AN: Let me know what you think honestly. I need to know if I've still got it or if I'm just drifting away with this story.

Chapter 8: I'd Rather Just Have You And Only You

Harm finally but reluctantly released Sarah from his arms and tenderly laid her back against the soft hospital bed.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, taking her hand in his once again. He was afraid that if he didn't keep a hold on her, that she would just disappear.

"Tired. Sore. Happy."

"Why happy?"

"Because you're still here with me," answered Mac.

"I'll always be with you, Sarah," Harm earnestly promised.

She smiled faintly and then winced as a flash of pain shot through her stomach. She squeezed his hand as another wave of pain traveled through her then let out a sigh of relief and settled back down as it passed.

"Sarah?"

"I'm fine, Harm," she assured him. "What did the doctor say?"

Harm almost blanched, how as he supposed to tell her that she would never be a mother? That she would never be able to hold a little one of her, their, own in her arms?

"He said it went well," he told her, purposely being vague.

"What else did he say?" Mac was watching him. His mouth may lie but his beautiful green eyes would never betray his true emotions. He was holding back something.

"You can't...you'll never be able to...God, I'm so sorry, Sarah. It wasn't supposed to be like this," he broke down, burying his face in his hands.

Mac understood almost immediately. She thought that she had prepared herself for the possibility of never having kids but the pain was something else. But why was Harm acting like this? He wasn't blaming himself, was he? She wasn't worried about not being able to have kids right now, there were plenty of other ways and options for them to still have kids. Adoption had always been a strong alternative. Right now she was more worried about her husband. A somber look masked his face and he just seemed so distraught and stressed.

"Harm, it's not your fault," she began.

"Damnit, Sarah, it might as well be. I thought things were getting better with us. I thought we had time. We wasted so much time but we were, are, so perfect for each other. I thought...I thought that it would work out. I know you wanted kids so badly and now you can't, I hate that," he nearly yelled.

"There are other options." Surprisingly, she was not getting angry with him at all. Maybe it was the medication or maybe it was just the way her illness had made her change her outlook on life. Not being able to have kids was not the end of the world.

But she was not arguing with Harm. She recognized that he was worried and overcome with stress and that he just needed to vent. If he didn't then he would bottle it all up inside and he had been doing that for far too long.

"I know how much you wanted to be a mom," he told her wistfully, finally beginning to calm down. He sat back down next to her on the edge of the bed.

She reached out to link her fingers with his. "I know. But there are other options. And at least I have you. I'm willing to sacrifice kids just so I can be with you."

He gave her an attempt at his usual flyboy smile but fell short.

"And besides," she said, grinning, "You're enough of a child sometimes that I don't know if I could handle more."

"Hey," he protested. This time she was graced with a real flyboy grin.

"You are sometimes," continued Sarah, pleased that she was finally getting him to smile.

"I've gotten better."

"Yeah, but only when the Marines had to come in and keep you under control."

"Only a certain Marine can keep me under control," he flirted.

"Anyone I know?" she said, playing naïve and innocent.

"Maybe, looks totally beautiful in marine greens."

"Really? I'll have to tell Gunny you think so," she said with mock jealousy.

Harm laughed out loud at that and Sarah joined in. It had been so long since either of them had truly laughed and really enjoyed being so comfortable with each other in a situation like this.

AN: Please review!