Disclaimer: Do I look like I own Harry Potter? No, I don't simply because I don't. Ms. Rowling does, but if she wants to share the rights and cash she's more than welcome to.

This story almost didn't get finished. I had terrible writer's block after the last chapter and I completely destroyed the first draft of this chapter. I hope this one's to your liking. Please R&R.

CHAPTER NINE: SAILING THROUGH THE STORM

In the middle of April, Sirius and Serenity were presented at the Ministry of Magic as the Merovingians. However, if anyone was expecting the twins to live up to their royal titles, they were sorely disappointed. They continued to break the law by becoming unregistered Animagi, break rules with their pranks, and shatter the old detention record.

In May, James a Sirius hit a storm. James developed a thing for Lily. Lily, however, was ignoring all his attempts to 'make' her want him. Sirius was retreating to the dark corners of his mind. James hadn't kissed him in weeks.

Remus grabbed Sirius' hand one evening—when James was flirting with Lily—and whispered in his ear, "Don't. Please, don't. He's just . . . don't cry, Sirius. Don't get depressed."

At that point, Sirius wrenched his hand out of Remus' grasp and stormed out of Gryffindor tower. Remus didn't even need the Marauder's Map to know where Sirius was going. He was in the Gryffindor bleachers, crying. Remus stood ten feet away from him, motionless. What was there to say? Sirius' depression surround him, and everyone was starting to feel it's effects.

"Go away." Sirius said, startling Remus. "I don't want to talk about . . . IT."

"I know you love him, Sirius. It's just—"

"It's not that." The raven-haired boy looked up. "It's just that . . . when we were . . . you know . . ." Sirius blushed.

"Kissing?" Remus asked gently.

Sirius' blush deepened. "Yeah, but when we were doing that, we didn't worry about being gay or straight or anything and now . . . now that he's . . . gone, I have t-to . . ."

"To decide your sexuality?" Remus offered.

"I don't want to talk about it. Can't you just leave me alone?" Sirius pleaded. Remus could still see the paths the tears had made as they had run down his face. His eyelashes were damp from them.

"Sirius, you're depressed. I can't leave you alone. If I don't, I don't know what—"

"I'm not going to fuck up my wrists again!" Sirius snapped. "I promised you I wouldn't and I don't break my promises."

"There are other things you could do besides cutting." Remus said softly. "You scare me when you get like this."

"I scare you?" Sirius asked incredulously, rising to his feet and glaring at the amber-eyed boy. "I scare myself, Remus." he said coldly. "There's this . . . this . . . thing inside me and all it wants me to do is destroy myself. I song my best friend, fuck some guy wh-who I hardly know, slit my fucking wrists, that fucks you guys up. Everything got harder after I told. The only good thing that came of it was Serenity not getting fucked anymore. I have this and I hate the whole James thing and I hate me! I just want to die sometimes, Remus. So don't get me started on this shit. It's not like I want to be a fucked-up, delusional psychopath!" Sirius threaded his hands through his hair, pulling at his locks to keep from crying.

"Hey." Remus said gently. "Don't." He reached out and Sirius pushed him away. "No." Remus took Sirius' hands in his. "It's okay." he whispered. "You can be scared."

A sob escaped from Sirius' throat. "I am. I'm scared."

"Of James?"

"Of everything."

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May would have passed without problem had there been only thirty days in the month. However, the thirty-first rolled around, and with it, Sirius' undoing. Sirius had been trying to get over his 'involvement' with James and had been succeeding, somewhat.

He had been drinking a little bit, but enough to make him tipsy. He wandered out and ran into a pretty Ravenclaw fourth-year named Monique Wood, who was also something of a tramp. Without know exactly why, Sirius had sex with her. He had ran back to the dorm and thrown himself onto his bed, sobbing.

James had come upstairs quietly, trying not to scare him. "Sirius? Sirius, what's wrong?" James sat down beside his best friend who was facedown on the bed, crying into the pillow. "Sirius?"

"I don't want to talk to you." Sirius mumbled numbly.

"Sirius, this can't be all about the Lily thing." James said exasperatedly. "I know you—"

"It's not." Sirius said shortly. "And I don't want to get into a discussion about your newest snogging partner." he added viciously.

"Sirius . . . sit up and talk to me." Sirius rose, annoyed. "Look, this thing with Lily . . . Is it because it's not you or because it's a girl? Would you care if I was snogging a boy?"

"Yes." Sirius answered. "Are you gay?"

James ran a hand through his hair. "Why?"

Sirius took a deep breath. "Because I just found out I'm gay."

"Is that why you were upset? Sirius, there's nothing wrong with—"

"Being gay? I know." Sirius interjected. "I just found out by fucking Monique Wood."

James' eyes widened. "You fucked Monique Wood? Why?"

"I don't know!" Sirius cried. "I was pissed. I was upset. Everything changed so fast. I didn't want it!" Sirius wasn't crying, but the effort he was using not cry was more depressing than tears would have been. "I want to hate her, but I can't! And I shouldn't."

"Lily?" James asked in a whisper. "But, this can't all . . . this isn't all about . . . Lily? Are you jealous?"

Sirius shook his head. "Not of her. No."

James shook his head. "I don't get it."

"Why am I gay? Why aren't you? Do you even like boys?" It was THE QUESTION, the question James had dreaded giving an answer to. No matter which way he answered, he was royally fucked. He was either bi or he was a freak who like to snog his best friend and no other boys.

"I'm bi." James said, his face growing hot. He wanted to be one or the other, gay or straight. It was too weird to want to song Sirius and Lily at the same time. "I-I like you both. I don't know what . . . What the fuck am I supposed to do?"

Sirius fidgeted and James knew what was going on in his mind. Forget Lily. Just kiss me. You love me right? Forget her. "Did you tell her you're bi?"

"No. Why should I? She's a girl." James said defensively. "She doesn't need to know."

Sirius walked toward the door. "I'm sorry then." he said softly as his hand touched the doorknob. "I should never have kissed you because you didn't want to kiss me."

"What—"

"You're ashamed of it. You wished I had never kissed you because then you wouldn't think about it all the time. You wouldn't have to second guess if you like boys or girls. So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you didn't want to kiss me, but I wanted to kiss you, James. I can't take it back and even if I could, I'm not sure I would. That's just the type of heartless bastard I am." Sirius' voice was thick with emotion, but he was still refusing to cry. He had his hand on the doorknob and was preparing to turn it.

"Wait." James whispered. "I-I need to ask you something. I-If you were me . . . If you were bi and you loved a guy and girl both the same, what would you do?" James licked his lips nervously, looking at Sirius with wide eyes.

"I love you." Sirius said. "Lily doesn't. Maybe someday she will and maybe she won't. I need you and she doesn't right now. If you love us both the same, would it hurt to still kiss me?" Sirius turned around. "If I were you, James, I wouldn't choose right now. There's no reason to. I love you." With that, he turned and left.

And James stood there, tears in his eyes, feeling the echo of a kiss that had not occurred, seeing the tears that hadn't been cried, touching his wrists that hadn't been cut, and hating himself for an uncontrollable reason.

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Serenity and Remus broke up on the third of April in the Gryffindor common room around one a.m. When later asked why, neither would be able to recall exactly. It started with snogging, didn't involve sex, and the name Variel had been mentioned.

By their second class the next day—Potions—it was evident neither wanted to be broken up, but both were too stubborn to apologize for whatever the hell it was that had made them break up in the first place. They tried to ignore each other, but every time Serenity heard Remus' voice she would drop something. Every time Remus saw his ex-girlfriend, he would forget what he was doing.

While Remus was in the library doing his homework with Sirius, Serenity snuck up to their dormitory. She knew Sirius had a couple bottle of liquor and she knew where he kept them. She yanked open the door and took a step backward in shock.

James stared up at her over a half empty bottle of bourbon, eyes read from crying. "Serenity?" he whispered, then beckoned her in, gesturing at the three bottles by his feet. A sound halfway between a giggle and a sob escaped his lips.

Serenity sat down beside him and picked up the bottle of Jack Daniels. 'Cheers.' The pair knocked the bottles together and drank to misery, to wanting Sirius and Remus. James drank to hating his sexuality and Serenity drank to wanting to speak. Neither drank for protection from impaired judgment, to protection, to fate, to the night.

Perhaps they should have.

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James and Serenity woke up in the same hiding place Serenity had comforted Remus a few short months ago. Neither was naked, but neither was fully clothes. James shirt and shoes were off, he jeans unzipped. Serenity's bra was on top of James' shoe, her shirt was on backwards, and her jeans were off, although her socks and underwear were on.

Neither could remember anything after the first few drunk kisses. Were they virgins? If so, how far had they gone? If not, could Serenity get pregnant? How would they know? What could they do?

Well, both dressed at top speed, sneaking glances at each other. James didn't speak; Serenity didn't mouth any words, not until they were both fully dressed.

'Truth Potion. Veritaserum. Or a Truth Quill.'

"But if we don't know—"

'We'd still have to tell the truth. Since it's questions we should us a potion.' Serenity mouthed. 'And we should go to class. Don't lie about drinking. Sirius'll know anyway.'

"All right." James agreed. "You get a recipe for Veritaserum. I'll find out if anyone saw us last night. Meet her at nine?"

Serenity nodded Oh, gods! What the hell am I going to tell Remus?

Oh, gods, James thought, what am I going to tell Sirius if I did sleep with her? 'Hey, mate, I nailed your sister. Did you finished your Potions essay?' Shit!

Shit! Serenity started biting her nails.

Both left in silence, terrified of what had been and what could be.

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Serenity opted to skip lunch and go look up Truth Potions in the library. Remus found her there, pouring through Monte le Potions. "Hey." he said softly.

'Hi.' They stared at each other for a moment, not a sound escaping their lips, then . . . 'I'm sorry.'

"I'm sorry." They both smiled in relief. Remus ran a hand nervously through his hair. "So . . . are we . . ."

Serenity nodded. 'Yeah.'

"Good, because I didn't want to take this back. It took me ages to find." Remus pulled a small velvet box from the inside pocket of his robes and handed it to his girlfriend. She opened it slowly and pulled out a silver ring set with an amethyst stone. "It's a promise ring."

Serenity smiled and slipped it on her left hand. 'It's beautiful.' she mouthed. Then she threw her arms around Remus and kissed him, trying to wish away the guilt from last night, trying to forget what had lead her to the library in the first place.

"I love you, Serenity Merovingian." Remus whispered when they came up for air.

'I love you, too.'

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Serenity pulled open the mirror at 8:48, piece of parchment in hand. She had found the spell for Veritaserum, but it would have taken a month to make. The True Testimony Potion would take three days. Veritaserum was most commonly used in criminal trials when the person did not want to reveal the truth. The Truth Testimony Potion was used to remember things forgotten, things you wanted to remember.

James clambered in a few minutes later. It was evident he had been crying. His eyes were red and puffy and his eyelashes were wet from tears. "Did you get it?" he asked. "I heard you and Remus got back together."

Serenity nodded. 'Yeah and yeah. You okay?" She moved toward him, concern etched in her face.

"No." James answered bluntly. "How long is it going to take to make this potion?"

'Three days. What's wrong.' Serenity folded up the piece of parchment and place it in the inside pocket of her robes.

"Sirius saw us. Can I see the paper?" James asked, refusing to look at the girl he had . . . done something with. He traced his foot in an invisible pattern on the floor.

'What did he see us doing?' Serenity mouthed. She poked James in the arm so he would look at her and se her question 'What did Sirius see us doing?'

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"What?" Remus asked, turning from Sirius to James and Serenity.

'We were broken up! We were drunk! It was an accident!' Serenity's eyes filled with tears and she twisted her promise ring. 'We didn't mean to. I love you.'

"What happened?" Remus asked, trying to keep the calm in his voice.

James and Serenity exchanged looks. They had practiced the lie several times. "We made out. That's it." he said, looking at the wall behind Sirius.

"Made out with mouths or hands?" Sirius asked, glaring at the pair.

James look at him. "Huh?"

"Did you touch her?" Sirius demanded, getting up out of his seat. He grabbed James' shoulders. "Did you touch her?"

"N-No." James stammered. "We just kissed. That's all, I swear." He felt tears trying to work their way into his eyes for some unknown reason. Why the fuck do I feel like crying?

Serenity was crying, looking at Remus through her tears. 'I love you. I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you I'm sorry. Iloveyou I'msorry. IloveyouI'msorry.'

"It's okay." Remus said finally. "You were drunk, we were broken up. It's okay, Serenity. Don't cry." Serenity got up and climbed into his lap, trying to comply with his wish.

James tried to look at Sirius, but his eyes kept stinging. "What do you want?" James asked softly. "Look, I'm sorry, all right? Things got—"

"Why were you drinking? I know why Serenity was drinking, but why were you?" Sirius still had a painful grip on James. His voice was soft and dangerous, but his eyes were murderous. "Why were you drinking?" James could have sworn Sirius' eyes were wet. "Why dammit?!"

It was a good thing no one else was in the common room. "Because . . . I . . . I was upset." James said lamely.

"Not an answer." Sirius snarled. "I want to know why the FUCK you were drinking!"

"Excuse me." a voice said from the stairs. Four heads turned in unison. "That would be my fault." A red-headed girl made her way down the stairs. "I . . . I said some things I shouldn't have and James was, understandably, upset." There was a pause. "Now, you guys are going to wake up the entire tower. If you don't want everyone to know about the drinking and kissing, I would suggest either going to bed or lowering your voices." With that, the Muggle-born turned on her heel and left.

"What did you tell her?" Sirius finally asked after they had all recovered from their momentary shock.

Serenity frowned at her brother as James answered. "The truth. Everything. That I'm, you know, bi. That we . . . kissed. That I like both of you."

"Why?" Sirius rasped, sitting down beside his best friend. "Why?"

Serenity and Remus exchanged looks. "I think it's time for us to leave." he whispered. She nodded and the pair crept tot heir separate dormitories. James and Sirius never even noticed.

"I told her because . . . well, it's me. And if she does like me later like you said, I want he to like me, not just who I pretended to be for her. I wanted her to know." James leaned his head on Sirius' shoulder. "I don't want to be scared of people find out out anymore. I don't want to be scared, Sirius."

"You get scared, too?" Sirius breathed, grabbing James' hand.

"All the time." The pair sat there for about an hour, unmoving, silent. Then, James kissed Sirius. "We should got to bed."

"Yeah."

"Sirius, I don't get scared as much when we're not mad." James confided as they walked up the stairs.

"I do."

"That's okay. I love you anyway."

"Love you, too."

He looks for the answer

Down in his heart

While demons and angels

Tear him apart.

-Diamond Rio, "Demons and Angels"

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So, what did you guys think? Only two more chapters to post. Please R&R. I did a lot more with personal stuff that I did in the last chapter. I'm bipolar. Can you tell?

The next chapter deals with more of the supernatural stuff, like the prince and princess stuff. Luvverzz!!!

Here is a preview of the next chapter:

CHAPTER TEN: JUNE'S HARVEST

June. The month came in with a thunderstorm, perhaps an omen of things to come.

AND LATER . . .

Serenity grabbed her wand and reached for the door handle. James grabbed her arm, terrified. "Don't." he whispered. "you can't."

'My fault.' she mouthed. 'My fault.'

AND EVEN LATER . . .

Sirius shot a questioning look at her. "And what does this—"

"I'm getting there." Mrs. Montgomery's voice was sharp. "Did anyone teach you children should be seen and not heard?"