CHAPTER 2

Harm had never been very good at waiting in situations like this. He couldn't have ever imagined what Mac had gone through when he had crashed into the ocean the night before her wedding. For the past hour, he had been pacing the halls of the hospital. Not only were the soles of his shoes worn down and his feet tired, but many of the nurses were getting annoyed with him as well. His frenzied movements had finally forced them to order him to sit down or to go outside.

On the way out, he passed by the hallway heading to the maternity ward. He hesitated only briefly before heading down to look at the babies. Harm stood in front of the large window, gazing down at the couple rows of young babies, thinking back on a conversation had five years ago.

"You and me? Go halves on a kid?"

"Yeah, with your looks and my brains, he'll be perfect."

"What if she has your looks and my brains?"

Their baby deal. It had almost become null and void until they had learned that Webb had died. Harm hated the man but he hated to admit that Webb had helped him a few times when he needed it over the years. Nevertheless, he had put Sarah in danger while in Paraguay and that action alone was unforgivable in Harm's mind. Yes, she was a Marine and could take care of herself but she was also a woman with very human feelings, one who did not need her safety and welfare jeopardized.

He shook himself out of his reverie and headed back to the ER waiting room, feeling much calmer. The nurse at the desk eyed him suspiciously but Harm just headed to one of the empty couches to sit down. Minutes later, he was fast asleep, the worry and stress having made him completely exhausted.

------

Harm woke up with a start. Something was wrong, things just didn't feel right. He gently rubbed his eyes in an attempt to wake up and looked around. There was a nurse approaching him. "Commander, the doctor would like to speak with you," the nurse told him, smiling kindly. Her smile did nothing to dispel the uneasy feeling he had.

Wondering what was wrong, Harm followed the nurse down the hall to another small waiting room. The room was empty and had just a few chairs placed in a semi-circle in the middle.

"He'll be here in just a minute." The nurse left and just a few seconds later, a very tired doctor entered the room.

"Commander Rabb?"

"Yes?" Harm started to rise to his feet but the doctor motioned for him to stay seated. "How's Sarah? Is everything okay?"

Dr. Rollins paused, sighing. "Commander...I'm sorry...she didn't make it. It was worse than we had thought; there was nothing we could have done to save her. She died just a few minutes ago."

Harm's face paled as he blankly stared at the doctor.

"She's...gone...?"

The doctor just nodded.

Harm felt himself gasping for breath as he rose to his feet, blindly heading out. He needed to get out of there. He needed to get away. Dr. Rollins called after him but he could hardly hear his name being called. Once outside, he collapsed near a cold cement bench. The pain in his heart was like nothing he'd ever experienced before but the pain and feeling of loss in his soul was unbearable.

"NO!" he cried out, pounding his fists against the ground in frustration. People gazed at him strangely as they passed by, wondering what could have possibly happened to make the man cry. If only they knew.

Sarah was gone. His partner, his best friend, his soul mate, was gone. Never to return. She was dead. A sudden feeling of guilt struck Harm. Why had he held his feelings for her back for so long? Why hadn't he just admitted that he loved her years ago? Instead, he had let everything come between them and now the woman he had spent his days with, the woman his dreams had been filled with, was gone.

He was all alone. His inability to admit his personal feelings had left him with no one to turn to. His body was wracked with sobs as he cried for the loss of a best friend, an exceptional lawyer, strong Marine, and the one woman who made it worth getting up each morning.

"Sarah...Sarah...," he murmured, letting the tears freely flow.

----

Nurse Lindsey Bell watched the man toss and turn on the couch, listening as he cried out then as he was mumbling something. Getting up from her desk to see if he was okay, she heard him crying out the name 'Sarah'.

She reached out and placed her hand on his broad shoulder, shaking it gently.

"Commander? Commander?"

Harm woke with a start, sitting up and looking around wide-eyed as he tried to get a hold of his surroundings. It was just a dream. The whole thing was just a dream.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, I must have dozed off," he apologized to the nurse.

"That's all right, sir, I just wanted to make sure that you were doing all right," she said, obviously concerned.

"I'll be fine. Any word yet on Colonel Mackenzie?" he asked hopefully.

She shook her head. "Not yet. I'll let you know when I find out something."

"Thank you." Harm rubbed the sleep from his eyes, trying to wake up.

"Sir?"

"Yes?" He looked up to meet her worried gaze.

"Are you okay?"

He smiled a little. This woman seemed a lot like Harriet. "I'll be fine; I'm just tired and worried. It's been a long month."

"How do you two know each other, if you don't mind me asking?" Nurse Bell was keenly interested. She had been working at Bethesda Medical for several years now and had rarely seen a couple with such love and devotion to each other. The Commander had been there with the Colonel at every appointment, every treatment, and every surgery. Bell hadn't had the opportunity to look at the Colonel's medical file to see why she was in so often but looking at the weary look on this man's face only told her that the situation didn't have much hope.

"We work together, or at least we did. We're lawyers at JAG HQ," explained Harm. Sarah hadn't been to work for nearly three weeks. The admiral had yet to be replaced and Turner was acting as temporary JAG until someone was found. Mac had taken medical leave until further notice and was refusing to tell people just how sick she really was. Harriet and others had badgered Harm with questions but he had promised Mac that he would keep silent. She didn't want their pity, she told him.

"Lawyers? But I've seen you with the gold wings on your uniform," Bell objected.

"Yeah, for the first part of my military career I was a fighter pilot. Things changed and now I'm a lawyer. Sarah's always been a lawyer. And a damn good one at that," Harm said proudly, his voice tinged with a bit of sadness.

"You're her coworker and you're doing all this for her?" Nurse Bell had seen a lot more than she let on to seeing. The handholding, the hugging, the gentle kisses exchanged between the two, the warm and loving looks passed. Wasn't fraternization still frowned upon?

"I'm her partner; we've been together eight years. And...I'm in love with her," he admitted.

"And she with you," she responded.

Harm smiled faintly but didn't say anything. At that moment, the phone at the front desk rang.

"Excuse me, Commander," Nurse Bell said, leaving him alone with his thoughts so she could answer the phone.

Harm sat back in the stiff couch, glancing down at his watch. She had only been in there for barely two hours. The surgery was supposed to take at least six, if not more, depending on how extensive the damage was.

"Commander Rabb?" A male voice interrupted his thoughts and Harm looked up to find Reverend Turner standing before him.

"Reverend Turner, it's good to see you," Harm greeted, standing up to shake the man's hand.

"I wish I could say the same. What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Waiting for someone," he answered.

"Odd place to be waiting for someone."

Harm needed someone to talk to and it looked like that someone would be one of his old best friend's father.

"Sarah's in surgery right now."

"Is she going to be okay? What happened?"

"I don't know...it's going to be a while, according to the doctors. I...I just don't know," Harm said helplessly.

For the next half hour, the two continued to talk. Well, Harm talked and Reverend Turner just listened. For the first time in his life, Harmon Rabb Jr. was truly scared. He could do nothing but wait for the doctors to be finished and he hated that feeling of not being able to help. He told the Reverend that they were just finally beginning to get their friendship back on track and that he didn't think he could bear to lose her now.

Reverend Turner listened patiently to the man's uncertainties and qualms until Harm could talk no more. That dream he had had was still pressed vividly in his mind, constantly reminding him that he might lose the one and only thing that truly mattered in his life.

"Sometimes there are things in life that are meant to be, Commander. And we may not like the way things turn out, but that's only because there's a greater purpose to be had. We can't control everything that happens to us, we can only control how we react to it," Reverend Turner advised.

"Thank you, sir. Thanks for listening." Harm could barely focus on the words coming from the wise man in front of him and Reverend Turner knew that.

"I've got to be going now. Good luck, Commander."