; you can't stop seeing him walk out the door.
You had a wonderful relationship. It wasn't like what you have now with James. It wasn't perfect or beautiful. You two weren't meant to be and never agreed on anything. But he got you, the real you, not this girl you became now, not this perfect straight haired, wrinkle free girl, but you. He smiled at your crazy remarks and laughed when your tie fell askew. He hugged you when you spilled juice on yourself and when you cried, he wiped every one of your tears away. He sat with you under trees and studied into the night. He warmed you by the fire and when he kissed you sparks would fly. You lean your head against the window, when he loved you, you were free.
You love James, you do. You just don't, can't love James the way you love him. You're too cautious now, too afraid, and when you were with Remus you were able to love him fully, completely. You looked into his pale blue eyes and gave him your heart, your very soul. He was your better half; he made you complete. James, he just doesn't understand you like he does; doesn't love you like he does…did.
You hear the portrait hole open and look up and see him. His sandy brown hair falls into his face and your nose is suddenly filled with the scent of baby powder. You stare at him as he looks into your bright green eyes. You feel yourself begging him to come to you, to kiss you and to hold you. You feel your mind begging him to love you. Slowly he turns and walks away, his sandy hair swaying with every step he takes. You'll always love him, you think. You'll always dream about the boy who got away.
End (can be a companion to Forgotten)
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