Disclaimer: Hogwarts, Gilderoy Lockhart, Professor Dumbledore and Professor Snape are copyright of J. K. Rowling. I don't think I need to mention the Discworld's copyright here, since it's not even mentioned until chapter two, but since it's mentioned in the summary, I'll say right now that it's copyright of Terry Pratchett.

A/N: Beware, this is a sequel. It's fine to read on its own, but if you really want to understand who Geillis is and what she's got to do with everything, I'd encourage you to read my first story, "Sing a Song of Hogwarts".

Chapter 1

Completely Lost Due To Incompetence

It was a passably charming winter's day at Hogwarts. Most of the students had gone home for the holidays, and Severus Snape was looking forward to a relatively peaceful couple of weeks. Merlin, those students gave him a headache sometimes! It was occasionally enough to drive him to use a small amount of his best Draught of Living Death just to get a decent night's sleep.

But now, he didn't have to worry about those idiots. He could finally relax for awhile, catch up on his reading, spend a few romantic evenings with Geillis…of course, there was that business with the Chamber of Secrets, but he simply didn't want to think of that right now. For now, it was enough that the holidays had begun and he didn't have to attempt to teach anybody anything, though he would certainly not refrain from giving Geillis some hints about how her cooking could be improved…

An obnoxious voice interrupted his thoughts. For Merlin's sake, thought Snape, if only that bloody Lockhart would just shut up!

"Ah, Severus, old boy, there you are. I've been looking all over for you."

"What is it, Lockhart?" he snarled. The expression on his face said clearly, you shouldn't have interrupted me. This had better be important!

Lockhart, as usual, was completely oblivious. "Would you happen to know what happened to my red robe? I wanted to wear it tonight at dinner. Professor Trelawney and I are going to match, you know, and that shade of red sets off my hair perfectly."

Snape's eyes, still glaring daggers at the overdressed nincompoop who had the temerity to address him with such a trivial question as a tasteless wardrobe, tipped themselves with venom. "No, I have not," he said icily. "Furthermore, if I were you, Lockhart, I would never wear any shade of red whatsoever. It clashes dreadfully with that hair of yours. I fear you would look like an unusually ugly haystack dipped in blood."

Lockhart gasped. "Who are you calling ugly, Snape? No woman can resist my charm."

And this is our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher? thought Snape. Why does Dumbledore persist in hiring such unmitigated, unreserved, utter idiots for that job?

Outwardly, he smirked. "As I recall, Lockhart, that isn't quite true. It seems to me that Geillis Gaerwing was quite immune to your—charms."

"Ah, yes, La Reine du Froid. Well, I have my doubts regarding whether or not that one is really a woman—or at least, that she is as young as she looks. Tell me, Snape, is she as cold in bed as she is out of it?"

Snape had been losing patience with the moron all through this absurd travesty of a conversation, but this was really the last straw; Geillis was a virtuous lady, despite her temper, and Snape wasn't about to try to change that. "A gentleman never tells," he said, his voice deceptively calm, his eyes glittering angrily. By now, even Lockhart could recognize the danger signs of a Snape about to lose his temper, and began to look for an escape route. Just when it seemed that Snape was going to draw his wand—

"Ah, Severus, there you are. I've been looking all over for you."

There were few people who Lockhart despised more than Severus Snape. Geillis Gaerwing was one of them. He had found the witch to be quite attractive when he had first come to Hogwarts, but she—and that infuriating Cassiopeia Sinistra—had been among his few failed conquests. Not only that, but after he had forced a kiss on her, she had hit him so hard that his nose had been broken. Since then, he had taken to calling her names and doing other petty things, but now he could have kissed her, if he'd had proof that she wouldn't break his oh-so-perfect nose again.

Snape didn't really calm down, but he tried to make an appearance of it as Geillis stood on her tiptoes and gave him a brief kiss on the lips.

"Ah, how charming," said Lockhart snidely. "Pardon me while I vomit."

"A touch of bulimia, Gilderoy?" Snape raised an eyebrow. "I hear that repetitive retching eventually can—and will—destroy the esophagus."

"My esophagus is none of your concern, Severus," said Lockhart. "I merely wished to say that it is completely disgusting to see such a lovely creature as that kissing a serpent like you."

Geillis groaned as Snape drew his wand. "And what precisely is wrong with being a serpent?" he asked darkly.

Lockhart walked right into it. "Everything," he said, drawing his own wand.

Surreptitiously, Geillis placed a hand on her own wand underneath her simple black winter cloak. She wasn't fond of Lockhart, but if and when Severus' temper got the better of him—again—she would have to step in, as she had nearly done several times during the inaugural meeting of Lockhart's duelling club.

"Expelliarmus!" cried Lockhart, but Snape blocked it easily with a quick "Clipeatus!". The spell bounced back at Lockhart, and the results were similar to what they had been during the incident at the duelling table.

Snape was furious. The overdressed bastard had tried to use one of his own tricks against him! He was so angry that didn't pause to think of the possible consequences as he cried "Exsilium!" with false calmness.

Perhaps he had been too calm, too confident, too slow. By now, Lockhart had recovered his wand and shielded himself from the expected retaliatory spell. The spell hit the shield and bounced back to Severus, who promptly disappeared, a look of horror on his face.

"Well, Professor Gaerwing, said Lockhart smugly. "Alone at last."

Geillis glared at him. "Stuff it, Lockhart, unless you want me to break your nose again. Have you any idea where he's gone?"

"What, so you can bring him back? No, Professor Gaerwing, I think not. Even if I did know, I would not tell you. Perhaps with him gone, I can finally show you how wonderful I am."

"Again, Lockhart, shove it. I would have paid no attention to you even if Severus and I had remained enemies as we were when I first started to teach here. I don't like boorish, offensive fools."

She pulled her cloak more closely around her shoulders and headed back into the castle.

"Where are you going?" asked the bewildered wizard.

"Someplace where I can find some real help," she replied.

.....

How many times had she stood before this door? In the last year, she had come to Dumbledore many times when she needed advice, help or a shoulder to cry on. He had become like a second father to her in the weeks after she had told him of the circumstances surrounding the death of her husband. She hated to bother him—she knew that he was busy with preparations for Christmas—but he was the only person who she could think of who might be able to help her to bring Severus back.

After another moment's hesitation, she spoke his newest password, "gummi bears". The hidden door slid open, and she stepped in. Climbing the stairs, she came to another door, upon which she knocked softly.

"Come in," said Dumbledore. He offered her a chair and a cup of tea. She thanked him, and as they sat down, he asked, "What is bothering you, child?"

Geillis sighed. "Severus and Lockhart lost their tempers with each other again," she said. "They started to duel, and when Severus tried 'Exsilium' on Lockhart, the idi—er, I mean, the Defence Against The Dark Arts professor—actually managed to block it, and…um, Severus is gone." She was trying her hardest to keep from crying. It wasn't working very well.

"Hush, child," said Dumbledore, kindly. "It is possible bring him back." He gave her a pot of what looked like floo powder. "This is similar to floo powder, but it works on the ground if it has to. When you go to the spot from which he vanished, throw the powder onto the spot and say that you want to go to his general location. I say 'general' because if you say you want to go exactly where he is, there is a good chance that the two of you would end up trying to occupy the same space. The matter which forms your bodies would mix, and the two of you would die most painfully." He paused. "You may wish to consider bringing some supplies with you, as the problem with general locations is that they are general. You could land in the same room as him, or you could simply end up on the same continent or even just on the same world."

Geillis nodded. "I assume that this could take quite some time," she said.

"Yes, it could, child," he said. "Go, now, and find him. We need him back here. Good luck, Geillis."

"Thank you," she said, and then she paused.

"Er, Headmaster, could you please find someone to feed my cats while I'm away?"

"I shall see to it myself."

Thanking him again, she opened his door and was gone.

.....

A/N: And the threatened…er, promised, sequel begins. So, what do you think? Good? Bad? Somewhere in between? Anyway, I'm sorry that the humour doesn't really kick in yet, but I promise, chapter two is much funnier. =)

The story's title, "Gone Quantum, or It Must Be Some Kind of Zen" refers to a couple of lines that are common (respectively) on the Discworld MUD and in the Discworld books. In any case, I thought that it might be best to attempt a Pratchett-esque title and summary, as most of the story except for the first and last chapters take place on the Discworld.

The chapter title is the name of one of my favourite tunes from Cheech and Chong's "Up in Smoke". I may end up trying to incorporate my other favourite from that movie, "Earache My Eye", if I can only find a suitable place while I'm editing… =)

"Clipeatus" is a Latin word for "shield", and "Exsilium" is a word meaning "banish" or "exile".

"The matter which forms your bodies would mix, and the two of you would die most painfully." This was blatantly stolen from "Buried In Time", an old favourite puzzle game of mine. It's from an INN "interview", part of which deals with the reason why two people should not attempt to travel to the same location in time at the exact same…er…time. The exact quote is "…their matter would mix, and that would kill them."