Disclaimer: Hi! Remember me? I don't own Harry Potter. I'm running out of original disclaimers and that kind of sucks, so let's see . . . Hmmm . . . I don't own Harry Potter! If I did, don't you think I would have fucked Lucius, Sirius, Remus, James, Severus, Draco, and maybe even Lily by now? It's a good thing I don't own Harry Potter then. Their world is confusing enough without them worrying which one is the father of my child. :)

Author's Note: This chapter contains EXTREMELY dark subjects, particularly cutting and suicidal thoughts. I'm bipolar and it will become evident in the next few chapters (if it hasn't already). Bipolar is where you go from happy to sad to happy to sad. Very dramatic mood swings. I am on medication though. Well, enough about me. Let's start the story.

CHAPTER SEVEN: UNSEEN SCARS, UNHEALING CUTS

By the time school resumed, Sirius was battling solitarily with hidden demons. He tried so hard to resist the beautiful shine of the razor blades, but sometimes it just got to be too much. Kisses with James helped sometimes, but when it didn't . . .

Three healing cuts-nicks-were hidden by the sleeves of his robes. Sirius thought he had done pretty well. After all, he had had dozens of opportunities. No one can be expected to resist the seduction of the glittering blade all the time.

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Lucius came looking for Sirius one evening in late October, when crisp leaves littered the grounds, dead like both boys' souls. Lucius found the object of his search walking past the Great Hall alone. Very uncommon as James was becoming increasingly more worried about him.

Lucius snuck up behind him and dragged the raven-haired boy into the same lavatory where Lucius had raped Serenity a year - had it already been a year - ago?

Lucius had expected Sirius to put up a tremendous fight. Needless to say, when he moved to push Sirius against the wall and Sirius clung to Lucius' arm, as though afraid he might fall, the older boy was shocked. There was fear in Sirius' eyes, but it was overshadowed by a vast misery - depression.

Lucius pressed Sirius against the wall, staring at those sad eyes, those bruised lips, the dark shadows on his face, the dried tears. As Lucius gazed at the boy cling to him like a child, an emotion rose inside him. He tenderly brushed a strand of Sirius' hair way from his face.

No, the emotion was not love; it was desired. A different desire, however, from that which had driven Lucius to bring the thirteen-year-ld her in the first place. That desire had been to inflict pain, to inflict a form of hate with which he could break Sirius.

Now, though, he could see the younger boy was already broken. He could see it in the way the boy stared at him without flinching. Someone - or something - had already defeated him.

The desire that now arose in him was insistent. Lucius wanted to take Sirius. Not rape him, just simply take him. Sirius wouldn't protest, nor would he agree. He wanted, but what he wanted was unsure.

Sirius didn't speak, nor did he move except for the slight tremble of his weak arms as he grasped the older boy's robes. This was . . . surreal, yet it was more vivid than the kisses he had shared with James the night before. Those grey eyes stared at him, as if determined to read the secrets branded on Sirius' soul.

Then, suddenly, lips against his; Sirius parted his mouth without hesitation. Nothing seemed tangible at the moment, not even the heated kiss. He supposed if it were a dream, he would have woken up by now. (His 'sex' dreams were actually cut short before he had time to sleep with anyone - except his father.)

Involuntarily, Sirius had begun to respond to the kiss. Without skipping a beat, Lucius removed Sirius' robe. His eyes caught glimpse of something rumored, and he finally broke the kiss. He ran the pad of his thumb across the two silver scars and the almost healed cut on Sirius' wrist. "My, my." Lucius mused, raising an eyebrow. "And here I though Gryffindors were supposed to be brave."

Sirius pulled his wrist from Lucius' grasp, showing emotion for the first time. However, he made no attempt to leave. "M-Mine." he whispered weakly, cradling his wrist as though it were a child.

"Tell me, Sirius," Lucius murmured, "do your friends know about these cuts?"

"S-Secret." Another whisper. Then Sirius' entire composure seemed to change. He put his arms around Lucius' neck and kissed him feverishly. "Take me." he demanded.

Lucius was only too willing to comply.

Sirius sat up, felling used, feeling like a whore. He grabbed clothes and began dressing at top speed. "Hey, hey. What's the rush?" Lucius asked, grabbing Sirius' arm.

"Don't touch me!" Sirius snapped. The depression had subsided long enough for him to deduce common logic. Sirius - now dressed - stood up and pulled out his wand. "You raped my sister, didn't you?"

Lucius smiled and began to dress. "No more than I just raped you, Sirius. You consented."

"Serenity's not like me. She's smarter. She wouldn't use sex as an escape." Sirius said, fighting tears. He had just fucked his sister's rapist. "You raped her, didn't you!"

Lucius now had his own wand out. "Your sister wants, Sirius. Can't you see it with her and Lupin?" He spat out Remus' surname as if it were a curse.

"That's different." Sirius said. "Serenity had cuts after your little rendezvous. She didn't want to sleep with you." And I did. Gds, I swear if you give me the strength to kill him, I'll slit my own fucking wrists. "She didn't want to sleep with you." he repeated.

"Just like she didn't want to sleep with your Daddy?"

Sirius wasn't aware of casting the Cruciatuous Curse, he just knew it had happened. However, only a momentary scream left Lucius' lips.

"Impedimenta." Sirius couldn't move to turn around, but he knew who had spoken those words. "Lucius?" Bellatrix asked uncertainly.

"Hello, Bella." Lucius was not amused. "And Serenity." He finally smirked when he saw Sirius struggling against invisible ropes. "So nice to see you again."

Serenity's eyes welled up when she saw Sirius and she reached out to him, but Bellatrix held her back. "Now, now. I'm certain you'll be able to see Sirius in a moment." She looked at Lucius. "What the hell were you ding? If he talks-"

Lucius smiled as if he had just heard a good joke. "Purely consensual, Bella. He begged for it." He smirked at Sirius' still struggling for. "Didn't you?"

Bellatrix laughed. "So he is a fag after all. Goodness gracious." Then her tone got much more brutal. "Well, Lucius, how shall we arrange this? Should Serenity watch her brother get raped or the other way around?"

"Well, I've already fucked Sirius, so it's really no contest." Lucius got a purely evil look on his face. "Unless, of course, Serenity decides not to cooperate." He moved over to the young girl, who was being held by Bellatrix, her arms twisted behind her back.

"Don't touch her!" Sirius was fighting tears. "Don't you touch her, you sick bastard."

Lucius ignored him except to recast the Impediment Cruse. He looked at Serenity and spoke softly; Sirius had to strain to her him. "If you're a good girl and you do what I say, nothing will happen to your brother, you understand?" he asked in a low voice.

"Don't listen to him, Serenity." Sirius said. "Don't listen to a word he says. He's lying." He struggled hopelessly against the curse. "And you," he snarled at Lucius, "you don't give my sister any of that bullshit, you fucking prick!"

Lucius pretended he hadn't heard Sirius. "Well, Serenity, are you prepared to do what I say, or will I have to fuck your brother instead?" When Serenity didn't budge, Lucius began to move toward Sirius.

Serenity tore herself from Bella's grasp and literally threw herself at Lucius. 'Take me.' she mouthed, repeating the same words Sirius had used earlier. 'Me.' She clung to him like a child.

Lucius looked at her and smiled. "Very well then. Bella?" The Slytherin moved toward Sirius, wand out. "Well, Serenity-"

"No!" Sirius yelled. "I'll scream." he threatened. "Someone'll come."

Lucius smiled more broadly. "Firstly, Black, it would take all of three seconds to put a Silencing Charm on you. Secondly, if you say - or yell- another word, I will put the Cruciatous Curse on her."

Bellatrix snickered. "Which is worse, Sirius? Rape or the alternative? What good is your Gryffindor bravery now?"

"I-I'll do anything." Sirius pleaded. "Anything, just don't hurt Serenity. Please?"

"I thought I told you not to say a word." Lucius said calmly, his steel-grey eyes much darker tan usual. "If you do it again, you'll hear your sister's voice - screaming - for the first time in gods knows how long."

Serenity looked at Sirius, gulped at the look on his face, and stared at Lucius unwavering. "Slut." Bellatrix hissed. "She wants it, Lucius. Look at her."

Serenity bit her lip, but refused to stop looking at Lucius. She was determined not to cry, not to show how badly it hurt - physically or emotionally. Hate you. she thought. Hate you both.

Lucius traced his finger along Serenity's jawline. Then he kissed her. Serenity responded to the kiss, afraid what would happen if she didn't. "My, my, mon cherie." Lucius murmured. "You certainly know how to kiss. Has Lupin gotten this far with you yet?"

At the mention of Remus, Serenity lost control. Tears leaked out of her eyes. She couldn't believe that less that two hours ago the pair of them had been exchanging light kissed while doing their Charms essays.

"What's wrong, mon cherie? It's not betrayal unless you enjoy it." Lucius leaned in close and when he spoke his lips brushed her ear. "You did enjoy, didn't you, you little slut?"

Serenity spit at him. Then she threw her head back and . . . screamed.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Lucius steped back, momentarily stunned. Bellatrix laughed and Sirius felt the Impediment Curse lifting. He used Serenity's screaming as a diversion and reached for his wand. "Stupefy!" he yelled at Bellatrix. "Impedimenta!"

Sirius grabbed Serenity's hand and they ran out of the bathroom to the common room. Serenity practically flew into Remus' arms and burst into tears. "What happened?" he asked, eyes wide as he held his girlfriend, stroking her hair.

Sirius just shook his head and sank into a chair. There were quite a few people in the common room for a Saturday, as if was raining outside. That helped camouflage the distress the four of them were in. "It's just . . ." He ran a hand through his hair. "I . . ."

"What?" James asked. "It's just what? What the hell happened?" His eyes flashed.

Sirius looked at Serenity, knowing full well that her scream wasn't going to lead up to her speaking again. At least not anytime soon. "She's fine." Sirius said. "Serenity's fine. Nothing happened to her."

Serenity looked up at her brother, her face soaked with tears. "Well," James asked, "what about you? What happened to you?"

Nothing I didn't ask for. "Nothing." Sirius lied coolly. "I'm fine." He didn't feel fine. He could hear the razor blade calling to him already. He started up the stairs without another word.

Once inside the dormitory, he locked the door and hurried over to his dress. The razor blade was hidden between the pages twenty-one and twenty-two of a book from the library. He rolled up the sleeve of his robe and gently pressed the blade to his wrist. Tears blurred his vision.

You're a good-for-nothing! Well, maybe I'm being a little harsh. There is one thing you're good for."

"Don't! Please?"

Sirius gasped as he pressed the blade deeper than he ever had. Blood poured from his wrist, thick like chocolate milk, and dripped onto the floor.

"Sirius!" James yelled, running into the room. He grabbed a sheet from the bed and pressed it to his best friend's wrist. "Sirius, I though you stopped." he said softly.

Sirius didn't look at him. "It was an . . . accident . . . I didn't mean . . . I fucking hate this! I just want it to end!" he yelled, pulling away from James and examining his wrist. "Dying would be easy compared to living."

"You didn't mean that." James said sternly. "Sirius," his voice faltered, "please tell me you don't mean that."

"No, James." Sirius snapped. "I'd much rather have nightmares, watch Serenity cry all the time, feel fucked up about kissing you, deal with the shit that just happened downstairs, and slit my wrists. Life's just one big fucking peach!"

"Sirius . . ." James didn't know where to begin. "You can get a Sleeping Draught from Madame Pomfrey. And stop slitting your wrists. And . . . and what the hell happened to make you come upstairs and fuck yourself up in the first place?"

"None of your damn business, that's what!" Sirius snapped. Then he burst into tears. "I hate him! I never should have . . . I just needed to . . . he was so . . . escape . . ."

"Who's 'he', Sirius?" James asked gently, guiding Sirius to the bed where they both sat down. James picked up his wand and healed Sirius' cut.

Sirius looked at him. "I'm not going to tell you. I don't want you to hate me."

"I won't hate you." James said sincerely. "Honest."

Sirius just shook his head. "I just want to forget about, about it, about everything." He closed his eyes. "I just want to sleep, James. Can't you give me that much?"

"How do I know you won't cut yourself again?" came the question.

"You're just going to have to trust me." Sirius replied. James shot him a 'no chance in hell' look. "Fine." Sirius snapped. "Watch me sleep. I don't care, just let me go to bed." I don't want to be near you, dammit! You make me feel too fucking much!

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Sirius wasn't in the dorms when James and Remus woke up the next morning. Nor was he at breakfast or Charms class. James was worried. Sirius had been in the dorms at midnight and then again at six. Sometime between six and seven he must have left.

Sirius was absent during Transfiguration as well. Perhaps that was why McGonagall asked him to stay after class. James tried to pretend he hadn't heard her. He didn't want to betray Sirius. Not only was he afraid of what Sirius would do, he was afraid what anyone else would say if they found out. The gay jokes had finally stopped just a few days before.

"Mr. Potter?" McGonagall asked as James prepared to sneak out with the rest of the class. "A word, please?" James grudgingly walked up to her desk. "Do you know where Mr. Black is?"

"No." James said honestly.

"Do you have any idea where he could be? Did he say anything to suggest he may have run away." She tried to keep the anxiety from her voice, but failed.

Yeah. He said he wanted to die, so he's probably somewhere bleeding his guts out. "No idea, Professor. Maybe he's in the hospital wing." James lied, trying to sound calm, as if he wasn't terrified. "he said he felt sick last night. That's all I know."

"You may go, Potter."

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James cut class himself after lunch - Divination - and went up to the dormitory. He poured through Sirius' dresser, looking for anything, some clue that could lead him to Sirius. He found nothing in Sirius' nightstand and that was the clue.

James walked over to his own nightstand and pulled out a mirror. "Sirius Black." he spoke in a shaky voice. There was a quick flash of light and he saw a glimpse of Sirius. "Sirius?"

Sirius looked up, eyes bloodshot. "I didn't think you . . . would try . . . Help."

"Where are you?" James asked. "And what the hell did you do?" He tried to sound angry, stern, but all he succeeded in doing was sounded like a hurt child, which happened to be what he was.

Sirius held his wrist up so James could see it. Several cuts were visible through the blood. He was crying. "I'm sorry. I'll never do it again, I swear. I'll get a Sleeping Potion and I'll throw away my razor blade and I'll do whatever you want. I swear to the gods, James. Just help me, please? I need help."

James bit his bottom lip. "Where are you?"

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James entered the North Tower twenty minutes late. "My dear, I knew you would be rejoining-"

"You." James said, pointing at Remus. "Come with me now." The pair left wordlessly, Remus looking confused, leaving the class and Trewlawney speechless.

"What's up?" Remus asked, wondering if James had found out what the hell was up with Sirius' disappearance.

"Sirius is in the Forbidden Forest." James said. "We have to find him. You're the best in Care of Magical Creatures, so you're helping me find him without getting killed." James said quietly as they snuck past the staff room.

"Why's he in there?" Remus asked, concern in his voice.

James didn't answer.

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James had the mirror out as they walked around the forest. Sirius didn't realize James was still watching him, as he had his head buried in his hands and was sobbing. There was blood all over his jeans and shirt. Remus had taken one look at the image and had gotten sick.

"What the hell is he thinking?" Remus asked after he and James had set off walking again.

"He's not thinking." James softly said. "He's scared. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to cope." He and Remus halted abruptly when they saw the thirteen-year-old sobbing, his back against a tree. "Sirius?"

The raven-haired boy looked up. "James? Remus?" he asked, eyes widening.

James dropped to his knees in front of Sirius. "We're here to help you." He pulled out his wand and performed the same spell he had used on Sirius' wrist yesterday. "Come on."

Remus knelt as well. "Sirius, if we get up to the school now, no one will have to know about this. We'll take care of you."

Sirius wiped furiously at his eyes, leaving streaks of dirt on his face. He struggled to get up and James and Remus helped him. Sirius had lost too much blood. The two other boys were wondering what sort of excuse might work to get a Blood Replenishing Potion from Madame Pomfrey.

If Remus though it odd that James and Sirius were holding hands, he said not a word. The three of them went to the Gryffindor common room where Sirius got his hands washed and his face. James and Remus didn't say much. It was quiet until Sirius burst out in frustration.

"Just say it! Just say looking at me makes you sick and I'm a fucked up idiot for cutting my wrists and that I'm crazy and that you wish you had just left me there and-"

"That's enough!" Remus yelled. "You've done some stupid stuff, but you've been to hell and back. And we don't wish we would have left you there."

Sirius flinched as if Remus had hit him.

"If you haven't noticed," James aid, trying to keep his voice level, "you're the one who keeps pushing us away. We keep coming back."

Sirius blinked away tears. "I'm not worth caring about."

"You're not worth shit. You're not worth the air you breath. Sure, you can go to school, but you're not going to make any friends. The second they realize what a fucked up little bastard you are, they'll leave."

"I'm not worth anything." Sirius choked out. "I don't know why you guys care so much. I'm a good-for-nothing. I'm not worth shit."

"Who told you that?" James asked quietly. "Who said you were worthless?" There was a pause, punctured by Sirius' sobs. "Was it your dad?"

Sirius stopped crying and looked up. "Yeah. yeah, it was my dad."

Can't you see that you lie to yourself?

You can't see the world through a mirror.

It won't be too late when the smoke clears,

'Cuz I, I am still here.

-Avril Lavigne, 'Too Much To Ask'

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All right, so what did you guys think. Typing/posting-wise, Chapter Eight is next. Actual writing wise, I'm on Chapter Eleven, which I think will be the last chapter. Before you start crying (or rejoicing) listen. I'm pretty sure this story will be told in at least three parts. I was originally planning on two, one before school and one after, but I don't think that's going to work. Let's just say that the end of Part One: Princess of Silence will leave people with their jaws dropped.

The next chapter is going to completely deviate from this chapter. It's going to finally explain the title of the story and where the story(ies) have to go. Beware.

Here is a preview of CHAPTER EIGHT: BROKEN REPETITION:

But repetition was about to be broken. And the reason it had been broken was two sets of eyes. Two pairs of amethyst eyes.

AND LATER . . .

"Firstly, Sabriel is not your triplet. He is about one year younger than the pair of you. Your parents lied to trick the Ministry of Magic into believing a certain prophesy had not occurred."

"Prophesy?" Sirius asked blankly. "And Sabriel's not our triplet?" He smiled as a though entered his mind. "Are we not related?"

AND EVEN LATER . . .

Serenity used hand motions as well as lip synching to convey her message. 'We think we know, but we don't want to jump to conclusions.'

Remus said nothing.

'You're a werewolf, aren't you?'