The Volron Files: The Adventures You Were Never Meant to See!

Genre: Comedy/Parody

Rating: R (For foul language, violence, sexual references, drug use, and various other things)

Show: Voltron

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or Voltron unfortunately. Although I am going to have a heck of a fun time messing with them!

Cast of Characters:

Heroes:

Keith Kogane: Leader of the Voltron Force and a good guy. He's obsessed with doing the right thing. Has no clue that he is the object of Zarkon's secret affection.

Lance McClain: Sarcastic bastard of the group who likes to shoot crap. He seems to have a sick relationship with Allura and is constantly hitting on her at every opportunity that is given to him.

Hunk Garrett: The group mechanic and strongest member of the team. Loves to drink and occasionally blow stuff up. Makes naughty phone calls to his girlfriend Bexa whenever he can get away with it.

Pidge Stoker: Genius and obnoxious brat. He's a very smart kid but sometimes he's prone to making some very stupid and obvious observations at the worst times.

Princess Allura: The beautiful ruler of Arus. She has a very sick, sadistic affair with Lance. She's a smart and tough lass, but can be a real bitch sometimes.

Sven Holgersson: The group reject. He doesn't get to participate in any of the adventures very much. He claims there is an evil spider monkey that is out to get him, but nobody really wants to believe him.

Coran: Stupid, lazy old man who sends the Votron Force on most of their missions. He's not much of a help though.

Nanny: Fat bitch who works in the castle and annoys the hell out of everybody. Sounds like Miss Piggy.

Romelle: Probably one of the only sane people in the group. She doesn't get to do much.

Bandor: Obnoxious little punk kid who spends all his free time smoking crack and drinking beer.

Villains:

Zarkon: Evil ruler of Planet Doom. Has an intense fascination with s & m, women's clothes and Keith. Uh oh.

Cossack: A jackass who spends all his time smoking and doing nothing, resulting in a lot of dungeon sentences and torture chamber sessions.

Lotor: Son of Zarkon and a real pervert. He wants to whisk Allura away and make her his bride. Oh, he wants to do stuff to her too.

Merla: Sadistic bitch and slut. She wants to outdo Lotor in every aspect of evil doing.

----

And now... the disclaimer!!! Dun, dun, duuuunnnnn!!!

Fade in on Pidge, standing on a cheap looking stage.

Pidge: (Tapping the microphone) "Uh, is this thing on?"

He clears his throat and proceeds to give the following speech:

Pidge: "The author of this fic would like for me to administer the typical, dumbass disclaimer." (Twirls his finger in the air a couple of times before proceeding) "What you are about to read is something very... ah, different to say the least. It's got every sick twist you can imagine and then some. Nobody is spared! Although some pretty crazy and twisted stuff happens in these stories, it is all just a joke. So please try not take offense at any of this."

Pidge is cut off suddenly as the camera pans over to where Allura and Lance are standing. Both of them seem to be discussing a very important topic since Allura is giggling and Lance is making some sort of lewd gesture with his hands.

Pidge: (Off camera) "Uhh, excuse me? I'm talking here!"

Pidge is ignored as Allura whispers something in Lance's ear, making a stabbing motion with her hand and giggling some more. A wicked grin spreads across Lance's face.

Pidge: (Still off camera) "Hey!!!"

Allura stops for a moment to wave "cutely" to the camera. Lance simply motions his head back towards Pidge's direction while mouthing the words "leave us alone!". The camera complies and pans back over to Pidge, who is pretty pissed off.

Pidge: (Adjusts his glasses) "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted. This story is simply a parody made out of fun... and too much caffeine too if you want to include that. If you are not open minded or simply just don't have a sense of humor, then don't read this fic. Trust me, some pretty crazy shit happens in these stories. You know, like spider monkeys and rainbows and--"

Hunk: (Off camera) "Don't forget the drug references!"

Pidge: "Right."

Keith: (Also off camera) "And the constant sexual innuendoes!"

Pidge: "Uh huh."

Zarkon: (Off camera too) "And the pretty clothes!"

Pidge: (Getting frustrated) "Arrghhh!!! Will you people just leave me alone already?! Anyway, I think that just about sums it up right there. Umm, yeah. Okay, that should just about do it. Is that all I have to say?"

A person from behind the curtain confirms just that with a nod of the head. Relieved, Pidge jumps down off the stage and proceeds to leave the auditorium. But not before he gives one last statement while giving the camera an evil grin.

Pidge: "Don't say we didn't warn you."