Whatcha' thinking now, Keitaro?
Disclaimer: I do not own anything Love Hina or Love Hina-ish or any related characters.
A/N: This is my first LH Fanfic. If you believe I have portrayed the characters incorrectly, please R&R. Also, I have very little knowledge of Japan, so anything about it I might mess up, and any help is welcome. As always, please R&R.
"..." Denotes speech (or shouting :)
Italics denotes thinking
Chapter 2: Malfunction
"Shinobuuuu! Wait!" Keitaro shouted, running after Shinobu towards the kitchen.
SMACK! Suddenly a fist smashed into his face, causing him to fly the opposite direction.
"How dare you take advantage of poor, innocent Shinobu!" Naru shouted, smashing Keitaro.
"Narusegawa-Sempai! It's okay...I just um, was cutting an onion!" Shinobu cried.
"Don't worry, Shinobu. If this pervert over here was being himself, it's okay to admit it," Naru said.
"No, no, it was really an onion!" Shinobu said again, pulling out an onion from who knows where.
"Well, I guess he doesn't have to die – yet," Motoko commented. Kitsune and Su lazily walked into the kitchen.
"Well finally!" Shinobu said, trying to change the subject. "What were you trying to do to Urashima-Sempai, Su?"
"Huh?" Su asked. Unbeknownst to Shinobu, Kitsune and Su had agreed to keep silent for the day, to watch the antics. Then they would inform people of Keitaro's mind reading ability and Su's latest invention. "Oh, well, I was trying out an invention, but it didn't work," she answered. Shinobu suspected more, but she knew Su wouldn't talk about it. Did I really say beloved Sempai out loud? She thought. They all ate, and in the middle of breakfast Keitaro finally limped in.
"What's your problem, Naru?!" he asked, viciously.
"What problem?" she replied flippantly.
"Can't I make it to breakfast without being punched in the face twice?!"
"Well if you weren't such a pervert, maybe!"
"I've had enough!" Keitaro screamed.
"Too bad you can't do anything about it!" Naru shouted back. "Just shut up and eat!" Before I impale you with this chopstick, she added in her brain.
"What?! Trying to kill me with eating utensils now?!" Keitaro shouted.
"Yeah, I am! Shut up and eat, pervert!" Naru shouted. Wait, she suddenly thought. Didn't I only think that last thought? Maybe in anger I shouted out what I was thinking.
Keitaro sat down and ate thinking. Now I can read everyone's mind. Or at least what they think. I know that Kitsune and Su are keeping quite for fun, but should I tell them? What will they say? Meanwhile, random thoughts floated in his brain. Yum yum! This food is delicious! Su thought. Ugh, that pervert has that stupid spacey look about him, he heard Naru think. I must know what that pervert was doing with Shinobu. Did he hurt her? If he did, he will die! Motoko thought. Kitsune was having fun with her thoughts. Heh heh. Money, give me money Keitaro. I know you can hear me...unless you want others to know!
"No! I will not be blackmailed!" Keitaro suddenly shouted. The other tenants were puzzled. Was he still talking about Naru's threat? But Kitsune answered Oh yes you will. Watch this! Kitsune thought. I know what you want. You want Naru all to yourself. You want her to cry out in pain. You'll comfort her while she cries. You'll kiss her. And then you'll eventually marry her and on your honeymoon, you'll... Needless to say the effect on Keitaro was immediate.
"Ahhh!" he cried as his nose started to bleed profusely. Aha! Caught him again! Naru thought.
"What were you thinking, Urashima?" Motoko said, drawing out her sword. "More perverted antics?" Before he could even cry "it's not my fault!" Naru had given him another fist-in-face experience. SMASH! "Aieeeeeeeeeeeee!" was all Keitaro could cry. Tee hee Kitsune thought. They all finally finished breakfast, and went up to their collective rooms. All except Kitsune, that is.
"Hey Keitaro, would ya come over here for a moment?" Kitsune asked, beckoning to Keitaro. Keitaro knew exactly what she wanted. "So Keitaro, do you happen to have any ahem extra money?" C'mon you louse!
"Kitsune, this isn't fair! Plus I'm nearly broke anyways!" Keitaro whined.
"Oh I know you have some extra money!" Kitsune said. She grabbed his arm and started to whine. "C'mon Keitaro. Otherwise I might accidentally slip that you can read people's minds!"
"What? Are you joking, Kitsune?" Naru asked, open-mouthed.
"Oops!" Kitsune giggled.
"Okay everyone, this meeting has officially started," Kitsune announced to all gathered in Keitaro's room. How am I going to live through this one? Keitaro thought nervously. "I'm here to announce that Keitaro can now read minds!"
"What?! How can this be?!" Motoko shouted.
"That answer Su has the courtesy of answering," Kitsune said, and Su stood up.
"Yup! I made a device so Keitaro can read minds! What fun!" She shouted.
"This is unacceptable! I refuse to believe it!" Motoko shouted.
"Well how about testing it? Think of something and ask Keitaro what you thought of," Kitsune said.
"Fine! Keitaro, tell me what I am thinking now!" Motoko shouted, standing up. I am thinking that if you can hear me, you are dead!
"Uh, um, I don't know what you're thinking at all! A new sword you want to buy?" Keitaro nervously said. Uh oh, he's lying! Time to prove it.
"See Kitsune? I knew it was impossible." Motoko sat down, as Kitsune stood up.
"All right then, I know what's up. He's just not telling you he can read our minds. He's lying!" Kitsune accused. "Watch me make his nose bleed!"
"What?!" Keitaro replied. Kitsune immediately thought of several unmentionable scenes in her mind. And yes, Keitaro's nose did start spurting blood. "Ahhh!" he cried.
"There! I proved it!" Kitsune said. Keitaro held his hands over his nose while the blood leaked out.
"That doesn't prove anything," Naru said, causing Kitsune to sweat-drop. "He has perverted thoughts all the time. He can nosebleed under any circumstance."
"But he's lying! Why else would his nose bleed at that moment after I said I would make him," Kitsune asked.
"Because when you said you'd make him, he just couldn't help himself and thought perverted thoughts," Naru said, matter-of-factly.
"Sempai? You're not lying, are you?" Shinobu asked. Keitaro was taken aback.
"I-I, um, I," Keitaro wanted to say "Of course I'm not! How can I read anyone's mind?" but Shinobu's cute, innocent face... he looked at the ground. He couldn't lie to her, or anyone else again. "I, gulp actually can read minds. I heard Motoko saying that she'd kill me if I could hear what she was thinking, so I panicked." Keitaro looked up, and everyone had a look of disbelief except for Kitsune, who wore a triumphant smile. In deep trouble now, aren't you, you pervert! She giggled.
"M-Motoko, is that true?" Naru asked. Motoko slowly nodded her head. Oh no, you mean he can read my mind? He can hear me right this moment? Naru thought.
"Yeah, I can hear you Nar-" Keitaro began but Naru smashed his face again. BAM! SMASH! THUD! "Aieeeeeeee!" Keitaro shouted, taking another all-expense paid trip to the moon and back. SMASH! He landed in the middle of the room, crashing through the ceiling.
"We don't have to live with him invading our thoughts, do we?" Naru asked. "Su, you can take the device off, right?" Su thought for a while, her finger in her mouth.
"Nope! Can't come off for a while," she replied happily.
"What?!" Naru shouted. "Why not?!"
"Because it's stuck in his head, so he has to wear it for a while. Otherwise when you pull it out, he'll need stitches."
"I don't care, I'm pulling it out!" Naru advanced towards Keitaro, cracking her knuckles.
"Wait, I'm sure we can discuss this!" Keitaro nervously suggested.
"We'll discuss it after I get that out of your head!" Naru grabbed him and searched through his hair. She searched and searched, moving her fingers over his whole head. Ahhhh. This feels good, Keitaro thought. Suddenly his nose started to bleed. "What's your pervert problem?! I can't run my fingers by your head without you thinking something perverted?!" Naru shouted. She slapped him. Owwwww! Keitaro thought. She searched some more. "Su! I can't find it!" she complained.
"Oh yeah, that's another feature. It hides when someone is looking for it. There's only one way to get it, and that's while he's sleeping!" Su said.
"What? Okay, pervert, go to sleep now!" Naru shouted, pushing him onto the futon. Keitaro lay down, his nerves wracking his body. "Well?" Naru said.
"I'm sorry but I can't sleep if everyone's here!" Keitaro shouted.
"Fine, we'll leave, but if you're not asleep within a couple hours, there will be repercussions. Okay, everyone, let's leave," Naru said, herding all the girls out of his room. "I'll go get some sleeping pills. That'll help you," Naru said, before she closed the door.
"Hmph!" Keitaro grunted as he changed into a robe and lay down on the futon. It's not like I wanted to be stuck with Su's newest invention. Geez, it's like they think I like be perverted! Surprisingly, Keitaro drifted off to sleep, slowly but surely. The door opened suddenly.
"Keitaro I got you pills and water, so you'd better take them," Naru said, closing the door behind her. She turned around to find Keitaro already asleep. He snored lightly. Hmm...he's kinda cute asleep, hee hee! Wait, what am I thinking? Did I just giggle? What if he can still hear me in his sleep? Now's a good time to find that pin and pull it out! Naru went over by his head. She searched around gingerly, so as not to wake him up. Aha! Found it! she thought. She pulled.
Nothing. It was stuck. Probably wedged in there real well, she mused. She pulled harder. It still stayed in there. Grrrr. She grabbed and yanked it out, but only ended pulling the top off. "Oomph!" she grunted as she fell over backwards. She looked at the piece in her hand, and frowned. This was definitely not the whole device, as wires were streaming off the end. That's not good, she thought. Suddenly she heard Keitaro mumble something. Hmm? Is he awake? Keitaro turned over and Naru heard Keitaro mumble some more. What is he saying? I can swear that his mouth isn't moving... Suddenly Keitaro shouted "Aieeeeeeee!" and Naru instinctively backed off. Huh, he's sleep talking. "Motoko, why must you beat me so?" Keitaro said. But wait! His mouth is definitely not moving! She peered closer to check. "Motoko! Come back! I have to tell you something!" Keitaro whined in his sleep, but Naru definitely did not see Keitaro move a muscle.
"What the?" she said aloud.
"It's very important," Keitaro kept on "saying" in his sleep.
"I-I have to tell you now, before I burst." But Keitaro stopped there.
"What is this moron mumbling about? Say it already!" Naru whispered to herself. Why is this pervert talking about Motoko?
"I want to marry you," Keitaro said. Huh? What? Keitaro lov-loves Motoko? But I thought... Suddenly Keitaro spoke again. "What? You love me too? You've always wanted to marry me and stop practicing kendo? Oh yes oh yes!" Must wake this pervert up before I hear anymore! Otherwise I might have to commit suicide.
"KEITARO, WAKE UP!!!" Naru shouted. Keitaro sprung up in bed.
"What? I didn't do anything, honest! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Keitaro shouted in alarm, groveling before Naru. His door opened, as the loud noise had attracted the other tenants.
"What happened?" Kitsune asked. "Did you remove it from his head?" Keitaro was still bowing, mumbling "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
"Pervert, stop groveling already! I just woke you up," Naru said, sighing at the pathetic Keitaro.
"Eh? Oh, but it was such a wonderful dream! I dreamed...um...something wonderful!" Keitaro said.
"Was I in it, Keitaro?" Su asked.
"Huh? Why do you want to know that?" Keitaro asked.
"Just wondering!" Su replied, grinning.
"Was Motoko in it?" Naru asked. Keitaro immediately blushed red.
"Um, of-of course not!" he answered. Everyone knew he was lying. Motoko drew her blade and immediately pointed it at Keitaro.
"I can run this through you 43 times without killing you. What did you dream about?" Motoko threatened.
"It-it's just a dream, nothing to tell, nothing to tell!" Keitaro said. How am I going to tell her about it? He thought.
"How are you going to tell me about it? You will speak, otherwise there will be pain!" Motoko lunged closer, putting the tip of her sword on his shoulder blade. What? Am I thinking out loud?
"Are you thinking out loud? Of course you are, idiot! Now tell me before I use my art," Motoko said. Aw, crap I'm dead!
"That is correct!" Motoko shouted.
"But I just thought all of that stuff, how can you hear it?" Keitaro asked, deflecting the subject.
"Stop changing the subject!" Motoko shouted again. How can I tell her in my dream she married me and was happy? And that she loved me? Keitaro thought. Suddenly the blade clattered to the floor. Keitaro looked up and Motoko was staring, open-mouthed, numb.
"Oh come on! I definitely did not say that last part out loud!" Keitaro said. All of the girls had "time to die, Keitaro" written upon their faces. "It's just a dream! AIEEEEEEEEEE!" he shouts as the beating begins.
"Okay, meeting number two is commencing!" Kitsune announced, with a special tone of happiness in her voice. "Keitaro Urashima, stand up!"
"Well, uh, it seems that my thoughts are projected as if I were speaking," Keitaro said, scratching his head. "And I don't know how to explain it, but Naru must have messed something up!" he cried, trying to blame someone, anyone else.
"What?! I just tried to pull it out! It's not my fault it's so hard to pull out that I broke it!" Naru shouted back.
"You have to twist it, then pull it!" Su said, laughing. Naru sweat-dropped.
"Why didn't you tell me earlier," she mumbled.
"Oh well, no harm done!" Su said.
"Wait, can you get it out?" Keitaro asked.
"Only while ya sleeping!" Su answered. "I'll do it this time to make sure to get it right!"
"No," Motoko said, standing up.
"What do you mean, 'No'?" Keitaro asked.
"Simply this: As punishment for being a pervert and having perverted thoughts, you must wear that for a week before we permit Su to take it off," Motoko said.
"What?! That's not fair! You shouldn't be allowed to invade my thoughts!" Keitaro said. "When I could, ahem hear yours, you demanded it to be taken off immediately!"
"Yeah, but we're not perverts," Naru pointed out, stating it as that was a perfectly good reason to inflict an unfair punishment upon Keitaro. "So my mind's made up, who agrees?"
"What fun!" Su shouted. "I agree."
"Should be a good blackmailing opportunity. I'm all for it," Kitsune said.
"I have already displayed my opinion. Keitaro shall be punished one way or another," Motoko said.
"Shinobu?" Naru asked.
"Um...um...," Shinobu flustered. On one hand, she loved Urashima-Sempai and didn't want it at all. But on the other hand, she really couldn't do anything about it, and all the other girls wanted to. "I have to go cook lunch!" she suddenly shouted, and dashed out of the room.
"That is as good as a yes. Keitaro, we're listening for a week. Beware," Naru said.
"And any perverted thoughts that happen to float our way..." Motoko said, motioning to her sword.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Keitaro said, groveling again. From one stupid expression of a dream!
"I heard that!" Naru said, waving her fist in the air. At least I didn't think about...uh...must think of something else.
"What's for lunch?" Keitaro asked, sweating buckets.
"What did you not think of?" Kitsune asked playfully. "Marry anyone else?" That instant cause Keitaro to think of what he shouldn't of. The fact that it was only a part of a series of dreams of asking each tenant to marry him. OH NO! OH NO! OH NO!
"Don't worry, nothing bad happened!" Keitaro said, backing into a corner.
KRAKAKAKAK! Naru cracked her knuckles.
"So what did I say?" Naru asked, glaring.
"Uh, uh," Keitaro flustered. Let's see, he thought on reflex, She said yes immediately and then she-
SMACK!! "Ahhhhhhh!" Keitaro shouted. Shinobu came in, curious about the noise.
"Au! Au! Don't hurt Sempai!" she wailed. Shinobu! Ah, the dream about her was the best! Keitaro thought, causing Shinobu to freeze and blush red in embarrassment.
"You asked a girl almost 7 years younger than you to marry you?" Motoko said. "DIE, URASHIMA!" she cried, swinging her sword viciously. "Aieeeeeeeeeeee!" was all Keitaro could cry.
A/N: Finally done with chapter 2. Almost as twice as long as chapter 1, because I wanted to get to the malfunction, but the story sort of made it take longer. Phew! Please R&R.