animedeprived: (staring at new earrings in mirror) Hi everybody! I just got my ears pierced! It hurt like heck! Yipee!
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, G Gundam, Yu Yu Hakusho, Cardcaptors, Rurouni Kenshin (though I wish I did because then I would legally own Kenshin and be able to sue the stupid stalker) or anything else in this fic that is owned by another person/company. I can't remember them all right now. My memory sucks.
"And it's one, two, three strikes, you're out at the OLD, BALL GAME!"
"And that was 'Take me out to the Ball Game,' sung by our own Mokuba Kaiba, and if I might add, it was very off-key. This is Mai Valentine with my announcing partner, Yugi Moto, bringing you the greatest baseball game of all time! We have quite a line up today. Yugi, will you introduce the teams?"
"Sure, Mai." Yugi says. "Today on the home team, the Good Guys, we have, from Yu Yu Hakusho, Yusuke Urameshi, Shizuru Kuwabara, Hiei Jones, and Kurama Gerber! From G Gundam, Domon Kashuu and Argo Gulski! From Rurouni Kenshin, Kenshin 'Battosai the Manslayer' Himura and Sanosuke Sagara! From Yu-Gi-Oh, we have... Joey Wheeler? What happened to Yami? And why JOEY?"
A pece of paper is thrust onscreen. Mokuba takes it and announces, "The Good Guys say that Yami couldn't show up today, Seto Kaiba had an important meeting, Grandpa was too old, Tristan had a hot date, Marik had been chosen by the other team, and no one else worthwhile tried out, so they had to use Joey. They are asking if they can just ditch him and play with eight people. No? Sorry, guys, you're screwed."
Yugi continued his intros. "Now, on the visiting team, the Bad Guys, from Yu Yu Hakusho, there is Toguro Taylor, and Jin Whirlwind. From G Gundam, General Petey Ilube. From Rurouni Kenshin, Makoto Shishio, Aoshi Shinomori, Jinei Homo, and Sojiro 'Rabid Tenken' Seita. From Yu-Gi-Oh, Yami Bakura 'I Will Send You To The Shadow Realm' Buttenski." Yugi paused and covered the microphone with one hand.
"Is that really Bakura's last name?" He asked.
Mai and Mokuba shrugged.
"Okay..." Yugi uncovered the mike. "The visiting team will be up to bat first! Let's start the game!"
"First up for the Bad Guys is Marik!" Mai announced.
Marik stepped up to the plate, in a vegetable-like state. He has a totally blank expression on his face and drool is running out of his open mouth. It's soaking everything from his clothes to the bat to the catcher, Argo.
"Gross!" Argo yelled when a huge glob of spit hits his mask. "TIME OUT!"
He digs around in his vest, finding a smashed candy bar, some crumpled sheets of paper with "I love Nestasha" (or however you spell that Russian chick's name) on them, a hairy toothbrush, the key to his handcuffs, and a tiny, fuzzy pink teddy bear.
Argo blushed and shoved the bear back into his pocket. "That's not mine."
"Yeah, sure, it's not, Argo!" Sano yelled from right field.
"Shut up!" Argo yelled back. He kept digging in his vest until he found an umbrella with a headband on it. He opened it and settled it over his catcher's mask. "Okay, I'm ready."
Marik stood at the ready, on the wrong side of the plate and holding the thick end of the bat.
"Idiot!" Yami Bakura yelled from the dugout. "Turn the bat around and move three feet to your left!"
Marik straightened, looked at the bat, then spun it around so the name "Kaiba Corp. Quality Sports Equipment" faced him instead of the ground. Then he resumed his batting stance.
"You are the stupidest (beep) person I have ever (beep)ing met!" Yami Bakura yelled. He stormed out onto the field, took the bat from Marik, and cracked it in half on his head.
"Bring me a new bat!" Yami Bakura shouted.
Duke, the Bad Guys' bat boy, ran obediently onto the field with a new bat and handed it to Yami Bakura, then ran back to his position next to the bat rack.
Yami Bakura shoved the bat into Marik's hands (the right way) then pushed him over the plate to where he was supposed to stand.
"There!" Yami Bakura yelled. "You stand right here and when that ball comes, you had better hit it, or ELSE!"
"Or else what?" Marik asked mockingly.
Yami Bakura grabbed Marik by the collar. "Or else I lock you in the Shadow Realm for all eternity with that Gardner chick! AND I'll make sure it's only a small piece of the Shadow Realm so you can't get away from her!"
Marik gulped and squeaked, "Yes, sir."
"Good." Yami Bakura said, putting Marik back down.
"Can I pitch?" Shizuru asked.
"Sure." Yami Bakura said, going back to the dugout. "Go right ahead."
"Finally." Shizuru muttered. She wound up and pitched a fast ball right over the plate.
Marik stood frozen in place. Bakura's words still had him scared stiff.
"Strike one!" Sakura Avalon, from Cardcaptors, said.
Argo threw the ball back to Shizuru, who wound up and pitched again. Again, Marik didn't even flinch as it passed right over the plate.
"Strike two!" Sakura called.
"YOU (beep, beep, beep, beep, beep)!" Yami Bakura yelled. "You had better hit this one or it's off to the Shadow Realm for you!"
That snapped Marik out of his fear and even held the effects of the drugs and alcohol off for a few minutes. Marik's brain actually repaired itself a little so Marik had enough hand-eye coordination to hit the ball into deep left field when it came his way again.
"I got it, I got it!" Joey yelled, running around in circles under the ball. He held up his mitt to catch it.
The ball came down two inches to the left of Joey's glove and hit him in the face.
"Ow! My nose!" Joey yelled, dropping his mitt and grabbing his nose. The ball rolled a few feet away.
"Run, stupid!" Ilube yelled to Marik (the second Marik hit the ball, the narcotics kicked in again. He hadn't moved from home and was drooling again).
"IF YOU DON'T GET TO FIRST BASE IN THE NEXT TWO SECONDS, IT'S STRAIGHT TO THE SHADOW REALM YOU GO!" Yami Bakura shouted.
Marik shrieked and ran to first base so fast he vanished from home plate and reappeared at first.
"That's better." Yami Bakura muttered. He picked a new bat from the rack (the one Marik had was covered in drool) and walked up to the plate.
Shizuru wound up and threw a curve ball. It passed over the plate and Yami Bakura hit a pop fly to the baseline between first and second base.
Yami Bakura ran halfway to first and Marik was still standing there, cross-eyed and drooling.
"RUN, YOU IDIOT!" Yami Bakura yelled.
Marik saw Bakura running toward him and snapped out of it again. He screamed and ran three-fourths of the way to second, then stopped and his brain cells died again.
Bakura's fly ball had hit its peak and was starting to come down. Marik watched it as it fell at him and said, "Huh. Moon mus' be...(hic)...comin' out...(hic)...early t'night..."
With the force of the space shuttle returning to Earth, the baseball slammed into Marik's face, knocking him to the ground and lodging itself in his eye.
Marik sat up and shook his head. The ball stayed firmly wedged in place. He reached up and plucked it out.
Marik looked at the ball with his good eye, studying it intently, and then he shoved it in his mouth and started sucking on it.
"Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Everyone in the stadium shouted.
"That's disgusting!" Shura exclaimed from the stands.
"How can you stand to be related to something like that?" Keiko asked Ishizu.
"We don't see each other very often." Ishizu said, blushing. "I disowned him about ten years ago."
Marik sat down and started trying to chew the ball. That didn't work so he swallowed it.
For a second, Marik sat there and grinned, but then his face started to turn a lovely shade of blue-violet. He grabbed his throat and started to make strange, gargling noises.
Everyone stared at him and made no effort whatsoever to help him.
Marik frantically dug in his ear, pulled out Roddy, and started to hit himself on the back with it. (The fact that he's dying must make him smarter than usual). He gagged, then spat the ball out onto the ground.
Marik's face instantly went blank again. He stared at the ball, covered in spit and dirt, picked it up, shoved it in his mouth, and started to suck on it again.
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"
Sakura, with a look of pure venom on her face, stormed onto the field.
"You spit that ball out right now!" She screamed at Marik. "You're holding up the game!"
Marik stared at her stupidly and shook his head.
"Spit it out!"
Marik shook his head.
Sakura turned scarlet and walked around to Marik's back. She plucked her Pink Star Wand from midair and used it like a bat to deliver a bone-crushing blow to the back of Marik's neck.
Marik cried out in pain and the ball fell out of his open mouth. He whimpered, then reached for the ball again.
"I DON'T THINK SO!" Sakura yelled. "Float Card, release and dispel!"
Marik was suddenly levitated five feet off the ground. He looked down at the ground and said, "Oooooo, look at all the people! They look like ants!" (a/n They ARE ants, stupid!)
Sakura pointed her Wand at the stadium wall, Marik flew there, slammed against the wall headfirst, and stuck.
"Lock Card, release and dispel!" Sakura said.
Chains sprang from the wall and wrapped around Marik, pinning him against the wall upside down.
Sakura turned around, her face bright red, steam pouring from her ears, and yelled, "DOES ANYONE ELSE WANT TO ARGUE WITH ME?"
Everyone in the stadium had moved as far away from the field as possible. The players were all huddled up against the wall on the opposite side of the field. They all shook their heads.
"GOOD! GET BACK OUT THERE AND LET'S KEEP GOING!"
Yugi's frightened voice came over the PA system. "Umm, Miss Avalon, if you don't mind, since Marik's out of the game, the Bad Guys need to pick a player from their reserve team."
"FINE! WE'LL TAKE A FIVE MINUTE BREAK, BUT AFTER THAT, NO MORE INTERRUPTIONS!"
"Yes, ma'am." Yugi says. "Come on, Bakura, pick somebody! QUICK!"
Finally, FINALLY, the first part is done! Sweet! Why are all the seemingly nice people always have such nasty tempers? In the last one, it was Ishizu. Now it's Sakura! Congrats to her for getting some respect from those bum fighter guys, though! What else is going to happen, you ask? Well, I DON'T KNOW, OKAY? Jeez, just because I'm writing this fic, you think I know what happens. Stay tuned for the next part and we'll find out together. OH, CRAP, HERE COME SOME GNOMES! I GOTTA GO HIDE! MAYBE THEY WON'T FIND ME IF I GO STRAIGHT TO PART TWO!