AN I want to keep it R rated, so I can't make it too graphic and too long. Thanks for the reviews so far. It's very supportive. It's my first X/W shipper fic.

Xander was always there. If not consciously than in the background of her mind. She ogled him out of the corner of her eye and found herself checking out his abs. Her eyes quickly moved upwards to his face. "Xander."

His Africa trip had changed him. He was leaner, more muscled; a nicely Xander-shaped sun-browned body, buldging in all the right places. God! Anya had definitely done a great job in teaching him how to use his big carpenter hands!

"Yeah?" he mumbled as he dried himself with a towel. Studly looks weren't very important to her. It's character where she always had fallen for. Common interests. Intellect. Magic.

"Have you missed me?" she asked.

"Huh?"

"I-I mean when I was in Brazil, did you miss me?"

"Nah," he said without a grin. Willow knew he was teasing her. "Cuz I dreamt of you," he added, the familiar lobsided grin appearing.

She smiled. "Me too." She had missed all her best friends, but Xander the most. He smiled back and turned to skim through his underwear. Despite their social differences and despite that their only common interest was somewhere buried under a pile of Slayer-stuff, he was still her best friend.

"I can sense she's nearby," she said.

"Uh, huh," he confirmed without paying attention. He was comfort.

"We... I-I don't know. Um, I guess," she stumbled. He pulled out his underwear and started to dress himself. She chuckled a little as he tried to keep his balance as he stepped into his white trunk while at the same time his blue muscle shirt was over his head. It was like a reversed version of the Snoopy dance. He was funny and he was sweet. "We need to find her quickly," she hastedly added.

But there was no hurry. "Willow?" he reacted, still blind folded. He was concerned.

"It's just that-" she tried, but stopped quickly. "You haven't l-lost a Slayer yet, have you?" she asked. That got his attention as he worriedly glanced his eye peaking just over the edge of his shirt. She nodded slowly. "We did." He was trust.

"I'm sorry, Will."

"It's okay. I-I-" She stopped for a second, getting her words straight. "It was the first week in Brazil. A vampire got her." She shook her head. "On my first watch." Troubles between her and Kennedy had started then. Her ex-girlfriend had blamed her.

He noticed her. He only took two steps closer and she stared at the man standing in front of her, with the familiar black eye patch missing on his handsome face. There were very few he'd trust with the aweful sight it exposed . . . only her. Not even Buffy. Buffy'd only blame herself he had said. Willow needed to protect him. It was the law.

Before she knew what was happening, she found herself in Xander's tight embrace as his arms had wrapped themselves around her small waist. His familiar scent and touch warmed her heart. He understood her needs. "It's okay, Will. It'd have happened sooner or later, and it won't be the last time. We can only do the best we can."

He didn't judge. "I know."

"She said I scared her." Only Xander wasn't scared of her power. Black-eyed Willow. "And I-I can't blame her."

He was her best loyal bud . . . he was Xander. And she was gay.

Last night was a mistake.

He kissed her gently on the forehead before slowly kissing downwards. Her eyes, her cheeks, her left ear, of course her icecream sweet little nose, until he reached her lips and she couldn't help herself than to return the passion.

Guilt and wrongness be damned.

She slipped her hand in his trunk and grabbed his ass as she rubbed herself against his hard-on, while standing on her toes. He stopped the kiss and sucked on her lower lip as he unbuttonted her pants.

She needed human touch . . . she needed him.