A/N: You know, I always forget about Denethor being Eowyn...but that makes it even better! (Evil laughter) Ok, so we're checking in with Frodo and Sam momentarily (Leggy and Gimli) and then we're going to Edoras for some craziness!! YAY!!! And Faramir! A Faramir who is seriously disturbed and needs some help...and a supportive ranger (I appear for about 2 sentences of words. Fret not!) For clearing up...left column is the character and the right column is who the person on the left is playing.

Boromir= Aragorn

Frodo = Gimli

Gandalf = Pippin

Gimli = Sam

Legolas = Frodo

Merry = Merry

Pippin = Legolas

Sam = Gandalf

Denethor= Eowyn

Eomer= Denethor

Eowyn= Theoden

Theoden= Eomer

Gollum= Gollum

Chapter Five: Eodoras, Ithilien, and Everywhere in Between!

With Leggy and Gimli...

"This ground is squishy! I can't believe that I fell into some water that had some disgusting dead bodies back there an hour ago! I can't believe that I got dragged into some quest! I think I'm gonna go bald by the end of this from endless stressing! I can't believe it!" Legolas whines.

"Maybe he will go bald and we'll all get a good laugh out of it." Gimli mutters.

"Hurry...we're near Woods with Evil Rangersss..."

"Hey! Aragorn is a Ranger! Is he going to save us?"

"No, ssstupid blonde, evil Rangersss under a paranoid delusssional leader..." Gollum hisses.

"Oh, lookie! This sign says, 'Welcome to Ithilien! Visitors may be shot without Notice. Keep out, you idiot! Denethor II' Who's he?" Gimli reads.

"Who cares!"

"Anyway, let's go..."

"Hey, shouldn't we have made a pit stop at the black gate?"

"So I can fall off a rock? No thanks." Gimli says.

"Sorry, Mr. Crabby Pants." Legolas says.

"Hey, look! Another sign!"

"'Hereby posted: Denethor II is now out of Office and has been Replaced by Eomer of the Mark. But You'll still be shot so don't try it, or the Old Steward's delusional kid will shoot you.' Hmm, that's nice." Legolas says.

"Who's the delusional kid?" Gimli asks.

Suddenly, an oliphaunt charges onto the scene and gets shot by many arrows.

"Ha, good shot, Capt'n!" says a Ranger.

"Yeah, it tried to kill us, didn't it??" Faramir asks.

"Yes, your paranoid delusional lordship." Says Ranger 3 (Me. Those are my only lines.)

"Hey, don't you detect a weird presence on the wind?" Asks Ranger 5.

"Maybe..." says Ranger 4.

"Hey, I told you there was something trying to kill us! I knew that oliphaunt was just a diversion! Didn't I say that?" Faramir asks.

"Yes, your paranoid delusional lordship." Says Ranger 3.

"Ok, so let's check out that other weird presence!" says Ranger 6.

Soon, they find Legolas and Gimli!

"What are a dwarf and an Elf doing in Ithilien?" Faramir asks.

"Er, trying to kill us?" Ranger 7 suggests.

"I knew it! Didn't I say that?"

"Yes your paranoid delusional lordship."

"Take them to...The Headquarters!!!" Faramir says.

Meanwhile, at Edoras before Aragorn's arrival...

"How the hell am I supposed to get into a stupid dress?" Denethor asks, trying to stuff his arms into Eowyn's dress.

"Hey, don't ask me." Eowyn says, trying not to laugh and looking out of place in Theoden's outfit.

"I can't believe I got your name!" Denethor mutters, getting one arm into the sleeve.

"Hey, remember that Grima has a crush on you!"

"DANG!!"

"Hey, you picked the name!"

"I wish you didn't join...gah, this is stupid." Denethor yells, getting the other arm into the other sleeve.

"Be sure to sit with your legs together and be polite. And if Aragorn shows up, you have to crush on him. It's in the book!"

"DANG! Aragorn is a GUY and Grima is a GUY and I'm a GUY and people are going to think things!" Denethor screams.

"Any questions?"

"Yes, little miss I'm-all-cool-I'm-a-king. Does this dress make me look fat?"

"Well, yes it does! You really should wear a jacket with that, no one would ever know." Eowyn says, laughing.

"Thanks a lot. Give me the biggest jacket in this stupid city."

"Here, Mr. Crabby."

A few hours later...

"Hey, Wizard Sam, is that Edoras?" Frodo asks.

"No, Frodo, that's a rock."

Five minutes later...

"Is that Edoras?"

"Rock."

"Can we play some other game?" Pippin asks.

"We're not playing a game."

"You sure?"

"Yep."

"I wanna be free...like the wind on the water...and the leaves on the trees...so let me beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!" Boromir sings.

"Why does he keep singing?" Pippin asks.

"Maybe because he should be dead by now but he isn't." Sam suggests.

"Well, is that Edoras?" Frodo asks.

"Yes! Frodo! You finally did something right!"

So the four pull into Edoras.

"Ok, where's little Ms. I-Need-My-Heart-Broken? I want to get this over with!" Boromir says.

"Hey! The palace!"

"I feel like I should say something about cheer and a graveyard, but I can't remember it now..." Frodo says.

So they jump off their horses and walk up the steps of the palace.

"Er, you can't come in so armed, man." Hama says.

"Well, fine, Mr. Negative." Pippin says, and everyone hands over their weapons.

They walk into the hall, and Sam still has his staff because he threatened to kill someone with it if they didn't let him in with it.

"Theoden, man, how're you?"

Eowyn looks up.

"Hey! Gandy! I haven't seen you in ages!!!" She shrieks.

"Dear lord! She's the one whose heart you have to break, Boromir! But if she's the King, then who's..."

And Denethor comes out in a dress and jacket, looking very P.O.ed and upset.

"OH MY GOD!! You're EOWYN??" Sam screams.

"WHAT THE HECK? I HAVE TO HIT ON MY DAD??" Boromir yells. Denethor yells nearly the same thing at the same time, except instead of 'dad' he says 'son'.

"This was unexpected." Pippin says.

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Boromir and Denethor say at the same time.

Eowyn just laughs.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SUPPOSED TO THINK YOU'RE CUTE!" Boromir and Denethor say at the same time.

"Er..."

"YOU'RE LIKE THE UGLIEST THING EVER TO WALK MIDDLE EARTH!!!" Boromir and Denethor scream.

"You...you think that about me?" Boromir asks.

"Well, in a normal circumstance, if you were my son, I'd think that you have a good chance with the ladies. But if I'm the lady you're supposed to be liking, then I'd have to say that." Denethor says.

"This was about the weirdest thing since I became Legolas." Pippin says.

"I'm scared!!" Frodo whines.

And so began total insanity in Rohan with Boromir hitting on his dad and Denethor hitting on his son. Weird, eh?

A/N: Well, that was the best thing I've ever written, if not the funniest! I can't believe I made Fari a paranoid, but I suppose after living with Denethor, he'd have to be. So, drop me a nice, long review so I can laugh and at how you though this chapter was. Be sure to tell! I want your opinion!! HAHAHAH!!!!! (Evil laughter)